dcsmom97 Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 I KNOW that this ??? has been asked before, but I'm going to ask again. Does FWB automatically mean that there is SEX involved? Are there variations on the benefits? I appreciate your opinions! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 It always includes some measure of being used on some level by someone who intends to invest a minimum of commitment to the person and to the relationship. It can be use of sex, use of money, use of affection, use of time, etc... Ideally, it is mutual - unfortunately the case is usually one person who has a higher investment who settles for less because they either don't want to be alone, or they are hoping for more from the person. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 oh wow, thanks for the clarification. I've always thought the benefits is always tied to sex, which is mutually enjoyed. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 oh wow, thanks for the clarification. I've always thought the benefits is always tied to sex, which is mutually enjoyed. The keyword here is mutually. I've had some successful sexual FWB situations, and some not so successful ones. Successful always depended on whether or not someone went from 'happy benefits' to 'feeling used'. When it comes right down to it, it is mutual use - and only semantics and emotions determine whether or not it is a successful situation. I've seen plenty of 'friendships' which didn't involve sex but involved use of other things like money, time, affection, etc. To me those are 'FWB' too - I guess the difference between 'friends' and 'FWB' in that case depends on the basic motivation for the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcsmom97 Posted September 22, 2005 Author Share Posted September 22, 2005 Based on what I see here, it appears that I am indeed in a FWB relationship, though an unconventional one. My guy has made it clear that he is not ready to jump head first into a relationship right now, but he does want us to "be friends" and see where it goes from there. We spend time together, though not too often, usually every other weekend - we live 45 minutes apart, he works at a job that calls him in and out of town throughout the week and we both have kids. Anyway, we enjoy spending time together and we talk almost every night. We've made an agreement that we wouldn't be any more physical with each other than jsut giving hugs when we see each other. We made this agreement because I told him that my heart, my mind and my body are connected and that one cannot be had without the others. Our first time trying this was this past weekend. It worked pretty well until it was time to go. At that point, things got just a tiny bit touchy, feely. What do you guys think about this? am I getting played? Is he just keeping me around to have someone around until his dream lady comes along or should I just be open (but guarded) and patient and wait to see what happens? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 nawww girl, it doesn't sound like you're being played. Sounds like he just needs time. The 'goal' or the 'prize' when one plays another is usually the booty. If he's not pushing you for it, I don't think games is what's in his mind. Also, it doesn't sound like an FWB relationship. Definitely not by my definition and probably not even by LB's more liberal definition of it. It does sound like you're getting emotionally attached faster than he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dcsmom97 Posted September 23, 2005 Author Share Posted September 23, 2005 EB - You're right. I probably am getting attached just a little bit faster, as I have NEVER been in a relationship that has gone this slowly. It's nice to have known someone for almost 2 1/2 months and not be "madly in love" already AND not have slept with them. I have not been single in almost 10 years, so I need to take things slowly. In fact, had I known my ExH longer, we may not have gotten married in the first place. Our relationship lacked real friendship because we were so attracted to each other and to having a serious relationship, that we kinda just skipped over the friendship part! Anyway, this guy told me that he doesn't fall in love easily - I think he even mentioned 6 months in the same sentence... Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted September 23, 2005 Share Posted September 23, 2005 then slow down a little. Everything is a mad rush these days. I always believe that things gotten in haste don't usually endure Link to post Share on other sites
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