Dreamer2017 Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 First of all... I would move back into my own home and kick the other guy out. If your wife wants to move then she can. Stand up for yourself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 The guys clothes were in my dresser, and his toiletries were in through out the master bathroom, which was used as my bathroom when I lived there. We told her before I moved out he is not allowed in or to use my bathroom. She promised. No new stuff in my nightstand or headboard above the bed. [/Quote] Full sexual affair like everyone told you upfront. Exactly why she wanted you out of the way with the separation. Last night we talked again, and I brought up her coworker living there greatly affecting our relationship. I told her that our relationship is at stake, and she knows it hurts me a lot. I told her that she can give him over a month notice. He doesn't even have to pay rent to us, because I know he's not very well off and that way he can save his income for rent or a damage deposit for a new place, but I need her to live alone so that we can really work on things and to help my emotional well being, because I am really struggling with this. She got really upset again and said that she can't talk about it, she's going to blow up, he's not leaving. She mentioned some other things in that conversation not so much about her coworker, but things that I didn't agree with that really showed me she has changed for the worst.[/Quote] You are talking too much. Stop living on Hopium. Her other man means everything and you are just Her checkbook. Limbo which is where you are is a self imposed state. You best bet is to stop talking and get out of this ASAP. She may have played and manipulated you but you allowed it. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 1, 2019 Share Posted May 1, 2019 Man, that was gut-wrenching to read. I agree with the others that it's pretty clear that she and this guy are almost certainly sexually involved. The items in your bedroom and bathroom look bad enough, but her breaking down and declaring that he's not leaving YOUR home pretty much cinches it. What she's doing is classic affair behavior, by the way. Her turning things back on you during your talks is a continuation of her finding a way to blame you for her discontent with her life. As a good husband, you did what you thought was the right thing and took your lumps and tried to see her version of things. But short of walking in on them together, you pretty much have all the confirmation that you need that all of this has been a reflection of her wayward ways. Read up on affairs. She's basically going to make you out to be the bad guy here while this is going on. With this guy in the picture, there's no reasoning with her. You can take a sliver of solace in knowing that their relationship has virtually no chance of succeeding. Don't be shocked if you divorce her and she turns back up six months or a year from now after this new relationship has fallen apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author donovant91 Posted May 2, 2019 Author Share Posted May 2, 2019 Hello, Thanks for your support guys. I texted with her and we set it up so none of the house bills are going through my accounts anymore, but hers. I have a prenup so my personal assets and my income are protected. She told me she would like to keep the house. Honestly, I don't really care. I don't want it anymore as it's pretty tainted for me now. I don't need the money from the sale, and being single is a huge financial reward in itself. I just told her she needs to be approved and take out a new mortgage with my name off of it. If she wants to live in a house that she will have trouble affording, full of things we got together and be constantly reminded of me when she inevitably regrets her decision, so be it. I'm pretty disgusted with her. Of course she "played" me, but I believe in loving and trusting who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. Everyone has to be vulnerable with at least someone, and she was my someone. I think if I left before I found all of this out, and did everything I could to save things, I wouldn't have as much peace with this situation. Blanco, I agree with you. I believe she is going to try to demonize me in an attempt to justify her decision. My goal is to basically go no contact except for legal issues. I get the impression she is already trying to be the "bigger" person. She told me she would like to see me eventually to talk about things, that she hopes I am ok and understands that I need space right now. I told her that she lied to me, pretty sure she's cheating on me, and strung me along for two months thinking there's hope for our relationship while I paid for her expenses, therefore I have no interest in meeting with her unless it's to sign papers. At this point I actually feel a great deal of relief. The uncertainty of the situation was the most stressful part of this process, but now that there's a conclusion I feel optimistic about the future. I deserve somebody better. I'm not worried about finding someone new, but I will just focus on my own stuff and let it happen naturally. I am also excited for the new habits and hobbies I've done since moving out. I finally got to tell the whole truth to my family, and although they are shocked about her change in behaviour, they are supportive and proud of how I handled this. I want to thank you all again for helping and supporting me through this, and I will continue to update if anything else comes up. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 So sorry you're in this situation. What does your lawyer say about the financial split? What are your state laws on marital property and distribution of assets? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 You owe her nothing. Get your financial share. There is a huge difference between letting yourself be vulnerable and being totally taken advantage of and getting walked on. She's not relationship material and is an overall bad person. Good luck to you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 OP, it's a lousy situation, but you sound like you're really seeing this all clearly right now, and that's a huge plus. Keep these things in mind as you go through the process, because you'll almost certainly get hit with waves of sadness. That's normal. Cutting ties with her right now is the right thing to do. Iron out the logistics, but other than that, there's no need to sit down and have any talks with her. She's shown you who she is and I suspect any sit downs with her are just going to be attempts on her part to save face and diminish what she's done. You're fortunate in that you don't have children with this woman, so once the logistics are worked out, you can truly sever ties with her and move on with your life. You're still young enough where you can feel an odd sense of gratitude that this happened now and not 10 years from now when you're further down the road and with children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 I suspect any sit downs with her are just going to be attempts on her part to save face and diminish what she's done. You describe any interesting dynamic, saw it in my own failed marriage and in other posts here. It's not enough that a wayward spouse acts out, they also after the fact want you to be somehow OK with it, insult added to injury as it were. My ex contacted me two years after our divorce, wanted to meet and discuss "closure" for our relationship. While I wanted to say I had all the closure I needed as soon as I discovered her affair, I simply declined the invitation. Strange experience... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
michzz Posted May 2, 2019 Share Posted May 2, 2019 High a lawyer to protect your financial assets. No more talking to her about anything. Go through legal counsel. Assert your rights, prenup, etc. She can buy you out of the house. Move on from this unfaithful wife. Link to post Share on other sites
El Duendecillo Posted May 6, 2019 Share Posted May 6, 2019 OP, I am sorry to read your latest updates. I would have loved to have been proven wrong here, but sadly I've been where you currently find yourself. By handling this with the strong actions and decisions you are taking, you've effectively removed yourself from limbo. She's someone else's problem now! Please continue working to remove yourself from all shared financial obligations with her (get your name off of the mortgage). Let her sink or swim on her own. Not your problem now. Hang in there, it will get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
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