DoomBird Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 So, my story goes something likes this: I knew this girl for barley a day and a half and right after that very short period of time I moved into her place and we were madly in love for one another. I moved in so quickly because I was in her country by chance and didn't really have any plans at that moment in time and didn't have a place of my own. After a month and a half together (she didn't even ask me to pay the rent), there was some weird things - she got panic attacks every week from small things I might have said that annoyed her beyond belief, another thing I've experienced was when she hit me while she was drunk on NYE (never been hit before by a woman) when I was down because on that date a close family member of mine died just a year before. Anyways, I moved to a different country and it became a long distance relationship for about a month in which we kinda were on and off. After two and half months of being together I was quite ready to get this over with and even told her it's over via text, but in the end she managed to drag me back in emotionally (the things she wrote and said to me, she really made it look like it might be the real deal) and told me that it wasn't the right time or way to break up, that we have to meet face to face at least one more time and then to decide but not via text. In that month she started to push for me to move in with her for good and relocate my life to her city. We decided to go on a trip together. Both of us were control freaks but when I dared to say the cost of the trip should be split between us and then said something about her alcohol consumption two weeks before our planned trip? She decided it was all over and did it via text. 3 hours after the final break up that she orchestrated, an ex of hers (who's also not living in her country) contacted her and she immediately started to be emotionally available for him almost if I never even mattered at all to her. Seriously, I ain't joking, 3 hours later! Before the break up I did book that trip and she still offered to pay me back her half and to stay at her place for a few days before the trip. Now it felt weird, but I decided to go for it anyways. While I was at her place we fought a lot and she texted to that ex of hers constantly in front of me as they both seemed to become a couple again. It took me a few weeks to get over this, but now I'm just wondering to myself, it feels like I was involved in something very, well - sick (the girl did suffer from clinical depression in the past and is on the spectrum). How irregular does this sound to you guys? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Well, she's impulsive and likes a little chaos. She's not done with her ex, although that doesn't mean they're sleeping together, but she's got emotional involvement some way with the ex. You mentioned alcohol, so don't know how severe a problem that is, but it explains some things. But mainly her impulsivity having you move in is pretty extreme. Makes me think it's kind of easy come, easy go, next, with her. Reminds me of a neighbor of mine. Ever since she divorced, she lets random people spend the night at her house, sex or no sex, because she doesn't like being alone. One guy was a handyman I've met who is real good looking and she told me he lived there for awhile and every three weeks like clockwork, he punched a hole in the wall, so she ran him off, but I still see his truck over there from time to time. Some people like some chaos. Like young people nearly always do, but as you get older, you usually stop all that. I mean, when I was about 20 I worked at a hippie bar and a guy who had been hanging around there talking to me when it was slow during the day helped me move my tiny amount of belongings to a new place and just move or less moved in with me in the process. He didn't bring stuff of his own, but he just stayed there a lot, so I too was impulsive. Of course, that broke down after a couple or few months because he never bothered to ask about if I was interested in anyone, and I was very much obsessed with this guy I still call the old flame decades later who I never lost interest for. So eventually, I had to tell him that. I liked him, but I wasn't able to focus on him because of my prior focus on this other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
John101 Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 Borderline Personality Disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 2, 2019 Share Posted April 2, 2019 How irregular does this sound to you guys? It completely baffles me that you two would move in together after knowing each other 1.5 days. That in & of itself is irregular. The minute she got violent there should have been no looking back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoomBird Posted April 2, 2019 Author Share Posted April 2, 2019 Well, she's impulsive and likes a little chaos. She's not done with her ex, although that doesn't mean they're sleeping together, but she's got emotional involvement some way with the ex. No, never said they slept together in that time frame, as they're not in the same country. She hasn't even seen him yet. The weird thing, she hasn't even seen him physically in close to three years yet still claimed she feels "he's always gonna be that one I'll always think about". Borderline Personality Disorder. Yup, I did think about that after about 5 weeks with her. It completely baffles me that you two would move in together after knowing each other 1.5 days. That in & of itself is irregular. The minute she got violent there should have been no looking back. I guess I was a fool, wanted to believe in love at first sight... and needed a roof over my head at that period of time? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 She's idealizing him. It's easy to think someone is perfect you haven't spent time with! Flakey and immature. Find yourself a real woman with a head on her shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
sandrawg Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Borderline Personality Disorder. Yeah..with a big of alcoholism thrown in Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I'm agreeing on the BPD tendencies or something similar going on there. That kind of sudden turn after apparently (and possibly genuinely) sincere feelings is very unusual. Link to post Share on other sites
Cornputer Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 You guys don't think it's a bit over the top being armchair psychiatrists and diagnosing someone talked about in a forum with a personality disorder? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Yes, it sounds irregular OP, with both of you contributing to this dynamic. She doesn't seem very emotionally stable, but you were drawn to that. You need to ask yourself why you don't have a better filter and stronger boundaries. She sounds troubled, but you don't make very good choices either. There is a lesson to be learned here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 You guys don't think it's a bit over the top being armchair psychiatrists and diagnosing someone talked about in a forum with a personality disorder? At least speaking for me, it's not diagnosis, just speculation based on what is described. Diagnosis is hard. So yes, you're right. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 You guys don't think it's a bit over the top being armchair psychiatrists and diagnosing someone talked about in a forum with a personality disorder? Happens all the time. Who needs mental health professionals and all that silly diagnostic testing when random internet posters can confirm the medical diagnosis after reading a couple of paragraphs written by a 3rd party on an internet discussion board? Sort of like when someone refers to their ex as nuts, or as a narcissist, or whatever. They were perfectly normal when they met and were together but after the breakup suddenly they should be committed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoomBird Posted April 3, 2019 Author Share Posted April 3, 2019 You guys don't think it's a bit over the top being armchair psychiatrists and diagnosing someone talked about in a forum with a personality disorder? To be fair, I was involved with this person for a period of time and the idea of her having BPD crossed my mind a lot. Now that I'm reading about it and seeing the symptoms, don't really have much doubt about it. I guess others had experience with a girl/boy with BPD and everything I mentioned sounds familiar to them? Yes, it sounds irregular OP, with both of you contributing to this dynamic. She doesn't seem very emotionally stable, but you were drawn to that. You need to ask yourself why you don't have a better filter and stronger boundaries. She sounds troubled, but you don't make very good choices either. There is a lesson to be learned here for you. Trust me, I've learnt a lot from this odd relationship. Everything is a lesson in the end of the day. This is how you have to take life, ain't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 To be fair, I was involved with this person for a period of time and the idea of her having BPD crossed my mind a lot. Now that I'm reading about it and seeing the symptoms, don't really have much doubt about it. I guess others had experience with a girl/boy with BPD and everything I mentioned sounds familiar to them? Most surgeons won't operate on family members. Think about that for a minute. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoomBird Posted April 3, 2019 Author Share Posted April 3, 2019 Most surgeons won't operate on family members. Think about that for a minute. Yes, true. But as I did mention in the OP the girl did suffer from clinical depression (as she told me herself). So in any case, an issue with mental health was definitely present here. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Yes, true. But as I did mention in the OP the girl did suffer from clinical depression (as she told me herself). So in any case, an issue with mental health was definitely present here. No doubt there's a difference between someone you know, telling you that they have been diagnosed by a mental health professional as compared to random strangers making guesses, or the involved person taking a bit of factual information about their partner and expanding on it simply because it seems to fit rather nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 If it walks like a duck, sometimes it's a duck. And sometimes not. I think it's valid to give our best advice based on what we read, which might include suggesting that maybe a person might be borderline or have borderline tendencies, or narcissist tendencies, etc. I would hope that the vast majority of readers would not mistake this for accurate, formal diagnosis based merely on a poster's written description as that would not make sense. I think folks often take shortcuts in writing and just say BPD instead of "sounds like they might have BPD or have some tendencies" or similar. Agree that claiming to truly diagnose based on a post or two is both ridiculous and inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I think folks often take shortcuts in writing and just say BPD instead of "sounds like they might have BPD or have some tendencies" or similar. Agree that claiming to truly diagnose based on a post or two is both ridiculous and inappropriate. We can speculate and try to diagnose the meaning of a post based on a few words but that's about as valid as speculating on a mental health diagnosis for a person we've never even met or spoken to firsthand. Link to post Share on other sites
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