Wife Anxiety is out of control

[rabsaque]

I have been with my wife for 11 years been married for two , she always had major problems about not letting anything go but since our marriage and mostly since she got pregnant is even worse, she is driving me crazy she whines about everything gets mad about everything and her anxiety is off the charts, she gets anxious about stupid things like the kitchen is messy for example.

 

the other day i was cooking as i always do, and i always cook and clean the mess afther i eat, she came home from work and saw me eating and saw the kitchen and told me 'you can't leave the kitchen like this is going to attract bugs', yeah i kow once i finish eating i will clean everything i told her , and she replied 'NOO CLEAN IT NOW NOWWWWW', i'm eating, once i finish i will clean everything i replied, she got mad and went to the room , then came 5 minutes later 'HOW CAN YOU 'BE EATING SO CALM LOOKING AT THIS MESS CLEAN IT NOW FFS i had to stop eating and cleant it for her to calm down,

 

And she does it for things even more stupid like the other day we

had to pay bills and we do pay them on cash and we sere missing 10 bucks ahd i told her well no problem tomorrow onmy way to work ill hit the ATM and get those 10 dolars 'NO GO NOW GET THEM NOW' it was 3.00 am she started to cry and say a lot of things and i seriously had to get in the car and look for an ATM at 3 in the morning.

 

 

i know this may be due to the hormones of pregnancy but is getting out of control, the other nigth she got up in the middle of the nigth and started crying worried about something she said on the office and the baby was kicking like he wanted to rip her stomach and get out of there, i'm starting to feel this anxiety and need for control is affecting my unborn son she says she is going to control it once the baby is born but i don't believe it.

 

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How can i tell her this worries me without hurting her feelings', cause i don't believe she is going to be able to control herself once our child is bor and that will affect him no doubt please help.

[bathtub-row]

It sounds like your wife has a mental disorder. Pregnancy hormones or not, her behavior is practically psychotic. Go with her to her next doctor appointment and talk to her doctor about her behavior. Also, tell your wife that her behavior will harm the baby. That may help her control this crazy behavior. If the dr appt is too far away, call him/her. What your wife is doing isn’t normal by any stretch.

[basil67]

Your wife needs to have her mental health assessed.

 

When she's not upset about something, tell her that you're worried for her and would like for her to seek help. Reassure her that you will support her through this.

 

Have you spoken with her family about your concerns?

[Mr. Lucky]

How can i tell her this worries me without hurting her feelings', cause i don't believe she is going to be able to control herself once our child is bor and that will affect him no doubt please help.

 

If she resists seeing someone for her anxiety, talk to her OB/GYN about your concerns. He/she can help you with a referral and any discussion with your wife..

 

Mr. Lucky

[preraph]

Did she do this before being pregnant? If not, then that's what it is, hormones. Anxiety, bad mood.

 

 

Tip for cleaning kitchen while cooking. I do as much as i can while cooking, just while I'm waiting for something to boil or whatever, but then at end when ready to eat, I just very quickly rinse everything and leave in sink for after I'm done eating. Because that way at least you don't get crusty hard to clean stuff.

[BaileyB]

I think this is more than pregnancy hormone. Your wife sounds like she is struggling with significant anxiety, perhaps OCD. I would definitely suggest that you speak with her and/or her doctor to support her to get a mental health assessment. Her behaviour is extreme, she may not realize it as such but it definitely doesn’t sound like typical pregnancy hormones...

[standtall]

If she resists seeing someone for her anxiety, talk to her OB/GYN about your concerns. He/she can help you with a referral and any discussion with your wife..

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not sure how that world work...I'm not sure that he can talk to her OBG about his wife...Really, can you? I thought is was a hippa thing?

[pepperbird]

If she was like this before she was pregnant, you may have a problem. If this is just due to her being pregnant, then I'd suggest you cut her some slack.

 

As for her having a mental illness? It's absolutely impossible for any of us to tell you this, as we are only hearing your side of the story.

[Wallysbears]

Looking at your posts - you and your wife fled Venezuela, are living in a new country and now she is pregnant. All within a matter of a year?

 

That’s enough to give anyone anxiety, especially since your/her family are still there.

Add in pregnancy hormones and it makes even more sense why she is overly anxious.

 

Give her a lot of love and reassurance. That’s a LOT going on and some of the biggest stressors possible in life.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'm not sure how that world work...I'm not sure that he can talk to her OBG about his wife...Really, can you? I thought is was a hippa thing?

 

Unless she's designated him in the paperwork, the doctor is limited in what he can tell the OP. However, no such restrictions on what the OP can tell the doctor, who will have experience with the mental and mood changes pregnancy brings.

 

Would certainly be better if she'd see a specialist in anxiety...

 

Mr. Lucky

[amaysngrace]

I'm not sure how that world work...I'm not sure that he can talk to her OBG about his wife...Really, can you? I thought is was a hippa thing?

 

She probably cleared him at some point that would allow doctors to discuss her health with him. People usually name someone on the form and it’s most likely him.

[whichwayisup]

Sounds like she has OCD and it's getting worse. Please get her help. This is out of control and it is anxiety driven, with the help of counseling and meds she can get better.

 

Read up on anxiety and especially OCD. It is frustrating for you but she can't help it.

[rabsaque]

Thank you all for your advice, sorry for taking so long to read them i got a little busy on the office.

 

Well the problem with my wife is that she can't let anything that causes her discomfort go, i mean if something bothers her she will not forget about it till the thing is fixed, and when something is out of her control she gets depressed also she is not shy ad vocalizing anything that discomforts her doesn't matter how minimal that thing is.

 

We tried to go to counseling and didn't turn okay first visit the doctor make us take a test and she passed the flawlessly while i got diagnosed with low self-esteem but doctor didn't knew she is a teacher and knew how to make that test, she told me that later, and when i told her to go to the doctor for the next season she told me "a can't go there with you anymore after seeing how vulnerable you really are" that was time ago when we weren't married during that time we broke up but she reached on to me again time later she promised me to change so we ended up back together i accepted her like that "well she is whinny " but now is getting on my nerves i mean everything is my fault i am the one to blame for every little thing is sooooo bad she makes me feel horrible about stupid things like forgetting to put the food back on the fridge the way she likes, and she makes me feel like garbage like being clumsy is some kind of horrible deffect i must change because no sane person is like me and is affecting me because

 

I can't even be around her anymore i don't know which moment i will do something she doesn't like and she will make me feel bad for that this is the way i am ffs and she notices it and says ¿why are you acting weird? she even says being clumsy is an indication something is wrong, i can't be myself around her and if i tell her what i really think she will turn everything against me like she always does i mean she makes everything look like i'm the one to blame she doesn't help me either i mean i work i buy the food i cook and take care of her but always there is something wrong something i didn't do oar should have done different or didn't do is soo frustrating and my buggest fear is that she is going to do the same **** to my son.

[bathtub-row]

She sounds either abusive, mentally deranged, or both. I doubt your marriage will last. You can’t fix her and you can’t reason with her.

[rabsaque]

And now there is a poor child on the way i think i will jus try to live with it till i either divorce or kms.

 

my hope is for her to change once our baby is born, worked with her father guy got out of alcoholism once she was born.

 

 

ill see what happens we were ok but since pregnancy got unbearable.

[BaileyB]

Well, reading your last post I too worry about your son, her behavior toward you is emotionally abusive. If she directs this kind of behavior toward your child’s, he will be abused by his mother. No child deserves that.

[The Revealer]

feminity seeks masculinity to stabilize it...she needs a rock that calms her down..she seeking strength and she is finding non. She wants you to ground her, she wants you ground her, she wants to see you calm in the mist of all her anxiety : since as a man you really know that there is nothing to be afraid of, and whatever comes your way, as the man of the house you take care of it.

 

 

She will continue doing this, until you demonstrate strength, when she panics about nothing she must see you calm and not bothered, she is famine she can panic and cry for no reason, you are masculine, you remain calm and unshaken since there is nothing to worry about : then and only then can she relax and rest in your masculinity.

 

You must respond to the latent purpose of her behaviors and drama, she is testing your strength as a man, to be able to protect her and ground her, and you are failing repeatedly.

 

 

The moment she complained about the dishes, you should have told her with strong but calm voice; "...since u won't stop nagging, I won't be doing the dishes today, in fact, I won't be doing them for a month.." and if she screams some more, you tell, "...add a another month to that.."

 

I am so sure of what I am telling you, to the extent that I can confidently tell you that if I was your wife's co-worker it would be very easy for me to have an affair with her.

 

Get and read, 'The ways of the superior man' by D Deiter

[bathtub-row]

my hope is for her to change once our baby is born, worked with her father guy got out of alcoholism once she was born.

 

I say give it about 6 mos after the baby is born. If there’s no significant change by then, leave her. Do not put up with her behavior. For now, let her know she needs to get a handle on herself, and stop coddling her ridiculous demands.

[preraph]

Sounds like you're a little anxious yourself if you are getting clumsy out of this situation. Have you tried just trying to listen to what she says about where to put stuff in the fridge? There is, after all, kind of a reason to put certain things certain places? I imagine she feels it's creating more work for her and more inconvenience. I still think it's mainly that she's pregnant. Maybe it would reassure her if you called out, "Where do you want the mayonnaise?" once in awhile. Or not. I don't know. Worth a try. Do you feel she's a control freak, perfectionist, or something like that?