My LDR boyfriend of 7 years betrayed me

[Nada99]

Hello, this is going to be a long post.

 

I feel hurt beyond limits and I thought I’d share my experience with others online as this would help me.

 

I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 7 years. It started in a chat room where I used to go to practice English in my first year of English studies. I met a western guy who is from an English speaking country and we became friends but we didn’t really communicate that much back then as both of us were so busy I was 23 and he was 27 when we first met he was doing another degree and working part time, I was doing my bachelor degree and working part time as well. Overtime, we started to chat more neither of us asked about photos or asked to hear the other persons voice, we chatted more and it was decent chats, I was busy so I was rarely ever online so he asked me if he can have my email and I gave him my email.

 

He used to email me every couple days with just days updates asking about me about my day etc setting time to meet on MSN and chat, and one time on MSN after 6 months of meeting him he asked me if he can see me on cam so we opened the cam and saw each other for the first time. We both were young and we both thought the other person is good looking. After that, he asked me if he can add me on some phone chatting app and I accepted we were just friends who chat daily, after a couple months of chatting he told me that he loves me and I also developed feelings for him,

 

but I come from an Arabic/Muslim country where being with someone from a different background and faith is unacceptable and frowned upon, so in my defense I was so honest and open about that I didn’t want to fall for him or have him fall for me if we have no future together. He didn’t listen to anything I said he kept telling me we can make it work. I fell for it, we spent a year together talking daily all the time. Until I was pressured to get into an arranged marriage I didn’t know what to do I didn’t like that guy and he kept coming to ask for my hand I’ve rejected him before but he kept asking for my hand until my family and relatives pressured me to get engaged, I wouldn’t say “ force “ but pressured I thought a lot about it, and after thinking for a long time I decided to go for it.

 

I sent a long email to my western friend explaining everything to him telling him we stand no chance and that I’m truly sorry from the bottom of my heart but we just can’t be together and its for the best. He understood and congratulated me he didn’t say stay or don’t get married I kind of wanted him to say any of that but I guess he thought I was being logical. I stopped talking to him for months then one day I said hi to check up on him, and he replied instantly and told me that he sent me an email just at the same time, in that email he told me that he misses me so much and can’t stop thinking about me he asked why can’t be friends and that he needs a closure. I agreed to stay as friends, he was my comfort zone,

 

I didn’t love my fiancé back then I had issues with him he was so controlling I tried to break the engagement off so many times but family pressure was too strong. It was a tough year for me so I thought I’d be friends with him and in a couple months he told me he loves me again, and I fell for it again. I used to talk to him about everything the family pressure the fiancé issues and controlling ways the social pressure I was facing, he was there for 24/7 he became my best friend and I was seeking comfort in him, when my wedding was closer I told him again that I have feelings for him and I can’t stay in touch with him I don’t want to be cheating on the guy I was marrying even though I didn’t love him and didn’t promise him anything and he knew it.

 

So, he said he wants to come visit me he booked a flight and he said he wants to come see me for coffee or anything he said he really need it so I agreed. He flew all the way from his country to my region and my family was with me so I only saw him for 10 min he kissed me and it was my first kiss ever. I fell for him harder and I cried my eyes out on my way home I felt torn he called me and cried his eyes out too. He was hurt because he couldn’t spend enough time with me despite flying all the way to my region but I explained my reasons to him. The second day he called me on cam and showed me his bed in his hotel with flowers all over it and will you marry me? Question I cried and I said yes, even though my wedding was in a couple days, he was crying so hard and so was I.

 

He said I know you’re going through an arranged marriage and it wasn’t your choice so I wanted you to be able to say yes to a proposal from the guy you love. On his way home he sent me a long email telling me that he knew in his heart he wanted to marry me and that he will learn about my religion and culture. He told me he has asked his dad how will he know if he wanted to marry someone? And his dad told him you just will. He said seeing you and kissing you made me know that you’re the one. I fell for him but I knew I can’t be with him and that was tearing me apart. We were talking daily on my wedding day I was crying the whole time we were chatting he was there for me, on my honeymoon I got so sick and I was depressed and just couldn’t believe that I accepted all that pressure and married the wrong person the husband and I were fighting due to my resistance.

 

I was chatting to that guy the whole time he was there there for me when he knew I was being verbally abused by the husband he asked me to come to his country he told me he will just take care of all the paper work and he wants me there. I told him I can’t I can’t just run away I can’t do it to my family they might have pressured me but they are a loving family and I love them beyond words I wouldn’t run away like that. I went back home after a terrible honeymoon I asked for a divorce two weeks after the wedding my family supported my decision even though we come from a culture where getting divorced within a short time would just ruin my reputation but I just went for it and when my family knew how things turn out with the husband they supported my decision.

 

I got divorced within a month and the guy I talk to daily was the happiest he started planning our life together and I was so happy too. I felt like my family now will be more supportive of my decisions especially because they regretted pressuring me to get married in the first place they saw how horrible my short marriage was, and how it effected me so badly. The guy I talk to was just so eager to come meet them he was asking me all the time of when he will be able to meet them I told him now I just got divorced it’s not the right time.

 

My mental health wasn’t the best after the marriage/divorce drama it was just too much for me to handle so I asked the guy for a break and he agreed but he insisted that he sends an email every weekend and I said okay, after a month I cut my break and we got back together chatting and talking daily all the time, we never ran out of conversions. After a while we started fighting a lot due to my temper I was a calm girl but the drama I went through changed me so I became very anxious and angry we would fight a lot I would push him away sometimes. We were still together planning things together.

 

He rarely ever gets drunk but whenever he gets drunk he would call me and tells me how much he loves me how much he wants to be with me and all these things that fill a girls heart. He decided to move back to his dad’s to save up money to move to my country. One day, during a time when we used to fight a lot. It was mostly me who would fight over anything.

He went to attend a wedding of his friend he slept that night without messaging for the first time and didn’t message me in the morning either, I was worried I called him and I called him there was no response, he called me and told me he was so drunk blacked out and just slept off, and he said he will message me when he gets home. In the morning he told me that he met an old friend in the wedding and they reconnected.

 

He told me that he doesn’t love me anymore and he needs a break! I was crushed but I just left the chat blocked him and I was feeling horrible and betrayed I told myself it’s all because of my fights I was having a hard time I thought it was my mistake I thought I pushed him away. A week later I found an email from him telling me that he misses me and he loves me so much and that he didn’t meet anyone but he had to lie because he just needed a break he said he can’t move on from me no matter what and he’s just having a hard time and is seeing a therapist because he didn’t get over the death of his mom, and all the fights with me he couldn’t deal with them and he needed to talk about them to someone else, and other things he dealt with growing up. I felt so guilty I felt as I was the reason why he is struggling I tried to be there for him, we communicated through emails but not more than that, and I asked him to let me see him on cam he rejected but then after few days I saw him and I was hurt he lost weight, he looked pale and sick,

 

I sent him an email after asking him if everything was ok because he seemed sick he told me he was okay it’s just that he’s not feeling great because of all the issues he’s having. We kept communicating through emails for 3 months then he came back and we started chatting daily all over again, but that time he changed he didn’t chat as much as before yet he was still there everyday whenever I told him I’m ready to talk to my parents he would say things like he still needs time, so I told him let’s have a 3 months break I want you to think carefully if a life with me is something you want or no, he said okay but he asked me allow him to message me every weekend so we spent two months apart we used to chat for a bit every weekend and every time we chatted he was so excited and happy he initiated all the chats, and after two months he cut the break and said he wants to chat and that he knows in his heart that I was the one for him and that we will be together, yet he wasn’t ready to take a step up.

 

So after a while I tried to breakup because he didn’t seem ready something was holding him back. I told him I don’t want to keep you from meeting girls nearby go meet someone else if things didn’t work out and I was still available we can get back together he cried so much and said no and he wants to be with me and that he will have that courage again. He has an excuse after excuse for a long time and then he told me he needs to see me in person, he needs to discuss things with me face to face so we planned a trip together he was so excited to see me but when I booked and confirmed everything he started making excuses of why he hasn’t booked yet until one day he said he can’t come because of financial reasons so I just told him well I’ve done everything to make us work and I’m really so done, I left him.

 

Two days before my trip he messaged me everywhere on all chatting apps and told me he really needs to talk, then he told me he will come he will book, I said ok. He said he’s sorry that he put damper on things and killed all the excitement. I said it’s ok I went to that country and the second day he came he saw me for the first time after years and years he cried when he saw me and so did I. We spent a week together and it was like a dream when it was time to say goodbye he cried like a baby he was weeping he cried so much and asked me to marry him again I told him yes again. We didn’t talk about anything serious he said he wanted to enjoy his time with me. We both felt amazing after our trip together we chatted daily again and it was the same I was asking him when will he take the next step? He said will start applying for jobs and once he gets hired he will come meet my family.

 

I told him my family started accepting the idea they felt bad for what they did so they said the won’t interfere with that ever again. I work in an international organization and I work with some people from his country who work and live in the country I live in. He asked me if he can contact some of them they are removed from the situation so he needs their advice, one of my colleagues who was from his country accepted to talk to him, he sent her an email with all his fears and all she responded to him and she CC’d me so I saw his email I cried when I saw his email it was so sweet he told her how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. I thanked him for that email and I told him I really want to work through things with him I told him I’m also willing to move to his country if it will make things easier on him. But he still seemed hesitant and resistant so I just left it last summer I told him I want us to be official I can’t handle that it’s been 6 years of daily contact and I think it’s time we move forward together he said he’s ready and he wants me to talk to my family,

 

so I did they accepted the idea they agreed to meet him so when I told him that he started making excuses how his family are worried about him moving away and all and that they thought I’ll be the one who will make the move, I told him well you were willing to move and that’s what you said since the beginning you told me your family were ok with it too. It was a stressful time with lots of time I was hurt that he retracted his words, so I gave him a deadline and he strung me along and had me believe that he’s working on our engagement. When the time was over he said he can’t do it he has so many fears and doubts about moving. I told him if you have fears and doubts then that’s over he cried and said he knows I’m the one who wishes things were easier he was so weeping on cam telling me he can’t do it but he can’t let go of me he asked for more time to think I told him I’m done he cried and cried and told me he will start therapy to help him move forward with me.

 

I left and I started therapy myself I was too crushed from all those false promises, my counselor was really a good one she explained his situation and mine and I started seeing her I felt better about everything and I was willing to work things with him, I asked him if we should do therapy individually without talking to each other or if he would want to still chat and he said he will start therapy too and he wants me around so we can support each other, so we talked daily for the last 5 months and it was really so amazing we both were doing great with counseling, he was there for me everyday he was spending all his weekends with me on cam, audio he will be there when I wake up, when I sleep telling me how much he really wants to be with me and how he’s 100% certain this year we will be together. I told him I will travel solo this summer he said he wants to join me I told him I would love it!!!! So he was excited planning it with me but once I gave him the dates he started making excuses then he said don’t worry trust me I’ll be there I’ll take the dates off and I’ll come he told me all these things about how can’t wait to see my face how he can’t wait to see me etc,

 

I confirmed my flights I asked him what hotel would he like to stay in I sent him few options and he said he needs to read about them to choose, something seemed off but I didn’t really doubt his words, a couple days ago he dropped a bombshell on me, we were chatting normally he was telling me how much he loves me and all those beautiful things, hours after our chat and out of no where, he sent me a picture of his wedding invitation!!! He said I’m a terrible person, engaged since August.

 

I was shocked I asked him what? He left right after sending me that, I was so confused and shocked, then I just told him ok I don’t need any explanation, congratulation and I wish you all the best, then I deleted him from everywhere. I blocked his number and I deleted it too. I closed all doors he can’t contact me anymore.

 

Now, I just feel numb and shocked, how did that happen? How could he juggle two women at the same time? He was with me most of the time he was living all alone he would talk to me before bed every night we would chat or call or cam daily and he was all alone, he would spend every weekend with me he would wake up watch movies with me, chat, cam and he was all alone too, so I don’t know how he did manage to have to relationship at once.

 

I need a closure but I can’t have that closure from him as I cut him off completely I have so much respect for myself and I can’t allow myself to continue talking to someone who kept lying to me for so long. Was I just a time filler for him all these year? But why would someone who doesn’t love me spend all that time with me? Why would he fly across the world twice to see me? Why would he cry like a baby whenever he says goodbye to me? Why would he cry his eyes out when I try to cut him off. He was engaged since August, why did he cry his eyes out in September and asked me to stay? Why did he tell me everyday that he loves me and that I’m the love of his life and that he knows in his heart we will end up together?

 

I’m sharing so much because I’m so shocked and confused if there’s anyone who was in a similar experience I would know how they coped. Even though I’m really calm my heart hurts but I’m calm I’m just confused a lot of questions are unanswered. All the love I had for him went out the window the moment I saw his wedding card. He’s just dead to me but he betrayed my trust he took away my trust in men. If someone who loved me that much could hurt me easily and lie to me for so long how can I ever trust any other man in my life?

 

We’ve been together for 7 years he treated me like a princess he showed me so much love and support he spent all the important occasions with me, he was my best friend and I had so much faith in him that’s why I didn’t give up on him. I fell for his tears and false promises. I wish he told me everything I wish he was open I would have understood we were long distance for so long there were many obstacles and cultural differences. I would have absolutely understood but to lie and mislead me, and string me along for so long was like the worst thing to ever happen to me. My heart hurts so much when I remember his wedding card it hurts so bad that someone who kept promising you of things daily would do such a thing.

 

However, I don’t really resent him or hate him now I do really wish him the best. I just wish he was strong enough to tell me that he has already met someone else instead of playing with my heart like that.

 

I’m sorry it’s too long I just had to take it off of my chest.

Edited March 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[DK092]

Well first of all, this is one of the risks of long distance and online relationships but you two were brave to know of the risk and do it anyway.

 

You never really know if your partner is faithful to you unless you trust them.

You either get hurt or you don't because your partner stays faithful.

 

 

Maybe this woman he betrayed you with came along at a time where you were physically apart from each other. That just happens sometimes. People show up in our lifes and then boom, it clicks. We can't really control who we are attracted to and who will spark our romantic interest. If his feelings for you are real he likely feels bad about it but you have to understand that he might acted on impulse and that other woman gave him what you couldn't give him.

That's one reason why cheating happens in the first place, because something in the relationship is not equal/right anymore.

 

 

Take some time to process your feelings and find some common ground with him.

[Nada99]

Well first of all, this is one of the risks of long distance and online relationships but you two were brave to know of the risk and do it anyway.

 

You never really know if your partner is faithful to you unless you trust them.

You either get hurt or you don't because your partner stays faithful.

 

 

Maybe this woman he betrayed you with came along at a time where you were physically apart from each other. That just happens sometimes. People show up in our lifes and then boom, it clicks. We can't really control who we are attracted to and who will spark our romantic interest. If his feelings for you are real he likely feels bad about it but you have to understand that he might acted on impulse and that other woman gave him what you couldn't give him.

That's one reason why cheating happens in the first place, because something in the relationship is not equal/right anymore.

 

 

Take some time to process your feelings and find some common ground with him.

 

 

 

I totally understand. The fact that another woman gave him what I couldn’t give him is something I understand. I’ve told him before if he ever clicked with someone nearby he can just tell me and I would completely understand. What hurt me is the fact that he got engaged behind my back while still contacting me daily and not only that but asking me to not give up on him and work through things with him, promising me that he will be with me this year. Talking to me daily about future plans while he was already engaged he betrayed my trust. He also betrayed the trust of the woman he is going to marry. That’s what I can’t undetstand. Why wasn’t he honest and open with me? Why would he cry and ask me to not leave him and to stay and work things with him when he already put a ring on someone’s else finger? I’m aware things like that happen in LDR I just truly wish that he was honest with me. It would have hurt but I would have respected him for being honest and open.

[ExpatInItaly]

Are you sure he's even being honest that he's engaged now?

 

I realize he showed you a wedding invitation, but I don't suppose you have any way to independently verify if it's the real deal. It would be an odd thing to lie about, but stranger things have happened and it doesn't sound as though you knew him as well as you thought.

[Normm]

Sounds like he just got burnt out after your attitude changed after you got divorced and you got bitter and started fighting all the time. That first time that you didn't hear from him all night was probably when he cheated on you for the first time. Either way, he's done, and it's time to move on and hopefully find someone closer.

 

Being new to these forums you probably don't know this but most people aren't going to read that whole wall of text, it's one of the longest first posts I've ever seen and I was going to skip it but I skimmed it and got interested and have down time today so I read the entire thing. But most people won't so don't expect too many responses.

 

You could easily cut the entire story down to a few paragraphs without leaving out anything crucial to the story- it's called "a summary".

 

Such as "you met a guy in another country but were arranged to marry a guy you didn't like so much and the other guy loved you a lot and you were in constant touch with each other and visited a few times and you really loved him but married the other guy then divorced the other guy almost immediately but then you got bitter and were angry all the time and then the guy you loved acted like he might be cheating on you then finally sent a copy of his wedding invitation to someone else".

 

 

Then again if you're just looking to vent and not get responses, it's fine but you posted in the wrong section.

[BaileyB]

I’m sorry that you are feeling hurt. I can understand why you are upset. I would have wished for honesty too...

 

Not to be flippant, but - these things happen. People married for 2 years have a baby and the husband cheats on the wife. A woman has been married for 10 years and has two children with her husband, but she cheats because her life is boring, all she does is drive the kids to their activities, and her husband doesn’t help or show affection. A woman married 40 years decides one day, she just doesn’t love her husband anymore... These things happen.

 

Anyone can decide, on any given day, that they don’t want to be in a relationship. They don’t always offer the honest truth to their partner.

 

To be very fair, seven years is a long time to be in a long distance relationship. It’s a little unrealistic to expect that a man will not want to date and/or find another person. It’s particularly unrealistic given the fact that you have only met once in person, for 10 minutes. And if I may, it’s unrealistic to expect a man to stay in a relationship when you instigate fights with him and lack self control.

 

It’s a sad place to be, to end a relationship that you have enjoyed for so long on such a sour note. Best you know now, so you can focus on finding someone else to love, if that’s what you want for your life. Best wishes.

Edited March 13, 2019 by BaileyB

[justwhoiam]

Some information seems to be missing from your story.

1. Was he always at home during the weekend? Friday night? Saturday night? Sunday afternoon?

2. Do you know his personal info? Like his home address? Work address/details? His father's home address?

3. At a certain point you said that he told you he moved back in with his father. That might be true or not. Was it just maybe to justify not being free like he used to while at home? In that case, maybe he was with his girlfriend.

4. But the major question is: what happened during that one-week-long vacation together? Were you two sleeping in the same bed? Did anything happen between you two besides kissing?

 

 

My impression after reading your story is that he really fell hard for you. And the clue is that he's not well off, and flew twice to see you. You shook his entire world. But giving up his Western lifestyle to be with you seemed huge. I think he tried to tell you when he tried to convince you to go to him instead. But you rejected the idea. And that's probably when things took a wrong turn and he let his brain guide him instead of his heart.

I can't say if you did the right thing. But I guess you'll know going on in your life.

[Nada99]

Are you sure he's even being honest that he's engaged now?

 

I realize he showed you a wedding invitation, but I don't suppose you have any way to independently verify if it's the real deal. It would be an odd thing to lie about, but stranger things have happened and it doesn't sound as though you knew him as well as you thought.

 

I’m not sure to be honest, it does sound odd. It was out of no where but the wedding invitation looked real with his name in there, he covered the girl’s name, which was hurtful I’m not some crazy bitter person who would track her down and tell her everything. Some told me people can still make wedding cards they don’t have to be real, maybe he thought it’s the easiest exit, which is also hurtful I always told him that if he ever found someone local he can just tell me I would understand and respect him for that. You’re right though I don’t know him as well as I thought. Thank you for your response.

[Nada99]

Sounds like he just got burnt out after your attitude changed after you got divorced and you got bitter and started fighting all the time. That first time that you didn't hear from him all night was probably when he cheated on you for the first time. Either way, he's done, and it's time to move on and hopefully find someone closer.

 

Being new to these forums you probably don't know this but most people aren't going to read that whole wall of text, it's one of the longest first posts I've ever seen and I was going to skip it but I skimmed it and got interested and have down time today so I read the entire thing. But most people won't so don't expect too many responses.

 

You could easily cut the entire story down to a few paragraphs without leaving out anything crucial to the story- it's called "a summary".

 

Such as "you met a guy in another country but were arranged to marry a guy you didn't like so much and the other guy loved you a lot and you were in constant touch with each other and visited a few times and you really loved him but married the other guy then divorced the other guy almost immediately but then you got bitter and were angry all the time and then the guy you loved acted like he might be cheating on you then finally sent a copy of his wedding invitation to someone else".

 

 

Then again if you're just looking to vent and not get responses, it's fine but you posted in the wrong section.

 

Thank you so much I was venting out and also looking for responses because I was lost and just in shock. Thanks for summarizing the story up I realized it was too long and people aren’t going to read the whole thing, I tried to edit it but it won’t let me me edit the post now. He flipped out 3 years ago when he couldn’t handle fighting then we got back together 3 months after even during these 3 months break he was constantly in touch with me. I was bitter and angry only the first year after my short marriage then I was normal and we didn’t find as much for the last 3 years. I was just upset sometimes with the fact that he won’t let go of me yet he won’t step up and whenever I tried to leave he would hold me back but we stayed together. The last 5 months were amazing both of us started counseling and he was excited about planning our life together this year. Then BAM a wedding card out of no where.

Edited March 14, 2019 by Nada99

[Nada99]

I’m sorry that you are feeling hurt. I can understand why you are upset. I would have wished for honesty too...

 

Not to be flippant, but - these things happen. People married for 2 years have a baby and the husband cheats on the wife. A woman has been married for 10 years and has two children with her husband, but she cheats because her life is boring, all she does is drive the kids to their activities, and her husband doesn’t help or show affection. A woman married 40 years decides one day, she just doesn’t love her husband anymore... These things happen.

 

Anyone can decide, on any given day, that they don’t want to be in a relationship. They don’t always offer the honest truth to their partner.

 

To be very fair, seven years is a long time to be in a long distance relationship. It’s a little unrealistic to expect that a man will not want to date and/or find another person. It’s particularly unrealistic given the fact that you have only met once in person, for 10 minutes. And if I may, it’s unrealistic to expect a man to stay in a relationship when you instigate fights with him and lack self control.

 

It’s a sad place to be, to end a relationship that you have enjoyed for so long on such a sour note. Best you know now, so you can focus on finding someone else to love, if that’s what you want for your life. Best wishes.

 

You’re right cheating happens this is life, I was in a sad place after my short marriage drama 4 years ago he left because of the fights then he came back I was calmer as I grasped what happened and moved on from that terrible experience. I know it seemed like we were fighting constantly we weren’t we were mostly happy together we loved spending time together enjoyed these times together. I also didn’t see him once for 10 mins. I met him a year and a half ago and we spent a week trip together which was like a dream and he broke down when he was leaving me and asked me to marry him he showed me so much love during that trip. Things were okay and he was there for me daily then this happened. Sorry it wasn’t so clear.

[Nada99]

Some information seems to be missing from your story.

1. Was he always at home during the weekend? Friday night? Saturday night? Sunday afternoon?

2. Do you know his personal info? Like his home address? Work address/details? His father's home address?

3. At a certain point you said that he told you he moved back in with his father. That might be true or not. Was it just maybe to justify not being free like he used to while at home? In that case, maybe he was with his girlfriend.

4. But the major question is: what happened during that one-week-long vacation together? Were you two sleeping in the same bed? Did anything happen between you two besides kissing?

 

 

My impression after reading your story is that he really fell hard for you. And the clue is that he's not well off, and flew twice to see you. You shook his entire world. But giving up his Western lifestyle to be with you seemed huge. I think he tried to tell you when he tried to convince you to go to him instead. But you rejected the idea. And that's probably when things took a wrong turn and he let his brain guide him instead of his heart.

I can't say if you did the right thing. But I guess you'll know going on in your life.

 

I have all of his personal info, home address, his father’s home address, his work address. I even have his father’s number and his sister’s number I’ve chatted with his sister and him once. During our trip he kept his passport and all of his personal cards in my purse sometimes. We used to exchange gifts so we know everything he even sent me his work card once with all of the work into.

 

 

We did more than kissing together and we had a wonderful time outside and inside the hotel. The way he looked at me was full of love and so sincere.

 

 

And I never asked him to give up his western lifestyle for me and he knows that so well. On the contrary, I wanted him to be himself and to not lose himself and who is he for me. I myself am not super religious and this is why him and I found a common understanding of everything.

 

 

Also, I didn’t reject going to his country the plan was that he will move here because it’s what he wanted he always wanted to work abroad and he chose Dubai because it offers more freedom for him when he started fearing moving. I suggested that I move to his country and I told him I’m willing to do it, he feared that idea too, he thought it would take up to two years and they might even reject it.

 

I believe he fell hard for me otherwise he wouldn’t fly twice to see me and he wouldn’t talk to me daily for years. I just don’t know what happened I think you’re right he finally chose to follow his brain not his heart. Thank you so much for your response

[Nada99]

Some information seems to be missing from your story.

1. Was he always at home during the weekend? Friday night? Saturday night? Sunday afternoon?

2. Do you know his personal info? Like his home address? Work address/details? His father's home address?

3. At a certain point you said that he told you he moved back in with his father. That might be true or not. Was it just maybe to justify not being free like he used to while at home? In that case, maybe he was with his girlfriend.

4. But the major question is: what happened during that one-week-long vacation together? Were you two sleeping in the same bed? Did anything happen between you two besides kissing?

 

 

My impression after reading your story is that he really fell hard for you. And the clue is that he's not well off, and flew twice to see you. You shook his entire world. But giving up his Western lifestyle to be with you seemed huge. I think he tried to tell you when he tried to convince you to go to him instead. But you rejected the idea. And that's probably when things took a wrong turn and he let his brain guide him instead of his heart.

I can't say if you did the right thing. But I guess you'll know going on in your life.

 

 

And one more he actually moved back to his Dad’s, he showed me everything, when he got the basement ready, when he moved in, he used to talk to me from there daily too and he was complaining a lot about it as he missed his privacy at his home. He later bought a house and told me to not worry that’s not effecting his moving plan or even if I moved there this will be our house.

 

 

He spends most of his weekends with me, every Saturday morning and noon we chat and cam and watch a movie together. Saturday night he sometimes goes out with his sister or his friends he doesn’t have many friends, but he stayes home sometimes and he hangout with me. On Sundays he sometimes has sport games or family gatherings and when he goes to them he takes pictures sometimes of their gatherings he takes pictures of everything and so do I. However; most Sundays it’s the same he has a full time job he doesn’t really go out a lot every night after work it will be morning my time I’d be at work and we will hangout for sometime on the phone before he goes to bed. When I randomly ask him to call or cam he does wether it’s a night or a morning at his home so he was living alone and he was spending most of his time with me. That’s why I was shocked when he sent me his wedding invitation out of the blue. Like how did he manage? Where was she? How come I didn’t notice and lots of unanswered questions.

Edited March 14, 2019 by Nada99

[justwhoiam]

Can you talk to his sister? You might want to contact her and ask, like:

Dear XXX,

 

 

Sorry for bothering you but your brother's news really shocked me. Since when has he been having a girlfriend locally? I know I could ask him, but at this point I don't trust him anymore, and I blocked him on any channel he could use to contact me. I really need to know this for closure.

 

 

Maybe you don't know, but we were just planning his move to where I live to finally be together permanently, and possibly getting married.

 

 

Please rest assured that any information you'll share with me will be treated with utmost discretion.

[Nada99]

Can you talk to his sister? You might want to contact her and ask, like:

Dear XXX,

 

 

Sorry for bothering you but your brother's news really shocked me. Since when has he been having a girlfriend locally? I know I could ask him, but at this point I don't trust him anymore, and I blocked him on any channel he could use to contact me. I really need to know this for closure.

 

 

Maybe you don't know, but we were just planning his move to where I live to finally be together permanently, and possibly getting married.

 

 

Please rest assured that any information you'll share with me will be treated with utmost discretion.

 

 

 

Actually this is what my sister told me too, to contact his sister and ask her about everything for a closure.

 

The problem is the day I got his message with his wedding news. I went and deleted everything related to him. Including his sister’s number. I just wanted to get rid of everything, I went to my counselor yesterday he has joined a session with me and talked to her and told her how much he loves me and he wants to be with me etc so when I showed her the wedding card she was shocked too.

 

She said I do need a closure, and that deleting him everywhere was an emotional decision. However; I told her I don’t want to listen to anything he says a wedding card was more than enough for me to leave for good.

 

Thanks so much for your suggestion, I appreciate talking about it it helps.

[Normm]

Most people don't get closure when they're dumped. Even if they're given a reason, oftentimes it isn't the full reason or even the right reason, it's just something the dumper puts out there.

 

Even if you find out there was another girl, so what? Even if you find out there's no wedding scheduled, what changes? Even if there's no evidence of a girl, no difference. It all comes down to this. He didn't want to be with you anymore. Does it really matter why? From what you describe the guy was really into you but finally got sick of your bitterness that came about after your fast marriage and divorce.

 

Sooner you let it go the better off you will be.

[Nada99]

Most people don't get closure when they're dumped. Even if they're given a reason, oftentimes it isn't the full reason or even the right reason, it's just something the dumper puts out there.

 

Even if you find out there was another girl, so what? Even if you find out there's no wedding scheduled, what changes? Even if there's no evidence of a girl, no difference. It all comes down to this. He didn't want to be with you anymore. Does it really matter why? From what you describe the guy was really into you but finally got sick of your bitterness that came about after your fast marriage and divorce.

 

Sooner you let it go the better off you will be.

 

 

 

I wasn’t bitter the whole time this was like 4 years ago and he left me then he came back I apologized for how I was acting and he apologized for leaving we got back together.

 

 

I dumped him before but with respect to his feelings, I provided a closure and a real reason too. The post was long so I think most people missed the part when I said that I tried to end things with him last summer he held me back and promised me he will move forward with me this year. Actually just two weeks ago he asked me to not give up on him because he’s really working on his moving plan, and he’s still applying for jobs etc

 

 

I don’t know really know where did I state that I want him back or I want him to have me back. I let go already, him sending me a wedding card was it for me. I deleted everything I blocked him on every channel he could ever use to contact me. I blocked his number. I closed all doors and I gave myself the closure I need. Wether this wedding or this girl are real or not I don’t really care at this point nor I want to know. The thing that hurt me was that I tried to end things many times because I know how hard this situation was for him and for me too, but every time I tried to do so he used to hold me back he used to tell me it’s gonna work just stay and have faith! I stayed and I had faith in him and well that’s what happened.

 

I’m here to take things off of my chest, to find responses that could help. That’s all

 

 

Thank you for response

[Caauug]

I’m not sure to be honest, it does sound odd. It was out of no where but the wedding invitation looked real with his name in there, he covered the girl’s name,

 

 

 

Was it your name?

 

 

Yes, I have done a full read but I might have missed something.... Just seems really strange as you describe, but was your name on the invitation? Did you spit the dummy to quick?

 

 

It is not uncommon to be married in 2 counties for legal/immigration reasons. Or for both families and friends of both parties.

 

 

Please tell me I am wrong!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, I have done a full read but I might have missed something.... Just seems really strange as you describe, but was your name on the invitation? Did you spit the dummy to quick?

 

Why would OP's name be on the invitation?

 

He's marrying someone else.

[preraph]

Awww, I'm so sorry. You went through so much with your arranged wedding and your parents, and I'm so glad they have accepted your decision to divorce and want your happiness now. That is a blessing. Maybe this is what it took to become the adult you are now in the eyes of your parents. I don't want you to lose sight of the fact that now you are free to meet someone of your own choosing and fall in love and marry (or choose not to marry at all if it would be your wish).

 

I believe you two really do love each other and that he hasn't betrayed you in that way, but I just think he is being practical and that he realizes this long-distnace relationship (and him with no job sometimes) is a whole lot of hurdles and who even knows if it could be worked out for one of you to live in the other's country or not.

 

And you have to be realistic about this: Men don't go years without sex or seeing women! They just don't. And to be fair, you didn't, though it wasn't of your choosing. I don't think that means he didn't care, but I do think that some of his crying may have been guilt and knowing all the fears he had of trying to go forward. You see, his family had reservations too and probably brought him down to earth about the challenges and expense he would face. I think it was just impractical.

 

I'm not sure he's really married either, but he could be. He might have been all along for all we know, but I choose to believe he cared about you because he did know what type of woman you are and still made sure to come see you and propose and everything.

 

I just don't think you need to wait for him, though. He's made up his mind and taken steps to stop the relationship twice now. If he shows back up, he better be ready to really move forward and not just keep you waiting for years, right?

 

But right now, you go out and feel your freedom and try to date a few guys and go out and have fun with friends and do fun things, and do NOT waste this beautiful time of your youth sitting around sad and depressed. Your life is now in your own hands, and you need to get out there and live it. You will be okay no matter what happens. I hope you meet someone you really like right there locally so you don't have these hurdles. If it is normal for men there to be controlling, then list yourself as unconventional and tell them on your profile you want an equal partner.

 

Good luck.