Zangetsu Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 Is it normal to still cry almost daily over your ex 10 months after break up, when relationship was short? ... I'm getting lost here, she has probably moved on already and I'm stuck on the past. I dont know what to do. But I'm still holding onto hoping that we will be back someday, and unable to let go. My heart still aches.. Will I ever be okay, or is that it*?? Have I become that guy that was never the same when the relationship ended? Please help I'm lost ( Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 How short was your relationship? Why did you break up? Are you still in contact? Chances are very good you will NOT be that guy, you will eventually get over her and move on, it just might take a while. We all handle things differently, and all the variables (the questions I asked above) make a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
destroyedlife Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 im at almost 6 months. and stll cry so yes Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 You've got to snap out of it. You're holding on to something that is over. Just because you want something does not mean you always get it. That is really kind of a childish attitude. At some point, you have to just say, I'm done feeling miserable, and I'm going to stop thinking about it and move on. It's not unusual to have sad memories from time to time after any length of time, but to still be crying about it, you are not accepting reality and if you can't make yourself stop, you may need counseling. It's over. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 (edited) It's harder to have your heart let go than your conscious mind. But try and gently come to the thought that the relationship is over for good. Have that always, as it were, in your mind. And also, don't be in contact with her, if you are. Edited March 30, 2019 by MeadowFlower Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zangetsu Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 Relationship lasted for 7 months, we ended it because it was unhealthy. Few days after I tried to convince her to get back with me. We did no contact after that. And that's it. Since the day we broke up, I wrote in my journal. And even I told her the day we broke up that I'm going to use this pain to improve myself and perhaps as we both grow from it, we might get back together again. It is the same patteren and I have no idea how to let go. Everyday after break up this patteren lingers, maybe she will call, maybe I'll get her back. Infact she might see me in pain and will be convinced how much I "like" her. Or how much I'm improving ( which is still in reaction to her, to get her back ), instead of having this mentality that I'm doing this because is good for me. Such a mindfk I can't seem to let go and accept the situation as it is. I've started therapy as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zangetsu Posted March 30, 2019 Author Share Posted March 30, 2019 You've got to snap out of it. You're holding on to something that is over. Just because you want something does not mean you always get it. That is really kind of a childish attitude. You are right, I agree. It's harder to have your heart let go than your conscious mind. But try and gently come to the thought that the relationship is over for good. Have that always, as it were, in your mind. I did love her in such a profound way that I didn't think it was even possible. But fearing I might lose her I began holding on just too much. It is true as you say it and gentle realisation came that my ability to love someone has just expanded and by letting her go and holding onto this much, will make my future relationships more healthy and more loving. Thank you, but I wish this was always so clear to see Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 You have to stop hoping she will come back. As long as you hold on to that thought you will be hung up on her. If it's easier to ease into it look at it this way - If it's meant to be she will come back to you IN TIME, but for now you need to live your life, meet and talk to other women. She would NOT be impressed that you are saving yourself for her. Whatever reason your relationship with her was "unhealthy" most likely hasn't changed and won't. Stop wasting time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted March 30, 2019 Share Posted March 30, 2019 No it's not normal to cry every day 10 months after the demise of a relationship that was 7 months long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 Agree with Normm. In fact, I'd very strongly suggest you talk to a psychologist or therapist about this. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2019 Share Posted March 31, 2019 He's started therapy. So it's great you started therapy. It will be a good outlet for you and hopefully get to the bottom of why you can't let go. Seeing how much someone is hurting will make a person run further away and be glad they're out, frankly. Because it's not good to let yourself be miserable and hang on that long without moving on. It's not unusual to really hurt from something for whatever period of time, but it is mandatory that you make yourself accept it is over for good and move on. She isn't going to come back no matter what you do. She's good and gone and on with her life. It's hard to make yourself keep moving, but it's all a part of being in control of yourself. It takes discipline, and it's what you need to learn, and that is to accept something even though you don't want to and make yourself move on. Because she knew something you either didn't know or won't accept: That you two weren't right for each other. Two people don't think alike, so you can't be using logic like, if I was her and I saw the other person hurting, I'd take them back. Or if I was her, and the person said they changed, I would take them back. You are not her. She doesn't think like you. She has her own brain and she left you for good because she knows you two weren't the right match. Just get busy with therapy and hope you start feeling better soon. Until then, make yourself put one foot in front of the other and stay as busy socially as you can to stay distracted and lay down new fun memories to overwrite the painful ones. Yes, that can work. Believe it or not, it is solely within your power to stop feeling miserable and accept things. I hope you don't have to hit rock bottom before you realize that. Yes, you can just say, "I'm not going to suffer about this anymore. I've suffered enough. Nothing is resolved, but I am moving on and not letting myself dwell on it. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I missed that. Glad that you are seeing someone Zangetsu. 10 months is a long time to be sad I think by anyone's standards. I hope they can help you start to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
John101 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Zangetsu, were you in anyway depressed before you met her? This will have made the breakup worse. If so, maybe you and your counselor should take a depression treatment approach, rather than a brake-up approach. I feel for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zangetsu Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 I was depressed before I've met her, yes. My therapist mentioned that I've depression which kind of shocked me beaceuse I've never admited this to myself, but I do now.. Also I've started doing some spiritual practices, meditation and yoga. I hope in the end it will worth it. Thank you everybody so much for support, I cant believe it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
John101 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 I was depressed before I've met her, yes. My therapist mentioned that I've depression which kind of shocked me beaceuse I've never admited this to myself, but I do now.. Also I've started doing some spiritual practices, meditation and yoga. I hope in the end it will worth it. Thank you everybody so much for support, I cant believe it I have been doing the sam4, and looking to meet new people for both friendship and possibly a relationship. But I know the hurt. Go look at my "Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde" post:( 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Getting angry at them helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zangetsu Posted April 3, 2019 Author Share Posted April 3, 2019 Well it seems my ex was emotionally abusive. She hurts her partrens for the heck of it and gets a certian high from it. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Try to stop thinking about her when you catch yourself. And when you do catch yourself, make yourself think of two bad things about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zangetsu Posted April 9, 2019 Author Share Posted April 9, 2019 I wanted to make an update since things have begun turning for the better. I've visited psychotherapist for a few times and talking did help quite alot. However what seemed to be the solution here for me is daily yoga. I believe that we humans can get over anyone in a few months, there are certian issues or just our foolish behaviour that makes us hold on longer than we should. Doing yoga everyday helps me be more in control of my own emotions. It makes me feel enough just by myself. Did you know that yoga actually means unitiy? It is no surprise that by just few times of doing yoga, right after break up gave me this feeling of being enough and complete as it is on my own, whenever I took my time off on the mat. Since I started doing it everyday my obsessive thinking about my ex has dramaticly reduced. My sleep has improved and I'm begging to see how toxic my ex was to me. How she hurt me, manipulate me, and acted cold towards me. I know now that I did not deserve this but don't blame her either, I do try to forgive her just for myself to not carry this resentment inside. I'm proud of myself for how good I'm doing this. For around 8 months I wished, hoped, cried she would get back to me(NoContact). Now, I dont even want her back. And it switched in only one week! I hope this can help someone as it has helped me. Yoga is teaching me about self love. Being present, rewieving old habbits of thinking and attituted towards anxiety, depression which is transforming those experiences in itself and I am trully filled with hope and gratituded for this oppurtunity. Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
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