How the heck do happily married women lock down a man?

[Highroller107]

I know women that are happily married, have a great husband, are getting engaged, etc. What’s their secret? I’m jealous! How in the world do they lock a man down who isn’t going to make his eyes wander? When there is competition among other women that are younger, hotter, even funny? Or are these men Just good and have a good belief system who believe in the institution of marriage and monagamy? Where are these men and where can I find them? If that even insists. Or are these women just plain lucky?

[darkmoon]

if a women mothers a man and is domesticated sufficient to look after him, he will see her in a different light than as a mere date or booty call

 

 

maybe i am wrong and they like her personality a lot

[Highroller107]

So I have to cook him dinner and give him a good bj and that’s it? Does that whole “connection” thing come into play also? Sounds impossible-there are sooo many hot women out there. How does one man choose 1 wife?

[darkmoon]

why is "connection" in inverted commas?

 

 

am a woman, the men may tell you why they picked who they did, but from what I have seen, it depends on good convos, her domesticity, and his readiness, no point chasing a womaniser

Edited March 13, 2019 by darkmoon

[Garcon1986]

I know women that are happily married, have a great husband, are getting engaged, etc. What’s their secret? I’m jealous! How in the world do they lock a man down who isn’t going to make his eyes wander? When there is competition among other women that are younger, hotter, even funny? Or are these men Just good and have a good belief system who believe in the institution of marriage and monagamy? Where are these men and where can I find them? If that even insists. Or are these women just plain lucky?

 

I believe in the institution of marriage Answering your questions point by point:

 

1. Most people who are happily married have similar mindsets, and agree to disagree on certain things - the woman agrees to logical arguments as much as possible and the man agrees to be calm as much as possible. They understand the worst hot button issues of marriage (money, kids, arguments) and pledge to talk it out.

2. There's always competition between women, and men and women both have to make a choice - is this the best choice given the circumstances? I obviously like hotter women but value humor and an extremely intellectual woman more now that I am less of a hothead.

3. The eyes always stray, but people in happy marriages have higher self discipline than those who divorce - a mature man and woman don't chase the next hot tail that comes along because they value their connection and deeply believe in their connection. You interview happily married couples - they will always say they've seen plenty of hotter and hunkier people. They just have the self discipline to say, eh, don't worry about them.

4. Indeed sometimes married people are lucky! It's the numbers game.

5. If you are looking for a specific type of lad, you should write your checklist here, and we will recommend you where to go. It sounds like you are looking for a traditional man who you can have to do things your way; that's most likely found in a church. Now remember most women unconsciously want men to be more assertive than them - so you can't simultaneously look for a mild mannered man and complain that his masculinity isn't strong enough for you. You will have to seek out a balance.

[GorillaTheater]

"Get in the van and you won't get hurt."

[amaysngrace]

Giving love and respect back to them usually seems to work out well for the happily married women I know.

[Happy Lemming]

Not to add "fuel to the fire", but less and less men are wanting to get married. Although studies vary, it appears that 23% - 25% of all males will never marry.

 

So for every four men you meet, that say they are open to marriage, one of them is not telling the truth.

[Gretchen12]

He doesn't feel locked down. To him she is a partner. They depend on each other for support, advice, comfort. The hot young stranger offers him none of that.

[alphamale]

go to your local religious institution, lots of 'nice guys' there

[thefooloftheyear]

While subjective/relative, whether anyone wants to believe it or not, probably the single biggest factor is how good looking a woman is and more importantly how good she takes care of herself....One of the single most common issues of discontent reported by guys is their wives "let themselves go" or no longer care about personal grooming, appearance, etc..

 

Of course there are other issues, but often they go back to what I mentioned above...Women complain they have a sexless marriage, but don't bother mentioning that they are too heavy, chopped their hair short, etc..

 

Also, bear in mind that many people(and this is true more of women than men, IME), will proclaim how great their marriage is or it may look like on FB, only to be really just as shytty as the one down the street that's going through a divorce...

 

Guys normally suffer in silence...They may tell their buddies in a quiet moment, but wont do what most women do...

 

TFY

[Simple Logic]

Your question is far too complex to be answered.

[CantGetEnuff]

Nobody ever wants to hear the answer, but here it is (yet again)...most men don't want to be "locked down" for their entire adult life.

 

It's not our nature, at least not instinctively.

 

That doesn't mean we don't care about people, it just means we are hard-wired to seek quantity over quality, basically the reverse of what women instinctively seek.

 

And...here we are in a society that favors quantity over quality, so it appears the women won!

Edited March 13, 2019 by CantGetEnuff

[Els]

If you view it as "locking someone down", you've already lost the battle IMO.

 

 

 

The search for a compatible partner whom you're also attracted to and who treats you well isn't easy... for either gender. Some people do get "luckier" than others. But everyone in a happy LTR knows that both people are making the choice on a continual basis to invest and commit to their relationship, it's not something that you just "lock down" and that's it.

[Mr. Lucky]

So I have to cook him dinner and give him a good bj and that’s it?

 

Speaking only for myself, that's certainly a good start .

 

How the heck do happily married women lock down a man?

 

Maybe you've got it backwards? Perhaps these women are happily married because they have a man they don't need to "lock down"...

 

Mr. Lucky

[elaine567]

It is all about choosing men who are "the marrying kind" to date.

[basil67]

A woman can't lock a man down. But she can find a man who chooses to stay. I agree that it's about looking for a man who is relationship minded.

[RecentChange]

I can only speak from my personal experience.

 

I never set out to “lock a man down” in fact, I never imagined being married really. I enjoyed causal relationships and never wanted kids, so didn’t really see the point.

 

But, then I met someone I was extremely compatible with. Someone who I almost immediately could not imagine my life without.

 

His actions and his words made it clear he felt the same way. We talked about growing old together, and started building a life together.

 

I never felt like I was competing for his attention. I never worried about other women because I feel that I care for him, understand him, take care of him in ways that someone else wouldn’t be able to.

 

And as crazy as it may sound, he even cheated once (9 years ago) and even then I never felt like she was a threat.

 

I don’t know, I am an extremely confident person and have never really spent much energy comparing myself to others or worrying about things beyond my control.

 

I do take care of myself physically, pride myself on maintaining a youthful appearance (I think not having kids makes this one easier!).

 

Otherwise- I am a bit of a tomboy and have always found connecting with men easy. But I am also “traditional” in that I do the grocery shopping and cook dinner every night. I take care of the home - and him (he jokingly calls me “doctor recent” as I am always treating injuries, wounds etc).

 

I also have a high earning career - but that didn’t develop until years after we got together.

[Wallysbears]

Honestly? You’re thinking here is part of your problem. I didn’t “lock down” my husband. He chased ME. I didn’t “need a man”. I was truly happy single. But damn...he came along, was the whole package, treated me amazing from the beginning, never played games...and he won my heart, devotion and love.

 

And in return? I’m his partner. We make a kick ass team, we have a lot of fun together and a great relationship. Plus a damn cute and fiery little boy.

 

Do we hit bumps in the road? Yeah...that’s life. But we tackle life head on together. He’s my biggest cheerleader and I’m his. Plus, I’m a damn good cook and we have an amazing sex life. He knows he has it great and so do I. I don’t worry about having him “locked down” because he won’t cheat. He’s not going to find anything this good out there and he likes coming home to a warm meal and warm environment (loving, etc).

 

I don’t nag very much. I don’t have a “honey do” list a mile long. He volunteers to help when he’s home and if he’s in a busy season and I need something done? Either I do it or I have it hired out. If he wants to see his buddies then I tell him to go and have fun (and I mean it) and he does the same for me.

 

A LOT of it is trust, respect, love and communication. Plus, we were both not kids when we met. We didn’t have romanticized ideations of what marriage would be...it’s hard. You live with a person every single day and sometimes you can dream of smothering them with a sock they once again left on the floor instead of the hamper. But those things? They’re small ridiculous details and not worth fighting over. So we don’t.

 

I can’t change his 42 year old self anymore than he can change me at 40. So we don’t try and just do our best to love each other where we are.

[Wallysbears]

 

I don’t know, I am an extremely confident person and have never really spent much energy comparing myself to others or worrying about things beyond my control.

 

I do take care of myself physically, pride myself on maintaining a youthful appearance (I think not having kids makes this one easier!).

 

Otherwise- I am a bit of a tomboy and have always found connecting with men easy. But I am also “traditional” in that I do the grocery shopping and cook dinner every night. I take care of the home - and him (he jokingly calls me “doctor recent” as I am always treating injuries, wounds etc).

 

I also have a high earning career - but that didn’t develop until years after we got together.

 

A lot of this is true for me also.

 

I don’t worry about “what if’s”. If he cheats or we divorce? Eh. I’ll be fine. Would it suck? Yeah...but I’ll get through. I’m more than capable of standing on my own two feet.

 

I am also (I think) very easy to get along with and can hang with the guys and go fishing, etc on our boat with ease.

 

While I do have a son, I’ve “bounced back” pretty well. Not the size 0-2 I was, but a healthy 4-6. I have long hair (he likes it long...I don’t care either way, so I keep it long even if it’s in a knot daily...it looks great down) and I can dress up nicely.

 

I am not a slob. Even yoga pants/t-shirts are in good condition.

 

Plus I earn a solid living.

[Els]

Well, after reading all of that, my answer is probably: "I have no idea!"

 

 

I'm not particularly domestically inclined. I outsource whatever I can - groceries delivered, food delivered sometimes, cleaner hired once a month. I do take care of the majority of household responsibilities aside from that, but that's because H works much longer hours than I do. On his days off we mostly split the chores.

 

 

I do feel like we have a pretty extraordinary connection. It's been over 10 years, but we can still spend hours on end together, engaging in our many shared hobbies or even just shooting the breeze. We get along very well and have a lot of fun in almost anything that we do together. We match well in the bedroom and have great sex. We always try to do little things to make the other person happy.

 

 

 

I guess to me, the crux of it is that it's who WE are that keeps us together thick and thin, not who I am. I'm probably nothing all that special, to be honest. But the love and connection that WE have is special.

[chillii]

Op your simplistic view of what you think is marriage and even the locking a man down thing, pretty well points out the differences between you and the married women you talk about. And you don't even mention love or falling in love.

There's marrying kinds in women, and sorry to say but if those views come across in your personality then you wouldn't be the marrying kind to guys you meet. There's soooo much more to it than that.

Usually , well in my world anyway although the internet seems a planet all it's own to me so as l say , in my world anyway.

She has a quality about her, they have a much more maternal way ,she wants to devote and build a life together , a partnership and she has ways about her, attitudes, warmth and qualities that show she can do that, some of the women in this thread have it all over them..

She'll have a good mind and self respect and she won't be out there sleeping with every man she meets or just aimlessly dating dating.

 

When l think of a question like this , one of my sisters comes to mind, my mum, my gf comes to mind, even my ex wife, ex now but that was life and life can be damn tough on you both and marriage.

But they all have that quality , it's a kind of thing any man , well with brains anyway, thinking about marriage looks for.

ps , l know there's all kinds of married women out there and some you just scratch your head , but l'm just talking about the real deal.

Edited March 13, 2019 by chillii

[stillafool]

So I have to cook him dinner and give him a good bj and that’s it? Does that whole “connection” thing come into play also? Sounds impossible-there are sooo many hot women out there. How does one man choose 1 wife?

 

There are just as many hot men. They chose each other.

[LivingWaterPlease]

OP, I'm single and what I've noticed is that it's not locking down a man, in a sense it's a woman letting a man try to lock her down!

 

It seems to me trying to stay single is one of the best ways to get plenty of marriage proposals!

 

To elaborate, I'd say to attract a great man prepare to be single for the rest of your life. This means finding work you're passionate about and doing it well (because no one else is going to provide for you)! Keeping yourself fit and healthy (because no one is going to be there to take care of you if you get sick)! Staying involved with a community of friends and treating them well (because no one is home to be your companion)! Staying away from clubs and partying (because you're too busy and involved with life to have time and you need to get up the next morning and get plenty of work done)!

 

These are just a few of the things that it seems to me attract the good kind of men. I think if you do all of the above you may find yourself having a hard time trying to remain locked in a single lifestyle! At least it's worked that way for me.

 

I'm sure there are other ways to get partnered up but I haven't had the need or the time to find out what they may be!

[lana-banana]

"Locking down" isn't a thing. Like basil said, you can't make anyone want to get married. Either you're right for them or you aren't.

 

I broke up with some people in my life. Some of them broke up with me. It wasn't about either of us being better or worse than the other, we just weren't a good long term match. When my husband's ex told him she wanted to get engaged or break up, he said he would rather break up. When I first mentioned marriage he was fully onboard. We're just a good fit and we want to keep being together.

 

That said, gratitude and respect goes a long way, as other posters have pointed out. If you always say thank you and please and try to consider your spouse as an independent person, not just a function of you, you'll do well. Remember, marriage is about so much more than appearance and sex. Everyone wants a partner who is friendly, helpful, and fun to be around. Being a supportive person and a good conversalist goes a lot farther than short skirts.

Edited March 13, 2019 by lana-banana