is it embarrassment or regret?

[FlyingTiger]

Hello,

I’ll make this long story short.

I went out with a coworker I’m interested in, and she obviously likes me. It was her idea. We went out with some friends whom are all couples. We were bad hoping, not heavily drinking but having fun and being safe.

 

At the end of the night, we were driving to go to a restaurant and she ended up getting sick. Mainly on me. We took her straight home and took care of her. I acted like it didn’t bother me and played it cool. Told them not to say anything.

 

Well they did. She messaged the next day apologizing and saying how embarrassed she is. I told her not to worry about it and I wasn’t upset. Then told her it didn’t effect anything between us and invited her to eat.

 

Now she has been very quiet and avoiding me. The others have too, like they’re hiding something. But they said I didn’t do anything wrong, I was very gentlemanly. So what’s up? Is she embarrassed? Regret the whole thing? How long should I give her before I ask her what’s wrong?

Her friend claims she has a crush on me and “we finally made a connection”?

Edited March 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[preraph]

Is that bottom part of the post under the ad yours? Her friend claims she has a crush on you and you made a connection? If so, this is why the radio silence, and you should know that. That's like spitting in the soup. No one wants it after that.

[Ronni_W]

FlyingTiger,

 

I assume that you mean that you have a crush on her, then found out that she also has a crush on you, then you two went out. (?)

 

Depending on her personality, it could well be that she just feels super-embarrassed or mortified.

In your shoes, I would ask her out again, very light-hearted and cheery, with something like, "So...I'm hoping that you're going to give me another chance to take you out? I'd really like that."

(Don't mention about the past incident again, and don't be disingenuous by asking what's wrong -- you already know what happened.)

 

Best of luck.

[FlyingTiger]

Hello, yes I had a crush on her and then I found out the feeling was mutual.

She actually invited me out, though we never put a label on it. Like a date.

 

So I actually did what you recommended. She said she needed to study because she hasn’t been doing that good in class. We both work and go to school full time. So I played it off as if I understood, though I still feel like she’s still weird/embarrassed and just blew me off.

 

What I don’t understand is when we’re in person she asks very personal questions. Like what happen in my last relationship, do I have kids, etc. but if I try and continue the conversation via text or social, not so talkative

Edited March 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[FlyingTiger]

Is that bottom part of the post under the ad yours? Her friend claims she has a crush on you and you made a connection? If so, this is why the radio silence, and you should know that. That's like spitting in the soup. No one wants it after that.

 

I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that?

[Simple Logic]

So you went bar hopping and she drank too much. Was she ordering her own drinks, did you have a part of how much she consumed, or encouraging the amount of consumption?

 

The secret may be that blame you and it sounds like she no longer trusts you.

[preraph]

I'm not sure whether you found out she had a crush on you or a friend of hers had a crush on you. In the former, that wouldn't sit well.

 

If it's the latter, and someone told you the one you went out with had a crush on you, that person may well have ruined any chance because what she said may not be true or may be way exaggerated, or whoever said it may be meddling OR just using that to talk to you herself. So she may know more what's going on than you do because she may not like or trust the person who told you that, and why would she?

 

It puts a woman in a position of, Now he thinks I WANT him, when truth is she may have said nothing more to that third party than, Oh, yeah, he's okay, or, He's nice, and only meant it in a work context. I smell meddling by that third party that has made things awkward or misled you.

[Ronni_W]

So I played it off as if I understood, though I still feel like she’s still weird/embarrassed and just blew me off.

Well, that IS you being understanding...I'm sure that you do get (understand) how it was, or at least might have been, an embarrassing situation for her, yes?

 

It does NOT mean that she is blowing you off...

...do you seriously not have the same drive to succeed at school, where you could shut-down the temptation to party or date just so that you can study/focus on your school work???

 

in person she asks very personal questions. <snip> but if I try and continue the conversation via text or social, not so talkative

Oh, my dear Lord! Is it not obvious to you, then, that she is a person who prefers the personal contact of 'in person' over the impersonal connection that is so easy to get via a social media platform?

[Mrs._December]

So you went bar hopping and she drank too much. Was she ordering her own drinks, did you have a part of how much she consumed, or encouraging the amount of consumption?

 

The secret may be that blame you and it sounds like she no longer trusts you.

With all due respect, if she's old enough to drink, then she's old enough to make her own choices about how much she drinks. She's not some innocent 15 year old kid who led was by the nose because she doesn't know any better. She's an adult, so she OWNS her behavior and no one else is to blame.

 

OP, if you come to find out that she IS blaming you for her stupidity that night, then you don't need someone like her in your life.

[spiderowl]

We don't really know what is going on here - whether she has/had a crush on you or not. You obviously like her and want to see her again.

 

I think, given that she might be embarrassed, it would be best to just treat her you would normally. Be friendly and warm but not pushy. If she shows signs of wanting to spending more time with you, that would be the time to ask her for a coffee or a meal.

[FlyingTiger]

Things went south fast. A friend of mine sent me an article after talking with her and it gives some really encouraging stuff. Though her actions of not talking and basically avoiding me, I’m taking it as she’s a) not interested b) wants to play mind games c) is confused

 

Honestly I think the best approach is to back off completely and allow her to come to me, still be a gentlemen as said above. After all, she’ll ether come back and try or she’ll be “off the hook”. Right?