She had always wanted a baby, he never has and never will...

[xdeadflowersx]

I am a person who never wishes to have children. I have never wanted a child, so when you read the first sentence please don’t come at me with “You’ll change your mind one day” because I will not. If I had a dollar for every goddamn time someone told me that, i’d be a Billionaire.

 

My father once told me that i’d never know what love is until I had a baby. He said this to me several years ago, not when I was a kid to **** me up and make me feel the way I do as an adult. I laughed so hard at him and told him to **** off. Who are you to tell me how and when I can feel love for someone? I am sorry but children are not my thing. I am more than both capable and able to fall in love, deeply. I don’t need to create another life to feel whole, or complete. It’s a total shame people can’t get that through their head.

 

Now, I don’t have an issue with people having children, if they both agree to it. Power to them! But when it’s one sided... it seems a little, well more than a little OFF. Unless its agreed upon. It’s not hard to be all oh you really don’t want a child in your life? Well, I am going to find someone that does want to build a family and is willing to try.

 

I also understand that there are women who wish to get pregnant but cannot due to whatever reason it may be, there are ways to work through this with a supportive partner that actually wishes to start a family. But, find that person... Not someone that wants no part in it. That isn’t healthy for either person and also not fair to what they want in life. Why stick around just because you’re feeling sorry or that you get something else from the other, when you still feel so “empty”? This solves nothing and hurts both parties.

 

But, what I would like to know is that if someone can tell me whether or not it is absolutely insane to be with someone who madly wants a child when you do not want one at all? To me that seems extremely ****ed up. You’re essentially getting in the way of something someone REALLY wants in their life.

 

To me it seems obvious... To, you know, run for the ****ing hills!!!! What if said person falls pregnant just to rope the other person in, for a life time commitment? The creepy conclusions are endless. It could be many reasons but I don’t see any of them being understandable but I have been trying to.

 

I am trying to see how this all makes sense to people.

 

Surely I am not the only one that thinks its messed up? Like what the actual ****, people!!!!!

[Els]

There is a lot of vehemence in this post but I'm not really sure where it's directed to be honest. Of course you are fine and of course you should seek someone compatible - either someone who doesn't want kids or someone who could go either way. Lots of women fall within those lines too, it's not just men who don't want babies...

[Mr. Lucky]

Going to assume by the roles you assigned in your thread title that you're male.

 

Here's the challenge for you - you'll need to be very careful even in casual dating or just hooking up for obvious reasons, you're one condom break or miss-timed pill away from fatherhood. Which would make you one of the many, both male and female, not wanting kids but still stuck with parenting.

 

Nothing wrong with your position though, like Elswyth, a bit surprising in how it's expressed. With some caution, no need for you to ever change even a single diaper...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

I get it you do not ever want to get pregnant and never will, there are many like you, you are not a one off.

 

You need to make sure any guy you date is on the same page.

 

Trouble is, people do tend to change their minds as they get older, so some do assume that "He/she doesn't want kids but he/she will eventually change their mind." as that does happen.

 

I once worked with a girl who NEVER wanted kids, she had a good promoted career and had no interest in kids.

In her late twenties she met this great guy, she got pregnant, not sure if it was planned or not, but she changed overnight, she then became supermom, she loved every minute of it and they had 4 more kids...

[pepperbird]

There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids, and in fact, it's probably far better that you don't have any if you know it's something you don't want.

I would advise you, if you are serious about this, to get a vasectomy. If you want to cover all your bases for the future, you can save some semen at a fertility clinic, so that, if you do change your mind, you could still have children, but it would be under your control.

 

If you do continue to feel being childless is the right decision for you, it will help to prevent any unplanned accidents.

[elaine567]

I would advise you, if you are serious about this, to get a vasectomy. If you want to cover all your bases for the future, you can save some semen at a fertility clinic,

Xdeadflowersx is a woman.

At least she was one in her other thread

[Wallysbears]

Kids is a relationship "dealbreaker" so be upfront with anyone you enter a relationship with that you are FIRMLY in the "no kids" camp. Then it won't be an issue.

[d0nnivain]

It's unfair for somebody who doesn't want kids to stand in the way of somebody who does but it's equally unfair for somebody who wants kids to force parenthood on another.

[xdeadflowersx]

I am a female. This situation is between a friend and his partner.

 

I am trying to figure out how anything good can come of this.

And trust me, no he DEFINITELY doesn’t want kids.

 

However, his partner constantly posts about how badly, she wants to start a family and how she is waiting to “find” one. (What the hell?)

 

It kind of seems like whatever their arrangement is that should she

stumble across someone that wants kids she’ll immediately ditch my friend.

 

I just think this is all insane, he is part to blame to though.

[Wallysbears]

Mind your own relationship. Are you sure this "friend" of yours isn't someone you have interest in?

[xdeadflowersx]

She knew this going into the relationship with him.

But she still whines about it and yet none of them

Are bailing. He loves her, she doesn’t love him.

[xdeadflowersx]

Mind your own relationship. Are you sure this "friend" of yours isn't someone you have interest in?

 

Seriously? I am terrified about what will happen to him. He’s my FRIEND.

[d0nnivain]

xdeadflowersx

 

Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you have no control. You can worry all you want but if you speak against your friend's SO, you will be the bad guy. He knows what's what & he stays. You have to accept his choice & you have to consider the possibility that you don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors.

[BaileyB]

It’s not your place to become involved in their relationship. You may be well intended, but you have no control here and you need to respect their right to make their own decisions.

 

My best friend’s brother has always said he never wanted to have children. He has been dating a woman for 15 years now who has tried to convince him to have children. It hasn’t worked, and she is now of an age that it’s unlikely that she could have a child if they were to separate and she found another partner.

 

The point of my story, it’s their relationship and they made their decisions. I’m not sure what they have discussed, but I would hope that he has clearly communicated his feelings with her. If she chose to stay with him regardless, that is her decision. But clearly, if she stayed thinking he would change his mind... she made a huge mistake in judgment.