Lelelele Posted September 20, 2005 Share Posted September 20, 2005 My boyfriend proposed to me just before having to return to graduate school. He gave me a necklace, saying a ring would come later. We told our parents and everyone has been congratulating us...my mom asked about a date and he seemed to feel pressured by that so, I just left it, thinking that once he settled into grad school we'd talk about it. Our phone conversations were really positive...he even suggested a Fall wedding -- which I though was great, it came from him, unsolicitated. Now, a few weeks later, I called him after visiting a few wedding venues for the first time. We discussed cost and stuff... and I sensed he was getting agitated. I know as a grad student he doesn't have much $$. That could have why he was getting agitated. But overall he said things would work out...and he seemed positive. Later that day he called me back, saying he wants to wait two years before the wedding. For financial reasons. I could ask his folks for help but hasn't, not even to purchase a modest ring. Now, here I am, I don't have a ring, he's not here...and I am getting upset. I feel he is souring the engagement. Maybe even sabbatoging the whole thing He is so over sensitive --- he thinks because I went out to the venues I am just plowing ahead without consideration to him. I thought when he said how about a wedding in the Fall, I thought that was great. I assumed he meant next year -- now he's saying two. I am completely frustrated. Ug!! How should I handle this? Any suggestions Link to post Share on other sites
Shana Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 My boyfriend proposed to me just before having to return to graduate school. He gave me a necklace, saying a ring would come later. We told our parents and everyone has been congratulating us...my mom asked about a date and he seemed to feel pressured by that so, I just left it, thinking that once he settled into grad school we'd talk about it. Our phone conversations were really positive...he even suggested a Fall wedding -- which I though was great, it came from him, unsolicitated. Now, a few weeks later, I called him after visiting a few wedding venues for the first time. We discussed cost and stuff... and I sensed he was getting agitated. I know as a grad student he doesn't have much $$. That could have why he was getting agitated. But overall he said things would work out...and he seemed positive. Later that day he called me back, saying he wants to wait two years before the wedding. For financial reasons. I could ask his folks for help but hasn't, not even to purchase a modest ring. Now, here I am, I don't have a ring, he's not here...and I am getting upset. I feel he is souring the engagement. Maybe even sabbatoging the whole thing He is so over sensitive --- he thinks because I went out to the venues I am just plowing ahead without consideration to him. I thought when he said how about a wedding in the Fall, I thought that was great. I assumed he meant next year -- now he's saying two. I am completely frustrated. Ug!! How should I handle this? Any suggestions Let it rest. Don't think of your self as engaged until he comes up with a ring and proposes to you special. If someone comes along in the meantime that is going to be there for you, don't shy away from him. See how it goes. But still, forget about brining it up. Does not sound like he was serious. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 Well, if he proposed, then he's your fiance. Now, that being said, it sounds like he is getting cold feet. Perhaps you could talk to him about setting a date two years from now? Grad school is stressful, especially the very first year. I can totally understand not wanting to plan a wedding during the first year in grad school. But if you are doing most of the planning... About the ring, he probably doesn't want to borrow money to buy a ring, so give him time to do it on his own. We discussed cost and stuff... and I sensed he was getting agitated. I know as a grad student he doesn't have much $$. That could have why he was getting agitated. It might not be only that he doesn't have the money, but that he had no idea that weddings cost so much. And maybe he's somewhat aggitated by what a racket it is. My fiance has decided that the mafia runs the wedding industry, and I'm begining to agree!! My biggest advice: find some way to ask him what he's thinking/feeling about the wedding and most importantly: WHY? There is always the possibility he will tell you! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 28, 2005 Share Posted September 28, 2005 I think there is no point in setting a date two years from now. It would be an artificial guarancy that he WILL marry you. You want him to WANT to marry you, not be obligated. Just observe his behavior; if he acts like he is in love with you and talks about your future then have faith. However if his interest for you seems to diminish then it's possible that he is giving himself time to change his mind. Financial reasons ARE legitimate to postpone a wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
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