Can't get a date..

[Quagmire243]

I like the revised profile. Do give each of the ones who expressed interest in you some consideration. Not everybody presents well on line. I did e-Harmony for a short time. Although my matches didn't make my heart go pitter pat, they were quality people. Plus you need the dating "practice."

 

Social skills like at meet & greets are learned behaviors. The skills that can get you a date will also get you a better job or a raise so there are added incentives to master them. If you have the $$ seriously consider something like the Dale Carnegie classes. Public speaking is scarier then one on one but the latter can be intimidating. It's all about confidence & some sociology -- learning to read body language.

 

I don't want to date someone just for practice. I wouldn't want a woman to date me solely for practice. I'm on the fence about the eHarmony one so I responded back and we'll see where that goes. The Bumble one doesn't have much of a profile. I can always swipe right. Bumble forces the woman to start the conversation so I can always see where that one leads.

 

I'm a pretty good interviewer as I just got a job promotion. My problem is starting conversation and small talk. People like to talk about the weather a lot. That was one of my pet peeves when I was in Florida. It was unseasonably cold and when people found out I was from Michigan, they were like oh you're used to this. I wanted to say we are still warm blooded mammals and we still get cold like everyone else. Instead I just nodded and said yeah and moved on. I couldn't transition from the weather conversation to more small talk.

[SugarLips72]

Redo your profile. I wouldn’t do all the sites at once then you sound desperate.

 

Your profile is sarcastic. Just be yourself. Post at least 1 full body pic I would put in your profile you are focusing on your health and weight loss that will likely trigger the attention of a woman going through same thing.

 

Put some of your real interests in there.

 

Congrats on the weight loss that’s awesome. I have lost 20 lbs lol 5-10 more to go that was tough too. I can’t imagine 250.

 

Good luck

[d0nnivain]

Practice isn't the perfect word but think about what a date is . . .

 

It's an outing where two people talk & enjoy some pleasant conversation. It's a try out to see if it's worth doing again worth trying to pursue something.

 

I do understand the downside of a date with somebody you already know is unsuitable. All 3 of my dates from OLD were that but there were upsides to the outings too. I learned things. I discovered new restaurants. I better understood myself. Mostly I learned that what I thought I knew about a person from the profile wasn't necessarily true.

 

After we started dating having met IRL, I made a fake profile to check out the profile my husband had up on another site. Honestly, I never would have looked at him twice based on that profile & picture. So OLD vs RL . . .take a chance.

[Versacehottie]

Hi Quagmire have been wondering how things are with you.

 

Ok, I know you feel discouraged but i think you are still making progress. Just keep in mind it's little steps (probably much like your weight loss, pound for pound) that will take you toward your goal of having a relationship.

 

For the profile, i thought it was cute. Fine enough as it shows personality, which will be right for the right person as long as it reflects who you are. I almost always agree with Donavin who is great advice giver but I also don't think you should talk about your weight loss. It's just a part of who you are and wouldn't want to make it a focus or baggage in any way (which i would say if we were talking about drinking, drugs or anything one-note that was overcome). The only thing I think might help amp it up is putting in something that shows your confidence or passion, create some excitement. Basically your profile, says something about who you are now and where you came from as a person (past and present) but doesn't offer much in regard for where you are heading. For a person to get excited about a potential boyfriend, i think they need to see a bit of where his future is going to take him as that is where she will be heading too (metaphorically) if things work out. It's a selling point basically. Aspirational.

 

And keep working on taking new photos. Actually the fact that you use photos taken with a tripod (at home?) to me is the part that i think may be turning girls off. You need to show that you have and are living a life that is attractive. I don't think it needs to be over the top but definitely more candid photos, doing activities or with friends, even family in lieu of friends.

 

Ok, about those "friends", pretty sure my advice last threads you had was encouraging you to develop friendships and hobbies. I strongly believe that is your next step (concurrently with trying to date). The reason why is that you need to keep developing and utilizing social skills that it seems like you haven't had much of a chance to. Otherwise you could have great photos and a perfect profile and freeze up on a date with the total right girl for you. It's all practice for the life you want. And the little steps will take you in the right direction and prepare you for success. Plus it will give you more confidence, more passion for something besides a girlfriend you hope to have, which ironically will make it easier to get a gf. Lastly, you may have better luck finding a girlfriend through real life endeavors rather than a dating app. So you should approach your life in a multi-pronged way. Ideally try to create your ideal life now and "what you want" will be a product of living that way now. Rather than trying to acquire things and relationships to have the ideal life. You will become the person who attracts who you want by living your ideal way right now. It will be more difficult to have it fall into place just from getting the right girl to be your girlfriend. Am i making sense ?

 

You've come a long way, it's just hard to tell when you are "in" it. AND you actively need to do the next steps so you don't falter on a date. Good luck

Edited March 23, 2019 by Versacehottie

[Quagmire243]

Looks like the Match one may be moving to an in person meeting. She responds quickly to my messages and in detail. The eharmony one kind of faded. I had three Bumble matches but they never messaged. It's seems pretty quick to arrange a meeting on the Match one but it's about 4-5 messages. I've even been delaying my responses to give it a little time.

[d0nnivain]

The quicker the better.

 

Go & have fun. All you are there to figure out at that meet is whether you want an actual date.

[Versacehottie]

Practice isn't the perfect word but think about what a date is . . .

 

It's an outing where two people talk & enjoy some pleasant conversation. It's a try out to see if it's worth doing again worth trying to pursue something.

 

I do understand the downside of a date with somebody you already know is unsuitable. All 3 of my dates from OLD were that but there were upsides to the outings too. I learned things. I discovered new restaurants. I better understood myself. Mostly I learned that what I thought I knew about a person from the profile wasn't necessarily true.

 

After we started dating having met IRL, I made a fake profile to check out the profile my husband had up on another site. Honestly, I never would have looked at him twice based on that profile & picture. So OLD vs RL . . .take a chance.

 

I totally agree with this. Quagmire, do you hope to go from socially awkward one-on-one to your best WITHOUT some practice. It won't be like you are using the people, hopefully getting better at dating and socializing with the knowledge that it's a numbers game and there's a chance you might me the right one along the way. You will better understand yourself like donavin said, learn about new things to talk about, improve your social skills, learn more about girls.

 

About the weather talk. See that just shows that you need more practice. It's a lead-in. It means nothing HOWEVER it's just a way to start a conversation with someone, find a way to bond and if you not LITERAL about things, you use it as a jump off point to take the conversation in a more interesting direction. Weather is something we all experience together in the same region--so it's really a mild attempt to bond and it's your choice to expand on it or shut it down. When you are trying to connect with people (or improve your social skills), you take the moment to bond and show off your ability to connect, humor, understand others, tell something about yourself, whatever. Be playful. With a lot of people, turn talking about the weather into a little inside joke. Idk, any communication is just a way to express yourself and who you are. If it's not your ideal subject, you can still make it an ideal expression of YOU. And use it as a stepping stone to making the conversation better content and still an ideal expression of you.

[Quagmire243]

The eHarmony one fell through. I wasn't thinking it was a good match anyways. The Bumble matches never responded. The Match one I set up a meeting for Monday at a local restaurant. We'll see how that goes.

[Quagmire243]

So we met up and I feel it went well. It was a little awkward at first getting a conversation going. We ended up meeting for about 2.5 hours. I planted the seed of meeting up a second time. Not sure what my next steps are and when should I message and arrange a second date.

[d0nnivain]

I planted the seed of meeting up a second time. Not sure what my next steps are and when should I message and arrange a second date.

 

Did she text to tell you she had a nice time? That is usually the signal for she wants you to ask her on a 2nd date.

 

I'm not good with this texting business. I would expect you wait 2-3 days, then call her & ask her for a date 2-3 days later. Basically If you went out on Saturday you call on Tuesday & ask her out for Thursday or Friday. That said most people find calls intrusive & if they don't hear from somebody within 24 hours they conclude the guy is not interested. I'll let somebody younger then me clarify those timing issues.

 

At the very least you need to reach out via text & say something. Ask how her week is going or follow up on something you were talking about. The key is to make contact.

[Quagmire243]

I had already sent a message via the Match app. No response yet. I wasn't sure how long to wait. I didn't want to do it too quickly and seem clingy but not wait too long and seem uninterested.

[Quagmire243]

It's been over 24 hours and no response. Maybe I should have texted instead of message through the app? She usually responded right away but hasn't read the message yet. We never really texted.

[Eddy1832]

It's been over 24 hours and no response. Maybe I should have texted instead of message through the app? She usually responded right away but hasn't read the message yet. We never really texted.

 

Realistically, she's not interested. If she was, she would have texted you by now. That's life, she's not the only girl in town.... be strong.

[Quagmire243]

I sent the message in the app. According to the read receipt, she hasn't read it. I have her phone number so I could have texted instead but she always responded right away in the app. I guess if she was interested she would have checked the app or read the message. I can never gauge these things. We talked for about 2.5 hours. It seemed to go well.

[Quagmire243]

I met up with another woman I met on Bumble. We met at a coffee shop. We talked for about 1.5 hours. I thought it went well except for the very end. When we left the shop she basically said bye and have a nice day and scurried off. Other than that, it seemed to go really well. She had asked me my upcoming plans for the week. I was wondering if she was fishing for another date? I decided it was worth meeting again. I didn't want to follow up to quickly so I waited a bit. The next day around 5 I was going to message her. We were still matched on Bumble. I got sidetracked and when I went back around 7, she unmatched me. Why am I perceiving things went well when it doesn't seem like they are? Maybe my pics are good and I'm just less attractive in person? Did I wait too long to follow up? If she wasn't interested, why didn't she just unmatch with me right away?

[gaius]

See, I can't figure out if you actually drove to Kentucky just to look at grass or not. It's confusing. And even if you did I'm not sure that's going to intrigue a girl.

 

I don't know how your conversation with this woman went but it's hard to find anything women can relate to in the profile you made, so I guess it's possible you communicate in the same way on a date. Which they're not going to find attractive.