Back with the Ex!!!! But...............

[dr strangelove]

Simon if you do a key word search you should be able to find out enough about the book to not have to buy a copy.

Or you really want a copy check the used book places, but the rules are pretty simple.

 

Look if you really really need help why dont u send me a private message and I will help u out on this.

 

Your ex is trying to follow the rules of some book that she think will make you more interested. Honestly Ive had women do these things to me and my interest wears off pretty quickly.

 

Its made me think back to times I have played games, maybe I only did it cause women did it first.

[simon_uk]

Hi Dr Strangelove

 

I tried sending you a message but your settings are not allowing them.

 

Simon

[dr strangelove]

Simon im not sure why I cant private message.

 

I been thinking about your posts. And your ex. Sure she stayed out all night but she did phone at 5 am. She told you about the Rules.

 

Telling the guy about that book is not part of the program. But she has read this and its made her think if a guy does what is in the book hes worth being with, basically she is looking to be chased, because thats what the book tells her she wants.

Brit chicks, I was madly in love with one. Too bad she was a head case.

 

"She tells me not to be sad and call her later. " To me this kind of like her thinking, crap i dont want him to give up, i better say something.

Like he whole book is about making yourself as a female harder to get. I find this whole thing kind of sweet and sad at the same time.

 

At times I think she expects you to act like the book tells her the perfect guy would. And then you dont and she gets worried and starts throwing you hints.

Look dont repeat this back to her ok, it will make things even more worse.

Think about what im saying.. think about her, think about the last while.. how she kept contacting u..

 

I think you should play a little hard to get to, but try to learn the equitte from that book. It kind of is proper to ask someone early in the week before they make plans. Sucks I know, what I used to love about my ex was the spontaniety.. doing things on a whim.. to me thats very romantic..

 

Look simon im going to ask you something, remember when we were little kids and girls were icky? what was most important to you back then?

 

I know this sucks, but dont throw in the towel just yet.

Games really suck.. I dont know how many times I wanted to call someone, then it was like oh no wait for them to call or dont tell them how you feel etc..

 

I think thats why I wish to leave western civilization. It used to be knowledge is power, now I think its more like how well you interact socially.

 

Rules.. right thats what stops us from getting ahead. Personally I feel rules are made to be broken. Rules are what stops me from contacting my ex..

 

Anyways you cant be her robot, if u dont like something say so.

Ya get that book.. art of war..... know thy enemy. Most good generals do.

 

If I were you I might back off a little while till you get your hands on that book. Then you will know exactly the guy that book tells her is the perfect guy. You will know all her tricks.. what a sad comedy this is.

 

Was she always like this? is she very insecure?

[simon_uk]

Hi Doc

 

That was a very interesting post and very insightful. I agree if she wants to do 'The Rules' then she should not be telling me. At the end of the day it was her who kept contacting me during our split, it was her who was asking if I had a new girlfriend, it was her who sent me her new number and it was her who called me last Thursday and wanted to be with me.

 

So last night after asking her if she wanted to go for dinner with me and being declined I asked her if she wanted to go on a date on Saturday. I asked last night so I was asking well in advance as per these stupid rules. Initially she said no, then she said yes ok. So I was a bit thrown and said look do you want to or not and she said yes, assuming it isnt raining. Then we kind of got into a little fight or should that be she balled at me because she thinks I am being whiney and clingy because I said I have missed her. She really layed into me, part of me thinks it was because she was hungover but even so it shouldnt have happened. I guess I have been a little over the top with her but the thing is she is giving me so many mixed signals. One minute she is talking about taking us on holiday, telling all her friends and family that we are giving it another go, buying me toiletries for her apartment and talking about a joint bank account. the next minute she is saying dont be too needy, be happy with yourself whether you are with me or not and she wont go on dates with me unless I ask her at specified times. It is driving me insane but she says I am doing it to myself and it is bringing her down.

 

I spoke to her friend briefly last night about other matters and 'we' came up and her friend said "have you ever thought she may be doing these rules in order to keep you on your toes and keep hold of you?" I never thought about it that way but maybe she is.

 

She used to be very insecure but now she is saying that she isnt, that she is happy with who she is whether with me or without me and she wants me to be in that same place otherwise she doesnt want to carry on with us at the moment. I have an appointment with my counsellor today so hopefully she will put my mind at rest.

[pippen_2k]

Im sorry but this game and book BS is getting really pathertic. Dr what crap are you feeding him here? Logic people try to help him out but he only listens to the ONE perosn who gives him a glimmer of hope...

 

Im gettin used to this tho... everyone is graspin for straws.

[simon_uk]

Pippen

 

The things is this ok. I am perfectly aware I am taking a chance, I am also perfectly aware that I may get hurt. I know this, I am not stupid although you and many others may beg to differ. I dont diagree with anything anybody has said. I am just looking for encouragement and support because regardless of what anybody says, I am going to take this opportunity.

 

Therefore you are correct in your assumption that I am going to listen to the ONE person who is giving me positive encouragement not negative encouragement. That is not to say I am completely disregarding what anybody else says because that would be totally unwise.

 

Thanks

[HotCaliGirl]

Is this the same ex you recently (in May) wrote the following about?

 

------------------------------------------------------

 

"My ex went away on a Carribean cruise last Friday, I don't know why but this has made me feel really down. I think it is because I am just thinking that she is having so much fun and really living her life whilst I am still stuck here at home feeling soory for myself. We have been in NC for the past 4 or 5 weeks, broke up for 8. Why am I feeling like this??? Arrgggghhhhh!!!!! It was only a few weeks before we split that she was telling me how much she loved me etc etc and was worried that I was going to dump her! i just don't get it! All I can think of is her partying with some wealthy bloke on the cruise!!!!"

 

----------------------------------------------------------

[simon_uk]

Of course it is the same ex. And your point is what?

[HotCaliGirl]

My point is to be careful so the same thing won't repeat again. She says she loves you and in a flash dumps you....especially since this time around she got back together with you while she was drunk, whereas before her bad judgement was done while she was sober, so just proceed with caution so you won't have another heartache, that's all.

[simon_uk]

Thanks I do intend to be careful. But as we have discussed and as many people point out on here time and time again, people dont dump people in a flash. They have usually thought about it long and hard before they actually do it. It is just that the person being dumped failed to notice the warning signs and thinks it has come out of nowhere when in reality it hasnt.

 

I am not sayng that she is perfect because she isnt by a looooong way and she did hurt me and she has been mean and nasty to me, I am not saying I deserved all of that either, because I didnt. I am not sticking up for her or taking all of the blame. She has pointed out to me her part in the demise of the relationship and she knows that she has/had faults.

 

Yes, she called me whilst she was drunk, perhaps because that it the only time she felt confident enough to do it??? Who knows? What matters is that we have been together 5 days and nights since that phone call and for the remainder of the time she was sober.

 

I am not completely sure I understand what you mean about her bad judgement? Are you saying that by being with me in the first place was bad judgement on her behalf?

 

I imagine you think I am being really defensive and talking things to heart but really I am not, unless of course what you said about bad judgment was referring to me, then I will take it personally. I am just pointing out that, yes my head was all over the place when we were apart and I still missed her and still loved her. Goes without saying. Yes we are back together and my head is still all over the place because it has come as a very big shock to me, a huge shock to me. So naturally my emotions are all over the show and I am a bit messed up.

 

Hopefully I will calm down in a few days and start to process things more logically.

 

 

 

My point is to be careful so the same thing won't repeat again. She says she loves you and in a flash dumps you....especially since this time around she got back together with you while she was drunk, whereas before her bad judgement was done while she was sober, so just proceed with caution so you won't have another heartache, that's all.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. "have you ever thought she may be doing these rules in order to keep you on your toes and keep hold of you?" I never thought about it that way but maybe she is.

 

2. She used to be very insecure but now she is saying that she isnt, that she is happy with who she is whether with me or without me and she wants me to be in that same place otherwise she doesnt want to carry on with us at the moment.

 

Here is something you need to pay VERY close attention to. Women who are confident, secure and happy don't have to do anything to "keep a man on his toes and keep hold of him" - particularly not box themselves and their partner into following a particular set of "rules".

 

Do you honestly think that even for a second she thinks she is going to lose you? She is telling you that you are needy and clingy and has expressed anger and frustration over that. If anything, she knows she can't get rid of you. She's telling you one thing, but her actions are showing a person no different than she was before. She doesn't know what she really wants out of life in terms of relationships. Right now, she thinks her happiness can be found in that blisteringly stupid fantasy land created by relationship-book vultures who prey on people like her (and by extension cause great suffering for people like you).

 

You are so desperate to be back with her, that you are believing whatever she says, and ignoring some very serious warning signs in the things she is doing.

 

After seeing what she is doing to you, I see absolutely nothing different than the last time she demolished you. She may have changed her words and fooled herself into a false sense of "security with herself" but she doesn't appear to be any more mature or changed than she was before. It looks to me like what she wants from you is to accept her exactly as she is but she will not accept you unless you change yourself 100% to fit her 'rules' profile, and become confident, secure and independent overnight.

 

Pretty soon, you will be getting that old familiar "I need space" talk and she will blame it on your neediness and clinginess. She will make you feel horrible about yourself, yet again - and you will take the blame for ending this - yet again.

 

All I can say is walk away now before she lands that killing blow - because its coming. No doubt about it.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Hi Simon,

 

I really hope this works for you. But I'm uneasy. Check out these quotes.

 

So last night after asking her if she wanted to go for dinner with me and being declined I asked her if she wanted to go on a date on Saturday.

 

I asked last night so I was asking well in advance as per these stupid rules. Initially she said no, then she said yes ok.

 

she said yes, assuming it isnt raining.

 

she balled at me because she thinks I am being whiney and clingy

 

She really layed into me, part of me thinks it was because she was hungover but even so it shouldnt have happened.

 

One minute she is talking about taking us on holiday, telling all her friends and family that we are giving it another go, buying me toiletries for her apartment and talking about a joint bank account. the next minute she is saying dont be too needy, be happy with yourself whether you are with me or not

 

she wont go on dates with me unless I ask her at specified times. It is driving me insane but she says I am doing it to myself and it is bringing her down.

 

she may be doing these rules in order to keep you on your toes

 

she wants me to be in that same place otherwise she doesnt want to carry on with us at the moment.

 

She has all the power. She says jump, you jump. She treats you like crap, you suck it up. She has the luxury of choosing when, where and how she wants you, while you sit there desperate for any scrap she throws you.

 

Right now you're not her man, you're her puppy dog. If you want this relationship to work, you have to surprise her. Call her on things. Set limits. Sometimes be unavailable. Make sure that 50% of what happens is about your needs, not hers.

 

Read some of ConfusedinOC's posts. And Alphamale. Serious shock therapy is needed.

[sanne]

simon nobody here is being harsh on you because we want you to be miserable. this girl is sending out clear signals that you are obviously ignoring. we really just don't want to see you get hurt again like before man. this girl does not sound like an honest person, she seems scheming and manipulative and very unstable if you ask me.

[Baz]

Simon, this is London calling. Get a grip right now!

 

This girl is emotionally immature. She doesn't understand how to relate. She is dysfunctional, hence the book. Her idea of relating is based on her own selfish needs. Please be aware that no relationship can survive long with those parameters - none.

 

Right now, without any doubt you MUST pull back and have a very long hard look at YOU and ask yourself why it is that you are so effected by this girl. This is so, so important for you now. Why?

 

From what I can see you are a good guy but "codependant". Look this up and ask yourself "why am I like this". You are an intelligent, smart and charasmatic guy - the perfect prize for any "normal" lady. But you are defaulting to something that is reaching right into your inner most feelings and grabbing hold of some very sensitive emotions. Why? What is it that hurts you? What are you afraid of? Why do you have this insecurity?

 

Once you have gone there and accepted that the issue is not with your girlfriends behaviour but with your own, you will be able to set boundaries that everyone on here is telling you to set.

 

You must find your pride now. One simple line will help you - you are the prize not her. Any "normal" lady will know this and relate accordingly in a healthy way.

 

You dont love this girl, you are just scared to face your own insecurities. Trust me, im there going through the same thing right now. My ex just wont go away. This has been going on for almost a year. Im now only just setting my boundaries but boy do I feel good. My strength goes up every time I resist her manipulation, and guess what - she can sense the change and she doesn't like it. She now knows that this is my show and if she wants anything to do with me she needs to shape up and get in line. But here is the interesting bit - she is so ****ed up, stupid and selfish she wont do it, and that my friend is her loss.

 

You must take one big step back now and try and understand just how valuable YOU are, not her.

 

Good luck!

[dr strangelove]

Hey SIMON

 

Hows it going?

 

I really think you should back off from her till you get a better grasp of the situation. Seems like you are not going with her anyways.. you could just say u arent feeling well if she does want to see you.

Trust me she isnt going anywhere I think u need to see that she wontm and u will be a little more confident. Try this for me, dont call her for a week and see what happens...

[HotCaliGirl]

Thanks I do intend to be careful. But as we have discussed and as many people point out on here time and time again, people dont dump people in a flash. They have usually thought about it long and hard before they actually do it. It is just that the person being dumped failed to notice the warning signs and thinks it has come out of nowhere when in reality it hasnt.

That is totally not true...read choclate_boy's recent post...things were going great, they were in love, then all of a sudden she calls it quits, he/I think that is weird, but women are all different and cannot be figured out. They can overnight fall out of love, and as a result you will be left with a heart-ahce, and as soon as she feels like she misses you, becuase you still love her, you'll be eager to get back together to keep her, but there will be a risk the same thing will repeat. If she was REALLY in love with you, she would not have left you to begin with.

I am not completely sure I understand what you mean about her bad judgement? Are you saying that by being with me in the first place was bad judgement on her behalf?

I meant she used bad judgement to dump you!! I am really feeling bad about how much she hurt you and am afraid she might do it again.

 

I know from experience that when you love someone, you'll be willing to risk getting hurt again, for the chance that maybe things will work out, which is what you are doing....nothing anybody else says will change your decision unless you reallly really want to take someone else's advice. Again, I just wanted to remind you of the bad things she has done and treated you with because love can blind you of people's faults and a heartache can be very painful...i am upset she is putting you through this but looks like you are aware and not blocking out of your mind the past, but you are justifying them, like it was coming you just didn't notice it, etc. which I don't think was the case, but you know better....just be careful and hopefully things will turn out better this time around!!

[alphamale]

Simon, this is London calling. Get a grip right now!

 

This girl is emotionally immature. She doesn't understand how to relate. She is dysfunctional, hence the book. Her idea of relating is based on her own selfish needs. Please be aware that no relationship can survive long with those parameters - none.

 

Right now, without any doubt you MUST pull back and have a very long hard look at YOU and ask yourself why it is that you are so effected by this girl. This is so, so important for you now. Why?

I agree 100%