Author sandrawg Posted April 10, 2019 Author Share Posted April 10, 2019 I was dating a much younger guy whose ex committed suicide. We had 6 really wonderful months, then he got cold and distant. Turns out he had problems w me he didn't wanna talk about. I discussed the situation in a separate thread. I realized, this distance thing is a pattern with him, when things get uncomfortable. Cuz after I broke up with him, for ignoring me and shutting me out, he agreed to meet up with me. I profusely apologized, and he seemed receptive to trying again. Then we went on our 2nd post breakup date to a movie. After the movie, he freaked out..broke down and cried, and was totally projecting his BPD, abusive ex onto me. Then he kissed me, which he said was cuz he was trying to mask his emotional pain with "sexual gratification", but I put the brakes on it, because I did not think we were ready in any way shape or form for anything romantic. We were supposed to see each other weekly as "friends for now" (that's how he put it). I was so happy we had another shot. But I guess me breaking up wtih him triggered his past trauma. I was willing to do anything, to go to therapy or whatever, but he once again got distant right after the date where he cried and tried to kiss me. I could not figure out after that wtf he wanted. I got total mixed messages. I asked if he wanted me to move on, or wait for him to figure it out. He told me to move on. But in that same convo he also said he "didn't want to ditch out on us." I was left feeling confused. I gave him a week of NC. Then I contacted him. All I wanted was to know what was in his head. I IM'd him today. Boy did I get an earful of psycho babble. His reply totally did NOT sound like him. He accused me of all kinds of things and said I was engaging in "emotional gymnastics"..(from the guy who was giving me the push/pull for the past month, that was ironic). He said that because we are no longer in a rel'ship, he didn't "owe" (yes he put that in quotes) me any "deep explanations" (ouch). He said it seemed like I wanted him to pursue me and he refused to do that nor did he want to be with someone who played games like that. ???? He also sounded like he is rewriting history. He said "you didn't respect my emotional space..you kicked me to the curb. I left." (um..no, after we broke up, you went on 2 dates with me? then decided I might "stab you in your sleep" because you projected your ex onto me.) I don't know who's been feeding him all this therapy talk, but it was very hurtful. At the same time, it did make me realize we cannot be together, and I need to let him go for good. I don't think he ever was ready for a relationship..I thought the abuse and trauma from his ex was way behind him, but clearly it wasn't. The funny thing is, he said "I think you want to fight and you need someone to be the bad guy for your narrative" (funny cuz, we had only loving words btwn us after his freak-out..we weren't "fighting"). I think he is projecting onto me. He is the one who needs a "bad guy." Ive just consistently been the one to try to build a bridge when he pushes me away. Well..no more. So, I guess in that regard, breaking NC was good because I now know I have nothing to hope for, in terms of a rel'ship with him. Nor should I. Link to post Share on other sites
Nnam Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 (edited) This is a pretty empathetic one. Btw, you write really well. Edited April 11, 2019 by Nnam Link to post Share on other sites
Author sandrawg Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 This is a pretty empathetic one. Btw, you write really well. oh thank you very much. Link to post Share on other sites
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