Preventing friends from lovers?

[rakula]

Hello.... I've recently fell for my long time friend of 7 years about a couple of months ago but never really found the right time to tell her. Then as recent as a couple of weeks ago she met this guy and she really feels a connection with him. Then one drunk night... I met this guy and she asked what I thought of him. I was like ummmm.... I dunno.. She's like, "You don't like him? why don't you like him???".. I couldn't tell her it was cause I loved her, it's not the right time acording to a mutal friends of ours too. So I kinda said it was cause of his looks etc.. And that she could do better etc. So this is really on her mind alot. She thought she liked this guy but now she has doubts cause of what I said. What would be the right thing here? Should I really let her go? She seems to be suffering over this now. I suffer when she is out with this guy etc. And now that I kinda got what I wanted, it's not like a total green light for me to go in and tell her. So it seems that no one really wins? What would you guys do?

[Highway Man]

Distance yourself from her. Be nice about it but be firm. Slowly see her less and less until that strong emotional bond is broken. You will only hurt yourself if you continue in this friendship. You must think of your needs and not hers. She has what see wants, can you say the same?

If you tell her your feelings she will probably end the friendship as " it will be to weird" for her.

 

 

Good Luck

[JhnZ71]

Apologise for what you said, tell her the truth, tell her you said that because you feel for her. It probably wont do anything but get you slapped in the face, but if you truly care about her... it is the right thing to do.

[guest]

hey,

wot is wrong with u? when u like her why cant u tell her..........wot u waiting for? when she is sure she prefers the other guy then u drop the bombshell?either live with it or fix it..........if u really love her u wont make her doubt her own feelings...........

 

aqua

[rakula]

yeah... I think it's best if I let her go. I dunno if I will get slapped for it. lol but.... It really is the best thing it seems.

[Jayhawks]

I feel for your situation. The thing is you have to think about you and what you want. When a women discusses other guys with you she does not see you in a romantic way. You are like a good g/f who happens to be a guy.

 

My advice is to slowly back away from your friendship. You need distance from her to get over your feelings. She will be hurt by your coolness but you can't worry about her needs. She is getting what she wants from your relationship. Can you say the same? If she asks way you are being this way tell her the truth. If she can't understand your feelings then she is just selfish.

You probably can remain acquaintances but you need to break from that closeness that has your feelings involved.

[rakula]

that's sounds advice Jayhawk. Thanks. Being acquaintances with someone you have been close to for 6 years is rough.. but I think it will be possible if she's getting what she needs from this new relationship of hers. That is.. if it becomes into a relationship. I have slowly introduced more distance the last two days. We usually IM each other a bunch. But yesterday it was limited and today... well she said she's really busy.. Which kinda sucks.. but I think it will help me extinguish these feelings for her.

 

When a women discusses other guys with you she does not see you in a romantic way. You are like a good g/f who happens to be a guy.

 

yeah totally feel ya man.. Cause before I totally think I had a chance. She probably won't see me in a romantic way for a while. There really no reason to stick around and see if things will work out if things don't work with this guy. Cause if it doesn't I dunno if she'd still even think about going for another guy for a while. So... I guess I should just cash in any chips I have and save my sanity. Oh btw.. if she asks why I didn't like him.. do I tell her it's cause I have these feelings right now? Just wanted your feedback on that part too. Thanks

[Jayhawks]

if she asks why I didn't like him.. do I tell her it's cause I have these feelings right now?

 

I would avoid telling her of your feelings unless she asks outright. She probably has an idea that you like her, as women pick up on these things. She has just chosen to ignore them and not address them. I would do the same because if you tell her it will put a strain on the friendship. Just give her some vague answer about the guy and leave it at that.

 

The distance that ensues from your withdrawal will tell her all she needs to know.

[rakula]

Well just to give you all an update. I told her to go for it and whatever it was that I felt was wrong really isn't a big deal. She was still curious cause I never really told her what was wrong with him. She kept guessing and I pretty much said... yeah that's right... It's cause he doesn't have a stable job etc. But these are just small things.. I think you should go for it. And things are pretty much all good now. Until well the guy got freakishly needed. But hey... that was none of my doing. I'm actually doing a little better now and dont' hurt as much though. I'm gonna take sometime away from the whole situation. Let her go and see if this guy works out. At least I still have a friend. Telling her at this time was just crazy talk..lol.. sometimes one doesn't think clearly with the heart.

[Topper]

OK I have a very different take on this. She may like this guy and then again she may be asking you to step up to the plate. Have you ever thought she might be waiting for you to make a move? She has ask you why you don't like this guy. You not being honest with your friend. Be honest , Don't be a wimp and coward, be a man Tell her your true feelings.

Baking off sounds all noble and grand. You walk away the beautiful loser. Giving up your own chance at happiness for your friend that you really Love. Liston to yourself It is pathetic! The only regrets you will ever have in life is not doing something. She may be waiting for you to declare your feelings. The only way you will ever know if there could be anything more then friendship is to be honest.