Abused OW and I Am Angry

[MissJenniferX]

Two years ago a police officer had to respond to a call at my home. He gathered the info needed for his paperwork and left.

 

A month later I get a message from said officer, shockingly, I didn't flirt or anything. I am married as well but it's been on the rocks for a while. I avoided flirting with the man and did talk casually in text because I was being nice. I thought maybe he was just friendly.

 

A month or so later I called him because I had a serious legal question and a cop is cheaper than a lawyer. I hadn't done anything wrong but I was afraid and vulnerable. That's when he laid on the narc charm. Went as far as suggesting he bring in my garbage can when i was away and my husband was gone, to help keep me in good graces with my HOA. I had NO IDEA he was married. He acted like an older bachelor to me.

 

After 4 months started the roller coaster from hell. I thought he was sweet. He:

Told me I was his dream girl

Told me he was married and unhappy AFTER I asked weeks into this

Said he wanted to live with me

Said I was a whore

I should be raped

I should be mureded

It was my fault I was sexually molested as a child

Then he would revert back to Mr. Charming.

 

The wife...she was, in his words, abusive and a dead fish in bed, not sexually open and I know he tried to leave her for other women but he said she always threatened to hurt herself, blame him, to get him fired.

 

I have no idea why I didn't punch the man in the face for all this, but I know now I was hooked on a narc and I told the wife. I gave her proof. I turned him into the county attorney as telling me i should be raped and murdered for no reason is not acceptable especially for a deputy. I'd stay gone and we'd find a way back togethr. Each time it was only nice for a day or two and he was back to talking badly to me so we'd argue and not talk for a week.

 

All this time we would meet at his home when the wife was workiing. She seemed like a horrible woman to me and I didn't feel bad any longer. The house wan't cleaned properly most times, and I thought well if it's fractured I sure didn't do it.

 

When I finally ripped his mask off I had to call the police because he said he tried to kill himself. This hurt him to no avail as it embarrassed him and I got threatened by the state police officer i reported it to which was bogus, according to my lawyer and another officer. I asked for a wellness check. At that point the wife became hostile to me, before we were somewhat nice as I know she's abused. She called me names, etc. She clearly was not interested in coming forward with his abuse of her. Which I feel enabled his abuse all together. The man isn't ever held accountable. The last message i got from her was to leave her husband alone, and i had been. I had been talking to their son's ex gf about a fight he had, and her worry he was abusing her dogs. I was trying to just heal. I told the wife to take her and her crazy husband on with her I didn't want him.

 

He messaged me, his son had kicked him out of the house and is living in his camper in the yard. Well, good. I have talked to my husband. What I hold on to is the ANGER of why me? I was minding my business, he took my number i gave professionally...to what? Abuse me? I replay over and over:

 

You deserved to be molested. You should be murdered. You deserve to be raped and my blood boils. I don't want him, I want him to suffer. Because I went to PTSD counseling for my abuse...it's vile. When my husband finally found out what secret I had kept (he thought I was pining away for this jerk) he said "If only this man wasn't a cop".

 

I am into the occult, I have hexed him (beforen he got kicked out) if you believe, if not oh well. I have hexed him and his wife several times. I see her as an enabler. She doesn't want the secret to get out.

 

So, I am thinking of taking all the texts I received, blogging them and not naming a name, but saying this is from a cop who lives in such and such town and anon sending wife a link. Then putting it on my social media. We have decided they did nothing to him when i turned him in, I don't know any other way to stop feeling so angry.

 

Again, I don't miss this jerk. His fake good persona lasted only a few months. I hate him and I feel victimized. The wife even tried to get me to come over to "catch" him in then act and I found out later she planned to pretend I hurt her. I said no, of course, as my intuition said I could not trust that invitation.

 

What a bunch of crap. He did other things too....i'm not going on any more.

 

Is this normal for me to feel so angry? Most are mad it's over. My doctor says I have Narc PTSD. An affair is one thing, abuse is another.

 

I want to add he was jealous of me, accused me of cheating?? on him. And he threw a sex toy at my house lol. Yeah. I have a kid, i don't want them to see a sex toy in my drive. I can't just walk away. If the wife won't teach him a lesson my husband and I will. And...He's 15 years older than me. He liked for me to call him "daddy". I liked it too...until he was mean. Yep..DD/LG fetish. An older cop said that made his actions ten times worse as then he did see me as an object if he ever did. One he will always keep in his head.

 

Ironically he said he wished he'd never met me. LOL Really? IDK he messaged me. I didn't ask for him to. it's his fault HE "met" me. You shouldn't message women you meet on duty literally ON duty.

Edited April 1, 2019 by MissJenniferX

[Aloha123]

Wow that sounds like one of the worst situations I have read about on this forum. And that's a pretty low/high bar!

I don't think you should seek further revenge or try to take any more action to get even. It will only keep you stuck.

I would try to detach from him as much as possible, move on, be grateful it's over and that you are not the one who is married to him, etc. etc. etc.

[DKT3]

So you did nothing wrong? It was all his fault and he forced you into an affair....par for the course. Time to hold yourself accountable for this situation. Had you not got involved in an affair with him he would not have have the opportunity to mistreat you, correct?

[stillafool]

You are not a victim. You are a married woman and should have taken all of this to your husband. You willingly stayed involved with a man you knew was married and went as far as sleeping in his wife's bed. It doesn't matter what kind of horrible person you thought she was. Yet you kept going back with a man who told you you should be raped, it was your fault you were molested; so I guess you thought he was a nice guy. Lady you are as bad as him so stop blaming the big bad married man for your poor decisions. You did what you wanted to do which was betray your husband and you liked it.

[BaileyB]

I stopped reading when you said you had a “serious legal question” and a cop is cheaper than a lawyer. Very poor decision making...

 

Your post seems to be more about venting your anger/getting attention than anything else. Not sure what you really want from LS.

[Dreamer2017]

WOW!!! What a Post!!!

[preraph]

He's a predator! I want to just thank you for getting him kicked out of the son's house where he was abusing their dogs. Nothing makes me madder than that, and I can tell you most police would be very angry about that, too, so don't assume they're all on his side if they knew the truth. Any more rumors about that and you call animal control or whoever.

 

I'm glad you're in therapy about this. It's a big mess all around. His wife chooses to stick by him, so that's her. Little wonder she's a cold fish in bed and not much of a housekeeper, knowing what she knows. Abused women often cannot find the strength to get out. Not your problem anymore.

 

It doesn't suprise me he had some other police ally there, but please know he's an exception, a bad cop, and don't let that reflect on other law enforcement. Most are better than your average person. I hope he got some scrutiny at work and he probably did, but you'll likely never hear about it. So don't assume nothing happened to him.

[BTDT2012]

You should be angry at yourself. You encouraged his attention to you.

[Amethyst68]

Ever heard the saying 'like calls to like'? You initiated contact with him and were happy to be in an affair with him before you found out he was married and then to continue when you found out. Have you told you BH about the level of your involvement and the truth of your actions

You call his wife horrible and an abuse victim too. There is no acknowledgment to your contribution to the abuse. You have painted yourself into the victim when you were complicit in everything.

Of course his comments/threats were unacceptable but you kept going back for more. You have to own your actions in life.

[anika99]

The three of you sound horrible and I'm not sure any of you can claim the moral high ground. OP you are no innocent participant in any of this. It doesn't matter that the cop came out to you, or that he was charming, or that you thought his wife was horrible. You knew that you were married from the start and you learned that he was married early on and therefore you and he had no business messing with each other period.

 

His life and marriage, then and now, is none of your business and it's time for you to move on and fix your own life. Take responsibility for your own actions and become a better person. The only innocents in this story are the kids. The betrayed spouses are innocent too but maybe to a lesser degree because both the MMs wife and your husband appear to be blaming the wrong person. The MMs wife needs to blame her husband, not you. Likewise your husband needs to hold you responsible for your abhorrent behaviour, not the MM.

[MissJenniferX]

1. My husband knew from the start and he, too, has wanted revenge.

2. I didn't know he was married early on.

3. I didn't come onto him. HE initiated contact with me by texting me for weeks before I called him to ASK him a serious question.

4. I'll probably seek revenge.

 

Most posters sound like scorned lovers. His wife is, to me, an enabler. Again, if she had of spoken up like I did years ago MAYBE when I needed help he wouldn't have put me in his crosshairs.

 

Did someone actually say I deserved to be molested? LOL Must be a jealous woman. I hope I witness the ruination of his family. And so does my husband. We both want to seen him in the pits of hell.

 

If an affair was all I had, I wouldn't have cared. It's just an affair, the wife can deal. It's not about an affair. I actually take comfort in the fact the wife is stuck with him and wants him so bad. I guess she likes the abuse. He's no prize, I happily handed him over with a huge bow on his head. Better she than I....if she called me a bitch.

Edited April 1, 2019 by MissJenniferX

[Mr. Lucky]

My husband knew from the start and he, too, has wanted revenge.

 

Your husband knew from the start you were having an affair with a married man?

 

I'd say you're hexing the wrong man...

 

Mr. Lucky

[anika99]

Nobody here said you deserved to be molested.

 

It doesn't matter that you didn't know he was married early on. You knew you were married.

 

You didn't call him for the purpose of asking him an innocent question. You knew his interest in you was inappropriate and you reciprocated.

 

I know your husband wants to see the MM destroyed. It's easier for him to blame the MM than hold you responsible for your actions. One day he will realize his mistake in doing this.

 

Go ahead and seek revenge. Go ahead and post this crap on your social media, it will make you look worse than him.

[RecentChange]

I am sorry you were molested as a child, and I am guessing due to abuse you experienced early on developed very poor decision making and coping skills.

 

You made a series of very bad choices, and this sounds like a terrible guy that you gravitated towards.

 

Revenge very very rarely works out well - ever heard the best revenge is living well?

 

I would recommend therapy so that you can better recognize when you are inviting terrible people into your life and making choices that are bad for you.

 

And before you say I am jealous or scorned or whatever- I have cheated and recognize IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. Sure there are things that influence choices etc, but in the end, I made all of those choices. Just like you made all of those choices you did.

 

Some therapy and introspection will help you avoid going after the same type of men in the future.

[pepperbird]

I feel as sorry for you as I do for a fly that chooses to land on something nasty and then complains when it gets dirty feet.

 

 

You went into this eyes wide open, and you can't blame anyone but yourself.It would be very different if you'd take a bit of responsibility for your choices, but instead, it's all the big bad married man's fault.

 

 

I'm sorry that you were molested as a child, but so were lots of men and women. they don;t use that as an excuse to hurt others.

 

Your anger is misplaced. You have NO ONE to blame for this but yourself.

 

( and before you try the "scorned wife" line...I've been happily married likely longer than you've been on this earth)

[pepperbird]

You call his wife horrible and an abuse victim too. There is no acknowledgment to your contribution to the abuse. You have painted yourself into the victim when you were complicit in everything.

.

 

that's the thing. the mm abused his wife, and the op helped him all the way.

 

funny how to some ow, the mm only becomes an ogre when the affair ends.

[S2B]

You are responsible for the way YOU participated.

 

That’s all I can say.

 

Own your part in it.

[stillafool]

1. My husband knew from the start and he, too, has wanted revenge.

2. I didn't know he was married early on.

3. I didn't come onto him. HE initiated contact with me by texting me for weeks before I called him to ASK him a serious question.

4. I'll probably seek revenge.

 

Most posters sound like scorned lovers. His wife is, to me, an enabler. Again, if she had of spoken up like I did years ago MAYBE when I needed help he wouldn't have put me in his crosshairs.

 

Did someone actually say I deserved to be molested? LOL Must be a jealous woman. I hope I witness the ruination of his family. And so does my husband. We both want to seen him in the pits of hell.

 

If an affair was all I had, I wouldn't have cared. It's just an affair, the wife can deal. It's not about an affair. I actually take comfort in the fact the wife is stuck with him and wants him so bad. I guess she likes the abuse. He's no prize, I happily handed him over with a huge bow on his head. Better she than I....if she called me a bitch.

 

Stop being so dramatic. You didn't hand over jack. He was never yours to hand over. If your husband knew about this from the beginning he must not care very much about you to let you participate in an affair. MM come on to women all the time but most aren't desperate enough to fall for someone else's husband. If you thought he was coming on to you why did you call him? Oh, that's right because he's cheaper than a lawyer, right! The only woman here who is jealous is you and you're green with it because he doesn't want you. I don't know why your husband wants revenge since he's known from the start about you two. I'm sure MM is also glad your husband is stuck with you.