TooNis Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Going through long rough time and wondering if anyone has had any experience with this? Everyone including Therapist said she has done me a favor and need to run. Been ghosted for months and still hard to understand and deal with especially letting go and feel like im abandoning her but guess that is what she wants Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 20, 2019 Share Posted March 20, 2019 Bless your heart. You can't fix someone. It's hard enough to get a mentally healthy person to change any at all. It's hopeless to get a mentally ill one to change. It is their obligation to keep working on their mental health and doing everything they can to get better, but the truth is 80 percent of them, because they are mentally ill and too incompetent to make good decisions, won't even take their medications correctly as prescribed, if at all. Stop feeling you abandoned her. Move on with your life. Nothing good can come of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooNis Posted March 20, 2019 Author Share Posted March 20, 2019 (edited) Bless your heart. You can't fix someone. It's hard enough to get a mentally healthy person to change any at all. It's hopeless to get a mentally ill one to change. It is their obligation to keep working on their mental health and doing everything they can to get better, but the truth is 80 percent of them, because they are mentally ill and too incompetent to make good decisions, won't even take their medications correctly as prescribed, if at all. Stop feeling you abandoned her. Move on with your life. Nothing good can come of it. If it was anyone else other than who it is I would not probably have much of an issue. We grew up together and started dating in our 40s and promised to help take care of her. Without any real answers it’s hard to move on. It hit a head when I reached out to her after month+ of no attempt in contact to give my condolences on relative who passed away. Next thing I know I get a temporary restraining order keeping me away from a wedding 1000 miles away of someone I barely knew and had no intention of attending obviously. She never told me she was bipolar I found out through her mother. I had my suspicions and others told me she probably has a mental issue But after this I knew something was seriously wrong. She lied in document to some serious bad allegations and I like dummy wrote her month later saying I fogive her for her actions. Edited March 20, 2019 by TooNis Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 It's usually someone who has mental health that struggles with the answers. It doesn't seem like you are going to get the answers you are looking for so put your chin up and move on. It's not always easy but if you take one step at a time then you should be able to make a few steps. I lacked answers and made a complete fool of myself by sending lots of emails and try in so hard to get a response that I damaged my own ego. I was at work and made a few careless mistakes but today I decided to not allow myself to be effected by it. I was fine before this and Ill be fine after. I don't know if that helps at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted March 21, 2019 Share Posted March 21, 2019 (edited) Bless your heart. You can't fix someone. It's hard enough to get a mentally healthy person to change any at all. It's hopeless to get a mentally ill one to change. It is their obligation to keep working on their mental health and doing everything they can to get better, but the truth is 80 percent of them, because they are mentally ill and too incompetent to make good decisions, won't even take their medications correctly as prescribed, if at all. Stop feeling you abandoned her. Move on with your life. Nothing good can come of it. As someone who suffers with mental health, I am offended. A lot of times people's excuse is there mental health for their poor personality. As someone who has made tremendous progress in their mental health, I will probably always struggle. I struggle with regulating emotions (completed dbt), I am obsessive, I still suffer low moods but they don't last long at all and I can still function. I don't have racing thoughts anymore and the medications have only brought me so far The medications were brutal for about 6 months. Side effects were hard enough that at times I didn't want to take them, but I was already feeling so bad, I went and got a blister pack and took them anyways. There are no magic meds! On top of that, my reputation was already so poor with the stigma from mental health, or people saying I was lazy, crazy, odd, you name it. I did manage to meet some incredible people as well. I have one friend who doesnt know I suffer and makes comments all the time like "head issues, a nut" not at me but other people and it is very difficult. Edited March 21, 2019 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooNis Posted March 21, 2019 Author Share Posted March 21, 2019 It's usually someone who has mental health that struggles with the answers. It doesn't seem like you are going to get the answers you are looking for so put your chin up and move on. It's not always easy but if you take one step at a time then you should be able to make a few steps. I lacked answers and made a complete fool of myself by sending lots of emails and try in so hard to get a response that I damaged my own ego. I was at work and made a few careless mistakes but today I decided to not allow myself to be effected by it. I was fine before this and Ill be fine after. I don't know if that helps at all. Yeah I did the same at the beginning and sent a lot of emails and made it much worse. For longest time I blamed my self and beat myself up. But realize there is and was nothing I could do. I know it’s probably better off for me what happened but doesn’t make it easier. The hardest part is knowing the things she did say are wrong and only way to move on is to forgive. Even when you try to understand from their point.....how someone can flip so quickly and act like never cared and completely cut you out is hard to take. But it’s her loss that’s why I look at it. I wanted to be there through good and bad but in reality she gonna push away everyone that gets close. Just sad it’s not women who said I love you Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 (edited) I dated a gal with bipolar disorder for a couple of months back in 2006. She was extremely beautiful (a model) and I'm very compassionate or it would've ended much sooner. She spent the night after the very first date and in the morning she told me that she thought she was in love with me. After one date. It was such a turn off that I wanted nothing further to do with her. She later apologized and told me that she had BPD, using that as her excuse for dropping an L bomb after the first date. I allowed her looks, and my compassion, to override logic and decided to continue seeing her. It was a mistake that nearly cost me my life. The girl did have some good qualities, but when she drank she was completely out of control and volatile. One night, for no apparent reason, she tossed a half empty beer bottle back inside a bar on our way out the door, it hit somebody, and I spent the next 5 minutes having to stand down a cadre of four or five bouncers who were physically threatening her. The night I almost lost my life she got herself stranded at some party in downtown Chicago where there were drugs and all sorts of sordid people. She called me up in tears fearing that she was going to get raped. I was speeding the whole way there, it was raining heavily, and I was in a rear wheel drive sports car that spun out of control and went flipping end over end down a steep ravine before smashing into a tree. It was not long after that that her craziness finally outweighed her smoking hot body and looks for my dumb ass that should've given her the boot after that very first date. The moral of the story is: people with BPD can be exceptionally challenging, especially if they neglect their meds (as she sometimes did) or if they also have substance abuse issues (she drank too much), so when everyone in your situation, including her therapist, told you that she did you a favor by ghosting you? Believe them. They know what they're talking about. Look at the mess I was involved with after only 2 months! You dodged a bullet. No offense intended to anyone here who suffers from BPD . Edited March 22, 2019 by Romantic_Antics Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooNis Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Mine never did anything close to that and doesn’t really drink or do drugs. But your right I should believe and listen to everyone but doesn’t make it easier. I do ask myself every day why the hell am I the one who still cares after being lied to, lied about, ghosted and she basically stole money from me. Helped her with money and when did said just don’t disappear on me. I had no idea the depth of what I was getting into. I asked for it back and she first said if I’d behave for 3 months she would?? OK whatever then when she was making lies up she said she shouldn’t pay me back because caused her to see therapist and cost more than that? Hell she been seeing one for long before we got together. Slowly but surely I’m moving on finally but still have rough days Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 I do ask myself every day why the hell am I the one who still cares after being lied to, lied about, ghosted and she basically stole money from me. Being ghosted is the ultimate mind f*ck. It can cause a person to place undue blame on themselves as they question what it was they did, or said, that was so bad it caused the other person to drop off the face of the Earth without another word as though what you shared with that person was completely meaningless. Don't fall too deeply down that rabbit hole or it will create unwarranted distress that prolongs your healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooNis Posted March 22, 2019 Author Share Posted March 22, 2019 Being ghosted is the ultimate mind f*ck. It can cause a person to place undue blame on themselves as they question what it was they did, or said, that was so bad it caused the other person to drop off the face of the Earth without another word as though what you shared with that person was completely meaningless. Don't fall too deeply down that rabbit hole or it will create unwarranted distress that prolongs your healing process. To late for that I fell down that hole for awhile. But your right that is exactly what it does to you. I don’t know what it takes in a person to just cut and hide like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted March 22, 2019 Share Posted March 22, 2019 To late for that I fell down that hole for awhile. But your right that is exactly what it does to you. I don’t know what it takes in a person to just cut and hide like that. It takes selfishness, cowardice, and emotional apathy. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooNis Posted March 23, 2019 Author Share Posted March 23, 2019 (edited) It takes selfishness, cowardice, and emotional apathy. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. My ex told her mom not to answer me. We used to have very good relationship where I’d update her on how her daughter was doing and now I ask how they both are doing and she won’t answer. It all started when I’d check on how my ex was doing after treatment and she wouldn’t answer me. Made me out to be the bad guy. Everyone has right to change their mind about someone else but when someone cares enough to check on you and don’t even reply that is pretty damn cold. One time she did answer I sent short nice message back. Then didn’t answer for over month and when was worried and tried to contact friends to see if ok she freaked out on me Edited March 23, 2019 by TooNis Link to post Share on other sites
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