GF doesn't like Marijuana (update: She's gone for good)

[JuneL]

My operation is already scheduled, unfortunately I have to wait 2 months because the surgeon has a lot of patients. To make it worse he told me that if someone comes in with more dire need than mine, my operation date will get pushed back

 

Can you not find a better surgeon (assuming you have a good insurance policy)? When do you have to quit weed in preparation for the surgery?

 

Isn’t your problem solved once you have the surgery to remove the tumor?

[Coup La-La]

IMO, quite the contrary...

 

It's full of it, in fact most of your answers imply it.. you can't see it but I don't think trying to get you to see it is productive since the thread is about your GF

 

Like I said earlier.. you have all your bases covered, every question has an answer to why you shouldn't stop, change or alter your using...

 

I as an Alcoholic have a saying about my disease...

 

I have a disease that tells me it's okay to drink, it's okay to continue the behavior as if I'm drinking and it's up to me to realize that and make those adjustments so when I hear in my head it's okay that in reality I believe it isn't.. for today...

 

I hear some of that in you, in your posts...

 

If my GF gave me a specific reason as to how weed has negatively impacted my life, I would be more than happy to hear her out...but after 3 years, she has yet to do that.

 

You can't call someone an "addict" or "dependent" without citing how the thing in question has hurt them. That's why in interventions they say "I've seen your addiction affect you in the following ways" they don't say "you use something I heard bad things about, so you're a junkie"

 

And me saying "it's OK to smoke weed" is about scientific research and Dr. recommendations. I somehow doubt that you ever had a Dr. that suggested alcohol as a way to alleviate nausea or help normalize your appetite. I somehow doubt you ever read a published scientific journal citing evidence that alcohol has neuroprocteive qualities.

 

It seems like in your communication with your GF you have never gotten to the point where you understand HER position, maybe she just hasn't explained it to you in a fashion you can see it or you choose not to see it..

In the end this isn't about US but about you both being on the same page.. that is where you need to get in your communication with her.

 

No, I understand completely. When she was growing up there was a dysfunctional family in her neighborhood, the father beat his wife and children and never did anything productive with his life, he was also a coke head, alcoholic, who occasionally smoked weed, so in her mind they're all connected. ---> Like how my mom was bitten by a dog when she was 9, and to this day she is deathly afraid of dogs, even shih tzu puppy will intimidate her.

 

That is one thing I find annoying, is that I've made far more of an effort to understand her position, than understand hers.

[Coup La-La]

Can you not find a better surgeon (assuming you have a good insurance policy)? When do you have to quit weed in preparation for the surgery?

 

Isn’t your problem solved once you have the surgery to remove the tumor?

 

No, I started smoking because of my nausea, which far pre-dates the tumor. I asked my Dr, and he says that removing the tumor will stop me from getting dizzy spells, but won't have any effect on the nausea I've had my whole life.

 

This surgeon is the best, and has been practicing for 30+ years, that's why he's so booked up, everyone wants him to work on them. I can go to another Dr, but considering the risks involved, I wouldn't want anyone but the best. The slightest mistake can cause life long ramifications.

[Art_Critic]

When she was growing up there was a dysfunctional family in her neighborhood, the father beat his wife and children and never did anything productive with his life, he was also a coke head, alcoholic, who occasionally smoked weed, so in her mind they're all connected. ---> Like how my mom was bitten by a dog when she was 9, and to this day she is deathly afraid of dogs, even shih tzu puppy will intimidate her.

 

I would think this is the nuts and bolts of it then...

 

If her mind is closed and made up then there isn't any changing it but if her mind isn't closed then maybe like a poster from above posted that maybe take her to your DR, let him explain what you are going thru and why and the effects of the drug use and try to break down her walls to see if you can get her to see it your way, the issue is that if you do that and mess with her and break her heart it will close her up for life...

[Coup La-La]

I would think this is the nuts and bolts of it then...

 

If her mind is closed and made up then there isn't any changing it but if her mind isn't closed then maybe like a poster from above posted that maybe take her to your DR, let him explain what you are going thru and why and the effects of the drug use and try to break down her walls to see if you can get her to see it your way, the issue is that if you do that and mess with her and break her heart it will close her up for life...

 

fair enough

[Garcon1986]

Why don't you have her and your doctor have a chat about medicinal marijuana if you need it so much? Three person chat?

[Normm]

Truth is, it doesn't have any inherent risks, otherwise it wouldn't be called "medical" cannabis and made legal (at least in several countries, US is slowly catching up).

 

 

Of course there are health risks to marijuana! Just because it's legal doesn't mean it isn't harmful, just like cigarettes, alcohol and countless other drugs.

 

2. I used to take psychiatric drugs, they made made a different person, and gave me physical withdrawal symptoms if I took my dose even 45 minutes late, NOBODY ever used the word "addict".

 

 

Just because no one said it doesn't mean you weren't an addict. The withdrawal symptoms you described define describe addiction.

 

Absolutely agree. Pharmaceutical drugs have many side effects. Cannabis is an herb and grows naturally without chemical processing. Much safer and doesn't have any of the side effects that pharma drugs do (since they are artificial).

 

Yeah, no. You seem to be forgetting that lots of drugs "grow naturally" and cause all sorts of harmful effects. There's also lots of poisoned fruits, berries, and leaves that "grow naturally" and if injested will cause death. "Natural" doesn't mean it's good for you.

 

If my GF gave me a specific reason as to how weed has negatively impacted my life, I would be more than happy to hear her out...but after 3 years, she has yet to do that.

 

My guess is that if you didn't have a history of illegal drug use (and probably abuse), and just started taking it when you started getting symptoms related to the brain tumor, and she saw the improvement, she'd be more understanding. The issue is your long history with various illegal drugs. She's lumping it all together and unfortunately for you, she's not being all that unreasonable in feeling the way she does.

 

Anyway this isn't about who is right or wrong. If she dumps you, that's the price you pay for being a pothead.

[Hopeful30]

I’m afraid you just saw what you wanted to see from my post. A lot of hard drugs come from natural plants too.

 

But I realize that, for you, weed smoking is like a religion. There’s no point in discussing, if you’re so adamant that it’s the sacred drug you need.

 

lol

 

My darling poster, before jumping to these conclusions, perhaps read about what you're arguing? Yes, hard drugs are from plants, absolutely! But again, *they are chemically processed*. Cocaine is chemically processed from the coca leaf plant, but when I was in Peru, I drank coca leaf tea and chewed on them without any harm, because they are in their natural state.

 

Weed is always in it's natural state because that's where it has most benefits. Process it chemically and it becomes harmful (like the artificial THC that killed a bunch of people not too long ago).

 

And obviously we don't ingest anything natural if it's poisonous or venomous.

[vinnyfl]

Compromising on things that are important to you prior to marriage is the reason why the divorce rate is so high. What is compromised today turns into a big problem 2-3 years into the marriage. Not only with weed but also sex and other issues that you two are not compatible on.

 

My wife was a virgin at 19 when I met her. She did not smoke marijuana either. Before we married she was smoking it daily and enjoying a lot of sex, kinky sex too. I made sure we were compatible and if she refused sex or marijuana before marriage, I would not have married her. I had already left my first fiancé so I was not averse to walking away before I entered into a lifetime commitment. We made sure we were compatible in all areas that we felt were important and then we got married. My first fiancé had a horrible life due to what drove me from her at the last minute.

 

As a result we are married for 47 years. We used to smoke daily after work and on weekends. Made the sex even better. We stopped at age 50 when it was time to change our lifestyle and be healthier. We saw friends where one had to sneak out and smoke weed end in divorce. The same with a friend who liked his beer a little too much. Most cheated because of sexual incompatibility or the spouses thinking things would change after they were married.

[preraph]

lol

 

My darling poster, before jumping to these conclusions, perhaps read about what you're arguing? Yes, hard drugs are from plants, absolutely! But again, *they are chemically processed*. Cocaine is chemically processed from the coca leaf plant, but when I was in Peru, I drank coca leaf tea and chewed on them without any harm, because they are in their natural state.

 

Weed is always in it's natural state because that's where it has most benefits. Process it chemically and it becomes harmful (like the artificial THC that killed a bunch of people not too long ago).

 

And obviously we don't ingest anything natural if it's poisonous or venomous.

 

Chemicals are organic. They are the very foundation of everything on earth. So if some chemicals are dangerous, then everything on earth containing them in nature is also dangerous, which is kind of a no-brainer.

 

I'm not of the opinion pot is very dangerous, but there are studies showing it does change the brain in scans.

[Normm]

We used to smoke daily after work and on weekends. Made the sex even better. We stopped at age 50 when it was time to change our lifestyle and be healthier.

 

 

Why wait until age 50 to quit and be healthier?

[JuneL]

Why wait until age 50 to quit and be healthier?

 

Related question...how was it healthier to quit weed? It’s particularly helpful coming from a former daily user.

[JuneL]

No, I started smoking because of my nausea, which far pre-dates the tumor. I asked my Dr, and he says that removing the tumor will stop me from getting dizzy spells, but won't have any effect on the nausea I've had my whole life.

 

This surgeon is the best, and has been practicing for 30+ years, that's why he's so booked up, everyone wants him to work on them. I can go to another Dr, but considering the risks involved, I wouldn't want anyone but the best. The slightest mistake can cause life long ramifications.

 

Now you’re confusing me...was your weed prescription for your nausea or for your brain tumor? If it’s for the former, why did you bring up your brain tumor at all? If it’s for the latter, wouldn’t you lose your prescription once you brain tumor is tackled?

 

Is your surgeon in another in which medical weed is legal?

[Coup La-La]

 

Just because no one said it doesn't mean you weren't an addict. The withdrawal symptoms you described define describe addiction.

 

Yes that was addiction, the point I was making is that we have a double standard, where myth is more important than reality.

 

 

My guess is that if you didn't have a history of illegal drug use (and probably abuse), and just started taking it when you started getting symptoms related to the brain tumor, and she saw the improvement, she'd be more understanding. The issue is your long history with various illegal drugs. She's lumping it all together and unfortunately for you, she's not being all that unreasonable in feeling the way she does.

 

Anyway this isn't about who is right or wrong. If she dumps you, that's the price you pay for being a pothead.

 

I already had sometimes debilitating nausea years before this. She's seen me in states where I've vomited, had no appetite and not eaten for 24+ hours, smoked and was even keeled.

 

She's made it clear that the legal status has no meaning to her. If the Attorney General smoked weed in front of the Supreme Court, I don't think that would make any difference. In fact, she's only talked about legality when I've brought it up....to retort that, that isn't in her thought process.

 

Saying "I take issue with you doing what's best for your health" is the epitome of unreasonable. Remember, she doesn't dispute that marijuana helps my nausea, she doesn't dispute that I'm better after dizzy spells when I smoke. Her attitude, is that I should just stop. Don't defend ignorant, illogical, selfish attitudes.

 

This is about right and wrong. Marijuana helping me: Correct, marijuana having more negative effects than positive: Incorrect. Saying "that's the price you pay" is about the cost of the lies that need to die, not that there's something wrong with me because I think facts are more important than myth.

 

p.s. It's only "abuse" when there are more negative results. Thus far the only negative result is that I have to deal with my GF's asinine comments.

[Coup La-La]

Compromising on things that are important to you prior to marriage is the reason why the divorce rate is so high. What is compromised today turns into a big problem 2-3 years into the marriage. Not only with weed but also sex and other issues that you two are not compatible on.

 

As a result we are married for 47 years. We used to smoke daily after work and on weekends. Made the sex even better. We stopped at age 50 when it was time to change our lifestyle and be healthier. We saw friends where one had to sneak out and smoke weed end in divorce. The same with a friend who liked his beer a little too much. Most cheated because of sexual incompatibility or the spouses thinking things would change after they were married.

 

 

* The divorce rate has been in decline for decades. Even the overall divorce rate is distorted by shotgun marriages, marriages where one of the partners is under 21, marriages of financial convenience (i.e. we're tying the knot so she can get on my health insurance), and serial marriages like Larry King and his 8+ wives

 

 

 

* This is the ONLY thing we ever argue about. The sex is fantastic, we have 1,000,000 things in common, we always have fun together, we have the same life vision, we even want the same number of children --> If weed were just a bullet point on a long list of things we don't see eye to eye on, I would've left years ago, but for something this petty [and I do mean petty], I know that common ground can be found......The question is: How to get to that common ground.

[Orokotikki]

And she has to deal with the way you argue repeatedly ad nauseam.

 

Its her FOO issues. You can't solve it for her and can't logic it away.

So either accept she will dump you now and then about it, or dump her and find someone better.

 

Also, by dismissing her aversion due to FOO issues as petty, it makes her think ill of you.

[Coup La-La]

Now you’re confusing me...was your weed prescription for your nausea or for your brain tumor? If it’s for the former, why did you bring up your brain tumor at all? If it’s for the latter, wouldn’t you lose your prescription once you brain tumor is tackled?

 

?

 

It was prescribed for nausea, I had it years before the tumor was discovered.

I brought up my tumor because 1. I'm annoyed that I have scary surgery coming up, and she still takes time to talk about this 2. Because she's seen first hand how the symptoms of the tumor have been treated with weed, yet I still get grief over it.

[Normm]

You're gonna have to tell her that the weed smoking isn't going to stop and she can either accept it and stop complaining or agree that it's a deal breaker and go your separate ways.

[JuneL]

It was prescribed for nausea, I had it years before the tumor was discovered.

I brought up my tumor because 1. I'm annoyed that I have scary surgery coming up, and she still takes time to talk about this 2. Because she's seen first hand how the symptoms of the tumor have been treated with weed, yet I still get grief over it.

 

Maybe the nausea was related to your brain tumor, which might have been there (with a smaller size) before it was discovered.

[basil67]

In your first post about weed use around two years ago, you described yourself as a dedicated recreational user who had zero intention of stopping or changing (paraphrasing). But no word at all about long term nausea which would have apparently existed back then. Therefore, I think your argument for medicating long term, debilitating nausea is just a little too convenient.

 

Given the contrast between the two posts, I don't believe you have a tumour or long term nausea. I think it's simply a manipulative strategy to get support for recreational weed.

Edited March 14, 2019 by basil67

[justwhoiam]

You didn't answer my questions. If you don't mind answering I'll ask again:

 

 

1. Does your "brain tumor" have a scientific name? If so, what is it?

2. I guess you have a neurologist where you live, in your state, correct? That neurologist following the progression of your tumor is the one who should prescribe any therapy or treatment, and you shouldn't take substances without him/her knowing, even better without the neurologist consent. Do you understand this? Yes or no?

3. It looks like you're aware that weed can have negative effects on your body and neurological system, but you said that the positive effects outnumber the negative ones. Do you understand that it's not a matter of numbers? ONE negative effect is enough to jeopardize any therapy.

 

 

***

 

 

One of the neurosurgeons suggested taking soursop tablets which seemed to have helped the survival of one of his patients well beyond their expectations. It could have worked or not, but worth a try. I brought it up with the neurologist at the next visit and she frowned upon it. It was not meant to be therapy, but just a supplement that could possibly contribute to a better quality of life or help fight a relapse. The family member did have a relapse in the end, but she outlived most people in her cohort (group of patients).

 

I'm saying this because you shouldn't use substances without your neurologist knowing. So does he/she know? Not the ones out of state, rather the one who referred you for surgery and is following your progression.

 

 

 

She's said repeated that she doesn't care about the legal status

And by that, I assume she means that she'd be against even if it got approved in your state.

 

 

Being concerned for someone, and being concereed for someone because of illogical reasons shouldn't be approached the same way.

They're illogical to you. To me, your insistence is illogical. And reading posts in this thread, it's illogical for other people too.

 

One has NOTHING to do with the other. Several of the ministers I had as a youth smoke weed (in fact I just smoked with one of the recently), and the Bible defends as much.

Catholic church doesn't have ministers, it has priests. If a priest smokes weed recreationally, that doesn't make the habit more appealing. We now know a priest can be a pedophile, that doesn't make the crime more acceptable or OK. Period.

 

 

Since you're so well informed, do you know there's evidence that people smoking extensively are more exposed to cancer? That's because smoking aka the combustion of the plant is carcinogenic (that's true for tobacco too). Is that something you can acknowledge? Or are you going to be in denial about that too? There is a high level of tar and other chemicals in marijuana, smoking it is similar to smoking cigarettes. The lungs get a big dose of chemicals that increase the chances of lung problems and many types of cancer. Since you stated you've been smoking for 14 years, has it ever occurred to you that your habit might have contributed to the development of your tumor? Can you start considering smoking as your enemy rather than your friend?

 

 

if someone took mood stabilizers every day or anti-depressants you wouldn't say "you're using it as a crutch"

I would and I did. My man was on antidepressants, it took him up to a year to tape them down and stop using them. He was tempted to resort to them another couple times after that, and my advice was: NO. His doctor's advice was: NO. So yes, many times we resort to drugs as a crutch.

 

 

when I was in Peru, I drank coca leaf tea and chewed on them without any harm

That's pure BS. Did you see the effects on people living there and chewing daily? Edited March 14, 2019 by justwhoiam

[Normm]

But no word at all about long term nausea which would have apparently existed back then.

 

 

His back posts over the past 6 years mention he's been a recreational pot smoker for most of his life with no mention of lifelong debilitating nausea until February 2018 and nothing about a brain tumor until last week on this thread.

 

It is rather odd that neither was mentioned earlier but it's a bit of a reach to say he fabricated both the tumor and the nausea as justification of the pot smoking, not that it's out of the question however.

 

But it doesn't matter. He's had issues with numerous girlfriends over the years, one who dumped him specifically because of the pot smoking, and he liked her a lot and took the breakup very hard. So Op, the weed has cost you at least one relationship possibly more including this one. Regardless of why you smoke it.

 

The other issue is that just about every woman you ever had sex with told you that 40 minutes of screwing with your big penis is too much, to the point of being painful and you were directed to resources that show a solid link between weed and taking a long time to finish and yet here you are years later completely disregarding this huge problem. Pun intended of course.

 

Brain tumors and nausea and possible harmful effects of marijuana not withstanding, the weed is costing you in terms of women saying "No thanks". That's the price you pay and as long as you're ok with what you're giving up in return, there's nothing more to be said.

Edited March 14, 2019 by Normm

[JuneL]

Let me ask again, OP: Is your brain surgeon from your state or from another state in which medical weed is legal?

 

Also, why did you get the prescriptions from 6 different doctors? Did you keep shopping for doctors after the previous ones tried to wean you off?

Edited March 14, 2019 by JuneL

[preraph]

It was prescribed for nausea, I had it years before the tumor was discovered.

I brought up my tumor because 1. I'm annoyed that I have scary surgery coming up, and she still takes time to talk about this 2. Because she's seen first hand how the symptoms of the tumor have been treated with weed, yet I still get grief over it.

 

Because she's not stupid and she knows that even if it turns out you do have a tumor and you do have it removed, you are not going to stop smoking pot and letting yourself keep the addiction to it. She'd be wise to just leave.

[Garcon1986]

Brain tumors are a complex disease and the treatment is very complicated. I can share what is known for sure about the relationship between brain tumors, nausea, and marijuana -

 

- there are a couple of ways to treat nausea. Marijuana is one of them.

- constantly inhaling smoke fumes of anything is undeniably bad for your health.

- marijuana smoke particles do however cure nausea and have scattered success in a variety of symptoms of chronic medical issues.

- brain tumors are bad news and neurology/ neurosurgery consultation is pretty much mandatory.

- a thorough workup is necessary to find the best medical regimen for the symptoms; for anybody who has not experienced tumor related nausea and vomiting, imagine going on a roller coaster ride that has too many spins on it, and imagine yourself being dizzy from the spinning. Now expand that to 24/7. Pretty bloody debilitating. A variety of medicines are potential fixes for the symptoms, but be certain whether you have or don't have a treatable neurologic condition. Also - you should thoroughly work through the potential medical treatments (and its certainly fine to pick the cheap ones) - so you can be sure you are not just smoking the marijuana because you enjoy being stoned. Most people would enjoy being stoned, but you really don't want to be wrong with brain tumors. Make bloody sure you are going through this methodically.

 

And of course, I can't say anything scientific about girlfriends haha. Just bring her along to your doctors appointments.