What is your honest opinion of women over 40

[shydad]

How many of you have chosen to pair up in later life with a single woman in her 40's who has never been married with no children. ... I'm curious what men in general really think of women in their mid 40's... especially if they've never been married because I think there's still a stigma about that.

Hi Fair, what is the stigma you're talking about? I've never heard of it.

 

To answer your question, my opinion is that having never been married and not having kids doesn't matter, and I find it perplexing why it would. Women in their 40s are who I tended to be attracted to when I was looking. I'm a 42 year old previously married dad. Last year, I expected that only single moms would consider me, but for some reason, only women without kids and who had never been married showed any interest in me. I don't quite understand it myself. Maybe someone can explain this?

 

My sweetheart is 43 and I find her irresistible.

[alphamale]

i'm 54 and I like women in their early to mid forties

[Fair]

I'm not conflicted in my own views that's just what you're reading into it.

 

I feel like my age is a factor... yes …. for MEN not for me. I see women my age as attractive including myself. Those are not conflicted views @emeraldgreen

[gaius]

I linked up with my wife when I was in my 30's and her in her 40's and she was never short on suitors who didn't care one bit about her age.

 

Honestly Fair, I think once you get yourself into a better place where you don't feel so isolated, alone and hurt that a guy will come along who doesn't really care about age. Right now you're just attracting the wrong type with where you are.

[Wallysbears]

Fair... you are abrasive. That’s not attractive at any age

[chillii]

yeah , l go with gaius.

And you sound like a great find attractiveness wise too wouldn't worry about that one at all.

But also it does always sound too that your area and what's around, the men and mentality, lack of, is really dragging you down .

ls it possible to look further afield ? Always sounds like you've just gotta forget the locals. Well , someone different can always appear out of the woodwork but mostly though , it just sounds all wrong for you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is why I have stopped dating about a year ago. Being devalued because of my age is just not something I will put up with.

 

 

I have also had plenty of male friends in early 40s who are chasing 30 and under demographic. Then they used to ask me for advice when things went wrong. I didn't think I minded since I wasn't interested in dating those men myself but it chipped away at my confidence. Occasionally they would try to invite me to their house when they hit a dry spell (I guess I would do for some casual sex). They didn't even consider me as a dating prospect. So I did a clean sweep of my social media and phone and blocked them all without an explanation

[Woggle]

A good woman is a good woman no matter what her age. Both my wife and I are over 40 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[todreaminblue]

I turn 50 this year, my hair is going really white....i used to have just an elvira white stripe in the front.....in my twenties..now i have more streaks of pure white...and i kinda like it...

 

......i dont know what guys want and im not sure i really care....if they care for me....the right guy for me will care...regardless of my white hair status...regardless my decrepit age....

 

and if god has decided there's no one to care about me or someone for me to care about...then ....it shall be....as he wills it....i dont feel worrying about a man or what men want...will enrich my life.....deb

Edited April 6, 2019 by todreaminblue

[Happy Lemming]

Looking to hear from men in their 50's. What are your views?

 

To Fair...

 

Hi... sorry if I'm a little late to the party.

 

53 year old male, here and my girlfriend is older than me and we've been dating 7+ years and get along great!!

 

When we started dating I think I was 47, she was in her 50's (I won't disclose her exact age, as she probably would not want me to) but she was older.

 

We enjoy being together, going on little trips and adventures. All in all, we are both having a lot of fun as older (AARP) adults.

 

As far as marriage, I didn't want to get married and she didn't want to get re-married (she is divorced 20+ years).

 

As far as kids, that was off the table.

 

I really do think there is a lid for every pot.

 

I'll be glad to answer any specific questions you may have "Fair". Not every guy is looking for some young "hottie". I very much enjoy my girlfriend, age is just a number for both of us.

[metalbabble]

I think women in their 40's are just as beautiful as ever. I myself have been told I look ten years younger, and a woman I worked with recently thought I was still in my 20's. I look better than a huge percentage of men my age, and so do my female friends from my school days who are generally still fit and gorgeous. I mean, you don't suddenly just crumble once you hit 40.

 

YET... we face age discrimination when it comes to dating.

 

38m here

 

If you truly look 10 years younger (nice thick hair, bright, clear complexion, plump lips, lithe movement, sonorous voice, full butt and chest and a youthful air about you) then I'd have no problem dating you.

 

Basically the signs of fertility have to be there. That's what men find sexy, whether they want kids or not. You can thank millions of years of evolution for this. I'm no different than any other man in this regard.

 

.. and I have been facing a reality check with this, which is why I'm spending 5 days a week at the gym trying to get back into shape. I'm lucky to have pretty youthful genetics myself, but as a man the competition for what I described above is fierce.

Edited April 6, 2019 by metalbabble

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I posted a similar thread. Age appropriate men for us (late 40’s to early 50’s women) are the new unicorn no matter how attractive an older woman may be.

 

They want youth, if it’s an ego thing, a recapturing their youth thing or what I don’t know.

 

I’m very attractive, educated and solvent and look younger than I am. I refuse to lie about my age if asked. The weird demographic that seems interested are late 20’s men who have older women:mommy fantasies. No thanks!

 

Once in a while a suitable man shows interest but that’s few and very far between.

 

My strategy is have a full enjoyable life and if a suitable man shows up, great, if not I’m perfectly happy anyway.

[thefooloftheyear]

It's a reality that few women want to accept...

 

They held the cards in their early years and now they don't..Period...Guys at their age have a lot of options now..What do you have that separates you from the others? .I have no skin in this game, but as a guy now early mid 50's in better than average physical condition and successful, I get attention from pretty much all women...Young, old, my age...whatever...Can you really blame some of these guys??

 

Guys get credit for accomplishments more than women do...Perhaps that will change over time, but that's the way it is...So a woman that is in her 40's or 50's with a good paying job/career that let themselves go physically(maybe in an effort to get/keep that career) will not get credit and will get knocked down for her looks..Sorry...but that's how it is..

 

And sorry ladies...Many women in this age group FAR overstate how great they look or how young they think they appear ...If you want to get a real feel for it, take a pic of yourself in a two piece without any makeup and don't use kissy face, puppy dog muzzle and ears, flower crown, the overhead view that hides your unsightly bulges, filters, etc...And then make a realistic assessment of yourself, because that's what the outside world(especially a prospect) is going to see..

 

But having said all this, I still believe that even "good/desirable" guys still want to be with like age women...They are just going for the age appropriate women that don't let themselves go and don't have a giant chip on their shoulder..And guys aren't unreasonable...They accept that as we age not everything will be as perfect as the perky college co ed with the tight ass..But to think that the "better' guys will just accept any overweight haggard older woman, when there are other options is just kinda nuts...Y'all mocked and dismissed a lot of those guys you passed up when you were young and perky and had the goods, now you can't complain when the tables get turned on you...

 

TFY

Edited April 6, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[Gretchen12]

When I was around your age and in between relationships, it was as you described, men in their late 40's looking for women in their 30's, and bypassing you. I ended up in a relationship with a guy same age as me who didn't want kids. Now I'm in my 50's and I'm seeing something different out there. I am finding a lot of men in their 50's wanting to date their own age. It's not just me. People I know are matching up, both 50's close in age. So these are the men who were in relationships 15 years ago raising kids, or on the dating scene back then looking to still start a family. In their 50's they're either done with kids or don't want any. Of course these are the stable guys I go for. Players are players at any age.

[littleblackheart]

I have no personal 'dating' experience to offer but from observation, what helps the most in finding the right fit is either dating often and a lot, being very specific in your dating criteria or having a rich social / professional life allowing you to meet people on a regular basis. Possibly all 3 at the same time.

 

In the socio-economic background I live in, people are never single for very long - they tend to find their next partners while in a relationship, or they 'network' their way into one by asking friends to set them up.

 

This is how the never married / no children 40+ women I know got into relationships - kind of the same way they always got into relationships at any age.

[amaysngrace]

So what’s with getting hit on by guys my kids’ age? It doesn’t happen all the time but it happens often enough, like once a month at least.

 

I don’t know what it means, I’m thinking it’s all about sex which is probably why I find them creepy and annoying.

[nospam99]

My honest opinion (keep in mind I'm 65 so the ages of such women I encounter are 55+):

 

There's something 'wrong' there ... possibilities:

- obviously not physically attractive enough to have generated male interest

or

- has such a bad picker that she got stuck in a long-term relationship with a guy who was never going to marry her

or

- just wanted to keep 'partying' through a couple of 'extra' decades

or

- is such a nasty or damaged human being (serial cheater, druggy, etc) that she couldn't find a man who would put up with her

or

- had her 'work-life balance' pegged so far towards work that she didn't give enough of a damn about anything else

 

Not every woman (or man) wants a traditional family. But when they change that attitude later in life, there's gonna be stigma.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

NS, to your list I'd add:

 

Is an angry, highly-educated (or not), opinionated feminist.

[thefooloftheyear]

Here is something else to consider...

 

When guys are younger and women/sex are somewhat elusive, they wind up constantly on the hunt, constantly looking to get laid, etc...Most logic and reasoning goes down the toilet...They'll jump through all the hoops..

 

Fast forward 20-30 years, and if the guy wasn't a complete dud, he's had more than his share of sex...You could even go as far as to say the thrill has even worn off for the more experienced types...While it's still vital for many, its no longer the sole driving force in a man's life, as it once was.....

 

Guys at that age, having walked that walk and now their test levels are falling like a rock, they are no longer willing to put up with the usual crap they once had to just to get laid...They become more selective in terms of picking a relationship and life partner..The other aspects of compatibility become more important...

 

Understand what I am saying...It's not that guys don't want to get laid...They just don't need to accept all the other crap in order to get it like they used to do...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

It's a reality that few women want to accept...

 

They held the cards in their early years and now they don't..Period...Guys at their age have a lot of options now..What do you have that separates you from the others? .I have no skin in this game, but as a guy now early mid 50's in better than average physical condition and successful, I get attention from pretty much all women...Young, old, my age...whatever...Can you really blame some of these guys??

 

Nowhere did the OP say she’s not physically fit. Let’s assume she’s among the 10-15% of women in their 40s and 50s that are neither overweight nor obese.

Edited April 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[littleblackheart]

^^ Where do you get those figures from? That's really not the case where I live...

 

Also, people of every shape, size and age go in and out of relationships all the time (in real life). It is possible for anyone who wants it (and is reasonably well-adjusted, which is most people).

[Fair]

It's a reality that few women want to accept...

 

They held the cards in their early years and now they don't..Period...Guys at their age have a lot of options now..What do you have that separates you from the others? .I have no skin in this game, but as a guy now early mid 50's in better than average physical condition and successful, I get attention from pretty much all women...Young, old, my age...whatever...Can you really blame some of these guys??

 

Well this just sounds like you're angry at women. Maybe you were passed up all the time when younger.

 

You can claim women overestimate their looks but if that's true, so do men. They don't like to admit they're fat, old, and usually have an overblown confidence that they can get younger women. Sure, sometimes they can, but many times they're just average, not so young looking, in failing health, and thinking women 20 -30 years old would be thrilled to have them. Women that age want men their age or perhaps a little older... but not 20 to 30 years older. When I was that age I had 50 years old chasing me and I thought it was gross. Let's keep it real, here.

 

Older men don't have an edge on older women. I see women my age every day men of the same age could never keep up with.

Edited April 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Woggle]

I find women in their 30s and 40s to have much less issues and to be a lot more reasonable. You don't have to walk on eggshells around them like you do with some younger women with a chip on their shoulder.

[oceanblue12]

I really do feel that 30 and 40 year old women are highly appealing

in terms of the way they carry themselves (generalizing I know).

They tend to KNOW what they do and DO NOT want....

[Fair]

I have no personal 'dating' experience to offer but from observation, what helps the most in finding the right fit is either dating often and a lot, being very specific in your dating criteria or having a rich social / professional life allowing you to meet people on a regular basis. Possibly all 3 at the same time.

 

In the socio-economic background I live in, people are never single for very long - they tend to find their next partners while in a relationship, or they 'network' their way into one by asking friends to set them up.

 

This is how the never married / no children 40+ women I know got into relationships - kind of the same way they always got into relationships at any age.

 

There are no men around here. When I've asked friends in the past if they know anyone they could set me up with the answer was always... "Gee... I don't know of anyone."

 

Literally EVERYONE is married.

 

So those who have pointed out where I live as being a factor are very correct... the odd single one who still remains tends to be loaded with issues and bring them to my doorstep, like my ex boyfriend who was deliberately chipping away at my self esteem to keep me from going anywhere... I won't stand still for that.