How to end an affair and return to never knowing BS

[Electrify]

Hi,

 

First time here, but been lurking for quite some time.

 

A while ago, I found myself involved in an affair. Me myself (male) and my AP (female) were both in pretty serious relationships, but started and EA, which eventually led to a PA.

 

After roughly 6 months, she kind of broke it off out of guilt, but we kept in contact to this day. There is no doubt, that we were really fond of each other and truly happy. To say it the least: We were madly in love.

 

Now – The real question here is. How can someone get so emotionally attached to someone else outside of the relationship, but break it off and return to SO/BS and act like nothing’s ever happened and “play house”

again? How did any of you, male or female, manage to reconcile with your BS after an affair, if it was never discovered nor even disclosed for that matter? How could you fully do that, when your BS doesn’t even know 1/10 of what you’ve been up to.

 

How can you look your BS in the eye, relatives in the eye or even have passionate sex with him/her, knowing you have betrayed them in the most hurtful way possible.

[S2B]

Happens all the time.

 

Better question is - why are YOU settling for so little? Why would you continue communicating with a woman of such poor character?

[Orokotikki]

They just pretend it didn't happen.

All it requires is a totally absent moral compass and conscience.

Then they fake it til they make it, so they can keep getting things how they want.

[S2B]

You just cut her off!

 

That is how YOU end it!

 

It IS that simple.

[Electrify]

Another great question though

 

However, I’m not really prepared to discuss my own case yet  Guess I’m more interested in the human psychology and how someone can just return to BS, post loving pictures on SoMe and perhaps put on an act to avoid getting caught.

[Orokotikki]

It really is that simple.

They just pretend.

When my wife was cheating she told me everyday (just about) that she loved me.

 

If you want some sort of technical explanation, its basically 'compartmentalization' you can look it up.

 

They pretend its all happy marriage when they need to and they pretend they are star crossed lovers overcoming everything to be together the other part of the time.

 

Its ****. They are entirely divorced from reality.

Not every situation is the same, but this is what I observed firsthand in my case.

[Mr. Lucky]

Guess I’m more interested in the human psychology and how someone can just return to BS, post loving pictures on SoMe and perhaps put on an act to avoid getting caught.

 

How does someone embezzle from their employer for years and years? How does a priest molest children and continue to minister to the parish?

 

Human beings have a nearly endless capacity for rationalization. So, in your case, the AP thinks "I'm still a pretty good husband in most ways" as though that balances out the betrayal.

 

We all have the proverbial mini-devil and angel sitting on opposite shoulders, whispering to us. Just depends on which one you chose to listen to...

 

Mr. Lucky

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Another great question though

 

However, I’m not really prepared to discuss my own case yet  Guess I’m more interested in the human psychology and how someone can just return to BS, post loving pictures on SoMe and perhaps put on an act to avoid getting caught.

 

If you are just putting on an act to avoid getting caught, give your GF what she deserves....leave her so she can find someone worthy of her.