GF doesn't like Marijuana (update: She's gone for good)

[fieldoflavender]

Why would I want to trade one problem, over something that can be compromised, for another problem that is essentially set in stone?

 

Well life isn't perfect. You already said arguing logic isn't useful.

 

She simply does not want a partner who smokes weed for whatever reason. If there is no compromise, like if you use CBD oil or something and not smoke it (smoking is THE worst anyways and gives you same risk of lung cancer), then you guys simply are not compatible. Unless one of you are ready to compromise, then love doesn't help the situation. You can't have it all in life.

Edited March 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote edited

[Coup La-La]

Well life isn't perfect. You already said arguing logic isn't useful.

 

She simply does not want a partner who smokes weed for whatever reason. If there is no compromise, like if you use CBD oil or something and not smoke it (smoking is THE worst anyways and gives you same risk of lung cancer), then you guys simply are not compatible. Unless one of you are ready to compromise, then love doesn't help the situation. You can't have it all in life.

 

Yes, I'm willing to compromise, that's the whole point of this post.

 

Yes you're right logic alone won't solve the problem, if it did the problem wouldn't have existed in the first place. ---> So when you present it like that, the obvious question is: What is the emotional route? It's like how Corporations and politicians get people to join their causes by speaking to feelings instead of facts.

 

YES, I am aware that you can't have it all in life. The fact that I'm dealing with this illogical-selfish-self defeating attitude, instead of making wedding plans is a case and point of that.

[Coup La-La]

Well life isn't perfect.

 

You're 100% correct, but my life is far closer to perfect with her than without her

[Art_Critic]

YES, I am aware that you can't have it all in life. The fact that I'm dealing with this illogical-selfish-self defeating attitude, instead of making wedding plans is a case and point of that.

 

Are you dismissing her feelings on the subject by saying she is illogical and selfish and self defeating ?

 

If you are then that alone is selfish and self defeating, can you understand her right to have a point of view on a subject that concerns you ?

 

So she can only believe what you believe and what you tell her to believe ?... hummmm....

 

or did I read the paragraph wrong and misinterpret you words ?

[JuneL]

You're 100% correct, but my life is far closer to perfect with her than without her

 

You live in a state in which medical marijuana is illegal and your surgeon (who is going to perform your brain surgery in a couple of month) is supposed to be the best of the best. Why don’t you just ask him how he would have treated your nausea legally in your state?

 

How did you get through the days when you were in those countries in which weed was illegal?

Edited March 20, 2019 by JuneL

[JuneL]

My point is that smoking weed does not equal addiction. Of course, we can be psychologically addicted to smoking, agreed! But people who smoke regularly are not automatically addicts. That was the distinction I was trying to make.

 

For some reason when cannabis enters the conversation, the default argument people use who oppose cannabis is "addiction".

 

Looking at your posts, it appears that you automatically assume no one who needs to get high daily with weed has psychological addiction.

[preraph]

Like gambling addition? It's not a narcotic like heroin where there's physical withdrawal, but for those who can't stop using it, that is addiction. But like alcohol, most people can use it occasionally and nothing more. But addicts always get psychologically dependent on whatever it is, gambling, shopping, marijuana, and it's still addiction. If you can't stop it and will turn your life upside down to avoid stopping it, it's addiction.

[Coup La-La]

Are you dismissing her feelings on the subject by saying she is illogical and selfish and self defeating ?

 

If you are then that alone is selfish and self defeating, can you understand her right to have a point of view on a subject that concerns you ?

 

So she can only believe what you believe and what you tell her to believe ?... hummmm....

 

or did I read the paragraph wrong and misinterpret you words ?

 

YES, you misinterpreted what I said.

 

saying "I don't dispute the fact that weed helps you for numerous reason, I can't provide any specific evidence as to why marijuana is bad, and from my own admission if I didn't smell it I wouldn't even know you've been smoking....but you should still stop" is the epitome of selfish and illogical.

 

When super religious parents don't let their children get needed medical attention, almost nobody says "that's their right right" MOST people say "their child is suffering because they chose to listen to urban legends instead of doctors, that is incredibly selfish and defeating" SAME PRINCIPLE , the only difference is we''re talking about a part of medical science that has 80+ years of lies surrounding it, as opposed to most other fields of medicine where opinions are based on proven fact.

 

And it's not a question of "believing what I believe" it's a question of BELIEVING THE ESTABLISHED FACTS. When we talk about the Flat Earth Society, we ridicule them for ignoring observational reality, we don't defend them, we don't say they have a right to believe this garbage.

 

Let's not candy coat this: SHE is the one that's self defeating. If it weren't for these stupid lies about weed, we would be married and expecting our 1st baby by now, the fact that I'm here asking strangers on the internet for advice on compromise should tell you that I'm the being being flexible.

 

 

You live in a state in which medical marijuana is illegal and your surgeon (who is going to perform your brain surgery in a couple of month) is supposed to be the best of the best. Why don’t you just ask him how he would have treated your nausea legally in your state?

 

How did you get through the days when you were in those countries in which weed was illegal?

 

I did ask, he said he would've given me 2 medications 1. I've taken before, and didn't help me at all 2. Is made for cancer and AIDS patients, it makes me too drowsy to function.

 

When I lived where possession of weed was very harshly punished: I drank chamomile tea [which brought to pain from a 100 to a 75], which also made me tired. I drank a lot of Sprite [which brought to pain from a 100 to a 60] , which not only caused me to gain weight but also made me depressed sometimes from drinking so much sugar. Or I took my other Rx, the one made for cancer and AIDS patients [which does work], and then I just slept the whole day. That whole year there were only ~ 25 days I never had any nausea.

[Coup La-La]

Like gambling addition? It's not a narcotic like heroin where there's physical withdrawal, but for those who can't stop using it, that is addiction. But like alcohol, most people can use it occasionally and nothing more. But addicts always get psychologically dependent on whatever it is, gambling, shopping, marijuana, and it's still addiction. If you can't stop it and will turn your life upside down to avoid stopping it, it's addiction.

 

Our society has become too loose with the term "addiction"

Diabetics use insulin everyday

Heart attack survivors use blood thinners everyday

AIDS patients use AZT everyday

They're "protecting their health"

 

Someone smokes weed everyday for nausea, sleep, appetite,

You're an addict! Why can't you use synthetic drugs that have far more side effects instead? Weed makes you laugh, unacceptable. This other medication makes you gain weight, drowsy, and gives you headaches Sign Me Up

 

Not stopping when there is increasing compelling reason is addiction i.e. someone keeps getting in trouble with the law or they spend more and more money to acquire that feeling. The only bad thing in my life from weed is my GF's selfish, illogical attitude.

[preraph]

In September 2017 you posted on here that your girlfriend who you're still in love with left you because she didn't approve of you smoking weed. Seems to me you were an addict before any of these medical excuses you're giving us now.

[fieldoflavender]

Our society has become too loose with the term "addiction"

Diabetics use insulin everyday

Heart attack survivors use blood thinners everyday

AIDS patients use AZT everyday

They're "protecting their health"

 

Someone smokes weed everyday for nausea, sleep, appetite,

You're an addict! Why can't you use synthetic drugs that have far more side effects instead? Weed makes you laugh, unacceptable. This other medication makes you gain weight, drowsy, and gives you headaches Sign Me Up

 

Not stopping when there is increasing compelling reason is addiction i.e. someone keeps getting in trouble with the law or they spend more and more money to acquire that feeling. The only bad thing in my life from weed is my GF's selfish, illogical attitude.

 

Seriously if you're that upset with her - just break up with her. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too. Life doesn't work like that.

[Garcon1986]

Have you considered the thought process that your GF doesn't like to be around the smell of smoke whatever it may be?

 

 

And why can't you vape or eat the MJ leaves?

[Coup La-La]

Have you considered the thought process that your GF doesn't like to be around the smell of smoke whatever it may be?

 

Yes I have, in fact that's the only concrete complaint she's ever presented. That's why we're here talking about ways to mitigate that problem/

 

In September 2017 you posted on here that your girlfriend who you're still in love with left you because she didn't approve of you smoking weed. Seems to me you were an addict before any of these medical excuses you're giving us now.

 

Yes that was the same woman I'm talking about now, we go through a split every 3 - 7 months. And to repeat myself, I've had some of these problems since I was a small child. I used to think marijuana was bad also, I used to call people who smoke it "addicts" also, but I started researching it when multiple people suggested it as a better way to deal with nausea. It's not an "excuse" any more than using any other medication.

 

Seriously if you're that upset with her - just break up with her. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too. Life doesn't work like that.

 

Who doesn't get upset with their partner at one time or another? The difference with her is that this is the only thing we argue about, if I were with another woman it would be something else. And all my other relationships were filled with contention about substantive real issues, this is essentially reefer madness BS.

 

"having my cake and eating it too" would be if she stopped bothering me, and I could smoke when / where I want without complaint ---> Life doesn't always work like that

 

"rational compromise" Is me searching for ways to eliminate smell, and address the emotional hangups involved with this ---> That IS how life works. As I've mentioned before, none of my ex girlfriends smoked, some of which were just as anti-weed, but we always found compromise. No those relationships didn't last, but their termination had nothing to do with marijuana.

[Garcon1986]

so why can't you eat the stuff or take MJ oils?

[Coup La-La]

Seems to me you were an addict before any of these medical excuses you're giving us now.

 

Let's go over what the word "addiction" means

 

As defined by the American Medical Association

 

1. Tolerance, as defined by any of the following:

A) The need to significantly increase the amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or

The desired effect

or

(B) Effect remarkably diminished with the continuous use of the same amount of substance. -> Does not apply to me, I have smoked the same amount for 14 years

 

2. Withdrawal, as manifested by any of the following:

A) The abstinence syndrome characteristic of the substance.

or

(B) The same substance (or closely related) is taken to alleviate or prevent withdrawal

The symptoms.

---> It does not apply to me, when I did not smoke when I lived in the Middle-East, I do not smoke when I'm in Thailand either, nor when I I lived in Easter Europe. I have rejected marijuana offers every time I have been to those places. An "addict" would be more concerned about getting their next fix, than the potential legal consequences.

 

3. The substance is often taken in larger quantities or for a longer period than anticipated. -> Does not apply to me, I have smoked the same amount for 14 years

 

4. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to reduce or control the use of substances. -> It does not apply to me, there were times when I had to immediately stop for drug testing i.e. for a job. 2X in my life people have bet me money "who can go the longest without smoking" I won both times.

 

5. A lot of time is devoted to the activities necessary to obtain the substance (as

To visit several doctors or drive long distances, to use the substance (for example,

Smoking chain), or recover from its effects.

-> It does not apply to me, either I go to the dispensary in the next state over, or more commonly I just have delivered to my house. And I don't even pay it half the time.

 

6. Important social, occupational or recreational activities are given or reduced because of the use of substances. -> It does not apply to me: smoking has never interfered with my life or social responsibilities. I am and have always been the most sociable person we all know. All the bosses I have had congratulated me for my dedication. Even my friends call me "Mr. 1" because I'm always the 1st person to arrive at birthday parties and social gatherings.

 

7. The use of the substance continues despite the knowledge of having a physical or Psychological problem that has probably been caused or exacerbated by the (For example, the current use of cocaine despite the recognition of Depression or continued alcohol consumption despite recognition that an ulcer worsened alcohol consumption). -> Does not apply to me, marijuana has a long list of positive effects for health.

 

So let's use the term "addict" by it's actual definition, not as a short hand for someone that uses a medication you don't like.

[Coup La-La]

so why can't you eat the stuff or take MJ oils?

 

That's actual practical advise, thank you! I've been trying to experiment, is there a particular vape company or device you would recommend?

[Garcon1986]

I would go to the store, I've never used one myself so I don't know. Ask the store attendant. It has less of an offensive smell than the joints so maybe that's a compromise you can use.

[Tristian]

Folks, as the topic appears to have been lost and we have shifted to more of a general discussion on Marijuana. I'll close this one up.

 

 

Those looking to continue that course of discussion can do so in a more appropriate forum not focused on relationships.

[Coup La-La]

My fiance left me, she didn't give me a real reason why, just "I don't love you anymore".

Why?

I just don't!

 

I'm devastated, I don't want to eat, or leave the house. I only went to work today because my boss came to my house and literally dragged me out of bed (I've been so depressed I forgot to lock my door).

 

 

What to do??

[snowboy91]

As much as it hurts to hear, "I don't love you anymore" is as good a reason as any, even if it's cold hearted. It's not a decision she's taken lightly - for whatever reason she can't see herself spending the rest of her life with you. It's often due to some incompatibility that doesn't surface for quite some time.

 

What happens from here is essentially a grieving process. Feel those emotions. Get upset, angry or whatever you need to feel - it will pass in time. When you feel up to it, put your energy into things you normally enjoy doing. Talk to friends and family for support.

[ExpatInItaly]

Someone not loving you anymore is a real reason to break up.

 

But what's the backstory, OP? How long were you together and what problems existed in the relationship?

[ajequals]

I would love to say there is a fix but you can't force a woman to do anything... she has to want it.. try and stay composed and talk to her ,ask to put the cards on the table

[Mr. Lucky]

I only went to work today because my boss came to my house and literally dragged me out of bed (I've been so depressed I forgot to lock my door).

 

Sounds like a good boss. You need to stay busy and keep moving, down time is your enemy right now.

 

Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

[schlumpy]

Follow your routines even if they feel meaningless they will eventually draw you back to real world activities.

 

You need closure and you may get it down the line the somewhere. I think she broke up the way she did because she couldn't justify what she was doing without causing much more pain then you are experiencing now.

 

One would like to think that it's because of some small concern for you but it's more likely wrapped around her own feelings of guilt.

 

This is a life lesson. People always show you who they really are in moments of stress.

[Blind-Sided]

Someone not loving you anymore is a real reason to break up.

 

But what's the backstory, OP? How long were you together and what problems existed in the relationship?

 

 

Yep. I agree. Without knowing that backstory... this could be an excuse for her to justify whatever she is hiding... or she could be done with something you are doing.

 

 

But there is a silver lining. The break-up happened before the $$ was spent on the wedding.