GF doesn't like Marijuana (update: She's gone for good)

[Normm]

Brain tumors are a complex disease and the treatment is very complicated. I can share what is known for sure about the relationship between brain tumors, nausea, and marijuana

 

The Op maintains that the nausea and vomiting predated the brain tumor.

[Garcon1986]

in that situation it is still possible he never thought the nausea/ vomiting was due to brain stuff, until years down the road when he found a neurologist. It's also possible he had nausea and vomiting due to an unrelated illness. Would have to see his doctors records to be sure.

[Coup La-La]

You're gonna have to tell her that the weed smoking isn't going to stop and she can either accept it and stop complaining or agree that it's a deal breaker and go your separate ways.

 

Need to find the trick, find common ground i.e. how some of the people here have suggested vape pens.

 

Maybe the nausea was related to your brain tumor, which might have been there (with a smaller size) before it was discovered.

 

The neurologists have said that my tumor has been growing slowly for at least 8 years. Although I have had nausea my entire life, it definitely has been worse the last couple of years. I've been keeping a log of when I feel bad, time, what I ate ect, you might be on to something there.

 

In your first post about weed use around two years ago, you described yourself as a dedicated recreational user who had zero intention of stopping or changing (paraphrasing). But no word at all about long term nausea which would have apparently existed back then. Therefore, I think your argument for medicating long term, debilitating nausea is just a little too convenient.

 

Given the contrast between the two posts, I don't believe you have a tumour or long term nausea. I think it's simply a manipulative strategy to get support for recreational weed.

 

Just because I didn't mention, doesn't mean it didn't exist. My grandfather used use a cane, and bragged to everyone about how cool he looked, and how expensive it was, he almost never talked about the fact that he used that cane because of injuries he got in the Korean war. One doesn't rule out the other.

 

I have Dr records going back to when I was in pre-school confirming the long term problem I've had. I am a very open and independent person, if I only wanted to get high I would have no problem admitting as much, because just about all the people I know who only smoke recreational are still functional adults. I think you're reading into the discrepancy a little too much [pun fully intended]

[Coup La-La]

His back posts over the past 6 years mention he's been a recreational pot smoker for most of his life with no mention of lifelong debilitating nausea until February 2018 and nothing about a brain tumor until last week on this thread.

The tumor was only discovered 5 weeks ago

 

 

But it doesn't matter. He's had issues with numerous girlfriends over the years, one who dumped him specifically because of the pot smoking, and he liked her a lot and took the breakup very hard. So Op, the weed has cost you at least one relationship possibly more including this one. Regardless of why you smoke it.

 

 

 

Brain tumors and nausea and possible harmful effects of marijuana not withstanding, the weed is costing you in terms of women saying "No thanks". That's the price you pay and as long as you're ok with what you're giving up in return, there's nothing more to be said.

 

That was the same woman I'm talking about in this thread...she actually came back a few days after that post. I have NEVER had a GF that smokes, some of which have been even more against it than my current GF, we always found compromise in the past.

[Tristian]

Topic Check Time as this thread seems to have branched off in several directions.

 

This thread is correctly placed in the DATING section and is focused on the OPs situation with his GF as it pertains to his use of marijuana.

 

Those wishing to discuss addiction and recreational use, Addiction & Recovery would be the place for that.

 

Those wishing to discuss medical issues and using cannabis to treat symptoms of those conditions, Physical Fitness, Health & Weight Management is what you're looking for.

 

Discussing those topics here in any context other then how it relates to his relationship with his girlfriend will be considered off-topic.

[fromheart]

For better or worse, weed is a big part if your life right now.

 

Maybe you need a girl who's also into that.

 

I rarely drink, if ever. Not much point in me having a relationship with a girl that likes pubs.

[fromheart]

Just looking through the rest of this thread OP.

 

The 'you better not have had sex with another woman,' comment that she makes. This should be a huge red flag. If you told her that, it would be unacceptable. This works both ways.

[Coup La-La]

Just looking through the rest of this thread OP.

 

The 'you better not have had sex with another woman,' comment that she makes. This should be a huge red flag. If you told her that, it would be unacceptable. This works both ways.

 

Fair enough, I guess I've been ambivalent about that. on the one hand it's one of her ways of showing she cares, on the other hand it's not reasonable to take a break from someone and then come back demanding that they have stayed celibate the whole time

[TheFinalWord]

If MJ is a really important part of your life, then you will need to find someone that approves and/or partkes. No way should you marry someone that doesn't accept you as you are. People don't change, and the fact she's basically pressuring you to change for her just tells me this won't work in the long run. Recommend to find someone that uses. There's a massive MJ culture out there and it doesn't sound like you have any problems finding women.

[TheFinalWord]

Now, maybe if someone can suggest something to mask the smell, I would be more than interested

 

Take a paper towel tube. Shove dryer sheets in the end. Place a cap over the bowl part of the pipe so smoke doesn't come out of the bowl area. Blow the smoke into the paper towel tube. The dryer sheets will kill the weed smell.

 

Don't ask me how I know that lol

[Coup La-La]

You didn't answer my questions. If you don't mind answering I'll ask again:

 

 

1. Does your "brain tumor" have a scientific name? If so, what is it?

2. I guess you have a neurologist where you live, in your state, correct? That neurologist following the progression of your tumor is the one who should prescribe any therapy or treatment, and you shouldn't take substances without him/her knowing, even better without the neurologist consent. Do you understand this? Yes or no?

3. It looks like you're aware that weed can have negative effects on your body and neurological system, but you said that the positive effects outnumber the negative ones. Do you understand that it's not a matter of numbers? ONE negative effect is enough to jeopardize any therapy.

 

1. From looking at the written report, it's described as an "extra-axial mass along the right cerebellopontine "

2. My neuroloist isn't the one who gave me my Rx, but he (the surgeon) has said weed is ok.

3. The negative effect for me is that my stamina is slightly reduced, I run at about 95% of when I'm not smoking

 

And by that, I assume she means that she'd be against even if it got approved in your state.

 

Yes, as I said before: Even if the President, attorney General and Chief Justice of the Supreme Court had a smoke session on live TV, it wouldn't make any difference.

 

They're illogical to you. To me, your insistence is illogical. And reading posts in this thread, it's illogical for other people too.

How is acknowledging results illogical? How is being able to list a whole host of positive effect illogical? That is the epitome of logic

 

This is part of the problem, emotion is more important than fact.

.

Catholic church doesn't have ministers, it has priests. If a priest smokes weed recreationally, that doesn't make the habit more appealing. We now know a priest can be a pedophile, that doesn't make the crime more acceptable or OK. Period.

 

My GF is Catholic, I'm agnostic but was baptized and raised Protestant. I know the difference between the 2, I brought that up because there is NOTHING about Christianity that is inherently against marijuana. There are multiple verses in the Bible that could be interpreted as promoting it actually.

 

Since you're so well informed, do you know there's evidence that people smoking extensively are more exposed to cancer? That's because smoking aka the combustion of the plant is carcinogenic (that's true for tobacco too). Is that something you can acknowledge? Or are you going to be in denial about that too? There is a high level of tar and other chemicals in marijuana, smoking it is similar to smoking cigarettes. The lungs get a big dose of chemicals that increase the chances of lung problems and many types of cancer. Since you stated you've been smoking for 14 years, has it ever occurred to you that your habit might have contributed to the development of your tumor? Can you start considering smoking as your enemy rather than your friend?

 

I specifically asked my DR about that (both the 1st and 2nd opinion) that they have both definitively ruled that out.

 

In fact there is a lot of evidence to the contrary

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10863546

 

https://www.pnas.org/content/95/14/8268.short

 

I would and I did. My man was on antidepressants, it took him up to a year to tape them down and stop using them. He was tempted to resort to them another couple times after that, and my advice was: NO. His doctor's advice was: NO. So yes, many times we resort to drugs as a crutch.?

 

If it was helping him it wasn't a crutch, especially if you're talking about psychiatric drugs, which have results that are far mores subjective.

 

And as I've stressed, When I've gone long periods without smoking, my memory, cognitive function, basic personality structure is exactly the same. The only difference is that I can run slightly longer.

[Coup La-La]

If MJ is a really important part of your life, then you will need to find someone that approves and/or partkes. No way should you marry someone that doesn't accept you as you are. People don't change, and the fact she's basically pressuring you to change for her just tells me this won't work in the long run. Recommend to find someone that uses. There's a massive MJ culture out there and it doesn't sound like you have any problems finding women.

 

this is the ONLY thing we argue about. If I went and found a woman that doesn't give me grief about weed, we would have contention about something else.

 

Like when one of My exes calls me, saying "dump your current GF and come back to me, I will never complain about weed, ever" ----> Yeah, but I want children, and you hate anyone under the age of 18

 

or another "I will smoke with you everyday, we can make a yearly trip to Amsterdam" ---> Yeah, but you're a materialistic B**** , 1/2 the time you only talk about bags, shoes and clothes.

 

I would rather deal with something like this than can be compromised, than try to get someone to change their whole personality.

 

Take a paper towel tube. Shove dryer sheets in the end. Place a cap over the bowl part of the pipe so smoke doesn't come out of the bowl area. Blow the smoke into the paper towel tube. The dryer sheets will kill the weed smell.

 

Don't ask me how I know that lol

 

Yeah that's for keeping the house fresh, what about clothes and hair????

[whichwayisup]

 

FYI: I don't just smoke to get high, I have medical reason also, not the least of which being that I have a brain tumor

 

Sorry to hear about your tumour.

 

You can get medical pot that won't make you high but you can still benefit health wise. Look into that. No smell and no high.

 

She isn't going to change, this is a deal breaker. She may not like the smell, or how one is when they're high. People have a right to not want to be around drugs... And if you want children (trust me she's thinking ahead about you being a father and if you can not do pot) may wanna re think the getting high thing.

[basil67]

So what exactly does your girlfriend object to? Is it health issues or it having a boyfriend who's altered every day? Or both.

[Coup La-La]

Sorry to hear about your tumour.

 

You can get medical pot that won't make you high but you can still benefit health wise. Look into that. No smell and no high.

 

She isn't going to change, this is a deal breaker. She may not like the smell, or how one is when they're high. People have a right to not want to be around drugs... And if you want children (trust me she's thinking ahead about you being a father and if you can not do pot) may wanna re think the getting high thing.

 

I don't get the defeatism among some of the people on this thread. I used to be 100% against marijuana also, I used to think that people who smoke weed belong in jail, but with time and education my views changed.

 

Yes, we've talked about having children. She's met plenty of my friends that were raised by people who smoke weed daily and are now functional adults.

 

and again with another one of the BS double standards we have. If a parent took a psychiatric drug, which can change your personality, nobody says "I don't want that around children" nobody says "I don't care how much your anti-depressants help you, the fact that you use them when you're around children means your an addict"

 

So what exactly does your girlfriend object to? Is it health issues or it having a boyfriend who's altered every day? Or both.

 

Actually she hasn't even been specific about that. She just says it's bad

 

Me: I'm smoking because i have a terrible stomach ache, I feel like I'm going to throw up

Her: Why do you have to smoke weed, try something else

Me: OK, what do you suggest

Her: [cricket sounds]

 

That's the most frustrating part, if she had an objection about something specific we could talk about that.

[Garcon1986]

Respir Care. 2016 Nov;61(11):1543-1551. Epub 2016 Aug 9.

A Systematic Review of the Respiratory Effects of Inhalational Marijuana.

Martinasek MP1, McGrogan JB2, Maysonet A2.

 

"The research indicates that there is a risk of lung cancer from inhalational marijuana as well as an association between inhalational marijuana and spontaneous pneumothorax, bullous emphysema, or COPD. A variety of symptoms have been reported by inhalational marijuana smokers, including wheezing, shortness of breath, altered pulmonary function tests, cough, phlegm production, bronchodilation, and other symptoms."

 

Why can't you eat the stuff?

[JuneL]

Respir Care. 2016 Nov;61(11):1543-1551. Epub 2016 Aug 9.

A Systematic Review of the Respiratory Effects of Inhalational Marijuana.

Martinasek MP1, McGrogan JB2, Maysonet A2.

 

"The research indicates that there is a risk of lung cancer from inhalational marijuana as well as an association between inhalational marijuana and spontaneous pneumothorax, bullous emphysema, or COPD. A variety of symptoms have been reported by inhalational marijuana smokers, including wheezing, shortness of breath, altered pulmonary function tests, cough, phlegm production, bronchodilation, and other symptoms."

 

Why can't you eat the stuff?

 

My understanding is that one can get medical marijuana to help control certain symptoms without getting high. But I understand that the OP needs to get high from smoking. In that case, he has psychological addiction, even though he may not have physical addiction.

 

OP: To answer your question, I wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone who has to rely on long-term (years) use of antidepressants.

[fieldoflavender]

Life isn't just full of your current gf and your incompatible ex's. Like I dunno, why be stuck with someone with a deal breaker. You keep saying she's perfect for you EXCEPT this major thing that is important to both of you and you can't seem to find a compromise.

 

There likely is another woman who can give you not every single thing but at least doesn't have a major deal breaker. Why stay so close minded?

[Hopeful30]

My understanding is that one can get medical marijuana to help control certain symptoms without getting high. But I understand that the OP needs to get high from smoking. In that case, he has psychological addiction, even though he may not have physical addiction.

 

Cannabis has psychoactive components which offer *tremendous* psychological benefits. That's why patients with anxiety, depression and PTSD turn to the herb to relieve their symptoms.

 

Just because someone uses the herb for non-physical reasons doesn't automatically make it addictive.

 

As an addictions counsellor, I must say that general understanding of addiction is VERY poor. It's no wonder there is so much confusion and misunderstanding on this forum. Most posters don't even know what addiction is, yet easily point their finger the second any consciousness-alternating substance comes into the picture.

 

For the record, gambling, shopping and social media are non-physical addictions, yet we don't blame those who gamble, shop or use social media as being addicted.

[Coup La-La]

Life isn't just full of your current gf and your incompatible ex's. Like I dunno, why be stuck with someone with a deal breaker. You keep saying she's perfect for you EXCEPT this major thing that is important to both of you and you can't seem to find a compromise.

 

There likely is another woman who can give you not every single thing but at least doesn't have a major deal breaker. Why stay so close minded?

 

I have plenty of other options, I've never felt "stuck" I love her.

 

 

And I have tried to debate this based solely on science and medical fact, instead of talking about the emotions attached, which has obviously not done much to deal with the situation

 

Additional information: Several times we have been on breaks my therapist has suggested to I go out there and talk to other women, not necessarily for a relationship or to have sex with them, but to see what else is out there. No other woman has been in her cailbre. ---> I've spoken to women of different cultures, races, nationalities it's all been the same. ether

They also have a problem with weed And / or they are missing something else that's just as important i.e. not as smart my my GF, no ambition, don't want children, hate social gatherings and being around people, they're racists, they hate dogs, they don't want to get a job just live off of my money.

 

Why would I want to trade one problem, over something that can be compromised, for another problem that is essentially set in stone?

[Coup La-La]

I wake up everyday feeling like I've been cheated. Cheated because my ex wouldn't continue our relationship because of her parents being racists. I've already lost someone I love because of ignorance, why would I want to add to that feeling? Why should I suffer even more for the sake of lies created to make a few people richer, and put a lot of good people in jail?

[JuneL]

Cannabis has psychoactive components which offer *tremendous* psychological benefits. That's why patients with anxiety, depression and PTSD turn to the herb to relieve their symptoms.

 

Just because someone uses the herb for non-physical reasons doesn't automatically make it addictive.

 

As an addictions counsellor, I must say that general understanding of addiction is VERY poor. It's no wonder there is so much confusion and misunderstanding on this forum. Most posters don't even know what addiction is, yet easily point their finger the second any consciousness-alternating substance comes into the picture.

 

For the record, gambling, shopping and social media are non-physical addictions, yet we don't blame those who gamble, shop or use social media as being addicted.

 

I understand. You’ve always been adamant that weed smoking has tremendous benefits (medical and otherwise) and has absolutely no side-effects, and that you don’t need a doctor’s prescription to self-medicate. But OP here has identified at least one side-effect, and he actually got prescriptions from a few doctors for it. I hope he’ll let his anaesthesiologist know his habit before undergoing the brain surgery.

[anika99]

Cannabis has psychoactive components which offer *tremendous* psychological benefits. That's why patients with anxiety, depression and PTSD turn to the herb to relieve their symptoms.

 

Just because someone uses the herb for non-physical reasons doesn't automatically make it addictive.

 

As an addictions counsellor, I must say that general understanding of addiction is VERY poor. It's no wonder there is so much confusion and misunderstanding on this forum. Most posters don't even know what addiction is, yet easily point their finger the second any consciousness-alternating substance comes into the picture.

 

For the record, gambling, shopping and social media are non-physical addictions, yet we don't blame those who gamble, shop or use social media as being addicted.

 

I've always had friends and/or partners who have been lifelong pot smokers. I don't judge them. Even though I gave up pot smoking years ago the fact that others smoke doesn't bother me at all. However my friends and partners have always been very honest with me that they find it very hard to quit smoking pot even when they want to. They may not be physically addicted but they have developed a strong psychological dependency on weed that they find nearly impossible to overcome.

 

Not sure why you think people who have gambling or shopping addictions are not identified as addicted. Actually there are 12 step programs and other resources to help these people break their addiction so I'm guessing they do identify as addicts.

[Hopeful30]

I've always had friends and/or partners who have been lifelong pot smokers. I don't judge them. Even though I gave up pot smoking years ago the fact that others smoke doesn't bother me at all. However my friends and partners have always been very honest with me that they find it very hard to quit smoking pot even when they want to. They may not be physically addicted but they have developed a strong psychological dependency on weed that they find nearly impossible to overcome.

 

Not sure why you think people who have gambling or shopping addictions are not identified as addicted. Actually there are 12 step programs and other resources to help these people break their addiction so I'm guessing they do identify as addicts.

 

My point is that smoking weed does not equal addiction. Of course, we can be psychologically addicted to smoking, agreed! But people who smoke regularly are not automatically addicts. That was the distinction I was trying to make.

 

For some reason when cannabis enters the conversation, the default argument people use who oppose cannabis is "addiction".

Edited March 18, 2019 by Hopeful30

[Coup La-La]

My point is that smoking weed does not equal addiction. Of course, we can be psychologically addicted to smoking, agreed! But people who smoke regularly are not automatically addicts. That was the distinction I was trying to make.

 

For some reason when cannabis enters the conversation, the default argument people use who oppose cannabis is "addiction".

 

exactly!!!!

You can be addicted to gambling, to working out, to compulsive over eating, to sex. But we categorize those things differently , because we haven't built entire industries opposing it i.e. prisons and police unions.

 

And unlike those other things, weed can't make you overweight or give you an STD.