pepperbird Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 op, Your dad sounds like a first class jerk. What kid of an idiot does this? "sure, use my computer, find out I'm cheating on your mom...I don't care" I highly doubt he was unaware the message would pop up, so he had to have had an inkling something like this could happen. Could be he was too chicken sh%t to tell you or your mom face to face, so he figured this would be easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kithin Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 op, Your dad sounds like a first class jerk. What kid of an idiot does this? "sure, use my computer, find out I'm cheating on your mom...I don't care" I highly doubt he was unaware the message would pop up, so he had to have had an inkling something like this could happen. Could be he was too chicken sh%t to tell you or your mom face to face, so he figured this would be easier. That was the only time he was logged in and the messages popped up. I've used it since then and can't access his account. I think it was a mistake. And based on their messages both are afraid of their spouses finding out. And after that I'm a bit more hostile to him and he seems a bit confused so I don't think he knows. But what you said could be true as well. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 kithin, I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with. I was especially impressed with the maturity your last post (#73) seemed to exemplify. You are thinking this through in what seems to me to be a wise and logical manner and taking the time to do so thoroughly, although it's such an emotionally daunting situation! I believe with the support of your counselor you're going to handle this in a mature and effective way. He or she should be able to give you valuable guidance and perspective as you share the different aspects of the situation with him/her. Another advantage for you is that your counselor already has a sense of who you are as a person which will be very helpful in advising you about this issue. Btw, have you written whether or not you're male or female? Am not sure it matters for our purposes here but I'm just interested as I read your posts. I know, as a student, you're very busy but I hope you continue to find the time to post here and update us as to how you're doing and as to progress in working through this dilemma. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kithin Posted March 14, 2019 Author Share Posted March 14, 2019 kithin, I'm so sorry for all you're dealing with. I was especially impressed with the maturity your last post (#73) seemed to exemplify. You are thinking this through in what seems to me to be a wise and logical manner and taking the time to do so thoroughly, although it's such an emotionally daunting situation! I believe with the support of your counselor you're going to handle this in a mature and effective way. He or she should be able to give you valuable guidance and perspective as you share the different aspects of the situation with him/her. Another advantage for you is that your counselor already has a sense of who you are as a person which will be very helpful in advising you about this issue. Btw, have you written whether or not you're male or female? Am not sure it matters for our purposes here but I'm just interested as I read your posts. I know, as a student, you're very busy but I hope you continue to find the time to post here and update us as to how you're doing and as to progress in working through this dilemma. I am a male. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Your counselor will probably have your interest in mind and not your mother's, be aware of that with whatever advice they give. She is living with a wolf in sheep's clothing. You are a grown man and have the strength and smarts to do what is right and do so responsibly. BTW if he flips out that is exactly what police and sheriffs are for and they handle it regularly. Be careful, but be brave. Sending prayers and kind wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 I like your idea of working with your mother - encouraging her to be financially independent, including having her own bank account (if she does not already.) She is lucky to have you. As you grow closer to her, you might find out how much she already knows and/or suspects and that her goal was to shield you and your sister from anything unpleasant. Hopefully, speaking to your counselor will help you work through this. Please let us know how you are doing. Remember to take care of you, and I hope you have a person close to you (besides your counselor) that you can confide in. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 I am a male. Thanks.... Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 Re: (violent or dangerous reactions) These are the kinds of things I am afraid of. You know each of your parents best. This is why a counselor for you is the smartest path. Your family history will be important to consider. If your aunts/uncles don't like your family that is probably due to the same things you find troublesome about your dad. The extent to which your mom participates or tolerates behavior that distances your extended family is for you to consider. For your peace of mind: suicide is more common with people who are already predisposed, with long standing personality issues and psychological stress. The greater the risk the more likely you'd already be aware of the danger. You'd already have been living in a very dysfunctional circumstance. Violence has a polar nature. It cannot be maintained openly in public without immediate intervention. So, people with poor impulse control are obvious to us. Those with a high capacity for covert control are the ones who catch us completely off guard because we will not have associated them with that kind of potential. A counselor will help you make sense of the personalities in your family. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 14, 2019 Share Posted March 14, 2019 This could be a sad situation no matter how old the child in question is. My twin sister and I were 28 when we found out (for sure) that my dad had a mistress. My sister had just gotten married and it REALLY affected her (way more than it did me) because it made her kinda question the whole instituation of marriage, trust issues, etc. I had suspicions but she was completely blindsided and it felt to her like being hit by a train. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 15, 2019 Share Posted March 15, 2019 I was a BS. I found out when my daughter, then 15, read text messages on her dad's phone. She came directly to me, shaken and convinced he would gaslight her. I believed her immediately and we moved out a few weeks later. To this day, I am angry with him for putting her in a position where she found out about his affair. No child should have to deal with that. I never once doubted my daughter, nor asked for proof. My first concern - even though I was shocked - was to protect her. As someone else said, trust your mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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