GF doesn't like Marijuana (update: She's gone for good)

[Piddy]

Worst feeling in the world. Feels like someone literally kicked you in the chest. Full of anxiety, sadness and depression. Can't sleep, eat and feel lost. Went thru it decades ago, but remember it well.

 

For me the first two weeks were the worst, but it will subside and you'll feel better with time. Try and get closure if she'll give it to you. Don't beg for her to come back and leave her alone if and when she gives you an explanation of what went wrong.

 

Remember this is her choice and no one can force someone to stay in love with them. If and when she gives you an explanation, then you have to leave her alone. No contact will help you heal and in many cases the dumper will eventually go thru what you're going thru now.

 

Many times the dumper realizes the grass isn't any greener and will contact you down the road. In my case it was 2 years, but I had moved on so there was no reconciliation.

 

Again, time is your friend here. Time will do it's thing and you will feel better. Everyone is different as to how long it takes.

Edited November 23, 2019 by Piddy

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm so sorry to read of your pain. Most of us know what you're going through!

 

Time is your friend here. Stay as busy as possible as you heal.

 

Don't beg her, try to contact her, or check her out on social media.

 

And please try to remember to lock your doors at night!

[assertives]

Not loving someone anymore is a real reason. It can happen to anyone, and can happen even if there was no fights, cheating or anything coming between you both. Sometimes people grow apart, or their needs and goals change as they grow, it sucks, but such is life. Stay busy, get out of the house, and focus on yourself. Things will get better but it will take abit of time.

 

Also, is this the same girl you posted about previously that you guys are constantly breaking up every now and then over your use of weed?

[norudder]

I read somewhere that relationships continue or end based on values. They continue to be aligned or somewhere the person crosses a boundary line of your values or you cross one of theirs. Without the context of if you had behavior that was crossing a value of hers, whether you knew it or not (maybe drug use someone mentioned?), then at the very least you discovered that you weren't compatible because you each value love differently and what it means for a relationship.

 

Many here are saying losing feelings is enough reason to end a relationship. That is their and anyone else's right. Many others, myself included, think feelings come and go and, love is more action than feeling, and commitment to the relationship is a bigger value and there should be conversation about actions that can change to promote the positive feelings again before ending the relationship. I wouldn't be compatible with someone from the other group because our values don't match. Important to learn this before getting too far into a relationship letting yourself fall in love.

 

Either way, I wouldn't recommend spending too much emotional energy analyzing. Good luck healing and moving on. Let time and new experiences override this.

Edited November 23, 2019 by norudder

[elaine567]

Many others, myself included, think feelings come and go and, love is more action than feeling, and commitment to the relationship is a bigger value and there should be conversation about actions that can change to promote the positive feelings again before ending the relationship.

 

Yes but these conversations about actions have usually taken place and sometimes take place and taken place and taken place... the result being a loss of feelings.

 

"I fell out of love" is also sometimes a convenient summing up of where a person is.

It is not a negotiable position and is final which can avoid awkwardness later.

[schlumpy]

I wouldn't be compatible with someone from the other group because our values don't match. Important to learn this before getting too far into a relationship letting yourself fall in love.

 

Interesting perspective. I'll have to sleep on it.

[preraph]

Rudder, that's all fine once you're married, but when it's not a match, before you marry is the time to get out.

 

Cour-la-la, sorry this happened. I am a female. I can't say anything to encourage you except that if you attracted this woman enough to end up engaged, you can attract another one, and hopefully the right one.

 

There is literally nothing you can do when someone loses feeling for you, especially a woman. A man might decide sex is enough or whatever other perks, but a woman, once she falls out of love, there's not coming back. She's not going to fall back in love. I'm sorry you don't know what exactly, but I would advise against asking for this info. Chances are it is something that has been talked about or come up in the past and it may not have seemed that important then. Or she just lost attraction for you after too much familiarity. You know, sometimes love can turn into something other than romantic love, like sometimes you can start to feel they're more like a sibling or father or something like that. Or it may have little to do with you. It may just be that she feels she wants a certain something that she hasn't found yet.

 

Glad you have a boss who cares enough to come get you back on your feet. You will have to grieve, but don't neglect keeping some food in your stomach and don't overindulge so much with alcohol or other that you avoid working through the feelings. Don't drown your woes, because at some point you have to deal with it. Right now, keep some control by having some self-discipline and everything in moderation, and try to keep your routine going. It can be comforting.

[basil67]

Is this the girlfriend who didn't like you being a stoner? https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/679716-gf-doesn-t-like-marijuana

 

If so, she's said over and over again how she feels about the weed and you dismiss her views as being idiotic and refuse to change. If she gave you the reason again now, she knows you'd tell her again she's being silly...so she didn't waste her breath. Please don't pretend that you don't know what the issues were.

[Coup La-La]

But there is a silver lining. The break-up happened before the $$ was spent on the wedding.

 

No we had already paid some money. But the money is the least of it

[Coup La-La]

Sounds like a good boss. You need to stay busy and keep moving, down time is your enemy right now.

 

Keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It really hasn't mattered. no matter how busy I am it's always on my mind, like a disease. Even when I'm asleep I have dreams about it

[Coup La-La]

. I wouldn't be compatible with someone from the other group because our values don't match. Important to learn this before getting too far into a relationship letting yourself fall in love.

 

Either way, I wouldn't recommend spending too much emotional energy analyzing. Good luck healing and moving on. Let time and new experiences override this.

 

With the exception of the weed thing, all of our values align, we discussed it extensively when we met. From the way to raise children, to the importance of education.

 

Glad you have a boss who cares enough to come get you back on your feet. You will have to grieve, but don't neglect keeping some food in your stomach and don't overindulge so much with alcohol or other that you avoid working through the feelings. Don't drown your woes, because at some point you have to deal with it. Right now, keep some control by having some self-discipline and everything in moderation, and try to keep your routine going. It can be comforting.

 

It wasn't about me, it was about me putting money in his pocket.

 

Is this the girlfriend who didn't like you being a stoner?

 

If so, she's said over and over again how she feels about the weed and you dismiss her views as being idiotic and refuse to change. If she gave you the reason again now, she knows you'd tell her again she's being silly...so she didn't waste her breath. Please don't pretend that you don't know what the issues were.

 

No, I've been eating edibles, and she doesn't know the difference, as far as she concerned I haven't ingested THC in months. In fact recently she complimented me on not smoking anymore. And I know for a fact, that she doesn't know I've been having edibles.

[basil67]

No, I've been eating edibles, and she doesn't know the difference, as far as she concerned I haven't ingested THC in months. In fact recently she complimented me on not smoking anymore. And I know for a fact, that she doesn't know I've been having edibles.

 

So, you're telling us about how you've been lying to her and at the same time wondering why she fell out of love with you?

[preraph]

Ohhh, I remember you. You're the guy who chose weed over her. So she's gone. And I can't believe you said you were blindsided. Please. Edibles and weed is the same thing. They both get you high, and you're doing too much and you do have a problem because the way to know that is when you choose it over something else important in your life. And that is what you have done here.

[Coup La-La]

 

Cour-la-la, sorry this happened. I am a female. I can't say anything to encourage you except that if you attracted this woman enough to end up engaged, you can attract another one, and hopefully the right one.

 

It's not that at all. ALL of my ex girlfriends wanted to marry me, plus I have a couple of female friends that say "We're not getting any younger, let's get married" --> It's the fact that I have been waiting for her my whole life. When I was 14 I wrote out a list of 17 qualities the perfect woman would have, she has 16 of them. She's not perfect, but she's damn close to it. How do you improve on that???

 

I feel like Paul McCartney, yeah being in Wings was great and all, and they made a few good songs, but his career was never as good as when he was in the Beatles.

 

That's why I never cheated on her, never strayed my eye, and let her know how important she was. A lot of people say "I wish I knew what I dad"...I DID know what I had, I did have gratitude for her being in my life, I did send her flowers for no reason, I did write her poems, I did tell the whole world about her. before I was looking at a life of joy and gratefulness, now I'm looking at a life of "2nd best"

[Coup La-La]

So, you're telling us about how you've been lying to her and at the same time wondering why she fell out of love with you?

 

1. I didn't lie, I said I haven't been smoking, which is true.

2. If it were about weed she would've said something. If she thought I was being dishonest she would've also said something. She's not the type of person to keep something like that to herself.

 

Ohhh, I remember you. You're the guy who chose weed over her. So she's gone. And I can't believe you said you were blindsided. Please. Edibles and weed is the same thing. They both get you high, and you're doing too much and you do have a problem because the way to know that is when you choose it over something else important in your life. And that is what you have done here.

 

1. As I said before, she doesn't know.

2. If she demanded I stop using insulin, or antibiotics, or blood thinners, everyone would say "she's nuts", but even though marijuana is a medicine prescribed to me by a doctor for a specific medical ailment, we act like I'm smoking crack and robbing old ladies to get my next fix. --> Let's forget about this reefer madness BS, 80+ years of lies and myths about marijuana is more than enough.

3. I chose her actually, edibles are't as effective for nausea as smoking, and it takes a lot longer for them the take effect. If any other woman had complained about this I would've just said "goodbye and good riddance" but I love her so much, my life is empty without her.

[basil67]

The way you've spoken about her and her views in the past was beyond insulting. Those nice things can't make up for your dismissive attitude about her thoughts on your weed use and incompatible approach on how to live life.

[basil67]

Post #22 you defend and defend your choices. You even defend your lies as being OK because she doesn't know. This attitude is why she left you.

 

The reason you are blindsided is your absolute refusal to remove your blinkers.

[Coup La-La]

The way you've spoken about her and her views in the past was beyond insulting. Those nice things can't make up for your dismissive attitude about her thoughts on your weed use and incompatible approach on how to live life.

 

Not that it's selfish to say "I don't care how much weed helps you, I don't care what your doctors say, and I can't cite a specific medical or scientific reason why weed is bad, but you should just stop smoking", it's that I'm being "insulting " by prioritizing peer reviewed science over myth....right

 

Post #22 you defend and defend your choices. You even defend your lies as being OK because she doesn't know. This attitude is why she left you.

 

The reason you are blindsided is your absolute refusal to remove your blinkers.

 

1. Why should I have to defend what's best for my health?

2. That's over-extrapolating to say "that's why she left you", in fact even since we broke up she's commented on several of my social media posts "I'm glad you don't smoke anymore"---> This wasn't about marijuana, or "attitude" therein. As I've mentioned before, if it were about marijuana or suspicions of me being dishonest, she would've said so.

3. I would say the person with the "blinkers" is the person who refuses to learn the facts assuming they know more about the subject than someone who has been reading medical journals and academic papers about it for years. --> If I went up to a Dr. and said "you're wrong, I don't have diabetes, I can eat all the bacon and pecan pie I want. what you learned in medical school is irrelevant, what I saw on TV is true" who would you say has "blinders"???

4. To reiterate, I didn't lie. Lying means presenting intentionally presenting as truth, I didn't do that. If she asked me if I've been eating edibles I would tell her. I have never lied to her, not would I ever.

[elaine567]

No woman would stop you taking prescribed cannabis for medical reasons...

You and we know your "edibles" are not being prescribed by a physician.

[Watercolors]

Omission is a form of lying. Omitting the fact that you were chewing edibles from your fiance is lying when she asked you not to smoke weed. Doesn't matter how you ingested the weed.

 

You are adamant that you won't give up your weed for her or any woman, yet you expect her to compromise her values for you, which I think is very self-centered, sorry.

 

Since weed is something you prioritize over your relationships, then you may want to consider going to an NA meeting in your city, to hear from other people who are addicted to drugs. Just because weed isn't fully legal in all the 50 states yet, doesn't mean it's completely safe.

 

There are plenty of peer-reviewed, empirically researched studies that actually show marijuana to be an addictive source. You've been smoking/ingesting it for years, so you have withdraw symptoms when you stop smoking or ingesting it. Correct? Then, that means that you are physically addicted to weed. Dependence develops in conjunction with tolerance.

 

Breakups stink. But, it sounds like you treated your fiance like an option, not the priority she deserved to be treated as, because you wouldn't compromise your weed intake (regardless of smoking or ingesting it, that's not the issue, it's the fact that she told you she doesn't like potheads and you are a self-proclaimed pothead).

 

You know she broke off your engagement b/c of the weed. So, now you need to take steps to grieve the loss of this relationship so that you can recover.

[basil67]

And even if she didn't know about your current lies, the damage happened long ago as described in your previous thread.

[Coup La-La]

No woman would stop you taking prescribed cannabis for medical reasons...

You and we know your "edibles" are not being prescribed by a physician.

 

Yes they are. This is why we ask instead of assuming

 

Omission is a form of lying. Omitting the fact that you were chewing edibles from your fiance is lying when she asked you not to smoke weed. Doesn't matter how you ingested the weed.

 

You are adamant that you won't give up your weed for her or any woman, yet you expect her to compromise her values for you, which I think is very self-centered, sorry.

 

Since weed is something you prioritize over your relationships, then you may want to consider going to an NA meeting in your city, to hear from other people who are addicted to drugs. Just because weed isn't fully legal in all the 50 states yet, doesn't mean it's completely safe.

 

There are plenty of peer-reviewed, empirically researched studies that actually show marijuana to be an addictive source. You've been smoking/ingesting it for years, so you have withdraw symptoms when you stop smoking or ingesting it. Correct? Then, that means that you are physically addicted to weed. Dependence develops in conjunction with tolerance.

 

Breakups stink. But, it sounds like you treated your fiance like an option, not the priority she deserved to be treated as, because you wouldn't compromise your weed intake (regardless of smoking or ingesting it, that's not the issue, it's the fact that she told you she doesn't like potheads and you are a self-proclaimed pothead).

 

You know she broke off your engagement b/c of the weed. So, now you need to take steps to grieve the loss of this relationship so that you can recover.

1. The fact that she doesn't know the difference when she can't smell it is case and point about how it's just reefer madness BS. As I said before, she has never cited a specific reason why Marijuana is bad.

2. I'm the one that compromised. I not only changed how I ingested THC, but I ingest it with less frequency as well. She's the one who's being accommodated to.

3. Whenever I travel, be it for a day or 6 months, I don't ingest THC. Her next door neihor offers to smoke me up everytime I see him and I decline. Why don't you ask me about this instead of making asssumptiions?

4. Let's stop with these absurd double standards. If I had diabetes you wouldn't call me an "insulin head", if I had a stroke you wouldn't suggest I go to a support group because I took blood thinners. So if I ingest THC, which as I said before was prescribed by a doctor, you should approach it with the same perspective.

5. To repeat myself again THIS WAS NOT BECAUSE OF MARIJUANA, so we can stop talking about that aspect of our relationship. When we broke up she even said herself "I know you don't smoke weed anymore...."

 

And even if she didn't know about your current lies, the damage happened long ago as described in your previous thread.

She knew about me smoking when she said she would marry me, she knew about me smoking when she was all over social media posting pictures of us together, she knew about me smoking when she demanded to meet my parents. Whenever she's had actual "damage" in her previous relationships she didn't stick around for 3 weeks, let alone 3 years like us.

 

Not to mention my therapist (who is also a drug counselor) suggested as much, eat edibles now, and then discuss it with her in pre-marriage counseling with a neutral 3rd party.

[basil67]

So reading all the latest posts, why are you upset that she left? You should be congratulating yourself for moving on without her.

[Coup La-La]

So reading all the latest posts, why are you upset that she left? You should be congratulating yourself for moving on without her.

 

1. She's the love of my life, I have never loved a woman as much as I love her. That's why I've always stayed faithful, why I proposed to her when I would run whenever one of my ex's brought up marriage, that's why I introduced her to my parents when she demanded, that's why since we met I've been saving a portion of every penny I earn and putting it towards a wedding fund.

 

2. I'm in my late 30s, just about everyone I know who got married to someone they met at this stage in their life married someone that was beneath them. Or in cases like my aunt and uncle, never got married at all.

 

3. My grandma is getting along in years, even if I do tie the know, she'll either be dead or too senile to appreciate it when I do walk down the aisle. That's very important that she be there because she raised me for a long period of my childhood.

 

4. As I mentioned earlier: She's not perfect, but damn close to it. What's there to celebrate when you know you've already got the best you will ever get?

[Mr. Lucky]

What's there to celebrate when you know you've already got the best you will ever get?

 

As has been said here many, many times, you can be right or you can be happy.

 

You chose to be right, nothing wrong with that. You’ll just have to accept the consequences and move on with your life...

 

Mr. Lucky