Author Rotaglia Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Yes, I live in the US in a fault state. There are other details about my state’s laws that could help me but that is the limits of my disclosure. Link to post Share on other sites
Beakered Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 You're not being penalized just for being male. You're being viewed as less masculine because you are allowing your wife to support your family. Regardless of societal advancements, men who allow women to support them are not treated with respect. Wow! The sixties called, BettyDraper (how delightfully apt ), and they want their sexism back. Does that mean his wife is less feminine because she supports the family? If he supported her, would she be deserving of disrespect? Or does she get a pass because she's a woman? What a gross generalization. Need to go check my calendar and confirm it's really 2019. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 (edited) Wow! The sixties called, BettyDraper (how delightfully apt ), and they want their sexism back. Does that mean his wife is less feminine because she supports the family? If he supported her, would she be deserving of disrespect? Or does she get a pass because she's a woman? What a gross generalization. Need to go check my calendar and confirm it's really 2019. I refuse to apologize for my traditional values. It’s ridiculous that only modern beliefs are acceptable in today’s world because basic truths about relationships will never change. Regardless of women’s ability to provide for ourselves, we are hardwired to look for men with the most resources. Men are hardwired to protect, provide, and look for youth and fertility in women. Why do you think so many wealthy men are with beautiful women who are much younger than them? The OP’s wife has chosen a beta male for whatever reason. An alpha male would never be comfortable with a woman providing for him. If the OP’s wife is actually having an affair, I would bet 1M that she is with a man who is more successful and masculine. Edited March 16, 2019 by BettyDraper Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 If you read the thread carefully, you would realize that there was very little begging for sex. I have been asking for a loving conversation acknowledging where we both are in terms of sex and a seeking of solutions. That has not taken place because of my wife’s intransigence and that is a breach of marital ethics on her part. When she refuses accountability for her actions, she is the problem. Anyone can see that you have been pestering your wife for more than just a conversation. You have also been chasing her for sex and affection. You have every right to want physical satisfaction in your marriage but you are seeking it in a way that makes you look weak. Your wife is treating you disrespectfully because you are allowing it. Playing the victim will not change your situation. Instead of posting well written soliloquies on LS, you need to stop whining and be more proactive about the direction you want your life to take. Your wife has made it clear that she isn’t interested in giving you what you need. Being angry at her will not change anything. Time to man up and make some difficult decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Why do you think so many wealthy men are with beautiful women who are much younger than them? Because they can "buy" them... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Because they can "buy" them... They can buy them because of what women will always look for in men on the most basic and primal levels. Men’s social status partly comes from the women they are with. Uncomfortable truths about relationships are difficult for most people to accept. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Uncomfortable truths about relationships are difficult for most people to accept. These are not uncomfortable truths... just drivel... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Anyone can see that you have been pestering your wife for more than just a conversation. You have also been chasing her for sex and affection. You have every right to want physical satisfaction in your marriage but you are seeking it in a way that makes you look weak.For your information, mutual vulnerability is the foundation of a well functioning marriage. You are confusing strength with empty machismo. If I have to exude power in order to gain affection and sex, that makes me not a man but a brainless peacock. I like you a lot, Betty. You give me a heck of a hard time but at least your posts are never boring. Your wife is treating you disrespectfully because you are allowing it.Nonsense. “Honey, I forbid you to dump me!” “Oh, okay—sorry, never mind. I take it back, you ravishing stallion! Wanna make love?” Instead of posting well written soliloquies on LS, you need to stop whining and be more proactive about the direction you want your life to take.I prefer to do both. Time to man up and make some difficult decisions.Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 If it is important for you to still have sex like a rabbit, you’re going to need to trade your wife in for a younger model. Point blank. Otherwise, you weigh the value of your 22 years together and decide if the companionship and (perhaps) occasional intimacy is enough to meet your insatiable needs.Who said anything about rabbit-like frequency of sex? Twice a month would be absolutely lovely from my point of view—but I need some playful snogging, making out, hand-holding, and bashful grins in between. I want an erotically charged romance with the woman I married. Her and only her. But that is slipping away and I am upset because it was attainable on both sides until my wife decided ILYBINILWY was her true governing philosophy. Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 Seems obvious that your wife has been betraying you. Probably with someone who has more in common with her on the career front, if I had to guess. I don’t understand why you don’t try to find out. Perhaps then you’d stop this desperate bargaining and get out of a marriage that seems devoid not only of sec but respect. (For women those things are linked, by the way.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 16, 2019 Author Share Posted March 16, 2019 Seems obvious that your wife has been betraying you. Probably with someone who has more in common with her on the career front, if I had to guess. I don’t understand why you don’t try to find out.To find that out would require reasonable suspicion of an affair that is not in evidence. Plus I'd have to pay for a private investigator from funds drawn from a joint account. Not worth it, in my opinion. Perhaps then you’d stop this desperate bargaining and get out of a marriage that seems devoid not only of sex but respect. (For women those things are linked, by the way.)The desperate bargaining has already ceased, but thanks for haranguing me about it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Beakered Posted March 16, 2019 Share Posted March 16, 2019 I refuse to apologize for my traditional values. It’s ridiculous that only modern beliefs are acceptable in today’s world because basic truths about relationships will never change. Regardless of women’s ability to provide for ourselves, we are hardwired to look for men with the most resources. Men are hardwired to protect, provide, and look for youth and fertility in women. It's your prerogative to believe whatever you like. I take issue when you spout off your beliefs as universal truths. Got a peer-reviewed study or three to back all this up? The OP’s wife has chosen a beta male for whatever reason. An alpha male would never be comfortable with a woman providing for him. If the OP’s wife is actually having an affair, I would bet 1M that she is with a man who is more successful and masculine.Ugh. This "alpha" and "beta" male crap is a load of toxic bollocks straight out the redpill manual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 For your information, mutual vulnerability is the foundation of a well functioning marriage. You are confusing strength with empty machismo. If I have to exude power in order to gain affection and sex, that makes me not a man but a brainless peacock. I like you a lot, Betty. You give me a heck of a hard time but at least your posts are never boring. Nonsense. “Honey, I forbid you to dump me!” “Oh, okay—sorry, never mind. I take it back, you ravishing stallion! Wanna make love?” I prefer to do both. Yes. For your information, your excessive displays of emotional neediness and inability to take responsibility for your behaviour have led to your wife losing attraction to you. Of course, you are free to take whatever advice you wish. I suppose I don’t understand what you’re accomplishing by petulantly rejecting opinions that YOU asked for. You can be masculine and powerful while still being vulnerable when necessary. It’s a balancing act that not every man is capable of managing. A common misconception is that being an Alpha male is about being a rude jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 These are not uncomfortable truths... just drivel... Drivel for men and women who know that they cannot attract partners they want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 17, 2019 Author Share Posted March 17, 2019 inability to take responsibility for your behaviourWhere do you get that from? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Where do you get that from? You won’t acknowledge that you have chosen to tolerate your wife’s disrespect. You also refuse to see that your way of approaching your sexless marriage is counterproductive. I say that your approach is counterproductive because it’s changing the situation. Have you decided whether or not you are going to stay with your wife? She has said that she cannot give you what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 17, 2019 Author Share Posted March 17, 2019 You won’t acknowledge that you have chosen to tolerate your wife’s disrespect.I cannot acknowledge a false statement. You also refuse to see that your way of approaching your sexless marriage is counterproductive.I'm open to suggestions. It's not like this is easy. Have you decided whether or not you are going to stay with your wife?Honestly I don't know. Right now, I am going to focus on myself, our child and be pleasant and patient and see what develops. I am not bringing up the subject of sex and our relationship for a good while and I will see if she says something. She has said that she cannot give you what you need.I think she can. I think right now she is not doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Has your anniversary come and gone by now? I’m curious as to how it went. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rotaglia Posted March 17, 2019 Author Share Posted March 17, 2019 Has your anniversary come and gone by now? I’m curious as to how it went.Nope. I'll let you know. Sadly, I'm not at all looking forward to it. My main goal is to avoid more disappointment and humiliation. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Drivel for men and women who know that they cannot attract partners they want. Still drivel... and toxic too, as someone else said... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 My main goal is to avoid more disappointment and humiliation. Well, that is only going to occur if you assume or hope sex will be involved. Otherwise why would there be disappointment and humiliation? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Why are you thinking the only way to find evidence is hiring a PI? We never said that the only way... get busy checking the info that’s free but very telling. I said it because it’s the most effective way to find out. But, yes, there are several ways to go about it. I think she’d be very careful, though, and hard to catch. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 Well, that is only going to occur if you assume or hope sex will be involved. Otherwise why would there be disappointment and humiliation? I agree. There’s no need for that. OP, if you feel you must acknowledge the anniversary, then slap a card (a non-romantic one, signed only with your name) and a bundle of flowers (preferably wilted - lol) on the kitchen counter for her to find. Then make yourself busy for the rest of the day. What’s all his sweat about disappointment and humiliation? Do you have any control at all in this marriage? Any control at all over these romantic fantasies about a wife who has physically and emotionally checked out of your marriage? As I stated in another post, I’d ignore her and the whole event, but that’s just me. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I said it because it’s the most effective way to find out. But, yes, there are several ways to go about it. I think she’d be very careful, though, and hard to catch. I would agree. IF she is having an affair it may be entirely work based with a coworker or a client - using work phone, work emails - liaisons during work time or on work trips/nights out. Staff may be aware and cover it up for her too, or if she is very discrete no-one may know. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted March 17, 2019 Share Posted March 17, 2019 I would agree. IF she is having an affair it may be entirely work based with a coworker or a client - using work phone, work emails - liaisons during work time or on work trips/nights out. Staff may be aware and cover it up for her too, or if she is very discrete no-one may know. I still believe she is just gone off sex, for whatever reason... it happens... Link to post Share on other sites
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