Should I quit my new job after 3 months? I like the job, but I don't like my boss

April 7, 2019

So I just started a new job in January. I was really excited about the job since it's in the area I've always wanted to work in (social media analytics) and the company offers a lot of great perks. I also find the work very interesting.

However... my boss makes the job 10x more miserable. She is a (self-proclaimed) Type A person. It all started when she would claim that she told me instructions that she never told me (I would always repeat the instructions back to her once she finished talking, and she would confirm). Ever since, I have been taking screenshots of emails/slack messages, and also documenting everything she says. But the issue still proceeds.

For example, I had to create two graphs for a client, and she had told me that once I finish the first graph, email her to let her know. So I finished the graphs and had emailed her, and then I told her I'm now taking a shot at the second graph. This sent her in a frenzy and she came up to my computer screen saying "I don't recall, what do you mean you're working on a second graph?". I showed her exactly what I meant - referring to her own words in the email. She then started to question why am I working on a second graph, and to show her what I have right now. I showed my work to her, and she said oh okay that's correct. And then I asked her wait so am I not supposed to work on graph #2 then, and she goes "yea you are, I just thought you meant you're working on additional graphs". Which I never said?

And she also gives me feedback, but then goes back on her word. I'm working on another project right now, and after I showed her my first template, she suggested that I put insights that the client couldn't easily find on the software and to lower the amount of graphs and tables I had. Good feedback, and I did just so. When I showed her the second draft, she scrutinized me saying that I'm not ready to give out Powerpoints to clients yet because everything on my slide is not of interest to her nor is it "meaningful", so she's just going to tell me what to put. What were the new suggestions? A line graph that shows something the client can find in the software. Followed by two bar charts below it. (By the way - I had to create a Powerpoint for the interview process, and they hired me. Not only that, but something similar had happened beforehand, and the client came back asking for additional details that I original put on the Powerpoint that she then told me to exclude.)

And now recently, she has been giving me attitude for no reason. If I ask her a simple question, she gives me a scrunched-up, "disgusted" facial expression. For example, she and another coworker decided to take a call next to the snack stand. I got up and was proceeding towards the stand, but then I decided to ask if they are on a call right now (didn't want to interrupt). The coworker greeted me with a smile and said no I'm free to walk by, the call didn't start yet. However my manager didn't even say anything, and was chin down, looking up at me with a "wtf?" type of face. They weren't in a midst of a convo and I didn't interrupt, so I don't understand...

And the thing is, I don't have any other issues with any one else on the team. Matter of fact, her boss seems to really like me already and always compliments my work and keeps reminding me that I'm a great hire. However, I've also realized that people have been keeping an "eye" on me - so for instance, HR had scheduled a 1 month check up on me to ask how things are going and how do I feel. When I asked the other new hires if they went through the same thing after 1 month, they said no.

Now I left my last job (which I was in for 2 1/2 years) due to stress that lead to me getting bad migraines. I thought this new job would be the solution, but due to the stress the migraines came back - and I've had one for 2 weeks straight. I went to see a doctor who only suggested giving me a steroid, but then the migraine quickly returned back in the middle of last week, when my manager was on my tail once again. Due to this, I'm thinking about applying to new jobs or just quitting, but I don't know what to do.

April 7, 2019

Well, I think it’s maybe a good thing if HR is interested in how it’s going. Do you know how they got involved in the first place? Can you tell her boss that you’re having a bad experience?

My experience might be unique in that I work at a place where bad managers are taken to task, so if I were in your position, I’d tell someone who I thought could help with that, especially if it was a job I liked, at a company that was otherwise good, in an industry that I wanted to be in.

However, if this is already impacting your health, I think you need to decide what’s right for you. Is this worth it? I’d try and find out if you could report under someone else to avoid her, and figure out a timeline of when all that can feasibly happen. If you can tough it out until then, stay.

April 7, 2019

I agree with losangelena's points. I would add that you need to assess her situation to estimate what outcomes are possible. Does her boss love her, or is she on thin ice herself? Does she have issues with others, or is this only between the two of you? Can you tell if she is well liked overall?

If this is a personality clash with an entrenched and well loved manager, your chances of winning a tug-o-war are slim to none. But if she's prone to conflict and micromanaging and this is known, and you have proven your competence to her boss already... maybe you could get reassigned to someone else.

The scrunchy face stuff is not a good sign, but it really depends on her power and affiliations, and how much confidence they have in you at the next level. It also may depend on whether there is another place to put you.

April 7, 2019

Thank you both for the advice!

I also think it's a good thing that HR was checking up on me. Originally I thought it was just to see how I'm doing since I'm a new hire - but when nobody else told me that they had the same meeting with HR (we all have the same HR manager), I was a bit shocked. Though this can be due to many reasons

As for my boss's relationship with others - I'm not too sure. I do 100% believe she is a great employee and that she's killing it. She and another teammate were recently promoted to Manager, and she did say she has her boss's personal contact info. However, in my first week, she did complain to her boss that she felt as though the coworkers in our office were "leaving her out". Also when she talks to me, I can see others side-staring at us. She also told me - and kinda boasted about it - that the engineering teams in this company and other companies had blacklisted her because she would always complain *shrug*

And to answer if they can place me elsewhere - I don't think so. Our team of 7 is localized in different parts of the world, and my boss and I are the only two people in our location. That's the way it was supposed to be set up, just in case I have to travel to a client's location in our market. Everyone else, including her boss, lives on the other side of the country, or another country.

April 7, 2019

It's never a good idea to quit a job before you have another job. This is the 2nd job ou have wanted to quit because you found it too stressful. All jobs are stressful. Yes, your boss does sound like a bad boss but your decision to keep & confirm directions is the right way to approach this.

Perhaps you need to be self employed but that is a different set of headaches & stressors

April 7, 2019

Yes. Absolutely leave but get a new job first. And do it as fast as you possibly can and when you leave be sure to tell HR why. Maybe tell your boss too. Send a strong message to them. The #1 reason people leave jobs is because of their boss. The company needs to know or learn that.

It's really sad to me that there is no evaluation of bosses from their employees. The employees should get to evaluate their bosses too or else how do they get feedback? How do they improve? They aren't perfect and employees can't even complain too much or they'll be seen as difficult and uncooperative. Not a team player.... and having some sort of reputation like that may effect their ability to get the next job. So the unhappy employee has no choice but to say nothing and leave. Ask me how I know....

Edited April 7, 2019 by snowcones

April 7, 2019

As for my boss's relationship with others - I'm not too sure. I do 100% believe she is a great employee and that she's killing it. She and another teammate were recently promoted to Manager, and she did say she has her boss's personal contact info. However, in my first week, she did complain to her boss that she felt as though the coworkers in our office were "leaving her out". Also when she talks to me, I can see others side-staring at us. She also told me - and kinda boasted about it - that the engineering teams in this company and other companies had blacklisted her because she would always complain *shrug*

So she's new to the manager role, and it sounds like she's had some other interpersonal issues. So what I'd suggest is that you hang in there and do your best to stay above it all. Continue documenting her instructions, repeating them back for clarity, and complying precisely. Try to get on her good side despite the difficulty, and make sure other managers and HR are aware of you taking the high road and performing well. I doubt that they're unaware of your situation.

I don't know what to tell you about the migraines. If you can't deal with it you may have to make a move, but try to stick it out if you can. You can't assume that the next job will not have similar difficulties, and you don't want to jump too often within a short time period. Good luck.

April 7, 2019

It's really sad to me that there is no evaluation of bosses from their employees. The employees should get to evaluate their bosses too or else how do they get feedback? How do they improve? They aren't perfect and employees can't even complain too much or they'll be seen as difficult and uncooperative. Not a team player.... and having some sort of reputation like that may effect their ability to get the next job. So the unhappy employee has no choice but to say nothing and leave. Ask me how I know....

This isn’t necessarily the case. Where I work, people are encouraged to give feedback to managers, and we have formal evaluation cycles every year. Hopefully OP works at a company that values this kind of thing and that she stands a chance at having a better time there. Looking for a job is stressful hard work, and who’s to say that her manager there will be any better.

April 8, 2019

It's really sad to me that there is no evaluation of bosses from their employees. The employees should get to evaluate their bosses too or else how do they get feedback? How do they improve? They aren't perfect and employees can't even complain too much or they'll be seen as difficult and uncooperative. Not a team player.... and having some sort of reputation like that may effect their ability to get the next job. So the unhappy employee has no choice but to say nothing and leave. Ask me how I know....

Unless they're the owner or CEO, most bosses are still someone else's employee and receive the same type of feedback on productivity, results, cost control, profitability, etc., their employees do, often in more direct terms. Ask me how I know....

Mr. Lucky

April 8, 2019

Unless they're the owner or CEO, most bosses are still someone else's employee and receive the same type of feedback on productivity, results, cost control, profitability, etc., their employees do, often in more direct terms. Ask me how I know....

Mr. Lucky

I'm aware of that. What I said was that bosses should receive evaluations from the employees that they supervise.

April 8, 2019

Honestly, nothing you have described sounds horrible. She knows clients better than you likely and knows what they are looking for in reports. You've only been there a few months, so you are still learning.

And so what if you don't get along great. You don't have to. In most workplaces, you aren't going to get along great with everyone you work with or report to.

Before you contemplate quitting, you need to ask yourself if this is a company and/or an experience that will lead to advancement in your career.

April 8, 2019

Not every job is going to be unicorns and rainbows. That's LIFE. I think maybe your migraines are self induced because you're expecting everyone to treat you with kid gloves and when they don't, you over-react. That's just how it happens out in the real world and you need to learn to adjust to it.

Do you know that each time you leave another job due to your migraines, that makes your resume look worse? Having several jobs over a short period of time (7-10 years, for example) listed on your resume isn't always looked upon favorably by prospective companies as 'experience.' A lot of the time, it's simply seen as you not having the ability to stay at a job very long. YOU'RE the common denominator in that equation, not the prior company, so the prospective employer may decide not to invest in you because they won't believe you have any staying power.

I did recruiting for HR for 6 years and we saw job-hopping as a negative. Just keep that in mind before you keep making the same mistake over and over.

April 8, 2019

Managers can suck at interacting with their employees, yup, yup, yup.

Can you have a candid conversation with her about how things are without it blowing up negatively?

Is it possible that she is threatened by your skills? As in, maybe she thinks you want her job?

I think you only look for another job while employed.

Detach yourself from what you see as her hostility.

Note: Job hopping is not always viewed with negativity. It depends on the industry. For example, in Silicon Valley it is considered the norm.

Edited April 8, 2019 by michzz

April 8, 2019

Thank you everyone for the responses! I'll take everyone's advice and put it into consideration.

I also just want to make a quick note - I am not complaining about my manager because "she is mean" or "she doesn't coddle me". I don't mind criticism - matter of fact every-time she offers me feedback, both negative and positive, I say thank you. This area is a new field for me and I want to grow as an employee. What I don't like, though, is the flip-flop aspect of it. You give me feedback, I do what you say, and then you go back on your word and criticize me for doing what you said. Then over time she'll think I'm a bad employee. I wouldn't mind if it was a coworker, a stranger, anyone else - but if my manager thinks I'm doing poor work, then I risk getting fired, which is the part that's stressing me out I guess.

P.S. - I work in tech. Jumping into a new job in my field and in my area is veryyy common. Matter of fact, in the company I work for, they're many people who have left after 5-10 months here (due to miscellaneous reasons).

April 8, 2019

It's really sad to me that there is no evaluation of bosses from their employees. The employees should get to evaluate their bosses too or else how do they get feedback? How do they improve? They aren't perfect and employees can't even complain too much or they'll be seen as difficult and uncooperative. Not a team player.... and having some sort of reputation like that may effect their ability to get the next job. So the unhappy employee has no choice but to say nothing and leave. Ask me how I know....

I think this depends on the company. In my previous company, the bosses evaluated us but we were not able to offer feedback to them. And if you complained about the higher ups, then you risked getting blacklisted and treated worse. Typical office politics. I was one of the ones that said nothing and left lol.

I'm not sure how things are in my current company, but we'll see.

April 8, 2019

It's obvious that you are doing the right thing re: the flip flopping feedback. That would be extremely frustrating & does make your boss a bad manager. If job hopping isn't a negative in your industry, don't worry about it but still have something else lined up before you quit.

April 8, 2019

If job hopping isn't a negative in your industry, don't worry about it but still have something else lined up before you quit.

Industry considerations aside, you should consider whether job-hopping is a personal negative also. Longevity (within reason) can bring a number of positives ranging from financial to career development and unique opportunities...

Mr. Lucky

April 9, 2019

P.S. - I work in tech. Jumping into a new job in my field and in my area is veryyy common. Matter of fact, in the company I work for, they're many people who have left after 5-10 months here (due to miscellaneous reasons).

Exactly. No longer do people stay on jobs for years and years anymore.

I am currently being recruited for a tech job and they outright told me that in this position, people typically stay for 2 years and then leave for someplace else, and they are okay with that (even though they think it's great if an employee would like to stay).

One of my friends has a 20 year career in her industry and has changed jobs on average every 2-3 years! She never has a shortage of companies trying to recruit her.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/how-often-do-people-change-jobs-2060467

April 9, 2019

I think this depends on the company. In my previous company, the bosses evaluated us but we were not able to offer feedback to them. And if you complained about the higher ups, then you risked getting blacklisted and treated worse. Typical office politics. I was one of the ones that said nothing and left lol.

I'm not sure how things are in my current company, but we'll see.

They will never look out for you the way you will look out for yourself. Remember that. If you died, your job would be posted before your obituary. That's the truth.

April 9, 2019

With a new manager without managerial skill, sometimes you'll find they feel they have to be the foremost expert in the room on everything and they take an employee knowing more than them as a threat. They will tell you to do A, B and C, then when it is wrong, behind close doors blame you completely. Even with emails, documentation etc., higher-ups seem to pan those and not want to deal with it.

You'll come up with a great idea you are proud of to have it completely dismissed, only to have it come up as their idea 6 months later in a meeting. They are adept at throwing people under the bus to make themselves look infallible and make you look like an idiot, in a way they know won't really get back to you because if it did, you'd be able to easily refute it. They build a bad reputation for you behind closed doors you'll never know about so they can call on it when they need to make themselves look good or deflect criticism. If their boss calls out an error that's 100% their fault, they'll say, "I think I know what happened. I'll talk to the team and make sure it never happens again. I'll handle it, you don't need to worry yourself with it", basically insinuate it was someone else without saying it directly.

You'll find they will hire a new employees and prop the new employees up until they become competent enough and can challenge the manager in knowledge. They'll turn on that employee too at that point.

If I had to guess, HR met with OP because the manager is saying things to make OP look bad and HR probably had other reports that OP is actually doing a great job. HR is trying to figure out what is going on, but at the end of the day will likely just pan it and support the manager. They get confused why OPs manager says he is doing a bad job, but the manager's boss says OP is doing a great job. I would bet it was an exploratory, what's really going on, meeting that HR set up because of mixed signals.

You can't win in this situation because there will be projects you aren't even on where you'll be blamed for problems behind closed doors. There will be direct commands from the manager that will be completely wrong, that will become, "I don't know why OP would have done that..." behind closed doors. 6 months or a year down the road you'll get a lecture and when you ask why you are being lectured on something you have done successfully and received accolades for multiple times in the past, you'll be told something like, "Well last year this project was messed up and I heard it was you...". You pull out the emails and documentation to prove it wasn't you and maybe you'll be let off the hook but the situation will be panned. If you try too hard to justify things, HR will kind of throw their hands up and say, "well, I don't know"...and continue to back the manager or assume you have an axe to grind and just don't like the manager.

It comes down to her needing to keep OP in check and let her bosses know that she is the best manager and the end all be all. She feels making her staff look bad will make her look good by comparison and makes it look like the projects only work because she fixes all the other's mistakes. It's the tactic of a manager that is threatened by subordinate's success. What's difficult is if OP stays, OPs reputation gets damaged a lot over time. Things get leaked to other employees, clients, prospective future employers...behind OPs back. When the claims come to the surface, it is usually well past the time to be able to defend yourself. She likely feels that if OP shines in one area, she'll be found as a fraud or won't be the most crucial employee and is threatened by it. That's why she has to keep OP in his place by making sure, no matter what, OPs graphs or power points are always wrong the first time.

Every project you work on will be her telling you to do A and B, then blaming you for doing A and B. It gets old and gets worse as you become more of a threat to their sense of being the expert of everything. It's one thing if you are already proven and people know how good you are as they'll know better and dismiss a lot of the complaints. It's another for someone new that nobody knows. It's real easy to get a reputation that you are 'terrible at Powerpoint' at the same time every Powerpoint presentation you create is praised by everyone. She'll take credit for that behind closed doors too.

Look for another job. When you get it, feel free to let HR know why you are leaving but expect by then you won't care too much and they probably won't care that much either. Anything you say and have documented, she will have an answer or deflection for.

April 9, 2019

Wow, reading the above, I’m so glad I have the manager I have. He will throw himself under the bus on behalf of his team. For instance, I was one time in a meeting room, and my manager and the ceo were both also in the room (and several others). The ceo asks why xyz hasn’t been taken care of (something I forgot), and my manager looks him dead in the eye and says, “that was my fault.” He didn’t even flinch. I was standing two feet away, and he could’ve easily pointed his finger at me and (rightly) blamed me. But no. He’s told me before that he adopts a “total ownership” mindset for his team, and when we make mistakes, it’s his responsibility. It’s a real comfort working for someone who you know is actively trying to help you succeed.

April 9, 2019

Exactly. No longer do people stay on jobs for years and years anymore.

I am currently being recruited for a tech job and they outright told me that in this position, people typically stay for 2 years and then leave for someplace else, and they are okay with that (even though they think it's great if an employee would like to stay).

One of my friends has a 20 year career in her industry and has changed jobs on average every 2-3 years! She never has a shortage of companies trying to recruit her.

https://www.thebalancecareers.com/how-often-do-people-change-jobs-2060467

Before I left my last job, almost every senior person told me that one of their regrets in their career was not job hopping and staying in a job for a long period of time. They believed that if they had switched jobs here and there, their income would be much higher than it is currently (especially since most jobs only give you a 3% raise each year).

April 9, 2019

You'll come up with a great idea you are proud of to have it completely dismissed, only to have it come up as their idea 6 months later in a meeting.

Haha this has already happened, in two separate occasions. First, they're previous reports that I've created and due to circumstances (training/vacation that was planned before I got the job) she had sent them out. But instead of giving me credit, she would say "I did this..." or "I did that...". A second incident occurred where she told me to create a Powerpoint template for another employee that was going to use it for a presentation. I created a template that pretty much followed a story, but then she suggested a completely new template that was in more of a list/categorical form (and then complained saying that I take difficult approaches to problems). So I did what was assigned and we sent it to our coworker. The coworker came back to us and said while this looks great, they don't know how to "tell the story behind it". My manager's words? "Oh yea I was originally thinking of turning it into a story, but it would take too much time. By the way, (my name) worked on this, and....." such and such

They are adept at throwing people under the bus to make themselves look infallible and make you look like an idiot, in a way they know won't really get back to you because if it did, you'd be able to easily refute it.

And it's funny that you called this out as well, because she does do this to many people and this should've been one of the first red flags. She talks smack about both coworkers and clients, saying stuff like "they're not intelligent" just because they didn't understand something she had said or because "they didn't sound intelligent". Makes me wonder what she's saying behind my back.

Look for another job. When you get it, feel free to let HR know why you are leaving but expect by then you won't care too much and they probably won't care that much either. Anything you say and have documented, she will have an answer or deflection for.

Thanks for all of your insights - this was really helpful. I'll take it to consideration. The only thing is - as someone else mentioned in this thread - what if I switch jobs and have a manager who is also bad, or even worse? How do you weed out bad managers during a job interview?

It also sucks because I like the job and the work that I do. But I don't see how my career or skills will progress with a manager like this. Ugh.

April 10, 2019

The only thing is - as someone else mentioned in this thread - what if I switch jobs and have a manager who is also bad, or even worse? How do you weed out bad managers during a job interview?
It also sucks because I like the job and the work that I do. But I don't see how my career or skills will progress with a manager like this. Ugh.

That's always tough trying to judge someone interviewing you, almost the same a being interviewed. If you're psycho manager, you're not going to act psycho during the interview. The other issue is she will sabotage any potential promotion for you as long as she is not moving up as well. I'd bet you can offer to take a class or certification on your own dime and own time to further your skills, but if you mention it to her, instead of saying that would be awesome, she'll tell you not to and be mad if she finds out you did. You probably will be stuck while she is there.

So for the next potential job, you can be honest in the interview and say culture and respect is important to you and that you know the only way you can truly succeed is with a great culture and a great team. You might need to be tactful, if they see you are leaving after a few months they will probably realize you probably didn't get along with your boss or fit in to your current job's culture, so that could go either way if you bring it up.

If you do discuss that in an interview and feel like they are going to extend an offer, ask if you could chat 5 minutes with another employee or two about what it's like to work there before you agree. They should be open to it, if not that might be a warning sign. If they say ok, talk to someone in your same position and then talk to the receptionist or office assistant, someone else who might not be upper level and is in a different position.

Ask those employees how they like the job and culture and if they feel appreciated. Then ask them all things considered, what percent chance will they still be working there 10 years down the road. Ask what their favorite part of working there has been and pay attention to what they say about the bosses, respect for other employees, etc. You should get a decent take for the truth. If the employees are friendly and at ease right when you first start talking to them, that's a good sign. If they are too business like, seem bothered, or are stand-offish or speak carefully about the company and take time to say the right thing, that might tell you something too.

Outside of that, unless you know someone already with the company or feel comfortable enough because you met your prospective employer at a networking event or knew them before for a while in the industry or it was a former customer...it will be hard to gauge.

Also, look them up on Glassdoor as well. I find good information there that I have found to be pretty accurate about companies I am acquainted with. Even if one review is a 5 star and another is 1 star, the cons they list usually will be similar and usually the cons will address issues with management where you can get a picture of what it is like. If they have a manager like your current one and there is a review, people will point that out.

Other than that, it's always a leap of faith, so I wish you good luck but at least you know going in more of what to pay attention to during the interview than maybe last time. I just know from experience that working for someone like that only gets worse and there is always an expiration date for how long you can deal with it.

I have found my cut off is right around the time something is said in passing to you from a co-worker about something you "screwed up" 8 months ago and you reply something like, Ummmm, I wasn't part of that project... and the co-worker is like... oh, uh, yeah, boss said something about you screwing up, maybe I misheard or she meant someone else... Then you recognize the real damage that happens when you are out of the room. lol

April 12, 2019

I'm a "put it all out there on the table" type person. If you are concerned that your boss is seeing you in a bad light and it's giving you migraines, there is nothing wrong with asking her for a little feedback on your performance, or what she thinks you might do to make improvements. She may have a different management style that you are used to, one that doesn't mesh as well with your work style. If you can adapt your style just a bit to fit her style, life might be much easier for you. You don't need to change who you are, just make a small adjustment to make your life easier.

You could always change jobs, but sometimes you can end up going from the frying pan into the fire! If you like your job, do what you need to do to keep it and grow in it.

Sign In

Should I quit my new job after 3 months? I like the job, but I don't like my boss

Recommended Posts

Ladiixmk

losangelena

salparadise

Ladiixmk

d0nnivain

snowcones

salparadise

losangelena

Mr. Lucky

snowcones

Wallysbears

Mrs._December

michzz

Ladiixmk

Ladiixmk

d0nnivain

Mr. Lucky

snowcones

snowcones

ChatroomHero

losangelena

Ladiixmk

Ladiixmk

ChatroomHero

vla1120

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...