Little help?

[Jaberwocky]

Hi all, I'm new to the forum, but I happened by while looking for some help on the web.

 

See, I have a problem in my marriage. My wife is having an emotional affair with a guy who used to be my friend. This has been happening for three years now, since I went over-seas (I am in the military), and has caused a lot of problems. He was there when I was gone, he stuck around when I came home, and she would not get rid of him when I told her it bothered me.

 

I had a few problems when I got home, depression being the major one. This problem pushed me almost to the point of suicide before I went and got help to end my depression. Even during this time, she was detached emotionaly from me. I told her how bad I had gotten, and that I wanted to die, and she walked away from me. Litteraly. That hurt.

 

It also devastated me when she told me she had feelings for this guy, and more when she refused to stop seeing him and talking to him. She says she will not give up her friendship with him because I don't like him. It really bothers me, and it won't stop.

 

Now, if I am sounding irational, read this. She is on the phone with him almost every night when the baby goes to bed, often for four or five hours. She demands he be allowed to come over when he can, and stay for a couple days. She does not communicate with me, we fight more often than not, but they talk all the time. We are not intimate really at all. I have given her space to not feel obliged to have sex, really, I leave it alone all together. She spends more time doing the activities we used to enjoydoing together with him, and he has to be included for us to do anything other than watch movies and take care of the baby.

 

So, here it is, in most of it's ugliness. Yes, I had problems with anger and depression, but I was never violent, and I got help. what can I do? What did I do to make this happen? I love her, and I want my family to be together, but I can't take this any more.

 

So, little help? Please?

[Mz. Pixie]

So, basically you've given her permission to have an affair in your presence??

 

Not alot of men that I know that would stand for that.

 

Sit her down and insist on counseling. Being in the military you can get that. Tell her that you love her and want your marriage to work but you will not tolerate her seeing this guy on the side. I would bet my right arm it's been more than emotional. Tell her to go with you to counseling or you will pack her bags for her. Then do it. She's is not respecting you the tinest bit and it's time that you stand up for yourself.

[In Like Flynn]

What does the guy say about what kind of relationship this is?? He can't have a girl friend for noway would she allow this much contact!! I would wonder what is he getting out of all this contact!!!