Boyfriend of 1 year doesn't call or text for a day at a time. It really bothers me.

[ItsAllConfusing]

My boyfriend usually texts or calls me in the morning/afternoon everyday and meets me after work but it's been almost 2 weeks and he has stopped doing this. We spend time in between him not calling. We spent time together on Friday. I didn't hear from him on Saturday. I called and texted him today and I still have not heard from him and it's mid day. Sometimes if I call him we'll talk for a minute and he'll say we'll talk later and we never do.

 

He can go a whole day without checking in on me but can make multiple posts on social media (he's an activist and very busy now with planning).

 

I guess looking at the entirety of our relationship he has always been the one to call me, been the one to say he wants to see me and maybe he's just tired of doing this. I just feel bothered and uncomfortable that he doesn't reach out to me for a whole day. I text him too and my texts go unanswered.

 

He still wants to be with me, to take it to the next level but I just feel like if I don't hear from him for 1 day that it's over. I'm thinking that I should just let it be, don't text or call. I feel that I should hear from him everyday. Is this too much?

 

Should I feel this way? Should I just let him be?

Edited March 31, 2019 by ItsAllConfusing

[preraph]

Is this by any chance your first boyfriend who has a job and is busy?

 

You've been together a whole year, so why do you expect more texting? Let's face it, people are busy and a lot of people don't like small talk or idle texting stuff that doesn't matter or have any purpose other than to reassure the insecure partner. If you say everything through texting, what on earth do you find to talk about when you are face to face? Can you not see why someone wouldn't want this chore who is busy? You're expecting him to check in with you, basically. Texting makes it very hard to have boundaries on this. I'm older, as you no doubt already suspected, and before internet, you might well call your husband's office and the secretary would tell you, John can't come to the phone right now. And usually, that was because John didn't want you checking up on him and/or interrupting his work and train of thought, TBH.

[BaileyB]

Two suggestions...

 

First, make sure your expectations are reasonable. Over time, people simply can’t maintain the level of communication that happens in the early days of a new relationship. Decide what would make you happy, and make sure it is reasonable. I like to have one exchange with my guy everyday - just a “hey, how’s your day going? What are you doing today conversation.” And then, we text a little or call for a few moments before bed.

 

Then, communicate what you want to him. Let him know that it bothers you when your texts go unanswered or if a day goes by that he does not text. Tell him what you want, and then see how things go...

[basil67]

You said that you've seen him face to face. Did you discuss the change in his texting? Or tell him that you miss his texts?

 

Communication is essential for a sustaining a good relationship.

[BaileyB]

You said that you've seen him face to face.

 

You are not really long distance, right OP? In your previous posts, you certainly haven’t given the impression that you were long distance. Your time together was limited, mostly by your responsibilities as a parent.

[shydad]

I should hear from him everyday. Is this too much??

Hi ItsAllConfusing, I think it's important that each of you lay out minimum needs. One of your needs is to hear from him each day. I don't see why this isn't possible, and it seems perfectly reasonable to me. It could be a single phone call, email, or text. If for some reason he can't reach out to you, he can tell you in advance so you're not caught off guard. If he makes an effort, you can also be understanding if he forgets or gets too busy.

[d0nnivain]

I just feel like if I don't hear from him for 1 day that it's over.

 

I feel that I should hear from him everyday. Is this too much?

 

Should I feel this way? Should I just let him be?

 

Daily contact in a dating relationship can be too much for some people. The fact that you think your 1 year long relationship is over if you don't hear from your BF for 1 day says more about this then his lack of contact. Why do you immediately go to the worst case scenario & why can't he have 1 day to himself? You gotta let the guy breathe.

 

Be more secure in your own value as a partner. Know that what you have built with him can survive some time apart.

 

Take the time you are not in contact & do interesting fun things for yourself so that you bring a fresh perspective into the relationship thereby motivating to be with you because you are dynamic.

[TheFinalWord]

Yeah, to me it's kinda weird if your committed partner can't find time to talk to you all day. Why is he in a relationship? I guess I don't see daily contact with a partner a burden. I would let him know that you would like to have some contact each day. See what he says. Hopefully at 1 year you can have conversations about things. Bottled up feelings turn into resentment.

[Purepony]

You said he always contacts you why don’t you contact him ?

[littleblackheart]

(he's an activist and very busy now with planning).

 

Why is this bit in brackets? Seems quite relevant in the context.

[MJJean]

replied to wrong thread

Edited April 9, 2019 by MJJean

[justwhoiam]

We spent time together on Friday. I didn't hear from him on Saturday. [...]

I feel that I should hear from him everyday. Is this too much?

Is your relationship made public? In the open, on social media? Because seeing you on Friday and then minding his own business for the rest of the weekend raises suspicion... he might have other stories going on at the same time. Parallel relationships. Didn't it occur to you? So: is your demand too much? In my book: no.

 

Should I feel this way?

And by this way you mean neglected? I think you should.

 

Should I just let him be?

Yes. And by that I mean: drop him nicely.

[Eternal Sunshine]

If anything, communication after a year should be more frequent than in the early days. I wouldn't tolerate a committed relationship where my partner felt no need to speak to me every day. Super weird, I would probably define it as a FWB.

 

 

 

I speak to people that I'm close to every day, outside of a romantic relationship. If it feels like a burden, then he is "not that into you". Talking about it and forcing the issue will not change his feelings, so it's kind of pointless.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

Yeah, to me it's kinda weird if your committed partner can't find time to talk to you all day. Why is he in a relationship? I guess I don't see daily contact with a partner a burden. I would let him know that you would like to have some contact each day. See what he says. Hopefully at 1 year you can have conversations about things. Bottled up feelings turn into resentment.

 

I find this weird as well. I have experienced both sides of the of communication and there is a happy medium. I dated a guy long distance who would go a day and could go days w/out texting me. That was really hurtful especially considering he was constantly online posting stuff. Plus later when hanging out w/him, he constantly replied to friends.

 

I also had the other experience of a guy who wanted to be in contact 24/7. That drove me nuts as well.

 

My current partner and I call/text everyday, but we give each other time to take care of things. I don't see that as a burden nor should anyone who loves their partner.

 

TBH OP he does not see you as a priority. I would reconsider the relationship. There are men out there who will text you everyday. Do not make excuses for him because if he cared about you, he would find a way.

[BaileyB]

The last time you posted, you had a boyfriend and an extremely trouble teenage daughter... What happened with your relationship? And, how do you think your daughter is going to handle it if her mother goes off chasing strange men from Morocco?