Loveless times

[WadeWatts001]

Well....as you can tell from the title, loveless is very much an experience of mine for what feels like 4-5 years now.

 

Background - Met over 10 years ago, amazing person, still is (i'd sacrifice my life for hers even now), we are strong strong friends, can easily hang out all day, party together, do nothing together, pretty much anything. We also have a 6 year old child, who is a smart, happy, amazing little person.

 

Situation - since 2013/14 - living in a house with a near enough best friend, who just happens to a girl, mother of your child and sleeps in the same bed. Romantic closeness has rarely gone above 2nd base since Dec 2017 (shocker i know, we were at it at least once every 2 weeks before that), she hasn't said anything romantic for a while either. etc etc.

 

In Jan 19, i sat her down and said i wanted to discuss details of breaking up. We went through it, plus a few reasons for why, but i tried to keep them minimal and just asked her how she felt for me and she has the answer already. She then showed how upset she was for the next 72 hours (crying, not eating, being unhappy etc) and eventually asked me for 1 more chance.

 

Going forward - here we are in April, she has made some effort and is a bit better but to be honest, the damage is done for me, i really can't shift the fact i want to go solo.

 

There must be so many people living in loveless couples, i just can't do it. Its not me.

 

Yet the courage to do it, especially to our child. Its just beyond horrible...

[mark clemson]

She wants to continue the marriage, but you don't. But you don't want to end it either. So you're ambivalent.

 

PART of this appears to be that your needs aren't being met. IF the sex ramped up to once/week, do you think your feelings would improve? (You say you'd still give up your life for her.)

 

I'm not sure what to tell you. It sounds like maybe you're the kind of person who needs for the intense emotional bond to be there to really enjoy the sex. But that intense emotional bond tends to fade after a few years and become a much less intense "long term" bond.

 

IF it was me I'd insist the my needs be met. However it's not me and perhaps you feel like you'd be doing empty physical actions and it wouldn't be good. I understand that there are folks like that.

 

Maybe I'm wrong about all that? Anyhow, if you want to try to save the marriage and you feel certain there's been no infidelity or other issue, then it sounds like MC would be the thing to try if you're strongly hesitant to divorce.

 

You might be glad you tried everything even if the MC doesn't work.