Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Why do some people feel they have to test the other person they’re dating instead of talking things over or asking questions or just listening and observing? Do you think it’s fair? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 life isn't fair Logo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 I know, but why do people feel they have to do that instead of just going about it another way? Is a shortcut? A time saver? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 there is no shortcut Logo Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Some people are just untrusting & they thinks words are empty so they set up these tests. It's manipulative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 Is it a pattern of behavior, do you think they change after some trust is established or no? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 i know a number a people who'll claim they trust but never stop verifying. And in many cases, their past history has proven them right... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Is it a pattern of behavior, do you think they change after some trust is established or no? Not really. I don't think these folks have the ability to trust. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Sometimes there’s just nothing left to say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) i know a number a people who'll claim they trust but never stop verifying. And in many cases, their past history has proven them right... Mr. Lucky Inquiring minds want to know. Generally speaking, do we trust blindly or do we establish trust over a period of time? Speaking for myself, I trust unless something comes up to prove otherwise. As long as I see consistency, I feel comfortable in trusting. Having said that, are you saying that some people are working double time, constantly wanting and needing to verify everything? \ If their history has proven them right, does that mean that we should all be doing the same? Not really. I don't think these folks have the ability to trust. Would you say that they might have the ability to trust with one exception, if they work on themselves? Otherwise, it seems that you're saying that within the confines of any given relationship, absent external help, they do not have the ability to trust Edited March 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) Sometimes there’s just nothing left to say. Maybe. They can be exhausting. It feels like the rug has been pulled from underneath you and you are expected to get back on your feet and say, it's ok. I'm fine. I understand why you did that. I didn't know it was a test, but now that I do, I tried my best to pass. Repeated tests can take their toll. Edited March 20, 2019 by Logo Fixed spacing Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 How do you know that it's a test? It could simply be that the partner has really bad behaviour and this is their normal. And why bother trying to pass a test anyway? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) lf the forums are anything to go by , many people out there just have no clue and they're literally interviewing before anyone even knows if they even like each other anyway. Bloody ridiculous they sound like robots. lf they had any idea at all and chose carefully they'd know that it's more a time thing as things come out and you just get to know each other, "sometimes you can't rush time." Eh , there's gotta be a song in that line , right. Edited March 20, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Some people are just untrusting & they thinks words are empty so they set up these tests. It's manipulative. Agreed on all points. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) How do you know that it's a test? It could simply be that the partner has really bad behaviour and this is their normal. And why bother trying to pass a test anyway? I should have said, it's a good thing I passed, at least a few times. But it shouldn't be this way. They do feel like tests afterward. In the moment, they just seem like strange behavior. It could be bad behavior like you said, just the way they do things. lf the forums are anything to go by , many people out there just have no clue and they're literally interviewing before anyone even knows if they even like each other anyway. Bloody ridiculous they sound like robots. lf they had any idea at all and chose carefully they'd know that it's more a time thing as things come out and you just get to know each other, "sometimes you can't rush time." Eh , there's gotta be a song in that line , right. I never liked that interview like process. The point of dating is to get to know someone naturally, like you do with friends, not interview them and quiz them. Edited March 20, 2019 by Logo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 Inquiring minds want to know. Generally speaking, do we trust blindly or do we establish trust over a period of time? At least for me, trust is earned. Having said that, are you saying that some people are working double time, constantly wanting and needing to verify everything? I think for some, their own insecurities make trust difficult if not impossible. You have to have faith in yourself before you can believe in someone else. If their history has proven them right, does that mean that we should all be doing the same? Actually, I was talking about their personal history. And it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy as insecure people tend to attract those looking to take advantage of that opening... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 (edited) At least for me, trust is earned. I think for some, their own insecurities make trust difficult if not impossible. You have to have faith in yourself before you can believe in someone else. Mr. Lucky '''' think l better pin that one to my wall for awhile right now Mr Lucky, and thanks for that. Edited March 21, 2019 by chillii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 In my book, trust is earned. Those that have been badly burned before probably feel as though their actions are just (self defense), and I'd imagine some may not even realize how it comes off. Believe it or not, most people avoid confrontation and most problems start as a result of a misunderstanding. Therein lies your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 26, 2019 Author Share Posted March 26, 2019 It’s unfortunate when people who are comfortable confronting others don’t know how to communicate constructively without being confrontational. It’s also unfortunate when a person writes off another after one misunderstanding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 Blind trust is like running with your eyes close. Sooner or later your going to get clotheslined. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 I believe in a more organic approach because honestly tests on purpose are uber unattractive. I get the why but its just a turn off. I do believe the importance of the test of time. People will eventually show you who they are. I personally dont think its good to do sh*t on purpose or create a scenario or to ask questions to see what a person will do. thats more like game playing to me. but some people dont want to wait on time to reveal all which is why they do it. right or wrong. now my personal view on trust is that trust is earn. I will treat you like I trust you. I call that giving the benefit of the doubt. but reality is I dont know you from a can of beans. and before I "believe" anything in my heart I will reserve trust for once it is earned. agaiin the problem with people who show distrust on their sleeves is simply that its unattractive and people dont want to be in a relationship where they are treated like criminals Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 A lot of women still want a strong man and might throw out a test here or there to see if he is. Sitting down at the kitchen table and asking you if you're strong or not doesn't really have the same biological satisfaction. If you're flunking the tests or just generally feel overwhelmed you might want to aim for women who are less discerning. Who will accept anything. Maybe a woman from another country who needs a visa. Or work on yourself and get stronger. It's still a tough world out there and probably always will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 do you think they change after some trust is established or no? Yes that would naturally follow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 (edited) A lot of women still want a strong man and might throw out a test here or there to see if he is. Sitting down at the kitchen table and asking you if you're strong or not doesn't really have the same biological satisfaction. If you're flunking the tests or just generally feel overwhelmed you might want to aim for women who are less discerning. Who will accept anything. Maybe a woman from another country who needs a visa. Or work on yourself and get stronger. It's still a tough world out there and probably always will be Do you need a visa to get somewhere? Is that a hint? What does being discerning have to do with being manipulative? Maybe being discerning is avoiding people who are so ill equipped, both socially and personally to communicate that the only way they know how is through such bad behavior. Edited March 31, 2019 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 you might want to aim for women who are less discerning. Who will accept anything. Maybe a woman from another country who needs a visa. Let me guess, you're a woman from another country who needs a visa. Link to post Share on other sites
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