A sudden change! I wasn't prepared for that from his side

[puffy]

but I don't know how do I block his email address.

For heaven's sake, stop acting like a baby and just block him. It should be somewhere under "options". (I'm not surprised, not at all, why he's so irritated with you.)

 

I use hotmail and yahoo... the thing is a very good friend of his communicate with me via hotmail and what if he finds out that she can still send me emails but his emails will be blocked?

I'm not sure about Hotmail, but as far as I know, if you block someone on Yahoo, his email simply gets deleted. He will never know that you blocked him and you will never know that he sent you something. Hotmail might work similar.

 

Anyway, I think he blocked me on msn himself because he is never signed on and he uses msn every day, frequently..

You should block him, too, quid pro quo. He probably has blocked you but still can see you enter and pining for him (isn't that pathetic...). Let me tell you, he enjoys seeing you crave for him, the problem though is, he is just not respecting you for this. Block him and show him that you don't care. Give him something to wonder.

 

It seems like he blocked me from his life and he will never send me an email anyway..

Oh be sure, if you don't block him he will continue sending you emails and pulling the right strings to keep you where you belong.

 

Every time he came back you would have had a chance to get control of the situation (I wonder though who would want a relationship like this...), but you just messed it up with all your whining, pleading, begging, clinging, crying and so forth.

[soft heart]

Hello everyone,

 

You gave me some great support and I have been following your advice trying not to contact him and do my best to be moving on and trying to accept it all and so on.. I almost accepted that I will never hear from him again or not at least in the near future. However, this morning to my surprise when I came to work, there was an email from him waiting for me, where he asked me about how my week is going and telling me that he has been busy at work but that he is happy because he is playing football again and he ended the email with "see you x".. I have not replied to him because I just didn't know what to say and also I want to show him that he hurt me deeply and that I am angry...but I have been thinking about it all day of course. Well, tonight when I came back from work, I signed on msn and could see that he has unblocked me but I haven't so I can see that he is online. He blocked me last week, that's for sure but not now anymore. What do you think about it all? Thanks a lot.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ignore it. Please, please for your own sake ignore it. If you absolutely must, end this now by replying to his email and saying:

 

"Please do not contact me anymore."

 

With no further explanation.

[puffy]

You gave me some great support and I have been following your advice

You didn't follow anything, you also don't listen to what people tell you on this forum, so stop fooling us and yourself.

 

However, this morning to my surprise when I came to work, there was an email from him waiting for me,

Surprise, surprise. I would not have expected this...

 

I have not replied to him because I just didn't know what to say and also I want to show him that he hurt me deeply and that I am angry...

Of course he cares for your feelings, that's what we have been trying to tell you all along...

 

What do you think about it all? Thanks a lot.

What we think about it? Who the hell cares what we think about it, you obviously don't care either, so why do you ask these questions? Everything that people told you happened exactly the way it was predicted, but do you pay attention? Obviously not.

 

Listen, you should go to a professional counselor as soon as possible. This is a forum for people who want to learn something about relationships and maybe help others by giving advice or sharing their experience. All in in all, that's a great idea, but in the end we're just amateurs and I don't think that this is what you're looking for or need, you really seem to be in need of serious help.

 

I've seen enough desperate people on this forum, but they all, sooner or later, at least tried to help other people avoid the same mistakes they made. Their advice might be bitter, biased, whatever, but there are still some good intentions inherent in their posts. You're by far the worst case I've ever seen on LS, you're self-centered and completely deaf and blind to what people tell you. We are only repeating ourselves, because you're not open for the advice that we give you and that is pretty frustrating. I seriously doubt that we're able to help you, so you might consider getting professional counseling to help you cope with your breakup.

 

Good luck

[soft heart]

If you feel so annoyed and irriated, why do you waster your energy on answering and reading my posts. I have read some stories here and we all go through the same thing and it may take some longer that others.. but I would never ever talk to anyone how you did to me. You didn't make any rules on this board.. there are people devasted.. hurting.. not really sure what to do and this is what the board is for.. also people have problem with the NC rule and as far as I am concerned they have been told that it's better to come here one thousands time here rather than contacting their ex.. well, you seem to have a problem with it. how dare you tell me that I should contact a professional counsellor. I think you need to sort your own issues. You really do not need to bother and you should look inside yourself and your soul and ask yourself if it's right to talk to people how you do. You are dealing with people who have been hurt, betrayed, their self-esteem has been crushed and they are feeling lost and you make them feel even worse than their ex. but don't worry I don't feel worse actually. I just feel disgusted with the way you dare to talk to me. You should consult someone and treat people with respect no matter what. Noone said that I must follow your advice. And anyway, the way you are giving your advice is maybe better not to say anything. How would you feel yourself, if a friend of yours talked to you the way you did while you are confused and hurting? Would you feel any better? anyway, I don't rely on you to make me feel better but I certainly do not accept the way you talk to people here on this board.

 

I thank the others for all their support.

[puffy]

If you feel so annoyed and irriated, why do you waster your energy on answering and reading my posts.

I felt pity for you in the beginning as I did understand your pain. It gets extremely frustrating though when you're trying to help someone who is blind to the obvious. You are always asking about the same situation and we always predict the same outcome. Then our predictions come true, but it's still not good enough for you. You expect miracles, but I can tell you, it's not going to happen.

 

I can summarize your situation:

 

The moment you stop contacting him, the moment he will pull you back. The moment you give in, the moment he withdraws because he has you where he wants you.

 

It absolutely does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out, the plain truth of your situation is more than obvious. So, what else do you expect people to tell you? More encouragement? For what? To continue blocking him? As far as I see, you block him, then give him, because you think he has changed his opinions, you see he is pulling your strings and then you come back and ask us what you're supposed to do. I've told you a couple of times that when you want to have control over the situation that you need to block him, if you want to improve your position you need to be firm.

 

There are two main things that people will recommend you: Stop contacting him, block him completely from your life and work on your self-esteem issues and everything else will fall into place.

 

but I would never ever talk to anyone how you did to me.

I'm sure of this.

 

You didn't make any rules on this board.. there are people devasted.. hurting.. not really sure what to do and this is what the board is for..

You did get the same advice over and over again, I'm not sure what you expect me or anybody else to tell you. You can't even complain that I gave bad advice, because what I predicted happened over and over again. If you fail to see the truth, it's your fault, not mine.

 

also people have problem with the NC rule and as far as I am concerned they have been told that it's better to come here one thousands time here rather than contacting their ex.. well, you seem to have a problem with it.

I know that doing NC is difficult and that people give in, because they miss their ex, what I don't understand though is when someone claims he understands the purpose of NC, breaks it and then comes back asking for new advice. The funny thing is, in your case, you are even able to see the fruits of NC, whenever you do it, he comes back, other people don't even have this benefit.

 

how dare you tell me that I should contact a professional counsellor.

Because you don't seem to have taken up any advice that was given to you on this board.

 

You really do not need to bother and you should look inside yourself and your soul and ask yourself if it's right to talk to people how you do.

I'm not the cold b*tch as which you try to put me here, but I'm also someone who makes a difference between a person being sensitive and being a push over. Your handle name "soft heart" indicates that you see yourself as a sensitive and vulnerable person, maybe it also implies a little bit of hybris, you against the rest of the cold cruel world. I think you've fallen into the belief that you are a helpless victim who can't change her situation and anything bad that happens to you is justified with the conviction that it's because you're too nice.

[soft heart]

Oh my gosh.. I cannot believe it. I was doing something on my computer this afternoon and HE started to chat to me on msn. I forgot to block him. I said to him that I cannot be his friend because we have gone through so much and we never started as friends and it's too painful for me. I said to him that this is isn't healthy for me and I told him that if he really meant it all that it's completely over between us than I need to heal from all the hurt, move on and forget him. He said to me the following:

 

I like you a lot but I am not ready to be fully engaged in this and to make sacrifices for us. Our situation is too complicated for me. so for me it's over now but I cannot know the future and what I'll want later. but I don't want yuo to suffer so I cannot ask you to stay in touch with me if you don't want. I am very sad to face that but it's better for you because I can see you suffer too much. I want you to be happy. I'll miss you a lot. Love xxx

 

and then he sent me one more text message and said to me that I cannot leave him without telling him how I am feeling about a health problem I am facing. he said he is too worried and was asking me if I was making further tests and he wanted to know if I was fine.

 

I didn't reply and then he came on msn and started to chat.. He asked me why I wasn't answering that I told him that I will not ignore him. I said that I thought we understood in our text messages. He said yes but he wanted to know about my health and I didn't answer so he was worried. So we talked about that for a while and than he said that he wants to be sure that I get a good treatment. I said to him that he will not know anyway what is going to happen and he asked why not. I said because I'll tell my parents who will support me and that he cannot be there for me whenever I need. He said that he wants to support me and that he will check for news. I asked him why does he spend his time chatting to me and not with his family and friends as he is visiting home and he replied that he was thinking a lot of me on the train home and he said he is very sad and that his feelings for me are not over. He said that he cannot accept that I suffer too much and that he thinks of me. I said to him that he doesn't need to feel sorry for me and that I will be fine. He said that he feels sorry for us. I said to him that anyway he told me to forget him and my feelings for him so I'll do that and he said that he will not forget me. I said yes but you said it's over so I said that I have to accept it and move on with my life without him and he said to me "as you want". I said to him that I don't have any other choice and that it's his decision. And he said "but it's a shame, my decision is to stop being with you but yours is to stop talking to me".

 

I said to him that I have too much feelings for him still and I need to heal, to get over him, to forget the pain and to accept that he is no longer with me and I added that it's very hard to do this. He said that it's hard for him too and he added that maybe in the future the faith will bring us together again. I said to him maybe but now I need to heal because it's probably not as hard for him as it is for me. He asked me so why am I closing the door behind us. I asked him why was he telling me that it's completely over and that I should get it into my head and that he doesn't want to be with me again.. was it all lie then? He said to me that it was meant for now and that he doesn't know what is in the future and he repeatedly said to me that he said it for now. I asked him if he realises how deeply his words hurt me and he answered that he knows and that he always hurts me and that he is not good for me and so on.. I said to him that he shouldn't worry that I am sure he will find the right girl for him, who will love him and make him happy and give him what he needs. He said that maybe he is loosing her now and that he will maybe regret one day. He asked me if I could chat to him tomorrow on msn again because his family was calling him.. I said that maybe. He asked again so tomorrow? I didn't reply so then we finished the conversation..

 

I am not sure if I should but I feel like I really need to close the door because even if in the future it's meant to be, he is not ready now and it's only hurting me and I am not coping very well with an open relationship he wants and only talking to him from time to time without being in a secure relationship. I am kind of glad though we had this conversation because at least it made me realise that he is not that confident as he sounded with walking away. I feel like in a way, it was my choice. What do you all think?

[brittanyjean259]

yeah i nkow these posts were along time ago....

 

 

but hun you werent listening to the advice at all.....I THOUGHT TEH ADVICEwas great and it was right........i nkow your hurt...or were hurt

 

 

but the advice was perfect, maybe not the other stuff the recent said stuff but everything else...makes sence this boy has you udner control and if not than he will be feeling like you

[wx3]

I feel like I'm not really old or experienced enough to give you advice, but with the advice you've given me, I can honestly say you know whats best for you. You know what you have to do, its just accepting it thats so hard.

[soft heart]

It's exactly one week today since we had any contact. It took me a lot of courage and strength to walk away but I did it and I am glad I did. It's still hard and I think it'll take me a long time to get over him completely but I would like to say thank you all very much for the support. It's strange how love can blind us. When I look back now, I feel sad how little he seemed to love me.. He has not attempted to contact since our last conversation so at least I am in peace now. I no longer worry when do I hear from him again.. is he with someone else (I think he probably is) .. am I going to get to see him again.. is he upset with me.. have I done wrong again? It's really better for me this way. I cannot believe what a tough lesson I learned from this. I said to myself that I do not want a relationship for at least 6 months or a year.. I have to admit that I am 27 years old and I do ocassionaly worry that I will not meet anyone special and right for me but at the moment I want to heal first. It was so hurtful. I cannot believe how much I put up with. I must have really thought that he is the guy for me.

[soft heart]

I opened my work email inbox and there was an email from HIM:

 

Hello zzz,

 

I am sorry to write to you but i feel like it a lot. I wanted to get news from

you. How are you? How is work?

 

I have been thinking a lot to u these last days, that's why i cant't help

writing to u . Maybe I'm doing a mistake and in this case I apologize for

disturbing you. But if you don't want to reply to me, i'd understand it.

 

For me, it's always the same, I'm a bit bored these days. I think I will send my

cv for a job in zzz soon. I need to move.

 

I want to give you a big hug and kisses. Sorry for that too.

 

xxx

 

 

What is he saying? I am not good at translating his "language".. I really did not think I would hear from him or at least not at any time soon..It's been 10 days since I made the decision to walk away.. it seems so long but at the same time I know that it's too soon as well.

[d'Arthez]

Basically he wants to be certain that you have not moved on, and are still open for his games. Best thing is not to reply, or you will get sucked in again.

[puffy]

Softheart, you've been doing fine till now. Don't let him suck you into his mind games again!

 

He's checking out if you're still thinking of him and if you're still ready to have contact with him. Contact him and you will see that he will tell you again that you're too clingy, that he is not willing and ready to commit to a long-distance relationship, that when he kisses a girl it's not the same as you kissing a guy, that he misses you, but you're too difficult/moody/dependent/eager/etc. for him.

 

Keep ignoring him. Block his email address and block him on your messenger.

[Nikita20]

Hi Softheart:

 

What ever you do, DO NOT contact him. After reading your original post and threads that followed, this guy is a joke and not worth your time and effort. If you reply, he will lead you down the same path of rejection and disappointment. It is time to let him go and don't look back.

 

You gave me a lot of solid advice on my post and I think that you should apply it to your current situation. I know it is hard. I've been dying to contact my ex, but am sticking to the NC rule. My situation isn't quite like yours. He's only contacted me once, which was on September 18th. I haven't spoken to him for 4 weeks. I've been itching to call him to test the waters, but my little voice is telling me no. Also, I'm scared s***less. I figure, if he loves me and wants me back, he will move mountains for me. All that he's moved is a grain of sand.

 

Please be strong. Stick to your guns. It will save you from much pain and disappointment down the road. Good luck.

[soft heart]

Thanks everyone. I have not replied and I am not intending too. You are right. Nothing has changed. If it was 10 years later, maybe.. but 10 days later it's too soon for him to change. I am moving on. He hurt way too much and he should realise it. I am not opening my heart to him again.

[soft heart]

I have been really strong and concentrating on myself. I feel peace in my mind and I don't go through the emotional waves anymore. I find it hard but what I find harder is to receive a text messages from him a couple of hours ago, which says:

 

Hi zzz, you're not answering me? Does that mean you don't want to hear from me and you want me to stop contacting you? It'd be a shame but tell me please and I'll respect your wish. just want to add that I miss you! take care x

 

I think he does not realise that it's the hardes thing to repeat myself to him? I thought he understood why I asked for no contact. It was to protect myself from further hurt and also because I realised that I could not be his friend and I was not coping with his rejections? I mean he said it himself that we should stop everything and now?

 

Anyway, I am not replying to him. He lost me. It's over. I am too scared to go back.

[puffy]

[i["It'd be a shame but tell me please and I'll respect your wish. just want to add that I miss you! take care x"[/i]

He has said this a couple of times already, but fact is, he doesn't respect your wish. He goes on to send you messages and bug you for answers. Also he's trying to create pity by telling you how much he suffers because you cut off contact even though it is him who doesn't want a relationship with you. Remember this well, it is him who doesn't want to work on a relationship with you. If he suffers, it's his fault. You can't want to eat the cake and eat it at the same time, it's either or.

[Devildog]

You can't want to eat the cake and eat it at the same time, it's either or.

:confused:

[puffy]

You can't want to eat the cake and eat it at the same time, it's either or.

Correction: "You can't want to eat the cake and keep it at the same time"

 

[Devildog]

I think the phrase you are looking for is "you can't have your cake and eat it too."

[puffy]

I think the phrase you are looking for is "you can't have your cake and eat it too."

YES!

[soft heart]

I thought I tried to explain to him why I needed to forget. I thought I explained to him how painful it was for me. He tried to call me today but I didn't pick up and now he sent this email. I feel so bad. It hurt me. He makes it sound as if I am really bad and I feel guilty. I did tell him that I must move on and forget and stop everything. Why is he telling me now that I am unkind because I didn't tell him directly I mean it was the hardest thing to do for me to ask for no contact and he sounded as if he was ok with it..

 

This is what he wrote:

 

Hi,

 

I get the message, you don't want to have anything to do with me, you don't want to hear from me and to have any kind of contact with me. Let me just tell you that you could at least tell me directly that and not ignore me like you do now. You told me 2 weeks ago that you dont want to ignore me. I thought you could be a bit more kind with me by saying that you want to stop it.

 

But your silence means a lot. I know you want to protect yourself from me. So it is my last message. I understood that it is the end for you. I understand we wont meet any more, we wont talk, nothing. It is very harsh for me, you know. You must be telling to yourself that i deserve that. Maybe you're right. I just want to tell you that i never wanted to come to that point. I never wanted us to be completly separated like now.

 

I also want to say that I miss u so much these days. I am sad all the time now cos i am thinking of you. I ve got so much feelings for u. I can tell you, no matter what you think, it is not easy for me to bury us. It is very hard. You know me and you should trust me, i m not lying. Maybe i prented to be a tough guy telling you that it s ok we can both move on but i can tell u it is not so easy for me.

 

I did love you, you must believe me! It is just that i was never able to admit

it and to profit of us. Because i m not very stable, i m always doubting what i

have. I always think i need something else. I was not like you, you know what u want, not like me.

 

I m not trying to convince you to change your mind like a previous email i sent a few months ago but i feel i should tell you that, to tell u what i feel because it will maybe help me to forget u. It's really not easy for me now.

 

I know you were my best so far and i also know that i don't want to have fun with girls anymore, because i dont feel it. I am tired of having fun chatting girls, now i need somebody i can be next to. It's a shame we stop everything now because maybe i'll come to London in a few months and we would be finally close again to try to build something again if we feel like it (if it was now, i can tell u i would like to). Can I contact you if I come to London?

 

Anyway i must try to forget u now. I prefer avoiding to say u goodbye cos it is too hard to say it but of course i wish u all the best and also to be happy in

this very difficult life.

 

If one day you change your mind and u decide you want to have news from me, write on my hotmail address, because maybe i wont keep my work address for long.

 

All the best. Take care. xxx

 

I feel crying.. it's so hard for me as well.

[LucreziaBorgia]

What a passive aggressive a**h***. I hope that you won't buy into his crap and fall for this.

 

I feel so bad. It hurt me. He makes it sound as if I am really bad and I feel guilty.

 

People who love you don't make you feel this way.

[puffy]

He's really such a bastard and big time manipulator.

 

Block his email and block him on your messenger. If he really wants you he will fly back to see you, I assume he's not the poorest guy in the world. Let him show some action instead of feeding you cheap words.