KissingFire Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I've posted here, but I'm proud to say I'm 100% over my ex and have moved on and am now living with the man of my dreams. A few months ago, I ran into a relative of my ex at the store where I met my ex, (we both worked together) who made a beeline to come and talk with me and told me that my ex had moved in with his new girlfriend. (We had been split up about 2 months at this point and I was seeing my current boyfriend, so I didn't really care that much.) I was polite and wished them well and the relative told me I looked good and that he missed me around family functions. I told him I had moved on with an incredible man and that I had never been happier. (Which is absolutely the truth.) Several people who still work at the store have told me that my ex keeps visiting the shop all dressed up and chatting to everyone. It was starting to bother me, as this shop is around a 45 minute drive from where he now lives. (He ordered pizza using my email address once so that's how I know the address. I promptly changed all passwords, etc.) Today after nearly 6 months (we split October 22nd and I didn't breathe a word to him) he rings me 3x off a number I didn't know. I was out with family so didn't answer. I then get a text asking if I was alright, that it was my ex trying to call and that he thinks his Apple ID is being sent to my email addresses and could I send it to him. I'm baffled but check all three of my emails (two for work, one private) and there's nothing there. I stare at the text a while and decide not to respond. My ex was violent with me and was in therapy, but my anxiety still spiked as he used to drive to my house to threaten me if things didn't go his way. So far I've had no other calls or messages and I don't know what to do. My partner is the most wonderful man I've ever met and told me that he'd protect me if my ex did anything stupid and that it's up to me what I do. Half of me wants to block and move on (like I did with his other phone number) and the other half wants to be civil and just write a short message explaining that I had no emails about an Apple ID. My boyfriend told me it's incredibly easy to set up a new Apple ID and that he's testing the waters. My question is, would you reply? I feel I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I don't want him to think I'm still bitter and twisted about the breakup and that me ignoring him is because of that, etc, but I also don't want to open myself up to conversation. Any advice is greatly appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Block him on everything. No contact is your best path. He's just fishing Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Out of respect for your current relationship and to preserve your own emotional well-being, I would not reply. I would block the number he called you from. By your own admission (looking at your old threads), this was a painful break-up for you and took time to really accept. I think any communication with him is going to be detrimental to your progress and to your current relationship. Keep that door closed. By worrying about him thinking you're bitter about the break-up if you don't respond, you're already letting him and his opinion occupy too much head-space. What he thinks about you is irrelevant. Let it stay that way. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 You can't be "civil" to someone who was violent with you. There is no reasoning with somebody like that. Do block the # but keep all of the #s written down somewhere on a log with the # of times he called. You may need this as evidence to get a restraining order. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 Absolutely do not reply then he will get the complete message that you have moved on and no longer care. Don't be afraid of him because your new bf will defend you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissingFire Posted April 1, 2019 Author Share Posted April 1, 2019 You can't be "civil" to someone who was violent with you. There is no reasoning with somebody like that. Do block the # but keep all of the #s written down somewhere on a log with the # of times he called. You may need this as evidence to get a restraining order. I have screenshotted the text and sent it to a trusted friend who knew of the abuse should this ever happen. My mother seems to think it is a six month itch and him knowing I've fully moved on and no longer think of him at all is bothering him as he was very much always in control of me. This has taken up way too much mind space today and I've blocked the number. I guess a small part of me got a sort of thrill that after so long he has saved my number/remembers it, but it was fleeting and short lived. My current boyfriend and I have discussed my ex previously and I am in therapy to help me recover from the physical and emotional abuse he put me through, which my BF supports me with unconditionally. It's funny, I look back on when we first split when I was in a world of pain, and now I hardly remember his voice or any of our time together that wasn't constant crying, bickering and fighting over stupid things. Thank you everyone for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Definitely do not reply. But I have to wonder how, if you were in an abusive relationship, could you be dating again in 2 months, and living with the man of your dreams in 6 months? Good lord, you haven't even had time to heal. I don't really understand this, and that's why you got that "thrill" when he contacted you, because it has not been long at all. Link to post Share on other sites
John101 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Do not answer. Block him from everything. Block and unfriend all gossip gutter snipes who feel that they need to update you on your life. Avoid aware he might so up, and avoid those places where you ex might frequent hoping to run into you, or ask questions about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KissingFire Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 Definitely do not reply. But I have to wonder how, if you were in an abusive relationship, could you be dating again in 2 months, and living with the man of your dreams in 6 months? Good lord, you haven't even had time to heal. I don't really understand this, and that's why you got that "thrill" when he contacted you, because it has not been long at all. The relationship was over long before we both split. We had both been clocking out about 3 months before the proper split. I went travelling solo for example, and the breakup was a shock to me as I wasn't expecting him to do it the day I got back, which ironically was good for me in the long run as it showed he really didn't care about me. I wouldn't say it was a massive thrill, if anything it made me incredibly anxious and jumpy throughout the day. Either way, my boyfriend and I now are incredibly happy. We both started dating when we were fresh out of relationships and were very honest with each other from the word go, which was the start of an incredible bond. We've both admitted that neither of us planned to fall in love, but we have. I have honestly never been happier in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Definitely do not reply. But I have to wonder how, if you were in an abusive relationship, could you be dating again in 2 months, and living with the man of your dreams in 6 months? Good lord, you haven't even had time to heal. I don't really understand this, and that's why you got that "thrill" when he contacted you, because it has not been long at all. I was thinking the exact same thing. It would seem if you need therapy to get over your ex and are still in it; you haven't healed yet and shouldn't be in another relationship until you do. Link to post Share on other sites
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