Rk2206 Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 (edited) I have never turned to the internet for help in my personal life before but i am desperate for any advice i can get here. Il try keep this as to the point as possible. Me and my now ex, were in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 beautiful children. The first 3 years were the happiest either of us have ever been and we were engaged to be married. The next 2 years that followed were what can only be described as hell of earth... For both of us. Long story short, i was having to deal with mental health issues and went into a dark dark depression. I had a brief relationship before and have another child whom i was seeing on a regular basis and my daughter was staying with us every week. Her mother then decided to just get up and leave, taking my daughter with her. I was acting like a selfish twat whilst going through this stage in my life. It drove my ex bonkers and we grew apart. We split up 8 months ago and i have been obsessed with her ever since. I have been to the doctors and had professional help for my depression. Mentally, i now feel in a good place but i am just absolutely torn apart i have lost the love of my life. I chased and chased to get her back for 8 months there and was being told she didn't want anything to do with me anymore and did not love me. I was inconsolable and was trying really hard to accept this. Few weeks ago i did a stupid stupid thing and slept with another girl for the first time since i met my ex. This happened a few times. I wasn't even enjoying it and it was a total disaster. i guess i was lonely and trying to move on and accept my ex did not love me anymore. She had kissed a guy a few months ago apparently and this also pushed me over the edge to eventually sleep with someone else even though i wasn't ready. Anyway, the other night, i was at my exes house helping with the kids and we ended up having the most amazing sex ever. I told her afterwards(yes maybe i should have mentioned it beforehand) , that i had been with someone else and i broke down about it, albeit after she pretty much forced my hand to tell her. i have lied to her in the past, about trivial things although still lying nonetheless. She accepted what i told her and maintains she hasnt slept with anyone else. I cut this other girl off immediately, it wasn't even a thing, and i hooked up with my ex again 2 days later. The sex is unbelievable and she admits its the best she's ever had and i agree. She now says she is willing to keep seeing each other but for sex only as she doesnt think she cud get passed the fact i had been with someone else. In my defense, my ex was completely cutting me off, telling me she didn't want anything to do with me and didn't love me, so i was convinced we were through and i acted out of jealousy, anger and loneliness. My ex really is everything to be even though i hadn't been able to show it for some time. biggest regret of my life not treating her better but i genuinely was going through hell. The fact we are now sleeping with each other again, talking all the time and generally getting on as good as we have in a looong time. Sounds like i have nothing to moan about? Well, she says she feels she needs to now sleep with someone else as its the only way she thinks shel ever get over the fact i went elsewhere. I have tried to explain to her that the circumstances are completely different if she were to now sleep with someone else and it would destroy the progress we are making here. Like an idiot, part of me wants her to just do it and get it over with. The other part of me knows how much it will crush me and i am just back in this depressive state where i dont know where to go or what to do. This girl really means everything to me and i want to spend the rest of my life with her we just need a fresh start. Someone help me pleaseeeee lol. Sorry for rambling on a bit but any advice would be very much appreciated at this stage.... Thanks x Edited April 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Doesn't sound like she wants monogamy with you anymore. Sounds like she's okay with being single and having sex with you. I guess you need to get specific and tell her, So if all we're doing is having sex, does that mean we both just date other people? Because if we're not going to be together as a couple, why would either of us be faithful to the other? I mean, sounds like either miscommunication or something. If she wants to be with you only for sex but not as a couple to be together, you're both free to sleep with other people. If she wants you to not sleep with other women, then she needs to be willing to be a couple again. Pretty simple. She can't have it both ways: I don't want to be a couple, but you must be faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I have tried to explain to her that the circumstances are completely different if she were to now sleep with someone else and it would destroy the progress we are making here. Dude there's no progress. To her, you're just a boy toy and she likes the casual sex. To you- it's like slow torture even though it feels good for a few minutes but it's nothing more than scraps to a starving dog and it won't ever be more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rk2206 Posted April 3, 2019 Author Share Posted April 3, 2019 Dude there's no progress. To her, you're just a boy toy and she likes the casual sex. To you- it's like slow torture even though it feels good for a few minutes but it's nothing more than scraps to a starving dog and it won't ever be more than that. Unfortunately i have a feeling you are spot on. Im still clinging to the hope she will realise that we should be together again and put the family back together. As you say though- its like slow torture Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 I'm still clinging to the hope she will realise that we should be together again and put the family back together. You need to stop acting like a martyr and saying "she should do it for the family". It's not about "the family" it's about what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 Unfortunately i have a feeling you are spot on. Im still clinging to the hope she will realise that we should be together again and put the family back together. As you say though- its like slow torture Says you. Not her. The problem with "should" is that means you're not seeing her perspective. You're making the assumption that you know what is best for her. From her point of view, this relationship "should" probably be over and the two of you "should" parent as a separated couple. You don't want the same things from each other anymore. That doesn't make either of you wrong in your desires, but it makes your goals incompatible to the point that a relationship is no longer feasible. Link to post Share on other sites
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