friend/relation -ship (one is in uncharted waters)

[brian00]

hey all

 

yeah, just wondering people's opinions on a bit of a problem i've got at the moment: it might seems a bit wierd but give us a chance...

 

I'm a 20yo male who has never felt in any physical or particularly emotional way towards another person of the same gender and have kissed and had relationships et al. with girls of a similar age. But i've recently felt attracted both emotionally and slightly physically to one of my close friends [i'll call him 'Mick'] (who is also a male of the same age as myself). The thing is i don't feel even slightly attracted in that way to any other male i've seen/heard of etc. (i wouldn't class myself as 'gay' or 'bisexual') and i'm pretty sure 'Mick' isn't that way inclined either. My problem is that i don't know whether to tell 'Mick' my feelings straight out, drop the occasional hint, or just suppress what ever feelings i have for him altogether. The bottom line is that i don't want to lose 'Mick' as a friend (because he is a very good one, whether i am attracted to him in 'that' way or not), but i don't feel i can just pretend nothing's happening. I don't even know whether it would be the right thing to do morally, coming from a religious family.

 

also, recently i've come across a theory about love from a guy called Theidore Reik (1944) who thought that love could come about as a result of meeting a person who had qualities that you wished you had. 'Mick' fits the mould in this area, but i won't go into detail here.

 

anyway, thanks if you read all the way through

-brian00

[Outcast]

Are you strongly attracted to women or only mildly so?

 

i've come across a theory about love from a guy called Theidore Reik (1944) who thought that love could come about as a result of meeting a person who had qualities that you wished you had

 

It might - admiration is a great part of love so if you meet someone with qualities you don't have you might fall in love. However I doubt fully straight people could fall in love with people of the same gender. I know I couldn't.

 

Having said that, the Kinsey report (which has been controversial) concluded that most people are some degree of bisexual. In my mind, the aspect which determines a person's sexuality is if the person can fall in love with a person. Everybody's bits like stimulation and it's not a big deal to some who does the stimulating but falling in love is something quite different.

[li'l bunny]

How do you think your friend would react if you told him? Some guys would run a mile. Can you tell if he would? Has the topic been brought up in conversation before?

 

I'm just asking because if you don't want to lose him as a friend and you know he would react badly to the news, then maybe you should keep it to yourself. I mean, if he's straight (i.e. definitely not interested) what's the benefit to letting him know your feelings? Ok you'd get it off your chest but the repurcussions could be potentially disastrous!

[brian00]

[sorry, i just realised this might not be in the right topic, but anyways...]

thanks for your comments

 

 

"Are you strongly attracted to women or only mildly so?"

 

Pretty strongly at times! I mean, yes, I am, maybe not as full-blooded as some of my mates, but yes, I'd say a firm attraction. As I say, no other people of the same gender as myself interest me at all...maybe a couple of leading rock front-men, but that could just be a warm admiration for their voice more than anything else. Although I have wondered whether I'm subconciously comparing 'Mick' to one lead singer inparticular because their smiles are quite similar... I really don't know, but his smile is a definite attraction.

 

 

"How do you think your friend would react if you told him? Some guys would run a mile. Can you tell if he would? Has the topic been brought up in conversation before?"

 

He'd probably be a bit freaked out, I think: he's very much heterosexually orientated, but then again, not everybody who isn't would admit/show that they aren't. But to be honest i'm not sure what his reaction would be. I'm thinking of telling him how I feel about him as a friend, and just leaving the other feelings aside, because I do feel he is a great friend: I don't think we do enough of that honest D&M stuff these days (either that or we don't play 'truth or dare' enough).

 

The topic has never been brought up before seriously - of course there's always gay innuendos between mates, but it's nothing excessive, only jokes. He's never even joked that he's that way inclined tho, while others I know have, even if it's just a passing comment for the sake of being funny.