Just another breakup

[callingyouuu]

Hi! Mostly just posting this to vent and to start processing my own sad experience.

 

The story:

 

I was seeing someone for about two months. We're both in our late 20s. She asked me out for the first date, but I took the hint and planned all of our dates afterwards. We were intimate, and I really genuinely started to like her as a person. She then left for vacation to Costa Rica for spring break with some classmates. We continued texting back and forth during her vacation, mostly her sharing pictures of her travels.

 

I wasn't sure the exact day when she was returning (I knew she'd be gone for roughly a week), so I waited a few days to ask her out to go indoor rock climbing (something we both enjoy). I'm also in an extremely demanding stretch for my job (which she was aware about before she left), and I also wanted to be sure when I'd be free before asking. Her response was something like (I'm paraphrasing), "Weird not hearing from you for a few days. I'm already planned on climbing with a friend, but I might drop by a bit earlier to see you."

 

So I see her at the climbing gym, and the atmosphere is super weird. My initial thought is that she's upset with me for not asking her out sooner, so I apologize for that, and things seem ok for a few minutes. Then her friend arrives (male), and I wave to him and expect her to introduce us, but she doesn't make eye contact with me at all and looks really uncomfortable. We're never introduced to each other. A part of my brain triggers a ton of red flags, but I wave them off in the moment since I know I don't have all the information. I finish my climb and leave.

 

The next day I ask her out formally on another date, which we had today. Today she tells me everything. That the guy I'd met at the climbing gym was someone she was in a relationship two years ago, he'd done some ****ty things to her and they broke up. That they'd lost touch for some time, but he's back in town, and she realizes that she still wants to be with him. That they were together in Costa Rica and hooked up. That she "likes me but doesn't want to hurt me" (as if she hasn't already) and wants to break up with me out of respect for hurting me more down the line. That her friends all think she's making a mistake by going back to him, but it's what she wants.

 

And now the processing

 

I'm really upset. I've done all the usual things (blocked her number + social media). I know it was only a few months, but it's more the way things ended that really bothers me. How she initially tried to deflect her loss of interest in our relationship by blaming it on me not contacting her for a few days, when by that time she'd already ****ed another guy and planned at least one date with him. How she's trying to "spare" me by breaking up with me.

 

I think I was kind of in shock when she first told me, and she seemed really emotional while telling it, so my default response was to be very understanding and to try and reassure her that I wasn't angry with her. Now that I've had some time to think about it, I'm very upset. I wish I'd never met her, and I never want to interact with her again, but I'll probably have to see her +/- new guy at the climbing gym pretty frequently. I've thought about giving up climbing for at least a few months, but it's one of the few things I love doing outside of my job, so I don't know if I can do that.

 

Anyway, just wanted to share my story. I'll get over this eventually, as we all do.

[FMW]

Two months is time enough to start getting invested in someone, so it sucks that this ex then pops up out of the woodwork and she's back with him.

 

Don't give up climbing even temporarily, don't give up your gym. Be cordial and say hi but don't engage in conversation if you see them. Or, if you prefer, you can just completely ignore them. You don't owe her anything and she's not worth giving up something important to you.

[Marc878]

You are doing the correct things. Hard no contact, blocking, etc.

 

At only 2 months you didn't know her that well. I suspect the meet up with him in Costa Rica was planned.

 

You probably dodged a bullet more than anything else.

 

I opulent go out of my way to avoid them. You'll recover quick enough

[callingyouuu]

Two months is time enough to start getting invested in someone, so it sucks that this ex then pops up out of the woodwork and she's back with him.

 

Don't give up climbing even temporarily, don't give up your gym. Be cordial and say hi but don't engage in conversation if you see them. Or, if you prefer, you can just completely ignore them. You don't owe her anything and she's not worth giving up something important to you.

 

Thanks! Feeling a bit better about things today. I’ve decided to keep climbing, and I think I’m just going to completely ignore them. She doesn’t deserve another ounce of my energy.

 

You are doing the correct things. Hard no contact, blocking, etc.

 

At only 2 months you didn't know her that well. I suspect the meet up with him in Costa Rica was planned.

 

You probably dodged a bullet more than anything else.

 

I opulent go out of my way to avoid them. You'll recover quick enough

 

Appreciate the support! Meeting was definitely planned. They’re classmates in the same department at our school. She claims that he was out of the picture for a while, and she didn’t realize how much she had feelings for him until Costa Rica.

 

Starting to understand that I dodged a bullet. I would never have done what she did to someone I cared about, so I think she just didn’t care about me in the end. Whatever.