Pt. 2....Packing my bags etc...going through a rainbow of feelings

[JosiePosie]

Today is tough. I have been feeling angry and hurt towards my boyfriend. I was glad to have received an email from him yesterday. Last night, I attended my first support group for women who have codependency/love addiction problems. It was interesting. I will continue to attend as I hope it is a way to get past my relationship habits.

 

I have the urge to email my bf and give him heck. I am basically starting over, I am living out of my suitcase, just when I needed his support with things going on in my life...he bails saying that he needs time alone to deal with his issues. I just feel emotionally and physically abandoned. I am hurting and I want to strike back to hurt him even more.

[Jayhawks]

Striking back will do you no good as anger only hurts the one who's angry. Most of the time the other party doesn't know or care if your angry so your pain is localized and not global. Relying on yourself is usually a good thing in the long run as you will find strength you never knew you possessed. Support groups are helpful as you see others going through the same pain and you feel more capable to handle it.

I would try to carry on with your life and don't look back or try to get revenge. Your b/f is the loser in this and you really are the winner. In time you will forget him and the pain and will find someone worthy of your love and care. Do not email him back. Rely on friends and family for support as they will hold you up in times of despair. Keep busy and you will be on the road to recovery.

[JosiePosie]

I haven't emailed him back, I was soo tempted to with being angry and all. I am lucky my friends have been helping me and I am looking into more support groups. I need all the help I can get right now. My friends have been saying that he will realize what he has thrown away and regret it. I have always given him support and now I feel cheated out.

 

I am having an angry day today.

[JosiePosie]

I am pretty surprised. My bf hasn't told anyone that I left him last week. Apparently his mother asked his sister if she has seen me. He has barely been to his parent's house, and yet he usually goes there everyday. She even told me that he met her outside our apartment to pick something up last night. She usually comes in and visits for a bit. But I guess he didn't want her to see that I was gone.

 

But I told her what the situation was and how I had to leave our apartment. I am glad that I ran into her, this has been hurting me alot. I find it funny that he would hide it from his family, maybe he is ashamed of what happened?

[Merin]

I find it funny that he would hide it from his family, maybe he is ashamed of what happened?

 

My guess would be this.. it isn't that he's so much ashamed of what happened.. it's that he doesn't see this as permanant or really over between the 2 of you....

 

My 2 cent's

[JosiePosie]

Thanks Merin. That could be it as well. I do love him, at the moment I am very hurt of what has happened between us. I am trying not to take his actions personally, but it is pretty hard when you have to pack up and stay at a friend's house. It sounds like he is isolating himself from everyone.

[Merin]

Thanks Merin. That could be it as well. I do love him, at the moment I am very hurt of what has happened between us. I am trying not to take his actions personally, but it is pretty hard when you have to pack up and stay at a friend's house. It sounds like he is isolating himself from everyone.

 

Well can't say I or anyone else would blame you for taking this personally, it's painful...

 

IF he is isolating himself away from anyone, then honestly it is probably what he needs to do... spend a little time with himself to get right.....

 

Hang in there

[JosiePosie]

Thanks again. I am trying to hang in there. I have moments when I am ready to burst out crying.

[Merin]

Thanks again. I am trying to hang in there. I have moments when I am ready to burst out crying.

 

My best guess based on what you've said is this... once your BF has had enough time to be alone and I mean REALLY ALONE he's going to do some thinking... have some regret at the path he's chosen to go and call you....

 

BUT I guess as well it's then going to be up to you if you choose to go back down that road with him that it isn't all about him....

[JosiePosie]

Today, I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we were in my neighbourhood. Seeing that my bf's Jeep wasn't at the apartment, I asked him to pull in so I can get something. I wanted to know how he was coping with me gone.

 

I did something stupid but couldn't help myself. I clicked onto the internet history of my bf's computer. As I scrolled down, I saw that he was searching profiles on a dating website. He hasn't logged in since we became involved, and it looks like he was going through profiles. I also saw on the internet history that he wasn't trying to track down an old high school girlfriend. I remember him mentioning her and that they parted friends. It looks like he wants to contact her again.

 

I am so devastated. I know snooping on his computer was wrong, but I wanted to know if he was up to, and if he was missing me. I called a friend and she told me to wash my hands of him. I am sooo hurt. I have been crying since I saw his online activity.

 

I was hoping that we would be able to reconcile down the road, work things out. But how can I knowing that he has been logging onto dating websites and looking up old girlfriends? When he sent me that email Monday, he sounded so sad and I felt bad for him. My other friend thinks that he is probably doing that because he is feeling lonely, and not to mention what I saw on his computer for whenever he contacts me. And to just give him time and let him do whatever.

 

I can use some thoughts, opinions on this. I know that we are taking a break, but I feel betrayed by what I saw today.