Fire with Fire

[Badluck]

So yeah, going to be very honest about myself. I was on and off with my girlfriend for 5 years, we broke up like 4 times always on my terms. When we broke up the 2nd time back in 2014 I told my girlfriend at the time "if you get with someone else I don't think I can be with you" she took this very literal.

 

Giving that what I said to her, we broke up. I then slept around from 2014 to 2018 while she stayed loyal to me for 4 years. We always hooked up and had sex even though I was having sex with other people and my ex same time. She always had her doubts about me asking me "have you slept with anyone else?" I replied naively "no"

 

I was gaslighting her, she had all opportunity to sleep with other people but she wanted to stay loyal to me of the chance we can get back together. Whilst I was still having fun with other women. We dated again from 2017 up to March 2018 we broke up again on my terms due to me realising she definitely needs to move on as I have made her obsessed with me emotionally. I made it clear that it was best for to move on and try with other people.

 

We then went our separate ways for 6 months till September 2018 we were exclusive for a 3 months until I cheated on her by kissing another girl, she was furious at me I don't blame her, I did betray her in a relationship. She took it quite well to be honest, but we both realised then it was not worth trying again for the best for both parties. I ended up dating the woman I cheated with in December for abit over 3 weeks.

 

Things were going great, until I realised what I have done over the years with my ex girlfriend. All that gaslighting I did affected her as she could've tried with other guys but did not due to her loyalty to me. I felt like crap knowing I stopped her having her fun for years. So I rang her in January 2019 for some reconciliation, I apologised for my behaviour and lies I have said over the years and told her that I did indeed sleep around while sleeping with her during our breakups. I felt soo bad for soo long, my guilt was heavy, I actually cried knowing how much time of her time I wasted. We then again met up just as friends and had casual sex though she had the power of control this time.

 

I couldn't perform well due to my guilt and the fact she said for the first time "no feelings right?" that hurt me bad, why did it though? It's because I've done that to her for 4 years. She admitted she slept with 2 guys on our most recent break up, I realised I was madly in love with her still but this time I seen this sudden confidence boost she had. It was quite intimidating but also attractive.

 

We ended up casually dating, but this time on her terms. It was quite strange as the power dynamics were on her favour. On our 2nd month, I had asked her why are you giving a cheater another chance and a person who lied to you all these years, she replied with "because I can forgive and forget" I was shocked how confident she said that on that day.

 

My guilt got heavier and heavier because off all the lies I said to her about NOT sleeping with people when I did. My guilty conscience ate away at me questioning her how was she soo loyal to a jerk like me for 5 years? I mentally broke down, felt depressed for my actions, the guilt was becoming a burden.

 

This is the powerful part, in May 2018 when we broke up, she actually did sleep with people in that month and also slept with me 2 weeks after her last guy she was with. I was shocked that she actually gaslighted me, I said to her "why on earth did you make me go through my guilt and pain knowing I upset I was for my actions and lies over the years" she then responded with "How do you think I felt for 4 1/2 years being loyal to you, I never lied to you we were not in a relationship, I was single rememeber"

 

I felt anger, betrayal and a lost of respect for her for a few days until my heart witnessed a breakthrough. She had a valid point. I put her through so much crap over the years by making her feel unworthy, insecure, untrusting and made her blame herself for our break ups. I took what I found out with a pinch of salt and took the pain I felt in a better way to realise my actions. She taught me a lesson and very good one indeed. Never ever in my life I will put someone through what I put my girlfriend through over them years. What she felt in 4 1/2 years is what I felt in 2 months and wow it was the most pain I ever felt in my life.

 

Moral of this story, be honest and respectful to your partner. Lies and deception can take its toll, especially when you least expect it from a loved one. Us men can be jerks to women, once a woman realises her importantance and her identity, they can hurt you back twice as hard without even trying. I have learnt my lesson, maybe not the way I wanted to but indeed I will remain loyal and honest.

[notthatintome]

When I read your post, I couldn’t quite believe what I was reading! This relationship is toxic where neither of you respect yourselves or each other.

 

I understand your motivation to keep her close for four years - you wanted her as security while you played the field to keep your fragile self esteem in tact. She, with her low worth, believed this treatment was fair and just and held out for you thinking that the mess/abuse would turn into something worthwhile.

 

There is no love in this relationship, just mind games and ego stoking. If your guilt was significant enough and you are empathetic to this girl, the best thing you could have done is let her go free to find her happiness, even if it broke your heart. That is what true love is.

 

You have a very, very toxic relationship and someone needs to cut the cord. She claims she has the upper hand but does she really?! If so she wouldn’t keep going back for more. Maybe it will give you both a chance to work on yourselves so you can seek happy and fulfilling relationships instead.

[chillii]

Didn't read it all but weren't you on here a week or so ago under a different name telling the exact same story?