Can't get a date..

[Quagmire243]

Long story short, I'm a 34 year old male who has never really had a girlfriend. I have been trying online dating and I can't even get a woman to respond to an email, let alone a date. Between multiple apps, eHarmony, Match, OkCupid, I had to have sent out about 3-400 messages and received responses on about a dozen that lead nowhere. I used to spend a lot of time trying to come up with the perfect message but admittedly lately my messages have gotten lazier since I never get responses. I tried Bumble since women message first. Swiped right on about 100 women and nothing. I ran my pics through Photofeeler and I'm pretty average apparently. Not sure what else to do. I had been morbidly obese my whole life until about two years ago when I lost 250 pounds. I was conditioned to avoid people when I was overweight. I copied and pasted my Match profile which is pretty much the same across all platforms. I'm sure it's a complete mess and turn off so I want to know what to change.

 

"I used to eat candy Nerds until I realized for me it was basically cannibalism.

 

Want to go to a restaurant that serves breakfast anytime and order French toast during the Renaissance.

 

Drove to Kentucky on a whim to see if the grass is really blue.

 

I once worked at Disney World.

 

I have been known to sing soft kitty to my cat from time to time.

 

Lions & horror movie fan. Those two seem to go hand in hand.

 

Game nights are my night.

 

Professional pasta eater and soda aficionado.

 

Amateur cyclist.

 

Poor bowler.

 

If freedom is simply being able to do what you want, are animals freer than humans?"

[MaleIntuition]

Congratulations on the weight loss!

 

OLD is 90% about good pictures. What you describe is not uncommon per se, average looking guys normally struggle more online than offline - relatively speaking.

 

If I were you I would take a second attempt at getting better pictures. On photofeeler your pictures are judged, not you, keep trying to beat your old best with newer ones!

[Quagmire243]

Congratulations on the weight loss!

 

OLD is 90% about good pictures. What you describe is not uncommon per se, average looking guys normally struggle more online than offline - relatively speaking.

 

If I were you I would take a second attempt at getting better pictures. On photofeeler your pictures are judged, not you, keep trying to beat your old best with newer ones!

 

What is considered a good picture? Since I was a shut in for most of my adult life, I don't have many friends either and don't have a lot of pics with people. I use my tripod and try to stage good pics.

[d0nnivain]

If what you wrote is your profile, it's too abstract & way to self depricating. Try something more concrete like:

 

After having worked to lose over 250 pounds, now that I have transformed my body, I am ready to transform my love life. I'

m

looking for a fun person with an offbeat sense of humor who enjoys cycling, Disney, bowling & horror movies. Message me if you think you'd be willing to hold my hand during the scary parts.

 

Consider getting a professional photo taken.

 

Try joining something like ToastMasters or if you can afford it, taking a Dale Carnegie class on interpersonal relationships. When you were overweight you missed those social development milestones.

[Quagmire243]

If what you wrote is your profile, it's too abstract & way to self depricating. Try something more concrete like:

 

After having worked to lose over 250 pounds, now that I have transformed my body, I am ready to transform my love life. I'

m

looking for a fun person with an offbeat sense of humor who enjoys cycling, Disney, bowling & horror movies. Message me if you think you'd be willing to hold my hand during the scary parts.

 

Consider getting a professional photo taken.

 

Try joining something like ToastMasters or if you can afford it, taking a Dale Carnegie class on interpersonal relationships. When you were overweight you missed those social development milestones.

 

I was thinking the weight loss would be a huge turn off. I also don't enjoy Disney. I hate it but I thought stating I worked there (college internship) would be interesting and a conversation starter. This is a very recent profile so not a lot have seen it. It's been edited many times. I would probably swap out Disney with Lions. Being a Lions fan shows loyalty or insanity.

[d0nnivain]

Do you like lions, the animals, or the Detroit Lions the professional football team? Whatever your interests just list those in short order.

[clia]

I found your profile abstract and disjointed, but maybe the right person for you would "get it." For me, it would turn me off. Just keep it simple.

 

You also might have better luck trying to meet women in person. Look around your area for Meetups, maybe a sport and social club, or a volunteer organization.

 

I was thinking the weight loss would be a huge turn off.

 

I don't think you should mention the weight loss in your profile. It's a huge, wonderful accomplishment, but you can share it later on as you are getting to know the woman.

[Quagmire243]

Do you like lions, the animals, or the Detroit Lions the professional football team? Whatever your interests just list those in short order.

 

The team. I have no problem with the animal either. I live in the Detroit area so matches should know I'm referring to the team. I notice a lot of women list being sports fans in their profile. At work in meetings they do team building things and ask tell me something interesting about yourself. Telling them I used to womr at Disney World seems to go over well, particularly with women. After having worked there and seeing how they operate, I'm no fan of Disney. I was thinking since I'm just like every other guy looks wise, I wanted to be more creatviev than just listing interests.

[d0nnivain]

You can say that you used to work there but if you aren't a fan, you might end up with a woman who loves the place & goes all the time.

 

I would specify Detroit Lions or otherwise indicate that it's the team. Maybe mention your favorite sports bar especially if you are hoping to secure a watching partner.

[Quagmire243]

You can say that you used to work there but if you aren't a fan, you might end up with a woman who loves the place & goes all the time.

 

I would specify Detroit Lions or otherwise indicate that it's the team. Maybe mention your favorite sports bar especially if you are hoping to secure a watching partner.

 

It's more I don't like the company than their products. I watched Disney movies when I was a kid. Seeing their working conditions was disappointing. Not very magical. I have found people like to hear the behind the scenes story on how Disney World works. I just recently put in my profile. Other than that, I really have nothing else interesting. I wanting to put together a profile that was different and interesting since I'm not going to separate myself on looks alone.

 

What are your thoughts on posting a Pic of a pet without me in the Pic? I have a very good Pic of my cat. He doesn't like to be held or is much of a lap cat so taking a selfie with him is difficult. I want to find a woman who likes cats.

[MaleIntuition]

What is considered a good picture? Since I was a shut in for most of my adult life, I don't have many friends either and don't have a lot of pics with people. I use my tripod and try to stage good pics.

 

Well, that’s pretty much a science, but a couple of tips:

 

1. Set the camera to take more than one picture at a time. And just experiment with different poses. Moving a bit tend to help for us none-models. Switching from different expressions/poses can help it seem more natural while the camera is firing away.

 

2. Lightning is very important - your best bet is to use natural lightning. Go to a park or someplace outdoors with a fairly “neutral” background and experiment when the sun is in different positions.

 

3. Include at least one face shot and one full body shot. If you are tall it could be an idea to have an ordinary object in the frame... (many girls will try to estimate your height based on the surroundings).

 

4. Things closer to the camera will look bigger. People think pictures tells the truth, but they do not. Real world is 3D, pictures are 2D. Most mobile cameras have wide angle lenses witch will make this effect even more noticeable.

 

5. Some post processing is easy. Crop away backgrounds distraction, make sure the white balance looks right. If you - the subject - is to dark you can increase darkness. Blurring the background can also be a good effect to make the photo “pop”.

 

6. I don’t know much about fashion, but make sure your clothes fit. I think that’s a common mistake for some men, perhaps your wardrobe is outdated after the weight loss? (Apparently girls seem to have an universal absurd interest in shoes - so make sure those are alright as well).

[preraph]

Long story short, I'm a 34 year old male who has never really had a girlfriend. I have been trying online dating and I can't even get a woman to respond to an email, let alone a date. Between multiple apps, eHarmony, Match, OkCupid, I had to have sent out about 3-400 messages and received responses on about a dozen that lead nowhere. I used to spend a lot of time trying to come up with the perfect message but admittedly lately my messages have gotten lazier since I never get responses. I tried Bumble since women message first. Swiped right on about 100 women and nothing. I ran my pics through Photofeeler and I'm pretty average apparently. Not sure what else to do. I had been morbidly obese my whole life until about two years ago when I lost 250 pounds. I was conditioned to avoid people when I was overweight. I copied and pasted my Match profile which is pretty much the same across all platforms. I'm sure it's a complete mess and turn off so I want to know what to change.

 

"I used to eat candy Nerds until I realized for me it was basically cannibalism.

 

Want to go to a restaurant that serves breakfast anytime and order French toast during the Renaissance.

 

Drove to Kentucky on a whim to see if the grass is really blue.

 

I once worked at Disney World.

 

I have been known to sing soft kitty to my cat from time to time.

 

Lions & horror movie fan. Those two seem to go hand in hand.

 

Game nights are my night.

 

Professional pasta eater and soda aficionado.

 

Amateur cyclist.

 

Poor bowler.

 

If freedom is simply being able to do what you want, are animals freer than humans?"

 

Take the first one out. Don't ever lead with disparaging yourself. Keep the ones in that are about your active interests. Leave out the pasta eater one. Leave out Disney World. Makes it sound like that was your best job (I imagine it was your funnest!).

 

Have someone who knows you look at your photo and see what's wrong with it. You should be smiling and show a full shot of yourself hopefully not looking too posed. Best if you can find something where it looks like you are having fun with friends or dog or cat.

[d0nnivain]

If you can get a picture with the cat, fine. No pictures of just the cat. Do mention you like cats in the bio

[Quagmire243]

Take the first one out. Don't ever lead with disparaging yourself. Keep the ones in that are about your active interests. Leave out the pasta eater one. Leave out Disney World. Makes it sound like that was your best job (I imagine it was your funnest!).

 

Have someone who knows you look at your photo and see what's wrong with it. You should be smiling and show a full shot of yourself hopefully not looking too posed. Best if you can find something where it looks like you are having fun with friends or dog or cat.

 

See I thought nerds were in. Maybe I watch too much of The Big Bang Theory. I have one Pic of me with other people but it's poor quality. My other pics are full body pics. I bought a new wardrobe and they are slim fit and fit pretty well. It's hard to pose with my cat because he doesn't like to be held. I have a great Pic of the cat alone.

[JuneL]

I have a crazy idea. Set up a channel or a blog to share your weight loss experience and tips. Reply to comments left by your audience. This will be a wonderful way and first step for you to “meet” people and improve your social skills.

[Quagmire243]

I have a crazy idea. Set up a channel or a blog to share your weight loss experience and tips. Reply to comments left by your audience. This will be a wonderful way and first step for you to “meet” people and improve your social skills.

 

It was a weight loss surgery. My doctor said I was his first patient to go from a BMI over 50 to under 25. He invited me to speak at one of his seminars. I'm a very good public speaker and just winged the speech. Afterwards, we did like a little meet and greet and I struggled in the one on one. I'm not good at mingling or small talk.

[preraph]

See I thought nerds were in. Maybe I watch too much of The Big Bang Theory. I have one Pic of me with other people but it's poor quality. My other pics are full body pics. I bought a new wardrobe and they are slim fit and fit pretty well. It's hard to pose with my cat because he doesn't like to be held. I have a great Pic of the cat alone.

 

Nothing sexy about anyone on Big Bang Theory!

[Quagmire243]

Nothing sexy about anyone on Big Bang Theory!

 

That's disappointing. I now have the build of Sheldon Cooper with the social skills to match. I do sometimes sing soft kitty to my cat.

[JuneL]

It was a weight loss surgery. My doctor said I was his first patient to go from a BMI over 50 to under 25. He invited me to speak at one of his seminars. I'm a very good public speaker and just winged the speech. Afterwards, we did like a little meet and greet and I struggled in the one on one. I'm not good at mingling or small talk.

 

Then you should volunteer to speak more often and mingle with people to practice!

[Quagmire243]

Tonight I will rewrite my profile and just keep it simple. I'll try for new photos. What exactly should I be doing in these photos? I can go to a park but I'm afraid of setting up my tripod as someone will come and swipe my phone.

[Quagmire243]

It's so hard coming up with a profile that stands out since I won't stand out on looks alone. Plus using different platforms makes it harder. Match I can write an entire essay but Bumble is limited to 300 characters.

[Quagmire243]

I shamelessly stole some part of the suggestion here for my profile. I'll see what tractions I get.

 

"I once drove to Kentucky on a whim to see if the grass is really blue. I enjoy urban planning, my cat Mr Fluffers, and am a self proclaimed soda aficionado.

 

I'm looking for a fun person with an offbeat sense of humor who enjoys cycling, Detroit Lions, bowling, game nights or horror movies. Message me if you think you'd be willing to hold my hand during the scary parts (of Lions games)."

[MaleIntuition]

Hm if you are afraid of someone stealing your phone, just find some remote place I suppose?

[Quagmire243]

Less than 12 hours with the profile I shared above, I received a like on Match and Bumble and a message on eHarmony. The like on Match is worthy of a response. Not sure the other two are good matches. The ironic part is the one on Match is a Disney fan and I never mentioned my working for Disney. I'll just have to use that as a conversation piece if it advances towards a date.

[d0nnivain]

I like the revised profile. Do give each of the ones who expressed interest in you some consideration. Not everybody presents well on line. I did e-Harmony for a short time. Although my matches didn't make my heart go pitter pat, they were quality people. Plus you need the dating "practice."

 

Social skills like at meet & greets are learned behaviors. The skills that can get you a date will also get you a better job or a raise so there are added incentives to master them. If you have the $$ seriously consider something like the Dale Carnegie classes. Public speaking is scarier then one on one but the latter can be intimidating. It's all about confidence & some sociology -- learning to read body language.