Is this fixable...?

[bt2000]

My (m25) gf (f27) said she wanted to break up about 6 weeks ago (we had a break from each other and and confirmed the break up 3 weeks ago). We were together just short of 6 months. The first 4 months were awesome for both of us. I was really happy and confident in life and getting together with her made it even better. She was really attracted to me, in fact, she had been planning to move back to her hometown before we met, but stayed because of me. In the final 2 months, I started getting a lot less satisfaction from my work and I think I tried to compensate for that by seeing her more and more. I wanted to see her every day if I could. I made myself far too available and I became desperate for her and ended up pushing her away.

 

 

Eventually she broke up with me, said she didn't feel anything for me anymore, and hadn't for a while. Thinking back, I don't blame her. I was naive and it wasn't fair for me to smother her.

 

 

The breakup was definitely not what I wanted but we parted on very good terms, all things considered. No fighting, name-calling, blaming etc. And I think I reasonably maintained my dignity throughout. Initially we took the break from each other for a few weeks, but then she still wanted to break up 3 weeks later when we met again. I wouldn't say I begged, but I did make my case as to how we could fix things, I took responsibility for my desperate behaviour... Maybe that came across as needy... Who knows? She didn't agree that I was being desperate but I know I was. She said loads of different things to try to explain why her feelings changed, but I don't think she really knew. We said that after some time we would both like to remain friends.

 

 

Since then we have had 3 weeks of no contact. I have taken up a load of new sports and hobbies, am finding a new job and generally trying to keep busy. I even went on holiday (it was actually a holiday we were planning to do together before the breakup, and she saw my photos of it through Facebook).

 

Last night I saw her again at a mutual friend's celebration at a pub. It was slightly awkward but not too bad. I didn't get to talk to her one-to-one... But I talked to her many times as part of the group conversation. She laughed at my jokes to the group (but no more than she laughed when others made jokes). She made reference to my holiday, but didn't ask me how it was or anything else... I thought that was odd. But overall I think the night went fairly well.

 

From reading online I get the feeling that recovering a relationship when she lost all feeling is very difficult. But I feel like she only lost attraction because I had this temporary issue with work and I fell into this pattern of behaviour where I was desperate and needy. That isn't the real me! I feel like if I had another chance at the relationship and could be my normal, happy, confident self...it would work and she would be attracted to me again. The issue is getting her to give it another chance.

 

If it matters, our sex was always very good for both of us... We were super compatible and she was always very complimentary, so I think no problems there.

 

 

I figure that to have any chance, I would essentially need to start courting/seducing her all over again... To try to restore the attraction she had for me, and let her see the real me again. She probably only remembers the needy, desperate version of myself that she didn't respect and lost feelings for.

 

 

I know you may say I should move on and not worry about a 6 month relationship... But really we are such a good match for each other. It is such a shame to see that wasted because of a temporary lapse from me.

 

 

Is this salvageable? Does anyone have any success stories in similar situations?

Edited April 7, 2019 by bt2000

[d0nnivain]

Because you didn't initiate the break up, you can't salvage this. For whatever reason she wanted out so she walked out. You being clingy, desperate & needy made it worse, confirming to her that she did the right thing. Anything you do to try to court her again will only be received negatively by her

 

When you met she was planning to move home. You say she stayed for you. That was a bad decision on her part. No person can be happy living a life dictated by another. She has to follow her own path & it seems like that path is leading her home away from you. Similarly you can't change, take up more hobbies in an effort to be what she wants as opposed to who you are. When you are more authentic in your own life & stop looking to a relationship to find fulfillment when you are upset by a job or who you are, then you will be the best kind of partner.