OLD Compared to Real Life?

[Logo]

Compared to women (if you’re a man) or men (if you’re a woman) in real life do you find that people on online dating sites are a waste of time?

 

Between the hacks, the posers, the ones who play childish silly games, the ones who show so much skin in their profiles because that’s all they have to offer the opposite sex, or because they need the attention or the a boost to their self-esteem much in the same way someone might brag about having 5000 friends on social media, friends he or she have never met in person, the ones who behave 10 to 15 years younger than their biological age, the ones who have nothing to offer, but present themselves as a rare artifact to be worshipped or gawked at, do you find that the same is true in real life?

 

I use OLD mostly because there aren’t many venues or places to meet people in my age group, especially where I am. Trust me, I’ve tried a lot of the suggestions offered here in the past to meet people at different venues. Quality over quantity.

 

Of course it doesn’t help when silly reality shows have dumbed down the masses. Does anyone watch the Bachelor or the Bachelorette? What a waste of airtime.

Edited March 23, 2019 by Logo

[salparadise]

Compared to [...] in real life do you find that people on online dating sites are a waste of time?

 

Yes, when a good, normal person signs up for a dating site it instantly changes their DNA. Have you signed up?

[chillii]

Def not . but then l suppose we pass them in the street all day long but a lot of that stuffs so transparent l just wouldn't take any notice anyway.

 

lt could've gone either way for me. lt was too soon but l was becoming exited at least about who l was seeing around just out and about .

My towns only small but surrounded by 5 or 6 other towns and then the one bigger main town.

l use them all in everyday and work stuff and l began seeing some serious honeys about and knew when l was ready it'd only be a matter of time.

But l wasn't ready but l was lonely so l joined a date site just to talk to a few people at night really buttttt, low and behold up popped somebody l could be seriously interested in and the rest is history.

lf we hadn't met l've no doubt though l would've met someone just in my travels for sure before too long.

Edited March 23, 2019 by chillii

[d0nnivain]

I only did OLD for 3 months about 13 years ago. I hated it. Every day I opened my mailbox / the site & got rejections, lots & lots of rejections. It was demoralizing. That was not my real life experience. Generally I could find a date IRL if I was looking.

 

Of the 3 men I met none were guys I would have otherwise agreed to go on a date with. They were nice accomplished men but they weren't my type at all. That whole chemistry was missing.

[Mr. Lucky]

That whole chemistry was missing.

 

You couldn't tell that from their pics and profile ?

 

It's a defective system simply because the only way to succeed is to game the rules. I tell my wife she's stuck with me, no way would I do that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

You couldn't tell that from their pics and profile ?

 

I actually could not. I can't even shop on line so the idea of dating on line made little sense to me.

 

I was also in my mid 30s & was trying to convince myself that it was time to date based on something other than lust. So yes, I knew that the guys weren't super handsome but I was trying to learn not to be superficial. Didn't really work for me.

 

Again they were nice, interesting, well educated men, which is what I asked for & "matched" with based on the site's algorithm.

 

One of the things I learned & still learn, is that I have to be true to myself. You have to authentic or you will be unhappy.

[chillii]

Definitely, if it's real you want you gotta be real yourself, no other way to my mind.

[ElKay]

I can't even get a date in real life, especially with men my type. Part of it is my shyness and my intense fear of rejection. Without online dating, I would've still been forever single and a virgin now at 27.

I am super picky with how I filter through matches though.

[salparadise]

I went out to drink a beer with a single female friend last night. We met on a dating site several years ago but didn't have the necessary physical attraction, so we're buddies. We're the same MBTI type so we see the world similarly.

 

So, she was fussing about the dating site she's on being crap and I asked her if she had tried Bumble. She had not but was interested, so she downloaded it and started swiping right there... well, it was enlightening to see. She's a big woman –– like 5'10" and extra curvy. I'm 6'2" (not skinny) and I'm pretty sure she outweighs me by a good bit. Facially, she's not ugly but definitely not a stunner.

 

So as the men's pics popped up she was swiping left so fast it was dizzying. Many of those I thought were nice enough looking, so I asked why she was nixing them as fast as they popped up, not reading the bio or looking at stats at all. She said they just weren't attractive to her, simple as that. No right swipes at all. One guy was good looking and had a professional portrait, but she said he was probably a fake profile and swiped left on that one too without much hesitation.

 

It made me realize that I'm lucky to get any hits at all on these dating sites. It was just brutal to see. As much as I hate numerical ratings, she's probably a 5 was left swiping every profile she saw. I felt like a social scientist discovering a new truth. My profile popped up too. She left swiped without even reading what I had written. Brutal!

[Mysterio]

I have done both. Bottom line. Meet as soon as possible if your on OLD within at least 2 weeks or so. No way is something going to manifest with one person if its 3 months away from meeting for the most part.

 

I look at my life and I say this is what will happen. I will have a woman that is into me that has seen me around for a long time. She will make the moves on me. It will not be me making the moves on a woman and it works out.

[Logo]

I went out to drink a beer with a single female friend last night. We met on a dating site several years ago but didn't have the necessary physical attraction, so we're buddies. We're the same MBTI type so we see the world similarly.

 

So, she was fussing about the dating site she's on being crap and I asked her if she had tried Bumble. She had not but was interested, so she downloaded it and started swiping right there... well, it was enlightening to see. She's a big woman –– like 5'10" and extra curvy. I'm 6'2" (not skinny) and I'm pretty sure she outweighs me by a good bit. Facially, she's not ugly but definitely not a stunner.

 

So as the men's pics popped up she was swiping left so fast it was dizzying. Many of those I thought were nice enough looking, so I asked why she was nixing them as fast as they popped up, not reading the bio or looking at stats at all. She said they just weren't attractive to her, simple as that. No right swipes at all. One guy was good looking and had a professional portrait, but she said he was probably a fake profile and swiped left on that one too without much hesitation.

 

It made me realize that I'm lucky to get any hits at all on these dating sites. It was just brutal to see. As much as I hate numerical ratings, she's probably a 5 was left swiping every profile she saw. I felt like a social scientist discovering a new truth. My profile popped up too. She left swiped without even reading what I had written. Brutal!

 

That could be either her fear of rejection or her unrealistic hopes.

 

 

As long as she swipes left, she doesn’t have to wonder why her matches page is blank. She’ll rationalize it as no one being good enough.

 

 

She could also have unrealistic expectations.

 

 

My personal experience with OLD has revolved around and included mostly women who couldn’t carry a conversation. It was a bore to sit there and listen to them speak about their uneventful and mundane lives.

 

 

One for example was fun to be with, but she turned out to be a selfish, self-centered person who was looking for a doormat. I wasn’t going to be her doormat.

 

 

I try to be as selective as possible, but it’s funny how I live in a large metro area and I can’t find one decent woman. The older I get, the smaller the dating pool. Most men in my age range have already been married for a few years now and have at least 2 kids. I missed out on that because I was fighting a disease that kept me from having a normal social life for years.

 

In real life, approaching a stranger, regardless of the venue, means “I want to get into your pants.”

 

An innocuous approach to socialize for the purpose of friendly socialization is immediately shut down. “I’m not interested” or “I have a boyfriend” or “Go away” as though I were a pest when all I’m doing is making polite conversation.

 

I once asked a woman at a new bar I went to what she recommends. “Nice try” is what I got.

 

But if I was dressed like a ****bag who bull**** that woman from here until Sunday and had pounds of grease in my hair, she would have been all over me. That’s what I’ve seen.

Edited March 25, 2019 by Logo

[Mr. Lucky]

In real life, approaching a stranger, regardless of the venue, means “I want to get into your pants.”

 

An innocuous approach to socialize for the purpose of friendly socialization is immediately shut down. “I’m not interested” or “I have a boyfriend” or “Go away” as though I were a pest when all I’m doing is making polite conversation.

 

I once asked a woman at a new bar I went to what she recommends. “Nice try” is what I got.

 

I think it depends on the vibe you give off. Happily married, I have no problem talking to women everywhere from bookstores to taverns to check-out lines, though my interest in them is as people rather than partners. And I think if they see you interact with men the same way, there's less of a "pick-up" association...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Logo]

The vibe comes with the territory. When I’m with a woman, other women sneak glances in my direction. Suddenly I’m visible. When I’m not with a woman, suddenly I’m not a marketable commodity.

 

It’s easier to “get a woman” when you “have a woman”. When I was with my ex, I could socialize with women without them rejecting me. I think the key is to get into that mindset of not giving a hoot about the outcome. Maybe.

[d0nnivain]

If you can recreate the vibe you have when you have a GF & resonate that when you are single, it will be easier to strike up a casual conversation. Try taking a deep breathe before you start & do have no expectations about the outcome.

 

Fingers crossed -- best of luck.

[alphamale]

OLD is a microcosm of real life

[alphamale]

The vibe comes with the territory. When I’m with a woman, other women sneak glances in my direction. Suddenly I’m visible. When I’m not with a woman, suddenly I’m not a marketable commodity.

 

It’s easier to “get a woman” when you “have a woman”. When I was with my ex, I could socialize with women without them rejecting me. I think the key is to get into that mindset of not giving a hoot about the outcome. Maybe.

 

wow Logo, this is very insightful and totally true

[salparadise]

 

That could be either her fear of rejection or her unrealistic hopes.

 

As long as she swipes left, she doesn’t have to wonder why her matches page is blank. She’ll rationalize it as no one being good enough.

 

She could also have unrealistic expectations.

 

I think it's unrealistic expectations. She says that she was very attractive (hawt) when she was a young thang. She gets plenty of hits on the other app, but she doesn't like any of them. She has a rather narrow perspective on many things, and this is no exception.

 

But the larger picture is that this is just how women are. Average women want a top tier guy with stunningly good looks, an impressive career, and they expect to be pursued against resistance.

 

It was fun giving her a hard time about it. But she just rationalizes it as "there's no point in talking to anyone that I'm not really attracted to." The fact that she's physically larger than probably ninety percent of men doesn't factor into the equation whatsoever.

[Mr. Lucky]

When I was with my ex, I could socialize with women without them rejecting me. I think the key is to get into that mindset of not giving a hoot about the outcome. Maybe.

 

Agreed. Though caring if they like you is different than caring if they want you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[chillii]

Might be so for some women there but just watch them try to keep one though, l'll just about guarantee that's another matter entirely .

 

Here they fairly realistic and grounded thank god, do see and known the dreamers to though, some l've known through friends or rallies , can pick it a mile away, are in their 50s now though and still looking. Their love lives have just been one disaster after another as far back as l remember.

Just keep waking guys , why waste yourselves on silly women like that , there's so much more out there, good women with much to offer.

[Andy_K]

Might be so for some women there but just watch them try to keep one though, l'll just about guarantee that's another matter entirely

 

It is indeed another matter entirely... and those who do behave this way can't keep them. But they blame that on men being all pigs who just want sex, not that they're consistently aiming for guys way above their own market value, as it were.

[Mr. Lucky]

aiming for guys way above their own market value, as it were.

 

Do people really focus on this? I never once looked at a woman and thought "she's out of my league". Guess I'm simple-minded, my perceptions were limited to either "I like her" or "I don't", both of which dictated their own course of action...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Andy_K]

It happens precisely because they don't focus on it.

 

Imagine you're a fairly average looking girl on a dating app... pretty soon it becomes clear that you can get far more matches than you can ever hope to talk to. What do you do? The natural reaction is to become more and more selective, not realising that most of the guys you're matching with don't see you as a potential girlfriend, but just as an acceptable standard to have sex with.

 

Those who act like you suggest and go with 'I like him' or 'I do not' won't have this issue, but the ones who see the large number of matches as a huge number of real options and start filtering them accordingly without considering how realistic they are, may have a difficult time

[salparadise]

SAL: I have a few female friends that have let me in and see their OLD adventures. The part you didn't see is where the really good looking guys she finally does decide to talk to are willing to hook up with her, even if they don't want anything serious with her. This is part of the reason why some ladies get these unrealistic expectations. Why should they talk to or be attracted to an average looking guy when great looking guys are hitting them up?

Might be so for some women there but just watch them try to keep one though, l'll just about guarantee that's another matter entirely .

 

 

Very true, and entirely logical. Why should they entertain anyone other than top tier men if they're getting a ton of attention from said guys. Some women are savvy enough to realize they're just casting a broad net for easy hookups, and some have no clue that the reason they're getting hit on is because they're low-hanging fruit. I doubt that any of them adjust their standards to avoid the pump and dump. As someone else said, they just rationalize that all men are pigs, inherently disingenuous with regard to intentions.

 

It works both ways. Men and women will naturally perceive their own market value, and act accordingly, based on the best they've historically been able to pull. I had success with a woman that I would've previously thought to be out of my league, and that sort of raised the bar as to what I expect going forward. It's hard for me to even locate women at that level, much less get the green light.

 

But men and women are fundamentally different in terms of how they approach dating/mating. For women success equals locking down a top tier man, pretty much without compromise. For men, success (L1) equals getting laid regularly even if they're not up to the relationship standard, and success (L2) equals a relationship that's not a compromise. I have a hard time doing the L1 thing though –– my L1 standard is pretty close to L2.

 

I got a notification on Bumble yesterday that someone had liked me, and within a few swipes I could have a new match. Curious to see who it was, I got on and right-swiped every profile until I got the match. Now I'm getting matches (and messages) from a bunch of those I would've otherwise left-swiped. Ah, the competitive nature of dating and mating is just nuts. Everyone is reaching over their heads –– if we could all quit doing that there'd be a lot more sex!