TUDOR Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 So my exgirlfriend that I dated before my wife calls the house and says she is in town and would love to go to lunch with the wife and I. Now the ex is child hood friend that I have known for 20 years and the wife has been around her a dozen or so times when we get together with friends. The ex was even at our wedding. The wife appears to be ok with the friendship and I always make sure she is with me if I am ever around the ex. The wife seemed glad to go to lunch with her and they always get along good. But I'm curious how she really feels and if I am expecting too much for her to sit across from another woman I have had sex with. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I think if your Wife is good with it, and there are no unresolved feelings between your EX and yourself then it's all good to go. You've taken the right steps in showing respect to your Wife in not meeting your EX for lunches or whatever without your Wife being present... she (your Wife) had no issues with the EX coming to your wedding.. and obviously your EX was good with coming (so that wouldn't indicate to me that she had a problem with you getting married to someone else) So again... good to go! Ask your Wife if I can come to lunch too LOL! My EXH is uncomfortable with any Guy I've dated... and my BF now would rather NOT be around my EXH... I personally am all okay with being around my BF's EXW... eh.. who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 In my experience, it's not a great feeling. It's always a little uncomfortable and sometimes a downer. One of my ex's used to keep in touch with all of his ex's. Some of which I didn't really have a problem being around, some of which I REALLY had a probelm being around. None the less it was always more comfortable when the ex's weren't around. I will say though that the ex's that were childhood friends I had much less trouble being around than the more recent ex's. I'm not sure in your case though since the ex was both. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 After reading what Merin wrote let me follow up by saying that my ex that I'm thinking of was a total A$$ and he made me feel very insecure in our relationship. He was, in his head, still in love with his college ex. Other bfs haven't really brought their ex's around in my presence that I can think of. So I guess what I'm trying to get at is to take your wife's word for it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I play my ex wife's messages begging me to take her back for my girlfriend and we both have a good laugh. My girlfriend knows my ex wife is pathetic but my ex is crushed that I have found somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I play my ex wife's messages begging me to take her back for my girlfriend and we both have a good laugh. My girlfriend knows my ex wife is pathetic but my ex is crushed that I have found somebody else. Wow, I knew you lacked compassion but, man, how does somebody become so downright evil? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 Merin I'm sure the wife would be ok if you want to join us for lunch...the more the marrier! I grew up in a small town and literally went to first grade with the ex and have been good friends with her ever sense. Being 29 now that is a life time friend and I have many like her from the same town that we all still get together 2 or 3 times a year. I never dated her growing up but she was the last person I dated before meeting my wife so she is my most recent ex. My wife comes first and if it was problem with her for even me to go I wouldn't. But this is some one I have known all my life and I enjoy having her as a friend. But I think my wife knows this and wouldn't tell me if she was uncomfortable about it. Just trying to be sensitive to her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I play my ex wife's messages begging me to take her back for my girlfriend and we both have a good laugh. My girlfriend knows my ex wife is pathetic but my ex is crushed that I have found somebody else. Ouch !!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Wow, I knew you lacked compassion but, man, how does somebody become so downright evil? I have plenty of compassion for the right people. My ex should have thought about it before she cheated. I could have ruined her financially in divorce court because I payed off her college loans and she ran up my crtedit card bill but I chose to have compassion. My lawyer had her backed up against a wall(not literally) but I settled for both of us going our sperate ways. See I have a heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 When Gina & I began our relationship, I was forthcoming about my previous marriage, assuring her that my ex was part of my past (my "old life," as my mother referred to it), & that she would not resurface to meddle in our lives. Now, that's not to say that there have never been issues. Obviously, past wounds can still skew one's views & feelings, & I'm ashamed to say that I've allowed those feelings to color things between Gina & I more that I'd like. Occasionally, I need to remind myself that Gina is a different person, & this is a different relationship with a far different basis. Most of all, I love her very much! Fortunately, among Gina's attributes is that she is a Christian. As such, I can find grace & forgiveness for my periodic weaknesses, & I'm resolved to do better. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 My wife comes first and if it was problem with her for even me to go I wouldn't. But this is some one I have known all my life and I enjoy having her as a friend. But I think my wife knows this and wouldn't tell me if she was uncomfortable about it. Just trying to be sensitive to her feelings. "Friendships" between men and women are not a good idea TUDOR. This will eventually come back to bite you in the a$$. Look at it this way.... how would you feel if your wife was still "friends" with her most recent ex-b/f whom she also grew up with. You probably would not like it and would be threatened by it. The only time you should be "friends" with a woman is when you are romantically involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 My EXH is uncomfortable with any Guy I've dated... and my BF now would rather NOT be around my EXH... I personally am all okay with being around my BF's EXW... eh.. who knows! Hey Lady! It appears your BF is still working on how secure he feels in your relationship. On the other hand, perhaps he simply doesn't like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 "Friendships" between men and women are not a good idea TUDOR. This will eventually come back to bite you in the a$$. Look at it this way.... how would you feel if your wife was still "friends" with her most recent ex-b/f whom she also grew up with. You probably would not like it and would be threatened by it. The only time you should be "friends" with a woman is when you are romantically involved. I don't agree with this. My girlfriend has plenty of male friends who she has never gotten involved with. She can't stand most women. Maybe that is why we connect so well together. We both hate women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted September 21, 2005 Author Share Posted September 21, 2005 "Friendships" between men and women are not a good idea TUDOR. This will eventually come back to bite you in the a$$. Look at it this way.... how would you feel if your wife was still "friends" with her most recent ex-b/f whom she also grew up with. You probably would not like it and would be threatened by it. The only time you should be "friends" with a woman is when you are romantically involved. I have always agreed with your to a certain extent about men and women being friends alpha. I guess I just see this one different because it is a woman I have known since I was 6 and not just as an adult. Am I attracted to her, sure I am...she is 5'9", great rack beautiful former model. But I have been there and done that and to be honest she sucks in the sack so that curiousity has been solved. I don't feel the desire to dabble in it again when I know my wife is more satisfying sexually than she will ever be. But I agree that men & women being friends will lead to trouble as whole because men do think of women sexually admittedly so or not, and eventually curiosity will get the better of them. But there is no curiousity in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Merin I'm sure the wife would be ok if you want to join us for lunch...the more the marrier! I grew up in a small town and literally went to first grade with the ex and have been good friends with her ever sense. Being 29 now that is a life time friend and I have many like her from the same town that we all still get together 2 or 3 times a year. I never dated her growing up but she was the last person I dated before meeting my wife so she is my most recent ex. My wife comes first and if it was problem with her for even me to go I wouldn't. But this is some one I have known all my life and I enjoy having her as a friend. But I think my wife knows this and wouldn't tell me if she was uncomfortable about it. Just trying to be sensitive to her feelings. Sweet! Where are we going for lunch? My BF also grew up in one place... it is nearly impossilbe not to see out girls he dated growing up... some of them are now married to his buddies.. LOL His EXW and he were married when they were just 18 following the birth of thier first born.. he is now 29 and they remain (him and his EX) friends... she is still friends with the other people they grew up with as well... As long as he (my BF) is considerate of me and I know there are not unresolved feelings on both sides, I would be okay with going to lunch with the both of them... we actually went to his Son's bday party where his EXW, and her parents were there, plus his side of the family... I was fine with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Hey Lady! It appears your BF is still working on how secure he feels in your relationship. On the other hand, perhaps he simply doesn't like him. LOL Hey Scott! You'd think after 10 months he would be all set uh? BUT then again.. I can see why he wouldn't like him.. I'm not so crazy about him either Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 take your wife's word for it.... took the words right out of my mouth.... I have been in similar situation with you Tudor, a few times. I keep in touch with most of my exs and I always introduced the new ones to the others. Did same as you, lunch as long as both present... and all seemed to be fine. Not like you are hiding something, if your wife sayd it's ok and also acts it you should believe it. For me it even got to the point my ex would ring to ask something and would talk to the current partner... and send his regards to me...without actually asking to talk to me Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I have plenty of compassion for the right people. My ex should have thought about it before she cheated. I could have ruined her financially in divorce court because I payed off her college loans and she ran up my crtedit card bill but I chose to have compassion. My lawyer had her backed up against a wall(not literally) but I settled for both of us going our sperate ways. See I have a heart. Personally, I consider your ex a very lucky woman. She dodged quite the bullet. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Maybe that is why we connect so well together. We both hate women. :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Personally, I consider your ex a very lucky woman. She dodged quite the bullet. Do you mean that she is lucky that she is not with me anymore or that I didn't ruin her in divorce court? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I think different people view and feeel about this matter differently. Some are jealous, some are not. your wife seems to be okay with it, but you can't go wrong if you show additional respect and ask her if she really feels like going cuz you don't care so much. Given that you have a history of being friends with her, it's an indicator that your wife was okay with it before. But if you smell that something is wrong, don't jeopardize your marriage. If the woman looks like a million $ and is extremely charming, your wife might feel uncomfortable afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 :lmao: :lmao: It's true though. You ever meet somebody and feel like you have known them your whole life within the first 5 minutes of talking to them? That is how I feel about my girlfriend. I can't explain the magic between us but I think god wants us to be together. The age difference doesn't even matter anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I think different people view and feeel about this matter differently. Some are jealous, some are not. your wife seems to be okay with it, but you can't go wrong if you show additional respect and ask her if she really feels like going cuz you don't care so much. Given that you have a history of being friends with her, it's an indicator that your wife was okay with it before. But if you smell that something is wrong, don't jeopardize your marriage. If the woman looks like a million $ and is extremely charming, your wife might feel uncomfortable afterwards. My ex could only wish to look as good as my GF when she turns 41. Her looks are already starting to fade and she isn't even 30 yet. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Am I attracted to her, sure I am...she is 5'9", great rack beautiful former model. Then that is even MORE cause for concern for wifey, TUDOR. What if she had a childhood friend who was also an ex-lover who was 6'2", good looking with lots of muscles and a great job as a pediatrician. I'm sure you'd be threatened by him. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 You ever meet somebody and feel like you have known them your whole life within the first 5 minutes of talking to them? QUOTE] Yes.. 5 minutes after that it turned out I really had known him my whole life... then I remembered what a Dick he is and I was really happy I didn't spend 5 more minutes talking to him :lmao: Seriously.. yes of course people often feel an instant connection... and I'm happy for you that it seems you've met someone you're crazy about... The part about the BOTH of you hating Women and thats your connection though... well... :lmao: somehow I just can't see your story on say Lifetimes the wedding story... sitting there on the sofa... looking into the camera and saying "I knew within 5 minutes she too hated Women... *sigh* Love that Girl of mine" Link to post Share on other sites
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