Why does she keep ignoring me

[destroyedlife]

My ex reached out not to long ago saying that she wanted to work on things. But now when the subject arises she ignores me. I'm not even chasing her I just wanted to know where she stood. She even went on a trip n bought me a present. N was going to come n bring it to me. But the moment I asked her about working on things that she brought up in the first place. She disappears. Why is she like this. We were together for so long n we really loved eachother. I just don't understand. Even a simple no would be better than dead silence

[John101]

She is keeping you on the hook. Until you are fully read to just be friends, NC.

[destroyedlife]

She is keeping you on the hook. Until you are fully read to just be friends, NC.

 

we have a child, im trying to make things work because of our family, shes just being cold distant , ignoring. non of this makes sense, how could someone so close just because so distant, we were best friends and lovers and now were like strangers on the street.......

[BaileyB]

Her lack of consistency is your answer. A woman who wanted to be with you wouldn’t be inconsistent - she wouldn’t go cold and ignore you.

 

The fact that you have a child together makes her behaviour even more difficult to accept. But, accept that it is over is what you must do. It’s time to focus on establishing a healthy coparenting relationship with this woman, and let go of any hope that you have of getting back together.

 

Besides, you don’t really want to be with a woman who could do this to you, and her child... How could you ever trust her and feel secure in the relationship.

 

When people show you who they are, you are wise to believe them. It’s tine to move on friend... sorry.

[Libertine011]

To be blunt when the loves gone you can't think of the way that person treated you before and wonder why it's so different because you'll never find the answer. I was with a girl 9 years had mortgage it was 4 years ago I'm and am completely over it we was friends first now if we see each other we just about manage a hello if she wanted to be with you she would. I do think its strange how you spend that amount of time with someone then when you split you are basically strangers but it's the way we work. All you can do is be there for your kid. Don't waste time on someone who blows hot and cold because the fact is if you want to be with someone nothing will stop that. Everything happens for a reason and if its ment to be it will be.

Edited April 2, 2019 by Libertine011
Typos

[d0nnivain]

All you can do is what is in the best interest of your child. Assume she is not coming back. If she really wanted reconciliation she would be consistent.

[preraph]

I'm sure she didn't mean "work on things" as to get back together but to make it less of a drama sharing your child. You need to grow up and accept that relationship is over and that she doesn't feel that anymore and be a man and be polite and keep it simple as possible and not try to corner her and take care of your child in the most cooperative way possible.

[destroyedlife]

I'm sure she didn't mean "work on things" as to get back together but to make it less of a drama sharing your child. You need to grow up and accept that relationship is over and that she doesn't feel that anymore and be a man and be polite and keep it simple as possible and not try to corner her and take care of your child in the most cooperative way possible.

 

yeah she said she wanted to give our relationship another shot. i texted her this a few days ago asking if she still wanted to , we got into this big text conversation and she avoided anything she said previously, so she acted like she never said any of that at all. then i kinda sent her this text that probably proved a huge point and stumped her. she couldnt reply to is , all she said is your making me feel really bad.

 

so any ways i texted her back and said im sorry for getting into this, its just your on off hot cold behavoir is screwing me up, ill leave you alone. so i had my phone off for 3 days now. i took the sim card out, i put it intoday, of course i get all these texts from her, at first meaningless like they have been for the last 6 months, she uses our daughter as an excuse to talk to me. and yes if it was directly about my daughter i would respond, but she throws her name in there then says, you dont reply when its about our child. hah no i know what shes doing, shes trying to keep me on the hook and keep getting my hopes up to knock them down. then i got more texts about other stuff like un important ****. now shes texting me asking if i killed myself, she keeps trying to bait me in constantly. and the funny thing is, the moment i reply , she would disappear for like a week, so im just gone. i dont know what else to do for my own sanity. she definatly is emotionally abusing me and she knows it. it must feel good to kick some broken hearted person when their down.

[manfrombelow2]

1. Perfect. She said it. So all you needed to do (assuming "giving your relationship a second chance" is also what you wanted) was grabbing that chance to invite her over for some good food and f**k.

 

That's the formula. The ONLY formula.

 

yeah she said she wanted to give our relationship another shot.

 

2. Classic mistake men make. Why bother having a "big text conversation" while you can just invite her over for dinner in a fun-filled and relaxing environment?

 

we got into this big text conversation and she avoided anything she said previously

 

3. That's women for you. When you make them feel uneased, pressured and stressed, they'd do anything to get out of it, even if it means lying. Women don't function by logic, but by emotions. It's all about emotions and how you make them "feel" when it comes to women.

 

And the fact that you got yourself and her into this argument showed that you simply don't understand women. Men who understand women don't argue with them.

 

Communicating to women is tricky because it's different than communicating with men.

 

so she acted like she never said any of that at all. then i kinda sent her this text that probably proved a huge point and stumped her.

 

4. Again, this proves what I've just said: It's all about how you make her feel. And in your case, you made her "feel really bad."

 

all she said is your making me feel really bad.

 

5. No, don't blame your shortcoming (being uncapable of understanding women) on her. Like I said, this is all your fault. You just don't understand women. That's your problem. Not hers.

 

she definatly is emotionally abusing me and she knows it. it must feel good to kick some broken hearted person when their down.

 

6. My advice? Buy and read the book "The 3% Man" by Corey Wayne on Amazon.

[mark clemson]

yeah she said she wanted to give our relationship another shot...

 

Think it's one of 3 things:

 

- She's very confused/indecisive about how she feels. Possibly she oscillates from feeling secure enough without you to feeling insecure.

 

- She's unconsciously manipulating you to try to get whatever it is she wants out of you.

 

- She's a master at hot/cold emotional manipulation and is deliberately messing with you probably due to vindictiveness.

 

Not sure which it is, but I think you need to do your very best to DETACH from the situation emotionally so you can think clearly about what to do. Unfortunately you'll have to deal with her due to the child. You don't want that to mean that your emotions are constantly being triggered.

[mark clemson]

BTW, I just copied this from the 2014 No Contact Guide, which is pinned at the top of this section. Strongly suggest you read it. It has a few pointers for situations where there are kids also.

 

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Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing *this* or why have they said *that*?

The question is always, but ALWAYS:

"What do I do now?"

And the answer to that, is to not try to head-read, or second-guess. It's to keep on doing what you're doing. Ignore it, and stay in NC.

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