How the heck do happily married women lock down a man?

[Els]

Some American you are.

 

 

Good thing I'm not....? :laugh:

[vinnyfl]

My wife decided that it was OK for us to play with other couples and girls. So we did a few foursomes, a wife swap and then threesomes with her girlfriends until finding one that was secretly bisexual and made my wife realize that she too is bi. We stayed with that girlfriend for the next 30 years of our 47 year marriage.

 

This ethical non monogamy worked for us very well plus we both got to have someone else to love. Our girlfriend was treated as family long before we invited her into our bed. It was not until she got divorced and lived with us after selling her home to pay her ex his half, that it turned sexual and even then, it took 8 months and her hinting at it for it to happen.

 

Sounds terrible, but is it more terrible than all of our monogamous friends and siblings cheating and divorcing, having kids from two different parents and bankrupting them in the process? Serial monogamy is more acceptable than putting your marriage and each other before all else, even if that “else” is monogamy. Never a problem and never any jealousy in all those years.

 

We are all presented with monogamy which fails more than marriages do, with no alternatives at a time well past when marriage was structured to prevent problems that no longer exist in the age of birth control and DNA testing. No longer do women need men to protect and provide for them. No longer do men need to make sure that their mates are not carrying babies with some other man’s genes in them, making them waste their limited time and resources on passing along some other man’s genes while killing off his own.

 

People rather go down in the monogamy ship then seek the safety of another ship. It is cray cray that people rather cheat within the framework of a monogamous marriage than seek alternatives. We knew lots of married couples who were non monogamous either openly or simply having one of the spouses look the other way. One women I worked with had a boyfriend for 10 years of her marriage and loved her husband. Said he was a great father and provider but not the kind of man she like in bed who treated her roughly and like a “slut”. She said she would never marry the kind of guy she liked sexually and the type of guys she would marry would never treat her like she wants to be treated in bed. True story and I heard similar ones.

[Woggle]

Don't think of it as locking down. I am not in prison. They are happily married because they have the traits that make a man want to share his life with them and she chose a man she wants to share her life with.

[Highndry]

Be kind to him, and supportive. Cook good food (every man likes a nice meal cooked for him, I don't care what anybody says). Have sex with him often.

 

A man who has that isn't going to want to lose it, and you will get it back in spades.

[Sunlight72]

Be kind to him, and supportive. Cook good food (every man likes a nice meal cooked for him, I don't care what anybody says). Have sex with him often.

 

A man who has that isn't going to want to lose it, and you will get it back in spades.

I am happy to split the cooking back and forth, but yes. Take care of me, and be appreciative (words, actions, warmth, sex, some room to spend time with my friends a couple times a month), and I will gladly marry. In fact, I'm looking for you!

 

Also - when there are challenges that come up for the both of you, say "we will make it work", "we will figure it out together", "we are in this together" and mean it. I can hardly tell you what a strong effect it has had on my the VERY few times a woman has said that type of thing to me and meant it. Even though I usually work it out for the both of us, hearing this melts me. I know how rare it is, and I would gladly stay with such a partner.

[OpenBook]

Be kind to him, and supportive. Cook good food (every man likes a nice meal cooked for him, I don't care what anybody says). Have sex with him often.

 

A man who has that isn't going to want to lose it, and you will get it back in spades.

 

Really?? It's been my experience that the more a woman does, the less the man does, until it's almost completely one-sided. Especially after you get married. I really believe most men get married because they don't want to "try" anymore. Dating & courting is hard work for them.

 

I want to know how do happily-married women keep their men "trying"???

[Mrs._December]

So I have to cook him dinner and give him a good bj and that’s it? Does that whole “connection” thing come into play also? Sounds impossible-there are sooo many hot women out there. How does one man choose 1 wife?

Not for nothin', but you're assuming that ALL men are capable of attracting virtually any woman they want. LOL!

 

Walk through any mall and take a REAL good luck at the men walking along with their wives. Most of them are plain as hell or downright unattractive, and they're NOT married to beauty queens or anything even close. So I'm not sure why you think all these men have the pick of the litter - they don't.

[Mr. Lucky]

Really?? It's been my experience that the more a woman does, the less the man does, until it's almost completely one-sided.

 

OB, that's a pretty jaundiced view, I'd guess there's lazy partners of both sexes. The reverse male cliche is, once you get married, she stops taking care of herself and her appearance.

 

Successful marriages adjust and adapt. Neither partner is the same person at 40 they were at 25, the same is true at 55. "Trying" means different things at different stages...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Highndry]

Really?? It's been my experience that the more a woman does, the less the man does, until it's almost completely one-sided. Especially after you get married. I really believe most men get married because they don't want to "try" anymore. Dating & courting is hard work for them.

 

I want to know how do happily-married women keep their men "trying"???

 

 

That's the attitude that will lead you right to a life of boxed wine and cats.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Here are secrets to catching a man:

 

1. Pick someone that’s quite a bit older/worse looking that you

2. For the first 6 months, don’t argue at all. You are sweet as sunshine, expressing affection, warmth and acceptance (just not too much affection, aim for slightly more than he does). Do not be yourself at this stage. You are fully trusting. Leave open conversations for your mum and girlfriends.

3. Appear to be in demand but make it known that you are not interested in anyone other than your new BF. Drop some hints in the conversation about a male friend that’s been texting you etc.

4. Cook. Invite him for dinners and do your absolute best. Enlist help from mum/girlfriends, just don’t tell him

5. Never turn down sex, regardless of your mood. The time for not having sex will come after he marries you. (see marriage forums).

6. Project calmness and patience at all times.

7. After 6 months to 1 year, you can slowly ease him into getting to know your real self. By then, he will be hooked.

8. Do not let your looks slide at any point! (but you can get fat once he marries you).

 

Smart, strategic women know all this. Catching a man is no accident.

[Blanco]

Here are secrets to catching a man:

 

1. Pick someone that’s quite a bit older/worse looking that you

2. For the first 6 months, don’t argue at all. You are sweet as sunshine, expressing affection, warmth and acceptance (just not too much affection, aim for slightly more than he does). Do not be yourself at this stage. You are fully trusting. Leave open conversations for your mum and girlfriends.

3. Appear to be in demand but make it known that you are not interested in anyone other than your new BF. Drop some hints in the conversation about a male friend that’s been texting you etc.

4. Cook. Invite him for dinners and do your absolute best. Enlist help from mum/girlfriends, just don’t tell him

5. Never turn down sex, regardless of your mood. The time for not having sex will come after he marries you. (see marriage forums).

6. Project calmness and patience at all times.

7. After 6 months to 1 year, you can slowly ease him into getting to know your real self. By then, he will be hooked.

8. Do not let your looks slide at any point! (but you can get fat once he marries you).

 

Smart, strategic women know all this. Catching a man is no accident.

 

Tongue-in-cheek post, hopefully.

 

All good advice if your only concern is trapping a man. Good idea to disregard any of it if you're looking for a healthy relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

Tongue-in-cheek post, hopefully.

 

All good advice if your only concern is trapping a man. Good idea to disregard any of it if you're looking for a healthy relationship.

 

Blanco, agreed. I kept waiting for the part about putting saltpeter in his diet...

 

Mr. Lucky