Seeing my ex for the first time in a while

[jparmyguy]

So a few days ago, I got home from my active duty training in the Marine corps. When my ex dumped me I decided to enlist as it was something that I always wanted to and so I left home for about a year.

 

Honestly, it was a good thing for me as I had experienced a lot of new things and made some really cool friends that I would never find anywhere else. During that year, in a way I kind of forgot about everything that happened with my ex she in a way went to the back of my mind and if I look back at the memories there really isn't any emotions. It is kind of like looking back at any other friend that I have had in my life.

 

On sunday, my female friend had texted me if I wanted to go to a bar to hang with her. I said sure why not(we have been broken up for two years). Anyways, I got there and it was pretty cool and fun to catch up. She was there with her sister and the guy she is now talking too. Honestly, I was still unsure on wheter or not if I would feel anything. I happen to not feel anything even with her hooking up wit the guy in front of me. (Myself two years ago would of lost it had a seen that, so Im proud that I got to that point)

 

Anyways, as the night progressed **** got sort of weird. I was helping my friend get setup with a dude she thought was hot. After I did that my ex's friends and date decided they wanted to leave. So my friend and I told my ex we were gonna stay. So my ex decided to tag along with us.

 

She then my ex asked me to come outside and smoke with her. I was telling her about all my experience and then all the sudden she decided to unload on me. She went on about how her ex boyfriend after me she loved a lot and how he ****ed over, and how she went down a dark path. (She tried to kill herself got put in a ward) They found out she a had a substantial list of mental health disorders and depression.

 

She then started to talk about us and how she still loves me a lot to this day, and how she feels like a bitch about how we ended. She mentioned how she talk about our relationship and me to her therapist. She also talked about things I did wrong and how we just would have not worked. She also went on to say how maybe if some of those things didn't go wrong we would have still been together and she would have never met the kid. She told me she doesn't want me to hate her and how we had a great relationship because what we had was real.(To this day, I don't think it was bad but it wasn't great) Regardless, I think she was trying to open up and reach out to me to be her friend as she doesn't have very many.

 

I did not really get to talk or respond to much of anything as my drunk friend order me and uber since she was going home with the dude. Anyways, I feel proud to have gotten over this. My question is if I should distance myself from this girl or try and be her friend? I don't know if I would be scumbag if I was just like whatever. (I had offered her we could talk some other time)

[Marc878]

Life is short she obviously has issues. I think I'd keep my distance here. She isn't your problem

[Secondplanet]

Same thing here, my wife of 13 years cheated on me with someone else and when looking back she wasn't the nicest to me. She has several mental health issues which i was supportive of and during our relationship if her medication wasn't working right our relationship was strained as some times those with mental health issues take out things on those they care for as a defense.

 

Just like others told me, Its better this way, if she left you once she will do it again after being with you for a duration again. Its the novelty feeling of how well you treated her coming back but she'll go down the same path again most likely if you get back together.

[d0nnivain]

Congratulations on becoming a Marine. My husband is a Marine vet. You are truly one of the few & the proud. Remember that when assessing this situation.

 

Your EX has apologized. Take that as a victory. Most people don't get that.

 

Congratulations on being mature enough to be out with her. Good job controlling everything you were feeling & keeping it together.

 

You & she are not the same people you were when you were dating. You have matured & turned into a man. You know what you are made of & it's tougher stuff then the rest of us. Sadly she has been shattered since you last saw her & is a shell of who she used to be. That is not on you or the other guy who broke her heart & landed her in the psych ward. Being out with her is about all the friendship you can offer. Do not go deeper unless your MOS is in the field of psychiatric medicine. This girl is so fragile. She will never be able to withstand you going back to Camp & she will be emotionally destroyed when you deploy. She will not withstand the rigors of being the friend left back home. The best thing you can do for her is be nice when you are home but don't deepen this.

[jparmyguy]

Same thing here, my wife of 13 years cheated on me with someone else and when looking back she wasn't the nicest to me. She has several mental health issues which i was supportive of and during our relationship if her medication wasn't working right our relationship was strained as some times those with mental health issues take out things on those they care for as a defense.

 

Just like others told me, Its better this way, if she left you once she will do it again after being with you for a duration again. Its the novelty feeling of how well you treated her coming back but she'll go down the same path again most likely if you get back together.

Oh I know not in a million years would I go back to her not only because of the things that happened but that those feelings are just not there anymore. I was just thinking considering that I dated her for 3 years that I should be there in a way that any friend would be

[jparmyguy]

Congratulations on becoming a Marine. My husband is a Marine vet. You are truly one of the few & the proud. Remember that when assessing this situation.

 

Your EX has apologized. Take that as a victory. Most people don't get that.

 

Congratulations on being mature enough to be out with her. Good job controlling everything you were feeling & keeping it together.

 

You & she are not the same people you were when you were dating. You have matured & turned into a man. You know what you are made of & it's tougher stuff then the rest of us. Sadly she has been shattered since you last saw her & is a shell of who she used to be. That is not on you or the other guy who broke her heart & landed her in the psych ward. Being out with her is about all the friendship you can offer. Do not go deeper unless your MOS is in the field of psychiatric medicine. This girl is so fragile. She will never be able to withstand you going back to Camp & she will be emotionally destroyed when you deploy. She will not withstand the rigors of being the friend left back home. The best thing you can do for her is be nice when you are home but don't deepen this.

Thanks! I appreciate the advice, I agree with all you said. Honestly, I just sort of blew off the stuff she said about us as it done with and frankly don't care that much anymore. I just wanted to be nice and maybe attempt to be a friend when possible.