mrs rubble Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 My baby has left home, he’s 20 and has a great new job. He’s shifted in with his older brother. They both used to hate each other. I’m so worried that they’re going to fall out again and I was no way prepared for my emotional response, I always thought I’d be relieved when my boys finally left home.... I’m not! I’m worried about them, even though I know that they’re looking out for each other and I feel so lost/empty, 26 years is a long time to have son(s) around you and all of a sudden they’re gone. I’m also fixating on my miscarriage, that baby would have been 5 now. I know I need to let go and let them live their lives and be proud of the fine young men they have become, it’s just so damn hard when I’m on the verge of tears all the time! Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 So sorry for you loss. And I don't think a parent's worrying will ever end. It is what we do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 I feel so lost/empty, 26 years is a long time to have son(s) around you and all of a sudden they’re gone. Even though she doesn't like to talk about it, I think my wife is very scared of the same thing. Having raised 4 kids, our college-age son is the only one left at home. So the writing's on the wall, will be a challenging adjustment when it occurs. A positive spin would be to say now's the time for all those things you've long deferred in the interest of family. Have you given that any thought? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 Congratulations on raising independent and self-sufficient young men! Time to start on the bucket list, maybe? Travel, volunteer, take up a new hobby, etc? The possibilities are endless now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 Mrs. Rubble, I know it's a huge adjustment, but you will soon get through it. Congratulations on getting a 20-year-old out of the house. This used to be a given, but in today's world, you're lucky if they even get a license and run their own errands. One of my friends had a single girl and she went through a lot when she went off to school, but my friend quickly rediscovered herself and her many creative interests, so don't forget to reconnect with old friends and hobbies. Don't let your children be your sole identity. Get your old self back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 10, 2019 Share Posted April 10, 2019 there there mrs. rubble, everything will be fine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 11, 2019 Author Share Posted April 11, 2019 Thank you all for your lovely comments, it certainly is an adjustment! I’m hoping to do some renovations on the house which is much easier with less people in it! I’m also organising an Easter event, and will continue to use my time to expand on my endeavours with my Christian group. Mr 20 has called me every day since he left to check on me and tell me about his news, he’s coming back on Saturday to help with putting some insulation in the ceiling. Mr lucky- I’m sure your wife will be feeling like me when the time comes! I hope she has something else lined up to distract her. I hope she (& you) feel the Pride I do in raising awesome children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 No advice, but big hugs. <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Youngestdaughter Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. Mine would have been 21. My stepdaughter left home 2 years ago. I thought I'd be relieved too. No more female teenage hormones in my house. But I lost my shopping buddy and someone to watch cooking shows with. My stepson is graduating in June and I know he's planning on moving in with his girlfriend. I'm a freelance writer but I always considered being a housewife my job. So, I felt like I'd outlived my usefulness...like an answering machine or a typewriter. So, I can clearly relate. Then I realized, I would have more time with my husband. I got a job writing for my local newspaper, and I use my forum to raise money and awareness for local charities and causes, redid my kitchen, and looking for another part time job to save for the place on the lake we always wanted. This is the end of your life with kids in your house. But it's also the beginning of the phase of your life you can think about your own ambitions and interests. I have a feeling you have been living for your boys. And they haven't stopped needing you. Your home will be a bastion of safety and comfort well into their adulthood. But now you have time to think about yourself. Do it! Pursue any passions or hobbies you never had time for. We never stop worrying about our kids. But a life of your own will keep it from consuming you and fretting over things that may or may not happen like a fall out with your kids. You sound like a warm big hearted woman with a lot of love to give. Being a foster mother or volunteering at your local Boys' and Girls' Club. Countless children could benefit from your attention and influence. You are needed. There is a path before you. Find it. Stay on it. And you won't be lost. All the very best wishes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 12, 2019 Author Share Posted April 12, 2019 Thank you youngest daughter! You’re so right. Today I’ve organised to have a heat pump installed in my house and underfloor insulation as we live in a very old and cold house our council funds it as they want everyone to have a warm dry home, I just pay it back through my land rates. I’m looking forward to having a warm house this winter. I also have a shed full of paint ready to paint inside and outside the house too, plus there is a set of French doors waiting to go into my dining room out to the back deck and a pile of roofing tiles waiting to replace the roof... so there is plenty to do here, once that is all done I will seriously consider volunteering as a mentor for a program here that helps teens with challenging circumstances, my eldest son went through the program and it changed his life, his mentor was a godsend, I’d like to do that for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 15, 2019 Share Posted April 15, 2019 Mrs, have you done the campervan around NZ thing? It was one of the highlights of my life (well, I didn't actually use a campervan, hostels + car turned out to be cheaper, lol!). Would highly recommend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 16, 2019 Author Share Posted April 16, 2019 Mrs, have you done the campervan around NZ thing? It was one of the highlights of my life (well, I didn't actually use a campervan, hostels + car turned out to be cheaper, lol!). Would highly recommend. We own a campervan and did a 3 week road trip around the North Island over Christmas and New years. We definitely plan on doing the South Island in the future, I have family scattered all around the South Island, so have plenty of places to park up. It's a beautiful country, highlights of our recent trip was excellent fishing in the Far North and a thermal waterfall, lake and fumerole cooking in between Rotorua, Taupo and Tokoroa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 16, 2019 Share Posted April 16, 2019 We own a campervan and did a 3 week road trip around the North Island over Christmas and New years. We definitely plan on doing the South Island in the future, I have family scattered all around the South Island, so have plenty of places to park up. It's a beautiful country, highlights of our recent trip was excellent fishing in the Far North and a thermal waterfall, lake and fumerole cooking in between Rotorua, Taupo and Tokoroa. The North Island is gorgeous!! But I loved the South Island even more. Definitely do it. The Otago Lakes region and Milford Sound is like something out of a dream, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrs rubble Posted April 17, 2019 Author Share Posted April 17, 2019 The North Island is gorgeous!! But I loved the South Island even more. Definitely do it. The Otago Lakes region and Milford Sound is like something out of a dream, IMO. Yes it is absolutely stunning, I'm originally from the South Island, and have cousins in the lakes district, hubby's son has also shifted there too! Link to post Share on other sites
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