When the affair fog lifts

[Abetterme]

MM called to talk and tell me how he missed hearing my voice and how he meant everything he ever said. And to tell me he’s met someone new but wants to see me. I asked him for what. He of course said for sex. I told him I’m sure he had no problem getting that from other women.

So here I am starting from the beginning as if the NC just started and all those abandonment and rejection and sadness feelings are fresh and new.

 

@grasshopper - I am sorry this caused you pain. I wanted to write as I’m ashamed to say I can commiserate to an extent. My xMM made contact recently via a professional site and I felt I could handle standard chit chat.

 

In short order he expressed minor remorse about cutting off abruptly and very quickly tried to move to sexual territory. It was very sad to me to see myself reduced to that in his eyes, but I guess it was something I was very prepared for

having seen so much good advice and insight on these boards. nonetheless it was hurtful and it has certainly set me back despite like you having good clarity on what I want and things being over.

 

They may have once felt something for us, but we are simply an easy means to an end now if we let them. I continue to feel the most sadness in my ability to have risked my husbands happiness for this horrible loser. I wish seeing him for what he is again didn’t hurt, but it does. I wish I could get rid of that feeling right? Why does that even hurt? It’s because there are feelings left for me and I just want them gone. Nothing is more frustrating than wanting to erase this person from my life and it still lingering.

 

I’ve blocked him from the professional site too. I didn’t think he would try, but it is clear why any contact is just not ok for me.

 

Grasshopper, Aloha, Broken - I was following your threads over the summer. I hope you keep moving forward and placing your well being ahead of these MM. It hurts seeing your pain as much as feeling my own or that of a good friends. All the best!

[Naivewomen]

@a better me. Same thing here. You have expressed your feelings beautifully and it resonates with me. Exactly, the same thing happened to me although I was able to handle the chit chat but underneath that layer I knew exactly what he was missing. And its not me the person!!!! So sad, so many women so many stories. I too feel horrible that I pretty much ruined my families happiness for so long. The lingering feelings do get lighter just not quick enough. NC is super important and necessary!! Ladies we can get past this!!