How the heck do happily married women lock down a man?

[d0nnivain]

You can find good men anywhere if you are a good woman. That means being a loving partner who wants to share her life rather than a gold digger who only cares about what a man can do for her. If you have a lot going on & bring good things to the table but can stand on your own two financial feet it is possible to find a good man.

 

Once you are outside of an academic environment it does take some effort. When I found myself single in my late 30s I made the effort to put myself out there. It can be tough because you don't have posse of friends to go out clubbing with so you have to become more comfortable on your own or you have to expand your network of friends.

 

I made sure I did at least one social thing per week: a Meet Up; a singles thing; alumni events; a networking event; anything where I could meet new people. Try niche singles things. I went to one group called Leashes & Lovers where you could bring your dog. It was a pet thing not a kink thing. I signed up for a golf thing where they put 2 women & 2 men together to play. I figured 9 holes in the sun was still better then a lot else even if the companions weren't ideal. The trick is to find something you enjoy.

 

Volunteer. Get involved in your community. Realize every day is an opportunity. This will require you to get your nose out of your phone & warmly engage with everyone including that security guard from work who annoyed you in your other thread. He may have had a BFF who was perfect for you or known an executive on another floor that has had his eye on you.

[thefooloftheyear]

I can't speak for the OP, but I don't see the use of "lock down" as a form of control like I think some of you guys are...I think she is referring to a guy that hangs around for the long haul and doesn't grow bored, weary, resentful, etc...

 

I use that term for customers as well..When I say "lock down" it means that they are very satisfied, ive earned their trust, and they wont shop around...Its the same deal...

 

TFY

[Blanco]

As others have implied, OP, you might want to examine your views on men and relationships as you search for the answers to your questions. Maybe you were just using jargon when mentioning "locking down," a man, but like others have said, most happily married guys are not locked down. I would suggest that a lot of the unhappily married guys are the ones who are or feel "locked down."

[thefooloftheyear]

Here is another thing to consider....

 

Good looking and successful men always have options..Even as they get older...Not that some don't disregard all that and only see their wife as the "be all and end all", because obviously many do...But offers are as common as feet on humans...

 

But I think one of the reasons you see more women than men "dating down" in terms of looks is that those guys will usually have less(or no) options, so it's far less likely for those guys to go away....They never get the opportunity to...

 

TFY

[lana-banana]

How in the world do they lock a man down who isn’t going to make his eyes wander? When there is competition among other women that are younger, hotter, even funny?

 

This just makes me really sad. Do you believe every man will just up and leave his partner for someone younger and hotter? That is like sitcom levels of shallow. Men are not all lazy cheating slobs who just want the hottest woman who will sleep with them. If you think of all men in this light, that may be why you have a hard time understanding the ones who want a serious relationship. Not to mention the women---other women aren't your competition. They're just women.

 

Or are these men Just good and have a good belief system who believe in the institution of marriage and monagamy?

 

Well, yes, obviously a guy who believes in monogamy is more likely to commit than a guy who doesn't. And of course you want to have a long-term partner with a good belief system. If they didn't, they'd be a terrible choice.

 

Where are these men and where can I find them? If that even insists. Or are these women just plain lucky?

 

Of course luck is a big factor in it, but you make it sound like women are starving hyenas hoping to sink our teeth into a single eligible bachelor strolling alone across the savanna. I don't think that's how it goes. Almost all of my friends are married and none of us are supermodels or fabulously wealthy. We just try to be decent partners to the men we love.

[alphamale]

"Lock down" sounds like some verbiage they would use at Sing Sing or Folsom

[alphamale]

First off, the dinner and a BJ idea is a good start. Just sayin.

 

The trick, IMO, is to be the kind of woman a guy wants to be with. These days, I see a lot of perpetually single ladies talking about how a man needs to just take them as they are, flaws and all. Well, where has that gotten those ladies? I'm not saying you should fundamentally change who you are as a person, but trying new things might not be so bad. Just find the type of guy that you wanna get with and become the woman he can't live without.

 

yea like wearing makeup and a miniskirt and heels on occasion

[snowboy91]

Sounds impossible-there are sooo many hot women out there. How does one man choose 1 wife?

 

Could say the same thing in reverse - there are so many hot guys out there. How does one woman choose one husband when there are so many guys out there (and traditionally they're the ones chasing)?

 

Not all guys are controlled by their sex drives to the point that they'll disregard their relationship just to sleep with the hottest girl they see. In fact, most don't. Guys do fall deeply in love too, you only have to look across this forum to see as many heartbroken guys as girls when the relationship ends. Of course eyes will wander - for many guys (and girls too!) that's just nature, and I'll admit an attractive girl at the bar will grab my attention. But I choose not to approach her, because the girl I'm in a relationship with is good to me, also attractive and we are highly compatible on many levels. Why would I want to throw that away?

[Realitysux]

You can't put your energy and focus into being enough for them, you have to be enough for you and then the right one will come

[basil67]

These days, I see a lot of perpetually single ladies talking about how a man needs to just take them as they are, flaws and all. Well, where has that gotten those ladies?

 

It's certainly no coincidence. I suspect that these women think they are above personal growth. While we shouldn't make ourselves into someone we are not, it's important to consider whether the change is positive and would benefit us in the long run.

[crispytoast]

It's certainly no coincidence. I suspect that these women think they are above personal growth. While we shouldn't make ourselves into someone we are not, it's important to consider whether the change is positive and would benefit us in the long run.

I call it "Golden Vagina Syndrome" where some women think that men should be perfect to them but they can treat their man however the hell they want because their amazing magical vaginas are reward enough. The irony of course being that any good man with a shred of self-respect would never stay with a woman who acts like this.

[basil67]

To be fair, there are also men who think they are above personal growth - we see it here all the time. But that's for another thread....

[crispytoast]

I wholeheartedly agree with you, believe me.

[NuevoYorko]

Not to add "fuel to the fire", but less and less men are wanting to get married. Although studies vary, it appears that 23% - 25% of all males will never marry.

 

So for every four men you meet, that say they are open to marriage, one of them is not telling the truth.

 

Perhaps they are among the +/- 4% of men who identify as gay; or, don't overlook the possibility that there are a substantial number of us who no women are interested in marrying.

 

Interestingly, I just read an Observer article that cited this statistic: In the USA, 53% of all unmarried adults are women.

 

OP - you are looking at this wrong. Men and women who are marriage minded will find each other. It's not really like women are desperately trying to "lock down a man." If you're looking at it this way, I think you're probably getting in your own way.

Edited March 14, 2019 by NuevoYorko

[mark clemson]

Think ultimately the "magical secret" to a long lasting relationship (ie. "locking down") is that both partners choose to remain in it. It sounds trite, but it's not - relationships can even survive death if the remaining partner chooses to remain loyal to the other's memory. Happens all the time.

 

Think really what you should be asking yourself is:

 

• What will make someone choose to be with you in the first place?
  
• What will make you choose to be with them? (i.e. the qualities you're looking for)
  
• What will make them continue to choose you indefinitely?
  
• And what will make you continue to choose them?
  

 

It's easier said than done, but if you can nail these things down, you'll have the LTR.

[NuevoYorko]

But I think one of the reasons you see more women than men "dating down" in terms of looks is that those guys will usually have less(or no) options, so it's far less likely for those guys to go away....They never get the opportunity to...

 

TFY

You must live on a different planet than I do. I'm amazed on a daily basis at the number of abysmal looking men with hot women on their arms. In fact, I just went to my 35th high school reunion and it was remarkable how much better the women generally looked than the men. It was a big topic at our table; men and women agreed.

 

I am attracted to good looking women, for sure, but I can't say that it's the main feature on which to build a lasting relationship. Shoot, I was married to a beauty and her looks did nothing to hold our marriage together when it hit the skids.

[Blanco]

You must live on a different planet than I do. I'm amazed on a daily basis at the number of abysmal looking men with hot women on their arms. In fact, I just went to my 35th high school reunion and it was remarkable how much better the women generally looked than the men. It was a big topic at our table; men and women agreed.

 

I am attracted to good looking women, for sure, but I can't say that it's the main feature on which to build a lasting relationship. Shoot, I was married to a beauty and her looks did nothing to hold our marriage together when it hit the skids.

 

I think you guys are kind of saying the same thing: It's not uncommon to see a woman linked up with a guy who, superficially, is beneath her supposed level.

 

I see this more in the realm of serious relationships rather than casual flings, which sort of what fooloftheyear was getting at: When it's time to "settle down," a lot of women are going to trade off some the superficial perks for the assumed increased stability they expect to get from a guy who is superficially beneath them.

[thefooloftheyear]

You must live on a different planet than I do. I'm amazed on a daily basis at the number of abysmal looking men with hot women on their arms. In fact, I just went to my 35th high school reunion and it was remarkable how much better the women generally looked than the men. It was a big topic at our table; men and women agreed.

 

I am attracted to good looking women, for sure, but I can't say that it's the main feature on which to build a lasting relationship. Shoot, I was married to a beauty and her looks did nothing to hold our marriage together when it hit the skids.

 

Maybe you need an eye exam...You are making/reinforcing my point...

 

And another thing....Don't base anything on what you see at reunions...I saw the same thing at mine too...Take a look at those same women you saw, 6 months or a year from then..Reunions are a big deal for women...They spend months/years prepping and training for them as if its their wedding night or some shyt…Guys don't care as much...

 

But I stand by my previous statement....Good looking/well built guys make most women nuts....They(women) want to be seen as the "prettier" looking one of the couple...They hate it and feel insecure if the guy upstages them physically...Not to mention practically every one of her friends and other women on the street will be eyeing the guy up and wondering what he sees in her...Its hard enough for most women to have to maintain their basic looks on a daily basis, let alone to have to constantly be questioning if they are meeting the standards of some very attractive guy...Obviously not all women are like this and many are comfortable and confident enough to deal with it....Its also the reason that you practically never see a good looking guy with a dud looking woman...If you do, its more than likely that he's married and his wife let herself go and he is probably stuck now..

 

Guys generally don't see it the same way...They feel good if their woman is good looking or has a good body....It wont matter as much if she upstages him and guys wont be as insecure about it as women do, they'll just take it and be thankful...Other guys will nod in approval/respect....They wont be looking to steal that guys woman, like many women do to each other...

 

Its all this crap that makes women seek men that are beneath them in terms of physical looks for LTRs, IMO...Just look at how many women on this site complain about how they cant get satisfied in bed by their guys....Its no wonder when they start selecting guys primarily not for how they look or if they make them wet, but rather because of how stable he is, or because they don't want the insecurity of a good looking man in other aspects of life outside the bedroom..

 

TFY

Edited March 14, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[basil67]

Reunions are a big deal for women...They spend months/years prepping and training for them as if its their wedding night or some shyt…

 

You've seen women do this??? You must live in a completely different world to me. My 30yr school reunion involved me thinking about my presentation about 30 minutes before I left home.

[thefooloftheyear]

You've seen women do this??? You must live in a completely different world to me. My 30yr school reunion involved me thinking about my presentation about 30 minutes before I left home.

 

Of course I have..I was almost shocked to see how many women were done up to such a high level...You could tell that they paid a pile of money and invested a ton of time, for their dresses, makeup, accessories, etc...

 

And yes..we are on the same planet, sis....I've read enough of your posts to know that you are NOT a typical woman...

 

And that's not a knock, btw...

 

TFY

Edited March 14, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[Els]

"Lock down" sounds like some verbiage they would use at Sing Sing or Folsom

 

 

I actually only knew Folsom as in the "street fair"... had no idea it was a prison, too!

[GorillaTheater]

I actually only knew Folsom as in the "street fair"... had no idea it was a prison, too!

 

Some American you are. The place was made famous by one of Johnny Cash's best songs, and here's a video of him actually performing "Folsom Prison Blues" at San Quentin prison:

 

 

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die". Most badass line in a song since 1950.

[One2Three]

How to lock someone (happily)- provide something they don't have otherwise:

-for religious people is sex that they won't have if single

-for people that were in long-term relationships is a replacement companionship

-for single dads is a new mom for their kids etc

 

How to lock someone (for the sake of locking) - nag nag nag. Spice up with some passive aggressiveness and take him to weddings and engagement parties. Joking obviously but obviously working strategy for ones that can't do it otherwise lol.

[salparadise]

A woman can't lock a man down. But she can find a man who chooses to stay. I agree that it's about looking for a man who is relationship minded.

 

Yup, and the way to get them to choose is the same for either gender... by dealing with integrity, reliability and meeting their emotional needs. It would be nearly impossible to not love a woman who sincerely expresses respect and appreciation.

 

The notion that it's an ongoing hotness competition is an erroneous perception. Well, there certainly are those who can't quit chasing tail, but that's not most. Don't waste your time on men who have no integrity, are not committed to monogamy, or whose primary personality feature is entitlement. And, be cognizant of what you're using as bait, because that will determine the kind you catch.

 

The five A's of mindful loving - Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, Attention, Allowing. ~David Richo

Edited March 14, 2019 by salparadise
correct spelling

[LivingWaterPlease]

You've seen women do this??? You must live in a completely different world to me. My 30yr school reunion involved me thinking about my presentation about 30 minutes before I left home.

 

You're probably so gorgeous you never give it a thought, basil!

 

But, yeah, I know lots of women who, as TFY writes, spend weeks/months prepping for the reunion. Esp for the decade ones 10, 20, 30, etc.!

 

This thread has some great tips for single women! Look good, yes, but be a good person, too!