max3732 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 A while ago I met someone who lives in Eastern Europe and we've kept in touch. Since we first me she got married and has a few kids. Usually we'll just chat about whatever is going on in our lives and she's been talking about moving to a new apartment for her growing family. In her last email she asked if I could loan her money since interest rates are so high where she is. This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I also don't want to get scammed. If I send her money it seems like that would create an awkward situation if she doesn't pay me back. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 You're a friend, not a bank. Actually you might not even be a friend, at least as far as she's concerned. The answer to your question is clearly "no". Just tell her "It's not something I do" and leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Don't ever lend money which you'd be sad to not have paid back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 DO NOT DO IT!!! Lots of people in other countries pull at your heart strings via online friendships, and then after a while they ask for money. What are you doing chatting with a married woman anyways? Doesn't she have a husband to help her out? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Tell her you have what little money you have tied up in longterm investments, and that's if she knows you have money. Most people don't. If she doesn't even know, just say, Sorry, I don't have enough money for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 DO NOT DO IT!!! Lots of people in other countries pull at your heart strings via online friendships, and then after a while they ask for money. What are you doing chatting with a married woman anyways? Doesn't she have a husband to help her out? When I met her she wasn't married and we've just kind of kept in touch. I haven't seen her in person in years. She said her husband lost his job and is looking for new work and they need some money while he's getting back on his feet. I've read about elder abuse and Nigerian scammers, but this is someone I've been emailing with for years and it really surprised me to see that request. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 A while ago I met someone who lives in Eastern Europe and we've kept in touch. Since we first me she got married and has a few kids. Usually we'll just chat about whatever is going on in our lives and she's been talking about moving to a new apartment for her growing family. In her last email she asked if I could loan her money since interest rates are so high where she is. This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation. I don't want to lose the friendship, but I also don't want to get scammed. If I send her money it seems like that would create an awkward situation if she doesn't pay me back. What should I do? Say NO. You're not in her daily life, you are casual buddies who keep in touch. What about her other friends who live close to her? Or spouse? Parents? Other family members. No, don't do this. Once you open that door she'll keep asking and it's very doubtful she'll ever pay you back. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 When I met her she wasn't married and we've just kind of kept in touch. I haven't seen her in person in years. She said her husband lost his job and is looking for new work and they need some money while he's getting back on his feet. I've read about elder abuse and Nigerian scammers, but this is someone I've been emailing with for years and it really surprised me to see that request. OMG, all the more reason NOT to give her money! She has some balls to ask you since you haven't see her in years!! Again, why don't they ask immediate family members, cousins, aunts, uncles or even face to face friends for money. It is ODD to ask an email buddy! Listen to your gut, don't do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 If you have some money that you can gift her with no expectation of repayment, do that. You can call it whatever you like but you need to assume that you won't get it back. If you do, great but if not, oh well. If it's a larger sum & you want to be assured as much as possible of getting repaid, treat this like a business deal. Go hire a lawyer who practices where you are & where she is. Draw up a real contract that puts jurisdiction in your area so if she defaults you don't have to sue her there. Get it all in writing & have both her & her husband sign. If you are not willing to go this route, do not "loan" her the money. Some nonsense that you two draw up yourselves about repayment won't be worth the paper it's written on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Some nonsense that you two draw up yourselves about repayment won't be worth the paper it's written on. Judge Judy might consider it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Judge Judy might consider it. She won't have jurisdiction. Both parties have to come to the studio & sign documents agreeing to be bound by the TV decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 You know people on this forum about as well as you know this lady at this juncture. Would you start handing out money to people here over a sad story? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 This has been weighing on me and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation. That's your answer right here. No need to mull it over. If she's a true friend, she won't hold you saying no against you. If she cuts you off bc you didn't want to give her a loan, she was not a friend in the first place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 NO, NO and more NO. They are moving into a bigger apartment... so this is not about living hand to mouth, or starving children, is it? She has a bit of a nerve asking you for money IMO. I think she and her husband may see you as a bit of a soft touch... Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 You do realize that should you choose to "loan" the money and the long shot you do get paid back, you will be the go to source from here on out for her short falls until the day you finally say no. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 How much did she ask, if you don’t mind sharing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 How much did she ask, if you don’t mind sharing? Don't want to say the exact amount, but it was between $2,000 and $5,000 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 That would have been just the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author max3732 Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 After talking to my close friends/family as well as reading the responses here nearly everyone agrees loaning her money would be a mistake. I just sent her an email letting her know I'm not going to be able to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 A rule that has served me well with loaning friends money is to never loan an amount more than you would gift them. If they don’t pay you back it is no big deal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 (edited) I am intrigued all the response on this are such an emphactic NO! It shows people too do not like giving money away! Lol I don't know, my gut reaction would be sure what the hell give her the money this time and see how it goes, if she is a good friend, does it really matter all that much if she does not repay you! money is money at the end of the day, there are a lot more important things then again I am probably a bit of a softie at heart! Edited April 2, 2019 by Foxhall Link to post Share on other sites
Popeye_Jones Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I must say, I am intrigued by this thread. I guess because I have been there and done that. On the one hand, it's hard to part with money, especially considering that it, in all likelihood, will not be coming back. But, on the other hand, it is good to help someone out, if you can afford it. And, if they are not going to become enabled by it. I've sent someone money before, and I did it, knowing that it was no loan by any stretch of the imagination. As someone posted already, this would only be the beginning. There would always be something coming up where she needs money. And more money. And more money. And the cycle just goes on and on and on. And not because she is a bad person, necessarily, but because, eventually, "loaning" someone money just becomes enabling them. When I did this, all it did was enable the person. They to where they felt like all they needed to do was was hit me up, and hold their hand out. Although, not in so many words, they were basically saying "No need to worry. Let ole Popeye go to work and kill himself, and when he gets paid, I'll just take my cut. What? Me work? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Good one!". And why should they get a job and actually earn money when they had a pushover like me just a phone call away? It's a much easier way to get money than busting your tail at a job. Also, it's a red flag that her husband seemingly has no issue with her asking some guy (that only she knows) for money. He could be one of those guys who will put their wives out there to try and sweet talk money out of others. I knew a young woman many years ago. She was in her late 20's married, and had kids, and hubby just prostituted her out. It was so sad. All because he did not want to work. You made the right call in saying no. I wish I had been as strong as you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I am intrigued all the response on this are such an emphactic NO! It shows people too do not like giving money away! Lol I don't know, my gut reaction would be sure what the hell give her the money this time and see how it goes, if she is a good friend, does it really matter all that much if she does not repay you! money is money at the end of the day, there are a lot more important things then again I am probably a bit of a softie at heart! This is someone he really barely knows. Met her a few times IRL and over 3 years have had contact just through social media. She is married and has kids. Would YOU give thousands of dollars to someone you haven't seen in years and only met less than handful of times in your life? Being a softie is one thing, being taken advantage of is another. Max you did the right thing by not giving her money. It opens the door to more asking in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popeye_Jones Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 This is someone he really barely knows. Met her a few times IRL and over 3 years have had contact just through social media. She is married and has kids. Would YOU give thousands of dollars to someone you haven't seen in years and only met less than handful of times in your life? Being a softie is one thing, being taken advantage of is another. Max you did the right thing by not giving her money. It opens the door to more asking in the future. Not to mention, the husband may have very well put her up to it. Basically trying to move the money from OP's pocket, through her hands, and into hubby's pocket. The OP sidestepped some real aggravation. That is for sure Link to post Share on other sites
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