Guildford Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 My wife and I had one child and we both worked. Our son did not object to the long hours of childcare at two years, and seemed to enjoy it. He is an only child so this was an opportunity to play with other children his age. It was a quality daycare service and in addition to caring for the children, they did teach the children about socializing at birthday parties etc. A good childcare service can be good for a child who would otherwise spend his days with adults. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 So what about paying your MIL to watch your son? If she's going back to work simply to earn money (rather than to advance an established career), this could be a win-win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 It’s like everything is going against us. Seems like a "glass half empty" approach to life. You have your health, a child and family nearby, assets many others would consider valuable. If you see yourself as a victim, hard to feel empowered to tackle the issues head on. What stops you from working to improve your marriage? The health of the relationship is much more important to your child's future than whether MIL or SIL provides childcare a few hours a week... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 How do you know your SIL isn't smoking when your son is there? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 My wife and I had one child and we both worked. Our son did not object to the long hours of childcare at two years, and seemed to enjoy it. He is an only child so this was an opportunity to play with other children his age. It was a quality daycare service and in addition to caring for the children, they did teach the children about socializing at birthday parties etc. A good childcare service can be good for a child who would otherwise spend his days with adults. Yeh I know, considering all those benefits of child care I’m leaning towards that him. It’s good the hear that the long day didn’t bother your child much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 So what about paying your MIL to watch your son? If she's going back to work simply to earn money (rather than to advance an established career), this could be a win-win. Nah she said something about going back full time so her super won’t get taxed when she withdraws at 60. So paying her wouldn’t be the same Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 Seems like a "glass half empty" approach to life. You have your health, a child and family nearby, assets many others would consider valuable. If you see yourself as a victim, hard to feel empowered to tackle the issues head on. What stops you from working to improve your marriage? The health of the relationship is much more important to your child's future than whether MIL or SIL provides childcare a few hours a week... Mr. Lucky Thanks, this is such a insightful post. I didn’t think of it that way but you are right, I do have a lot to be grateful for. I will try to remember that. I do want my marriage to work, we have almost split a few times now and it’s made me realise more that I don’t want to lose everything. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 . Is it so wrong that I just want the best care for my son? Of course it's OK to have concerns. But you have choices. If you want to dictate the rules & one of them is no smoking them hire a child care provider on the open market & pay for it. If you are really concerned about the 10 hour length of your child's day bring the child care provider into your home so your kid isn't traveling; become a SAHM; or get a different job with less hours. Your problem is that you want it all (don't we all?) but if you want free close day care, it's your SIL & her smoking. If you want something else, what are you willing to give up to get it -- cash or your job? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 FTR, if your husband is smoking in the house with your kid around, the extra few hours a week with another smoker will not make much difference. Sorry to say, but the damage is already being done by your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 No one smokes in the house ok? Definitely not my husband. If they smoke it’s outside in the front or back yard and if my SIL is to look after him then I will make it very clear that she is not to smoke anywhere near him, and my son is very healthy thank you very much and only been sick a couple times in his entire young life. I’ve decided I’ll put him in childcare for at least one day so he can get exposure to a diff environment and have some social interaction with other kids. Link to post Share on other sites
michzz Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Nobody has suggested this, so I will. How about you stay home and mother your own child? Before you start in about the cost, how broke you are, you can't afford it, pencil out the cost/benefit ratio of staying home without a job vs the cost of daycare with a job. You may be able to do it with some good budgeting. Another strategy is for you and your husband to work different shifts so that one of you is always home. Both of those strategies involve a sacrifice, for sure. But laying it all on your husband's family is not fair. God I hate cigarettes! So I do relate to that part of it. However, ultimately it is on you and your husband to make a life for your kid(s). Link to post Share on other sites
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