Is it ok to be single?

[Love2015]

I just came from a party with all my amazing friends. They are all married. I was married too and also had the same friends. My ex and I had a divorce and it has been three years. That chapter is closed and now I don't feel anything but I am not sure how can I explain that when I date I feel like what's the point. I feel I am not going to find someone for me or i will just not care for anyone as much. Is there anything wrong in staying single forever? I hope this feeling of being the weird is just temporary ...weird for not wanting the marriage route.

[littleblackheart]

Yes, it's ok to be single. Society is trailing a little bit on that front imo, constantly telling us it's better / more natural / biology .... to be paired up but if you're not feeling it for whatever reason, you're not feeling it.

 

I've been single for years post-divorce and every other aspect of my life at this point (kids, work, family, social life) is taking precedence over finding a relationship partner.

 

It may be temporary, it may be that you're holding out for just the right person, it may be that you still need more time alone post-divorce, it may be a bunch of other reasons - just move at your own pace.

 

You don't owe anyone an explanation for living your life the way that works best for you.

[d0nnivain]

Sometimes the world feels like it's a big Noah's Ark & everybody is coupled up 2x2. When you aren't part of a duo it can feel odd. As a newly divorced person you are used to being a couple, so your friends are couples. As you go along you will meet more singles & feel less different.

[nolanola]

@Love2015, I'm not divorced, but I have had those exact same thoughts. I think sometimes even when we think we have moved on from a breakup, there is an undercurrent or subconscious thing that is still there. That part takes a lot longer to get over than the surface pain. After my last relationship, which was very toxic, it took me 3 years before I felt like I wanted to be in a relationship again. I would date a little and find that my heart just wasn't in it. I also have a bit of a hard time meeting people that I mesh with, both as friends and as romantic partners, so me saying "I'm ready to date" didn't automatically mean that I was meeting people right off the bat.

 

I don't have an easy answer for you, but I feel the same things so much of the time. I look around and wonder why it seems so easy for other people when it's so hard for me.

 

For me, I try to accept that this is where I am and that it's ok. Society in general wants to kind of pigeon hole people -- this one's married, this one's gay, etc. When you don't fit the pigeon hole, the unspoken words are that there is something wrong with you. But so many people don't fit and it's ok. I sometimes feel ashamed of my status as a single woman, that it means that no one wanted me. It's a painful thing to think about one's self. But I'm working on accepting my path in life and in finding good things in where I am right now.

[Happy Lemming]

Is there anything wrong in staying single forever? I hope this feeling of being the weird is just temporary ...weird for not wanting the marriage route.

 

53 year old male, here.

 

Never been married, never will get married. (no kids) Dated A LOT!! Had a fantastic life, (so far) and it ain't over yet. I've had some wild fantastic adventures.

 

Being single, I've had the freedom to be nomadic in my youth. Being single also allowed me to do some high risk real estate flipping, which resulted in financial success and early retirement (a year ago). No way a wife would have allowed that type of speculative investing.

 

I haven't missed out on anything. It never takes me over 3-4 weeks to find a new woman to date, so I'm never really lonely.

 

I will admit, that I did lose one close friend (who was married). His wife felt uneasy about him having a single friend who was a committed bachelor. I kind of understand her feelings, but that instance had really only been a small "bump in the road" for me.

 

Personally, I don't think I could have relaxed enough to be married. I think I would have always been waiting for the "other shoe to drop" and her to leave and take half of my assets.

 

For the record, I've been dating a wonderful woman for the past 7+ years, that has no desired to get re-married, so everything is perfect, in that department.

 

Let me know if you have any questions about being single (not married) long term; I may have the answers you seek.

 

Blue skies...

[FMW]

I was married 23 years, and have been divorced now almost 3 years.

 

I think I'm probably less sensitive to society's expectations of me than most, but I rarely if ever feel uncomfortable being single. And honestly, if anyone thinks less of me for being single then they are probably not someone I'd put much value in their opinion anyway.

 

Enjoy your life how you want it to be (as long as you're not hurting anyone else). Maybe you'll change your mind later, maybe not. I wouldn't worry about it either way.

[Tamfana]

Yes, it’s very much okay to be single. You might love it.

[Beachead]

Hi Love2015,

 

If you feel like it makes more sense to stay single these days, then be single. There's nothing wrong with that. Likewise, if you wish to find a partner and be in a relationship, that's okay as well. Both sides are a part of being human. When we've been emotionally burned, it takes awhile to heal and find ourselves again. We also all long for connection and intimacy as well.

 

I feel very much as you do. I took a bad break up in 2017 and reached my limits regarding relationships. I've been single by choice, ever since. I'd love to be with someone but I just don't seem to have the same kind of drive or patience to work hard and tolerate the bs that comes with finding someone.

 

For me, right now, I'm okay with it.

 

- Beach