Start Low Contact after No Contact?

[DrPhilsPubes]

Not sure if you can see my previous post but I was dating a guy for 9 months then broke it off and moved away. After 2 months I came back and we were going to try again but then he found a new girl and led me on for another 2 months until he ultimately chose her.

 

So I went no contact. Currently 51 days. But on the 47th day he contacted me via tinder because I had blocked him on everything else. I forgot to unmatch him since he was so far down.

 

He was wishing me a happy birthday 2 weeks after my birthday but knowing the exact date of my birthday. Saying he couldn't figure out any other way to contact me and hoped his message got through and said he owed me a red velvet cupcake which I got him for his birthday last year.

 

I figured when I said "I don't think we should remain in contact" and sticking to that. I gave him an out. He could be with his new girl and never talk to me again. Yet he reached out when he didn't have to. I mean it's a whole two weeks late.

 

Of course I want him back and I really do believe after this girl he will come back but I'm done with begging. Should I start Low contact now that's he's reached out? Have you ever done low contact with an ex and it led somewhere?

[Blanco]

Why would you want to be his Plan B when he's already shown you that he's capable of discarding you for a perceived better option? I know that it's tough on the ego when someone passes on you for another person, but these are the moments where we have to dig deep and find our dignity. Don't show this guy that you're accepting of him coming and going as he pleases. That sets a dangerous precedent that ultimately probably leaves you feeling hurt.

[d0nnivain]

Reconciliation requires communication so if you want him back you have to stay in touch.

 

I don't understand why you want him back. He's clearly playing you. But if you want to continue to debase yourself who am I to stop you? It's your choice.

[stillafool]

To me it seems he was trying to be polite contacting you to wish a happy b-day. It didn't sound like he wanted you back or anything. How do you know he will not be with this girl long? At any rate you would be Plan B if she doesn't work out and sooner or later, even if he does come back, he will look for a Plan A again and drop you. Is that what you want?

[marky00]

If I read things right, you ended it?

 

Of course, if he wasn't that into you, then ending it may have been required.

[Twizzlestick]

A short term rele with a push/pull dynamic at the end that lasts a good proportion of the rele itself.

 

You end it, he goes. You change your mind, he can’t decide, he moves forward elsewhere. You go no contact. He starts wavering. What a loop.

 

I’m no psychologist (this is about to become abundantly clear ). I bet deep down a lot of this isn’t anyone genuinely wanting anyone back either side, rather the enticing false attraction one feels when a discarded toy is feared lost. When you get it back, the toy is boring again.

 

Honestly I’d take a step back and keep NC.

 

Step back and let feelings simmer down. From all my research I’ve come to the conclusion that reconciliation only works, if it ever works a long time after a breakup when folk are functioning a bit more Er, “normally” ha.

Edited April 28, 2019 by Twizzlestick

[todreaminblue]

He chose another girl....dont you really want to be the first choice....i dont see anything in him wanting you back from what you have posted...he is with someone else right now....i would if i were you decline to be a second choice....and seeing you still have obvious feelings for the guy ....

 

you are setting yourself up for heartache if you continue a friendship with this guy ..thank him for the times you spent together..wish him well...and find a guy who will put you above others...and to do this you dont need extra baggage.....of mixed emotions to find and date someone new...deb